|
So I just recently discovered these Girl Blogs (maybe kus I had one of my own but just didn't know it yet?) and now going to share my current mis-adventures with girls. There's plenty more from my past as well, but I'll get to those when and if I do.
First a small bit of history about me, I'm a nearly 25 year old male who is currently taking a break from school and just working to save up some money. I live with my Mom (ugh, romance killer) though that should be changing soonish, and... well I'm one of those who has never Actually dated anyone before. Sure I've had interests and have asked Girls out (though maybe not as directly as I should have, and I've never actually straight up admitted my feelings to a girl), but mostly due to my own cowardice it's never really worked out.
Ok, now for the actual Girl Blog. Yes, I have a crush on my Co-worker... I'm now one of those guys >.< I've been in the working world for ~6 years now and this is the first time I've had to deal with feelings for someone I work with (besides the odd, "Oh, she's kinda cute"). Anyways I just started this job ~4 months ago and almost right off found myself attracted to this girl, lets call her Lin.
So as per usual, I start things off by making a complete fool of myself Q.Q. Literally the first real day I'm working (just finished the training days and was my first day actually at the job) and while joking around I accidentally say to this girl "Only kus I love ya." (For more reference, she had asked me if I could do something for her) Which immediately gets pointed out by another person we are working with, and leaves me trying to stammer and joke my way out of the awkwardness ( I was maybe 1/3 successful). Anyways, after that I figure... "Oh well, I'm a fool, but no real harm done." Well the next day or so after that she approaches me and asks very coyly, "Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here." I'm not terribly surprised, but still a little hurt, so I just kinda go with being hurt and act it a little but mostly in a joking way.
After that I just figure that chances have been blown (way too early) and I should just enjoy the fact that I have a cute girl at work I can have fun talking too and flirting with. Well, that worked fine for awhile, but of course I still have some feelings for her and as we talk and joke around (my work is like 30-40% social time, either with customers or my co-workers) and as the memory of those first few days fade a little I can't help but like her more and more. Eventually I manage to convince myself that Co-workers or not (and awkward beginnings or not), I should just ask this girl out... which is right before I find out that she is dating someone else (maybe I should have tried to find that out sooner, but well.. I'm stupid with girls ok?). So that's that...
Except, that now a few months after all of that, she is no longer dating anyone. Also our relationship seems to be growing more and more. We chat a lot more than we used to, both flirtingly and a little more seriously. Sometimes I find myself chatting with her a little too much and ignoring a customer (not that badly, just for a few seconds).
That's pretty much the current state of my crush. I keep going back and worth convincing myself that I should just ask her out or that I should just let things be as they are and not try to push our relationship and possibly make it awkward working together (I'm actually not that worried about that though; if she were to reject me I'd just shrug it off, and if the unthinkable were to happen and she actually wanted to go out then I think we could both handle ourselves and keep things semi-discreet at work). Currently I'm just trying to find a time/opportunity to invite her somewhere to do something open where I could possibly address this (I do NOT want to ask her out/admit feelings to her at work), if nothing else I just think she's an awesume person and would like to at least have a friendship (though that might be naive to think that would work given my feelings).
So yea... That's it. Bit longer than I thought it would be, but hopefully my antics will amuse some. Feel free to share your thoughts, I'm not really asking for advice (though it is always appreciated), mostly just wanted to share my experience.
|
'id be able to handle it if she rejected me'
'i have been pining for this girl for 4+ months'
hrmmmm!
|
"Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here."
To be honest I should just ignore her, that is the most mean gesture ever O_O
But on the bright side you didn't say she was a B to B plus and didn't turn around and smack her ^_^
|
On August 15 2012 00:40 topschutter wrote:
"Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here."
To be honest I should just ignore her, that is the most mean gesture ever O_O
But on the bright side you didn't say she was a B to B plus and didn't turn around and smack her ^_^
This is some really solid advice.
The dead flower thing such a mean spirited thing to do, I can't believe any empathic human being would ever do that. Just continue being friendly with her but don't ever make a move, don't even think about it.
|
If you are sure you can handle the rejection + awkwardness at work if you fail, then just invite her and some other coworkers for a beer a random day, and work things out from there.
Even though it's dangerous because of the 4+ months, chances are you are already friendzoned and the night will end with her drunk and complaining on why her relationships never work, that the last guy was a jerk, and hoping to find a decent guy -but not you. Talking from experience here, I was just in your situation not too long ago, but with the added problem that the girl was living with her 5+ year boyfriend xD
|
Could you tell us about about her personality in general? I think I had a similiar experience in the past. But I need to know specifically what you like about her, before I can make any judgements.
|
On August 15 2012 00:51 Ender985 wrote:
If you are sure you can handle the rejection + awkwardness at work if you fail, then just invite her and some other coworkers for a beer a random day, and work things out from there.
