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East Gorteau22261 Posts
(I posted this on another forum in explanation of an earlier post I'd made, saying "I might just quit swimming". With the most possible respect; if you've never competed at a high or semi-high level in something, physical sport or otherwise, I don't think you'll fully grasp the extent of the disappointment I feel at the moment)
My swimming career in three sentences: I'm what you, in Starcraft terms, would call a practice bonjwa. For years, I've been performing very well in practice, but didn't get over my absolutely horrible nerve issues until about two years ago. Before that, my results in actual competitions were several seconds worse than what I could manage in practice.
This summer, I was at the Olympics as a kind of guest with the Swedish swim team - I'm not quite at the level where I'll be competing at the Olympics, but some of the "talent scouts" if you can call it that, have kept in touch with my coach discussing my development and offered me a ticket a few weeks before London.
I specialise in the tougher distances - 200 butterfly, 400 medley and 1500 freestyle.
Now, on to the rant.
I've invested, and keep investing, an obscene amount of hours into swimming. Since I was like 12 years old, my life has been swimming first, other things second and social life a distant third. I dedicate my life, my parents have dedicated theirs, and everything I do is done after having considered the effects on my swimming career. On a normal day, I can wake up not knowing what day it is - heck, even what month it is, sometimes - because it's hardly relevant. The only thing that really sticks is that I'm waking up at 4.20 AM and that it means I'm going to morning practice.
I feel like a machine, sometimes (most of the time that's not a negative - the more routine, the better) - everything I do and do not do is calculated by dietists, physiologists, coaches or some other form of advisor. What I eat, how much I sleep, when I eat - I've not had a piece of candy for ten years, for example.
And taking all of the above into account, not producing results is the most demoralizing thing I could possibly imagine in the entire world. I put in ludicrous hours and sacrifice everything so that I get to compete with the best of the best across the world, that is the sole goal I have. That is the thing I have dedicated my entire existence to. There is nothing else. Everything else - school, friends, just &*!@ing having fun - it's all secondary.
And I made that choice consciously. I made it, knowing what consequences it'd have on my life and how precious little time I'd have for everything else, because I love swimming. More than that, I love winning - performing.
But then, when I don't, then what is there? One of the more important qualifiers for the next season of World Cup took place Thursday through Sunday this week, and it's mostly been my only goal since I got home from London this summer. There's not been a lot of competitions aside from the one this weekend, so it's been what I've prepared for.
And, going into the event, I thought I was in good shape.
Evidently, I wasn't - every one of my "better" races (200/400 medley, 400/1500 freestyle, 200 butterfly) crashed and burned. To but it very bluntly, I sucked. This weekend, I was not a world class swimmer. Not a top european swimmer. For #$%^'s sake, I was hardly even competetive for a top swedish swimmer. Out of 10 races over four days, I performed decently at one - and that was a race I hardly ever swim, and I could care less for the result.
And then, not only that, but there's a guy I practice with (or well, he practices with me) who's three years younger than me. Some weeks, he's at every practice session. Most weeks, he's not. He gets by with half-assing the things I dedicate my entire life to, and this weekend he reached the crowning achievement of completely smashing me in my best races.
I don't know - I'm whining right now. I know I am. But it just feels so utterly pointless to keep doing this when some punk who doesn't know what intense practice means performs better than you, and he gets praise for his good (normally, what he achieved this weekend standard to sub-standard times for me, on a good day) results, while all I get is frowning and "Don't half-ass it, come on" from the coaches.
And, to top it all off, I met one of TYR's (my personal / swimming team sponsor) representatives at the event, and he informed me that, regrettably, "they cannot financially support someone who does not perform when he has to".
So, basically, I'm going through one of those periods when you just questions what the actual !@#$ it is you're doing. I don't know, right now, and I'm not sure if I should be doing this, any more.
What do you think? I know the decision will ultimately be mine to make, but I would really appreciate spontaneous thoughts right now. I can't exactly talk to my coach(es) - they'll shrug it off and tell me to get back into it without taking what I'm saying too seriously.
 
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One thing is kind of unclear, you say you do great in practice but has performed badly in competition because of nerve issues you had until two years ago.. so for two years now, you haven't had nerve issues... but are still not performing like you should? It's sort of unclear what the problem is since you wrote so early in the post that you've gotten over those issues.
