Because I don't know what else to do for strength when I feel like this. It suddenly happens and I feel just how isolated I am from everyone... everyone but my family. But I'm never going to bother or hurt someone I love again. It just doesn't make sense, if I've always been and always will be a broken person anyway. All I can do is try to find the strength from somewhere in the better moments to make someone proud. To make myself proud. What else can I do?

I'm just not strong enough... I carry the weight of my vindictive subconscious as far as I can until I break down and realize I've only been walking backwards all long. Acting like I've been getting closer to someone or something, but the only thing I've been getting closer to is the end.

Then the only thing I can do is hide and cry, and keep waiting, hoping, for something to change.

Thanks for letting me post.

zalz

Netherlands3704 Posts

October 28 2012 12:43 GMT

Giving the vague nature of this rant, I propose we all interpet it is as we see fit.

Me personally, I like to believe he killed a hooker after a long period of keeping his urge to do so under control.

firehand101

Australia3152 Posts

October 28 2012 12:44 GMT

Holy crap. I was about to post, then I shat myself. Here I am in my room at 11:40pm, lights off, only light is laptop screen, listening to Bad by Tablo, then A HUGE MOTHERFUCKING FLY APPEARS and i crap myself

EDIT: but what i was gonna say was something along the lines of yeh ive been there too keep ya chin up.....\\

\ahhhh holy fuck me, it just came back and i jerked my arm back as a reaction. I just had surgery due to a broken humerus so it hurts so fucking much.......ahhhhh fuck

jesus i dont know what the fuck to do.....if i squish it , it will damage my comp screen. If i go to sleep i might eat it.......

EDIT 3: I DID IT!!!!! omg oomg wowowo. I did it. It was on my comp screen. I had tissues. I grabbed it and squished it, no harm done. Holy crap most stressful part of my day. Now its all over.....i can relax. So relaxing.......

AngryMag

Germany1040 Posts

October 28 2012 14:17 GMT

On October 28 2012 21:44 firehand101 wrote:
Holy crap. I was about to post, then I shat myself. Here I am in my room at 11:40pm, lights off, only light is laptop screen, listening to Bad by Tablo, then A HUGE MOTHERFUCKING FLY APPEARS and i crap myself

EDIT: but what i was gonna say was something along the lines of yeh ive been there too keep ya chin up.....\\

\ahhhh holy fuck me, it just came back and i jerked my arm back as a reaction. I just had surgery due to a broken humerus so it hurts so fucking much.......ahhhhh fuck

jesus i dont know what the fuck to do.....if i squish it , it will damage my comp screen. If i go to sleep i might eat it.......

EDIT 3: I DID IT!!!!! omg oomg wowowo. I did it. It was on my comp screen. I had tissues. I grabbed it and squished it, no harm done. Holy crap most stressful part of my day. Now its all over.....i can relax. So relaxing.......

One day I saw one of these crappy documentaries in TV. The topic was spiders. They said that people eat around 10 spiders in their sleep. Two days later I woke up in the night because I needed to piss, turned around switched the light on, turned around again to head to the bathroom and AARGGHH! 5 inches away from my mouth parked a fucking huge spider. I literally stood vertical in my bed in a millisecond. Spider got a shock, too and fled from my bed. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night because I knew the fucking thing was still there. Damn I was fucking shocked, If I would have caught the thing, I would have annihilated it. I am serious, true story.

Sinensis

United States2513 Posts

October 28 2012 14:42 GMT

On October 28 2012 21:43 zalz wrote:
Giving the vague nature of this rant, I propose we all interpet it is as we see fit.

Me personally, I like to believe he killed a hooker after a long period of keeping his urge to do so under control.

I was thinking his dog just died for some reason... I guess that's not satisfactory enough. Not enough info here to draw conclusions.

radscorpion9

Canada2252 Posts

October 28 2012 14:44 GMT

Bug stories can be disturbing, lets all try not to think about it

.

That must have been one huge fly to scare you so much firehand...I wonder if it was a blackfly. Those things actually take a bite out of your flesh if I recall correctly, unlike most flies/mosquitoes that just suck your blood..

Anyway!! Scholera, you have an awesome name

. At least you have creativity going for you! Maybe you can use it somehow, to make yourself feel better.

Edit: I'm so bad with advice

Scholera

United States166 Posts

October 28 2012 19:15 GMT

Thanks a lot for the compliment, Radscorpion.

firehand101

Australia3152 Posts

October 28 2012 23:32 GMT

On October 28 2012 23:17 AngryMag wrote:

Show nested quote +

I head about that statistic too. The way I see it is; if i don't see it before I go to sleep, its all good. But if I see one of those fuckers before I go to bed, I'm fucking petrified.

And I don't think it was a black fly...but it was a bit bigger than a normal fly, and skinnier.....
HOLY FUCK IM LOOKING AT BLACK FLY PICTURES AND IT IS VERY SIMILAR......

jesus christ fuck, what do they do? fuck i dont even want to know. I still have the body in the tissue so i guess i could look at it and see what it is, but oh fuck if they can kill then im so fucked

And @ Scholera sorry for my traumatizing experience, but as I said before (kind of) I've been in your position before and what cheered me up, and rather changed my life and how I look at things, was a video from richard dawkins

I gave this video to another thread with a similar situation. I hope you are also an atheist, otherwise you might not like it that much

But just know being here, you are already in the top 0.000000001 % of anything that could have possibly existed, and every day is fucking amazing. So no matter what you do, you are lucky enough to be breathing compared to the gazillions that have never had the chance, and never will

EDIT: fyi I timestamped it at 4 minutes on purpose because 4 min onwards is the relevant part

Scholera

United States166 Posts

October 29 2012 23:15 GMT

Since this is a blog, I'll make a quick update.

I'd been planning to get an eyebrow piercing, and when walking around Town shopping yesterday, I discovered that Asgard tattoos and piercings were offering a buy 1 get 1 free on Piercings to people who had liked their facebook page.

I went home, liked their page and offered a girl I knew from a while ago to come with me and have a free ear piercing since it was buy 1 get 1 free. Went into town with her today, got an eyebrow piercing, bought her lunch (We're Teens, so that's Mcdonalds by the way), went back to her house, watched a couple of movies and made out for a couple of hours.

Just got home now, changed my relationship status on Facebook. Love my new piercing. Feel like I've seen everything the world of kissing has to offer.

EDIT: hhahaha we watched A very harry potter musical! It was hillarious good times actually

+ Show Spoiler +