Even though it's dangerous because of the 4+ months, chances are you are already friendzoned and the night will end with her drunk and complaining on why her relationships never work, that the last guy was a jerk, and hoping to find a decent guy -but not you. Talking from experience here, I was just in your situation not too long ago, but with the added problem that the girl was living with her 5+ year boyfriend xD
This is pretty much my current thinking, and yes I fully expect to have already been friendzoned. It's only small things (and all are probably just my hopes grasping at straws) that have me thinking things have been changing a little between us, and even then it's far more likely that she's just seeing me more as a friend than a co-worker.
On August 15 2012 00:54 Neobick wrote:
Could you tell us about about her personality in general? I think I had a similiar experience in the past. But I need to know specifically what you like about her, before I can make any judgements.
Well I think what has kept me attracted to her more than anything at this point is I feel like we have very similar senses of humor. Which is, kinda blunt in-your-face jabs that are generally not actually true (ok this is a terrible description, but best I can articulate atm). Even the dead flower thing (though clearly a way of saying she wasn't into me, too bad my ego can't take that hint lol) struck me far more as a joking thing to do than a mean thing.
To answer your question though; she's generally a nice and helpful person though as I mentioned above her jokes can be a little abrasive and tend to be of the "poking-fun" nature (again, very much so my own style of humor). She's a bit of a slacker at work, but that's really only when we are cleaning, not dealing with customers when she is very engaged and attentive (on a good day she's like this cleaning too). I actually make fun of her a little for being a slacker, and she fully agrees and makes fun of herself too (though continues to be a slacker, lol). I generally always see her very upbeat and full of energy, usually pretty talkative (though not chatty) although for awhile she was really good at dodging any personal questions I asked her, which has changed more recently. Past that it's a little hard to say, I've only seen her once outside of work but from what I saw there she's pretty much herself at work. Hope that answers your question.
|
On August 15 2012 00:40 topschutter wrote:
"Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here."
To be honest I should just ignore her, that is the most mean gesture ever O_O
But on the bright side you didn't say she was a B to B plus and didn't turn around and smack her ^_^
Girl blog (from 2 different blogs) references alert!
To the OP: you're already friend-zoned. The general rule is, if you're asking for advice on how to get the girl, you've already failed. Anyways, if you want to improve for the future, the best way is to adopt a stronger "I don't give a damn" frame.
|
On August 15 2012 01:24 Tictock wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2012 00:51 Ender985 wrote:
If you are sure you can handle the rejection + awkwardness at work if you fail, then just invite her and some other coworkers for a beer a random day, and work things out from there.
Even though it's dangerous because of the 4+ months, chances are you are already friendzoned and the night will end with her drunk and complaining on why her relationships never work, that the last guy was a jerk, and hoping to find a decent guy -but not you. Talking from experience here, I was just in your situation not too long ago, but with the added problem that the girl was living with her 5+ year boyfriend xD
This is pretty much my current thinking, and yes I fully expect to have already been friendzoned. It's only small things (and all are probably just my hopes grasping at straws) that have me thinking things have been changing a little between us, and even then it's far more likely that she's just seeing me more as a friend than a co-worker. Show nested quote +On August 15 2012 00:54 Neobick wrote:
Could you tell us about about her personality in general? I think I had a similiar experience in the past. But I need to know specifically what you like about her, before I can make any judgements. Well I think what has kept me attracted to her more than anything at this point is I feel like we have very similar senses of humor. Which is, kinda blunt in-your-face jabs that are generally not actually true (ok this is a terrible description, but best I can articulate atm). Even the dead flower thing (though clearly a way of saying she wasn't into me, too bad my ego can't take that hint lol) struck me far more as a joking thing to do than a mean thing. To answer your question though; she's generally a nice and helpful person though as I mentioned above her jokes can be a little abrasive and tend to be of the "poking-fun" nature (again, very much so my own style of humor). She's a bit of a slacker at work, but that's really only when we are cleaning, not dealing with customers when she is very engaged and attentive (on a good day she's like this cleaning too). I actually make fun of her a little for being a slacker, and she fully agrees and makes fun of herself too (though continues to be a slacker, lol). I generally always see her very upbeat and full of energy, usually pretty talkative (though not chatty) although for awhile she was really good at dodging any personal questions I asked her, which has changed more recently. Past that it's a little hard to say, I've only seen her once outside of work but from what I saw there she's pretty much herself at work. Hope that answers your question.
You should probably keep away from her. It sound a lot like my experience. Even though in my case the girl was obviously flirting with me to the point that I though she was an evil little bitch after awhile when I realized she wasn't into to me and only did it for the kicks.
If you want to ask her out again, I give you one advice. Be clear with you intention. Don't lead her into a situation where she can sweet-talk her way out. Get a clear, definitive answer. Otherwise you might be stuck drooling over her for a while.
|
I'm not sure I get the dead flowers thing. Was she being mean about it or making a joke? In my mind its better that she even acknowledged you and made some sort of gesture because if she really had no feelings for you she wouldn't have bothered doing anything.