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
On November 12 2012 05:54 Tobberoth wrote:
One thing is kind of unclear, you say you do great in practice but has performed badly in competition because of nerve issues you had until two years ago.. so for two years now, you haven't had nerve issues... but are still not performing like you should? It's sort of unclear what the problem is since you wrote so early in the post that you've gotten over those issues.
Nah, I performed well (or well, better and better - gradually) up until this summer. Then, after that - practice has been business as usual, but my performances were through the floor this weekend.
Edit: I'll clarify further;
For the last two years, I've been performing well - about as well as I usually do in practice. Nerve issues have been non-existent for that period of time, this weekend included, but what was said, and what happened (in combination with my horrible results this weekend) has made me consider quitting.
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On November 12 2012 05:58 Zealously wrote:
Edit: I'll clarify further;
For the last two years, I've been performing well - about as well as I usually do in practice. Nerve issues have been non-existent for that period of time, this weekend included, but what was said, and what happened (in combination with my horrible results this weekend) has made me consider quitting.
Well, going from this, it doesn't sound like you should be thinking about quitting. You had a terrible weekend and that is frustrating. The way you describe it, it couldn't have been much more frustrating. BUT shit like that happens to everybody. You say you have been performing well the last two years, and - also - that this was the only bigger competition for quite a while. So don't let that single weekend influence your decision too much.
As you say, you have invested a lot and you have seen considerable progress - if I interpret the nerve issue story and your comments about your performance in the past two years correctly.
So, it was a fucked up competition but - from my perspective - nothing career ending.
Since you say you can't talk to your coaches, maybe there are other swimmers you could talk to about this, maybe somebody a little older who "has been there and done that"?
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Seems like you had an off weekend. You truly wouldn't have put in all this effort just to drop out after a bad weekend. But the actual fact that you feel this pissed off is actually the best thing to come out of it! This is a rite of passage to becoming the best, you need to have these low moments to make you strive for bigger and better things. This was an abnormality, continue with your practice regime, think back to this competition and then push harder work harder. I know this sounds cliché but overall, you obviously care a lot about it, dont bother about others performance, you crashed and burned this event. Pick yourself up and work harder for your next event.
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ok I know it's super gay to use a picture to clarify what I mean, but it just puts it into words so effectively: (spoilered due to size):
+ Show Spoiler +
The only way you can be sure you won't achieve your dreams is by giving up. So I say keep going. Even if there is a snowball's chance in hall you'll make it, I think its still worth it.
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Well you've been taught for most of your life that swimming is more important than anything else.
I think it's become a part of you to combine your feeling of self worth with your swimming abilities. Nothing I say will change that.
If this is going to lead you to be unhappy in the future then I say quit.
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United States17042 Posts
I'll go ahead and open up by saying that I've been there. I used to swim at a fairly high level (not quite you, but 22 flat 50 yard free, 48 flat 100 yard, 4.47 or so 500 yard free; you don't get there by not practicing), and I can give you the viewpoint of someone who is now five years past quitting NCAA D1 swimming.
It just sounds like you had a bad weekend. The sponsors will come back if you perform well, I'm sure your coach is talking to his industry contacts (that's what it sounds like with TYR), and if you want that particular opportunity, you can certainly have it. The olympics is a noble goal, and If you are 100% dedicated to it, then stick to it. You've learned the dedication and know that you have the discipline to be one of the best in the world, and carrying through with that will give you an olympic experience that very few people on earth have the opportunity to have.
On the other hand, remember that there isn't something like professional swimming, and there never will be. Phelps/lochte, obviously have figured out a way to basically make it as "professional swimmers", but it's like being a professional football athlete, without the same earning power between 15-30 years old. I personally got out of swimming because I knew that I would never make the olympics in the US, and I instead graduated with degrees and stuff.
I guess in summary, it sounds like you've achieved almost to what your body can, and it's worth exploring to the very edge, to make the olympics, and do something now that you'll never get the chance to try again for. On the other hand, set a goal and a time frame, so that way you know, 100%, that you tried, and either met or failed, so that you know when you can move on, and be happy 
Honestly, quitting was probably one of the most life altering decisions that I made, and I ended up better for it i'm pretty sure. GoODluck though, and Hopefully we can see you in the olympics ^_^
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I thought a little about why you would ask TL, and the only answer I could come up with was, "what kind of cretin would tell you to QUIT here?"
