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I don't know what to do :/

Blogs > RebirthOfLeGenD
Post a Reply
RebirthOfLeGenD
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
USA5860 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-09-19 06:30:57
September 19 2012 06:26 GMT
#1
I just can't think of what to do, I feel like I'm in an inescapable funk that's been going on way too long.

I am just bored, and unmotivated. I just finished my 4th year of college and thought I was graduating but it turns out my school didn't exempt me from general education because I had the wrong associates that was from a SUNY school and not a CUNY, so they managed to piss away enough time trying to figure this out that I couldn't even register to finish it up this semester. Not that it would matter at all.

I remember reading pubbanana's blog found here and realizing I felt in the same boat. It can be summed up as not having a dream or a goal. I am just sitting in limbo wasting my life away bored to tears. Any passion I ever feel is usually momentarily and fails to ignite a more permanent fire. I kind of wanted to be a cop and then realized I couldn't do it because I would hate myself too much for having to do all the horrible things cops have to do simply because someone else decided it should be done. Either way cop was basically a back up plan in case nothing was going on in 2 years when I would of received a call from them.

Ironically I now kind of want to be a lawyer but I still lack that passion. I love the constitution and fine law very interesting but I can never just have that all consuming passion that drives me. The times when I realize how much I love law/criminology come when I am on adderall doing a paper in the field and realize how happy it makes me, but that's the thing. The only thing that ever makes me happy and truly motivated is when I am hopped up on adderall cramming down a 15 page paper I put off until the last minute.

I hate the idea of it. The only time I ever care about anything or feel truly happy is when I am on adderall and I finally have the passion that lasts longer then five minutes, but it only lasts until the effects wear off then its back to a world of bordom and apathy. I hate the idea that the only time I am happy is when I am using some half legal substance and that I even consider trying to get a prescription so I can feel that way all the time. But I have hated that idea ever since I was in high school. I used to take a lot of medicine for various things and hated the effects and the idea of not being myself. Finally when I was in high school I just stopped taking everything and felt awesome about it. I had a passion and a goal, which was loving video games. I loved everything about them. I had that passion try to do something with my life that allowed me to be with the games I loved and work with them all the time.

Then my senior year that desire disappeared and I stopped playing video games and caring about any of it in the slightest. I had friends, went out, and had a good time. Just like that my dream was gone and I never found a replacement for that passion, there is just some silly void. Now I find myself wanting to use pills/drugs to reclaim some sort of passion or dream, but then what? Use it forever until I die? Hope it ignites a passion for something that I can follow through on without it?

I dunno, I was just wondering if anyone ever felt similar or had any advice. Sometimes I just feel like quitting my shitty job and moving somewhere exotic just for a change of pace, but if that doesn't help then what?

Well thanks for reading, any advice or thoughts appreciated.

Sorry if there are errors. My firefox spell check isn't working atm and I am using a new keyboard. I didn't feel like proofing it.

**
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MattBarry
Profile Joined March 2011
United States4006 Posts
September 19 2012 06:52 GMT
#2
I feel exactly the same way. Unfortunately, I can't offer a solution.
Platinum Support GOD
surfinbird1
Profile Joined September 2009
Germany999 Posts
September 19 2012 07:50 GMT
#3
I know that feeling and the only advice I can give is that you have to force yourself to do stuff and try to motivate yourself. I know it sounds lame and predictable but that's all I can unfortunately offer. Something that always motivates me is the fact that the word "passion" comes from the latin word for suffering. Having a passion isn't always easy and sunshine. Quite often you have to keep at it and work hard at something. It can't always be fun and motivating. But in the end it will be worth the "suffering". Maybe try to think of it that way. Good luck.
life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery
ModernAgeShaman
Profile Joined January 2008
Norway484 Posts
September 19 2012 09:45 GMT
#4
You should quit your job and go travelling for a while. you might just find that life can be very different in other places. imo travelling is the one that that can never be a waste of time or money
x2fst
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
1272 Posts
September 20 2012 12:49 GMT
#5
The money's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close, CLOSE, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes.
muda, is a crime for me to wear a shirt, cos I is so good lookin
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