I asked my daughter the other day if she believed in Santa Claus, and she said yes.
She's only five and so we can excuse most of what she believes about the world, but this did leave a problem for me. I'm normally a very critical person. The first book that I ever bought for her was about the successful slave revolt on the Amistad. When she was two and she discovered a dead bird outside our house I didn't tell her it was sleeping or in bird heaven, I just said it was dead. In other words I'm not used to feeling like this in the context of my daughter. Most parents might fret over the innocence over their children, but this normally hasn't been the case for me.
To give a little more context to my dilemma, we live on an island in the Pacific where most of the things associated with Christmas, for instance snow and winter and Christmas trees, just don't exist. On Guam it is hot all year round. There are only two seasons, the rainy season and the dry season. No one has chimneys for Santa to shimmy down. But Guam has been heavily influenced as a US colony since 1898 and so the way the island celebrates Christmas is very Americanized. The lack of snow doesn't hinder people from singing about or dreaming about a "white Christmas."
Eventually I decided that there were three basic responses that I could have to my daughter's belief in Santa.
1. Sell-Out: I could agree and say yes that Santa Claus truly is real and that it isn't me who gets you all those nice gifts. Instead there is an anonymous bearded white guy who breaks into our house and gives you random things.
2. The Dream Killer: Flat out waterboard my child with the truth. There is no Santa Claus and while we’re at it the Easter Bunny is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of it, only a moron would believe that. The tears will make her stronger.
3. The Postcolonial Critique: Sorry haga-hu (my child), Santa Claus is racist. He does exist but he only visits places that have snow, this means he isn’t coming to Guam! But when you think about it, how ridiculous is it for him to come here? How long would his reindeer last in this heat? We don't have a chimney, how would he sneak into the house? Through an air-conditioning vent?
Number one. I think it's better for kids to find out on their own.
Although personally I've never believed in the Easter Bunny. My parents didn't know what the hell the Easter Bunny was and I ended up just fine without him. We didn't have a chimney either so we just pretended he went in through the window or something.
Although if you end up breaking her out of it, go with number 3.
I've wondered how I'd deal with this if/when I ever had a kid(s). I think I'd go with a nicer version of 2. Kids can still have an imagination if they don't believe in made up stuff. I'm pretty anti-religion, and lying about even benign things like Santa Claus and Easter Bunny feels too close to a watered down form of religion.
Imagination is about pretending but not actually believing it is real (to me, at least) and that is fine. But I don't think I want my hypothetical kids believing in something that isn't real, even if it seems "innocent."
Finding out the truth about Santa, The Tooth Fairy, etc, can be good for a child, imo. Once they get over the initial shock of being "lied to" they might start to question other things in their lives and become less likely to believe everything they hear.
Number 2. There is so much room for imagination in kids, it doesn't need to come down to a shitty fairytale about some obese dude in Coca Cola colors who is breaking into homes and probably commiting several parking violations with his reindeer sled floating in mid-air.
Seriously, though. You didn't lie to your kid with the dead bird (which is a good thing, in my opinion), why start now? Just tell her that you are the one buying presents for her, I think you deserve the thanks much more than a fictitious benefactor who will turn out to be a hoax later in her life anyway.
I think it's important that children learn the difference between truth and fiction very early on, and all those folk myths they are being fed as fact by their loving parents certainly do nothing to help with that.
I found out santa wasn't real when I woke up to my drunk dad walking down the hallway in his boots, and swearing when he spilled salt (snow) all over the carpet, I think i was aged like, 4-6, it's definitely the 1st christmas i can remember.
Haha, nice blog! I can't tell you how to parent as i don't have a child, but i think at the age of 5 believing in the big guy is not that bad...maybe a bit older you can cut her dreams or she might realize it herself!
Like others have said, she won't understand why Santa isn't real if you lay it on her at 5, maybe wait till she is 8 or 10 ish then she might understand ^_^
The third one is what the Jewish teachers I had back in Jew school would tell me up to about 2nd grade where I was then told, "no he doesn't fucking exist, retard" in much nicer terms lol (more like, sorry lee, he isn't real).
shes five. let her beleive in magic while she still can. when shes 7 or 8 maybe you can think about telling her the truth but not 5.. that would be harsh as fuck for no good reason whatsoever.
