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Not sure if I should post even, my problems are trivial and petty compared to most problems in the world.
This is the first blog I ever write to a public forum.. I blame it on sleepless night due to thoughts lingering of the subject of the blog. And the fever and sore throat. Bare with me if there is issues with the outcomes read-ability, almost 48 hours up is kind of tasking on concentration. It is just something I need to get out, so that it is not only in my own head.
Right, the subject.
I've had backpains since army, regular headaches for about 15 years, varying from 5-7 (a rough guess) times a week to a good period where it might take 2 weeks between each. Due to backpains I've lacked possibility/will to exercise and hobby as much as I did before, which leaded to worse physical condition. And kind of awkward and discouraging social situation, being in quite fit shape before. Just don't feel comfortable around strangers as I am now.
After army I took a work offer for decent job (bad~ish pay, but I liked it) to pay studentloans, which I ended up doing for 7 years due to on few occasions lacking few points from tests to join a school (mostly since people who directly applied after graduating from previous school got extra points when applying) and as other reason there was no spots at my area for my actual work that I qualified for.
I've been unemployed for bit over a month now due to ending of the job that I had, lacking any clue what to do, I'm 28, discouraged about applying to a continuation from my previous studies. Most students applying being that 7-8 years younger. Applying to jobs is difficult, I've probably forgot sections of old studies, and due to that there still is not many jobs for my profession about in the area, and those are filled.
Normal healthcare about here is rather shabby, they don't really go deep into your issues, just have a quick look and offer you some painkillers basicly, and private sector is pricey.
Good points. There is some.
I have friends around, a lot of them living further away nowdays. Still, they are friends, and traveling is possible, and there's plenty of ways to communicate with them.
And relatives, grandparents from dads side are still there, they are my root to my family, parents being out of the picture for years.
I manage financially, I have basic requirements for everyday life.
Anyhow, it's 9:46 am. I am stuck on the blog, can't think of more to write right now, will see if I continue it on a later time, I'm exhausted from no sleep, freezing. Time for coffee.
 
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Please do write more later.
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Interesting blog.
I feel somewhat similar sometimes, I started not stocking up any food in my house, thus forcing myself to walk out to get it (Quicker than driving, the roads are weird and it's not too far.) I find it's rather good at relieving that feeling, It comes with the added bonuses of exercise and human interaction with the general public.
Alternatively, set goals for things you want to change, and keep us informed of your progress, it's good to create more reasons to be doing them.
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^ +1 yep keep writing
i've had similar issues to you and am a similar age. I know you haven't asked for advice or opinions but i find i learn things better for myself if i try and pass on the good stuff to others, so if you're not one to take advice, read no further  anyway, three things came to mind as i read your blog post which helped me out of a stagnant life:
- forget about your age or comparing yourself to others at different ages. comparing to anything but yourself helps nothing and for the most part age is just a number. as men we are lucky enough to become more attractive as we age. as we age we gain knowledge, confidence, experience.. many things that we didn't have as teenagers or 21 year olds.
- don't underestimate your brain chemistry as a help/hindrance to your physical well being. i started experimenting with supplements (mainly 5-htp) to try and boost my serotonin levels (figured since i could concentrate so well at games and when i did show up to work, my dopamine was fine) and found that taking 5htp at night broke my insomnia/sleep cycle issues, and i had a feeling of "well being" when i woke up, which is very rare if you are feeling a bit depressed. this article helped a bit too: http://www.supermemo.com/articles/sleep.htm
- read "permanent pain therapy" by ming chew. it's not a quick fix but i don't believe there are many quick fixes for back pain. his method takes months and a shitload of effort but it's worth it.
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I'm feeling you. 32 year old underachiever here.
Had health and mental issues since i can remember. Tryed and failed for a year now to find a decent job in my original field of work (commercial clerk). Had no success. After working shitty jobs (everything from construction to night manager) and switching jobs a couple of times, my CV doesn't exactly look good and no one gave me a chance. Not even an interview invitation, which was the only thing i hoped for, because i owned every job interview i was ever in.
I had the same doubts as you about university, but i thought fuck it, it can't get much worse. So enlisted myself for psychology and got accepted in my hometown. I don't care about the younglings. As you, i got my family and my friends. Just hope, group projects are not as important as in my last studies...
Enough about me, just wanted to tell you, you're not alone with your doubts. If you think you need to study to get the job which will make you happy why not go for it, if you can afford it? The parts of your education which you forgot, will come back faster than you think! Fuck the kids, they shouldn't be the reason holding you back, seriously.
If you're happy with a less important menial job, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either.
To your back problems: http://www.kieser-training.com/en/, that was the only thing which helped a friend of mine to get rid of his problems after trying a lot of different stuff. Doesn't have to work for you of course, i'm no expert unfortunately.
Good read. I wish you all the best!
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EPT