Keep on swimming. ^_____^
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
> Ghostclaw
Oo never knew you were a swimmer!
> Zealously
Not sure how recruiting works, but you can probably parlay your swimming prowess into a scholarship into some of the good US/UK universities, if you're into that sort of thing.
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Hey!
I use to be a competitive swimmer too and had off meets like you too. I would only actually swim well at 1 event / year and would break all my times at this provincial event. Having said that I was Top 10 in Canada at my best.
At some point my parents decided to take me out of swimming I was 15 years old at the time. I was heart broken.. it was completely part of who I was and I felt horrible for months.
Finally years later I thought.. where was I going with swimming? Well.. I started thinking about this realistically.. I knew it wasn't going to do much else for me. It had already done all the positive stuff to me. Which was it made me a goal oriented person, very competitive and gave me something I truly was/am awesome at :D
Find the good in what swimming has brought you. Everyone has to move on at some point..
I wish you the best of luck man.. And I still get goosebumps when I walk into a public pool and smell that Chlorine. I look around me ready to own anyone who looks at me the wrong way with a race 
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Answer's in there if you read what you wrote; you care too much about what happens. Need to just let your body do what it knows, and if you don't crush your enemies so to speak, you'll live. Sister went to trials this year in 200 fly, and I always have to remind her of this. Her experience is very similar to yours.
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United States17042 Posts
On November 12 2012 11:31 thedeadhaji wrote:
> Ghostclaw
Oo never knew you were a swimmer!
> Zealously
Not sure how recruiting works, but you can probably parlay your swimming prowess into a scholarship into some of the good US/UK universities, if you're into that sort of thing.
^_^ yea swam a bit. I also did engineering and have lived in many of the same areas as you haji, it's weird that we only met once in 2k8...
If you want to be recruited, go ahead and start contacting coaches, tell them a little bit about yourself and your times, and I'm sure they'll think about e-mailing you back, it's very similar to a cover letter. At most D3 schools you would immediately break their records, and there are some really good schools that are D3 (University of the pacific, Rochester Institute of Technology, and Rensselaer if you would like to be a math/science major of some sort, and those are just off the top of my head; Many of my good friends went to university of washington at st.louis). Actually obviously, choosing your school for athletics could be an entire guide/wiki/thread on its own.
Without knowing your times, D1 could be easy, or could be really difficult, just e-mail them and see. Scholarships are really nice though, and at many of the d3 schools would make attending them cheap/free.
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A caveat, though: he lives in Sweden >.<
But if he is considering moving to the states, this could be a good idea
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
On November 13 2012 06:39 GHOSTCLAW wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2012 11:31 thedeadhaji wrote:
> Ghostclaw
Oo never knew you were a swimmer!
> Zealously
Not sure how recruiting works, but you can probably parlay your swimming prowess into a scholarship into some of the good US/UK universities, if you're into that sort of thing. ^_^ yea swam a bit. I also did engineering and have lived in many of the same areas as you haji, it's weird that we only met once in 2k8... If you want to be recruited, go ahead and start contacting coaches, tell them a little bit about yourself and your times, and I'm sure they'll think about e-mailing you back, it's very similar to a cover letter. At most D3 schools you would immediately break their records, and there are some really good schools that are D3 (University of the pacific, Rochester Institute of Technology, and Rensselaer if you would like to be a math/science major of some sort, and those are just off the top of my head; Many of my good friends went to university of washington at st.louis). Actually obviously, choosing your school for athletics could be an entire guide/wiki/thread on its own. Without knowing your times, D1 could be easy, or could be really difficult, just e-mail them and see. Scholarships are really nice though, and at many of the d3 schools would make attending them cheap/free.
You know, I actually hadn't really been considering that up until now. I'll look it up - thanks for the suggestion. I'll probably send a few e-mails - I mean, like you say - what harm is there in trying.
On November 13 2012 07:03 Aerisky wrote:A caveat, though: he lives in Sweden >.< But if he is considering moving to the states, this could be a good idea
Yeah, I gave this a lot of consideration and I figure maybe making a change is what I would need. Moving to the states - I want to keep studying either way, could be a step in that direction
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Do you still like swimming? If the answer is yes. Please keep swimming.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/DVAYU.jpg)