If you tell her santa isn't real, then she'll run around telling her classmates. Now, not only did you deprive her of the adventures she'll have trying to prove his existence, but you also have angry parents. Go with option 1
No question you tell her he's real. Don't you remember the excitement you had every Christmas morning coming downstairs and seeing those presents under the tree? Why would you want to take that feeling away from your daughter
Were people here really that crushed to find out santa wasn't real? I mean you seem to think be projecting just utter heartbreak on his daughter, but it doesn't really make sense to me.
What about the knowledge that your parents are getting you gifts is so awful? It seems like a strange bearded man watching your every move and then sneaking into your house while you sleep would seem far more disturbing to a small child. I wasn't upset at all when I was told santa wasn't real...why would I be? I was kind of psyched that I was now "in on the joke" and knew something that other kids didn't....
The way you frame telling the truth to her is baffling to me. "Flat out waterboard my child with the truth. There is no Santa Claus and while we’re at it the Easter Bunny is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of it, only a moron would believe that." Well jesus christ....definitely don't fucking do that. Can you be any more negative? Kids really don't know what to think about things at age 5, they will just follow along with whatever you seem to think is appropriate. If you call them a moron or act like you just killed Santa by acknowledging his nonexistence, then yes, they will be really upset. Don't be a cruel douche to kids.
The fact is though, I can't see anything negative about the truth in this situation, so why would you present it like that? Just tell her its a made up story that people like to tell for fun, maybe invite her to go along shopping with you and help pick something for mom but we have to keep it a secret etc.... There's nothing bad occuring here.
The only real negative aspect I see of telling your daughter that you got the presents under the tree is if you have been telling her ardently that Santa is real for the previous 5 years of her life. In which case a kid learning that their parent has been lying to them is a bit of a cold shock. If you have been really into this then I would say you've already fucked up and its really up to you how long you wait to soften the blow, its gonna happen eventually and I would guess she'd be happier to hear it from you.
I think good parenting is not about telling your children about the truth rather than giving them the means to find out by themselves. In this case Santa Claus is a nice story that appeals to many kids and in a nutshell there is nothing wrong with it. In Reality the story has long become an empty reason to consume and buy stuff. You could start by telling your daughter about the origin of Santa Claus.
I think you should say that its up to her to figure out . I wouldn't lie to my kids just so they can be happy imagining santa, I think its wrong. But you can tell her the story of Santa Claus, and if she believes it for a while or enjoys thinking about it, that's great. If she grows skeptical, then that's acceptable too. Basically give as much freedom to your kid as possible, I think that's what I would do.
I've always wondered what i'll tell my eldest daughter when she's old enough. I think i'll go with some version of this:
"Santa Clause is real. He may not be the person who flies from house to house, but Santa is the spirit of Christmas. Which means he brings happiness and joy to people around the world by giving gifts and making smiles. Legends suggest that the spirit comes from somewhere, but where is it?"
that way she'll wonder and imagine, which is what kids should do.
i got in huge trouble when i dropped that santa wasn't real to like 8 year olds. i felt like a monster that day.
im like you, i hate people who are like "this is real or that is real". would i be a good parent then if i dropped that on my kid? i think so. we are only educating our kids in the proper manner. what if they grow up to believe in santa? would they mail their kids wish list to the "north pole with santa and his elves" only to find out the next day that they got nothing for christmas?
in other words, do what you feel it right. if you dont want to give your kids nightmares or put them through shock, then option 1 is best.
After I found out there was no Santa Claus Christmas got a lot less exciting. Stopped believing pretty late around 12. But yeah Christmas picked up again a couple years ago when I could legally drink with the family lol.
EPT
. I wouldn't lie to my kids just so they can be happy imagining santa, I think its wrong. But you can tell her the story of Santa Claus, and if she believes it for a while or enjoys thinking about it, that's great. If she grows skeptical, then that's acceptable too. Basically give as much freedom to your kid as possible, I think that's what I would do.