Just based on what you've described, it sounds like her personality type is one that is much better at reading the nuances of human interaction (she disliked menial tasks, but excels at working with people) which puts you at a disadvantage. What I mean is that she's probably going to always be a step ahead of you in the conversation, and she is probably very good at reading the emotions you are about to express before you even express them. So pretty much, you're at her mercy - you can decide to open up to her or not.
My advice is to ask her to hang out since you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just broach the idea to her of hanging out together alone sometime. She will most likely immediately realize what is going on - she doesn't sound like the type to lead someone on. So you'll end up with a girl or a heartache. Either way its better than not saying anything because if she rejects you then you can just move on to the next one.
|
On August 15 2012 01:25 Azzur wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2012 00:40 topschutter wrote:
"Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here."
To be honest I should just ignore her, that is the most mean gesture ever O_O
But on the bright side you didn't say she was a B to B plus and didn't turn around and smack her ^_^ Girl blog (from 2 different blogs) references alert! To the OP: you're already friend-zoned. The general rule is, if you're asking for advice on how to get the girl, you've already failed. Anyways, if you want to improve for the future, the best way is to adopt a stronger "I don't give a damn" frame.
Different techniques work for different people. "I don't give a damn" works for people that don't give a damn. For people that have a hard time liking other people and get invested in them, it's are not optimal.
|
just go up to her dead serious look on your face and say
oi mate wanna shag?
with the most retarded british accent you can manage to pull of.
|
I would've read the dead flowers as a joke and an indicator she liked you... Should've just asked her out soon after, waiting around too long just breeds awkwardness and sends signals you either lack confidence or interest.
|
On August 15 2012 02:14 Scarecrow wrote:
I would've read the dead flowers as a joke and an indicator she liked you... Should've just asked her out soon after, waiting around too long just breeds awkwardness and sends signals you either lack confidence or interest.
Good to know that everyone is as confused about that act as I was, lol. Seemed like a very mixed signal to me, and the way she took my joking about it afterwords just compounded things. Also the fact that she could have very easily have told me she was seeing someone (which I didn't find out for several weeks) and did this instead is a bit odd.
In fact I was literally gunna make a move the day I found out she was seeing someone (was a day where our scheduals had us leaving about the same time, again I dont want to make a move at the work-place), only found out kus the guy showed up as a customer and the interaction made it pretty obviuse. That relationship ended a month or two ago, not positive on the timeline, and since then our work relationship has gotten alot warmer. I had pretty much accpted her as offlimits till this, and have only recently gotten to the point where it feels like we are friendly enough with each other that I should just go for it. I definitly agree waiting any longer is just pussy-footing it too much.
|
The dead flowers thing sounds like a 100% joke to me but I wasn't there so it's hard to tell. And it's a little weird to tell a joke like that when you didn't really know each other at that point. Whatever the case it doesn't feel like you have a chance with her. Like someone mentioned 4+ months is a lot and friendly banter and teasing at work doesn't mean ANYTHING. She doesn't even necessarily have a similar sense of humor. People like to chat at work and just sort of adapt to the person and situation. It might just feel like something it isn't because (kus? wtf) you like her.
All that being said just go for it. It doesn't sound like you have that much to lose. I mean your're gonna quit that job in a few months anyway right? But please tell me she doesn't know you live with your mom. A guy living with his mom and working the same (I'm guessing not super glamorous?) job as her really doesn't peak her interest I'm willing to bet. The connection you may or may not have doesn't conquer that and then there is the friend zone thing. But still fuck it just go for it.
edit. and thanks for the girl blog.
|
Russian Federation748 Posts
Well the next day or so after that she approaches me and asks very coyly, "Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here."
She's the dead flowers that have been withered and disappointed by the cruelty and insensitivity of men, which shall be revived by the warmth of your love. I mean, that's obvious, dude. Ask her out.
|
You're old enough to ask her out for some drinks after work on a Friday. Simple.
|
On August 15 2012 04:19 Kyrillion wrote:Show nested quote + Well the next day or so after that she approaches me and asks very coyly, "Want to know how i feel about you?", to which I of course say yes. She then hands me some dead/dying flowers that had been floating around our workplace and just says, "Here." She's the dead flowers that have been withered and disappointed by the cruelty and insensitivity of men, which shall be revived by the warmth of your love. I mean, that's obvious, dude. Ask her out.
This man knows what hes talking about.
|
Man up, the dead flowers I intrepret as a joke or a sign that she isn't intreseted either way what is the harm of telling someone you like them. Think about it in this sense, if you like the girl then her personality must be good therefore if you ask her out/tell her how you feel and if she is a decent person which I hope she is then if she rejects you its in a nice way not embarrasing and you can go on with your lives. Whats happening is you are getting FRIENDZONED. Confidence is something that comes with experience and if you don't gain experience then you won't gain confidence 
|
She really gave you dead flowers? Sounds like a drama-queen o__O
But good luck! Hope you'll get this girl.
|
haha the dead flowers dominating the conversation.
It sounds pretty mean, of course, but I think it's entirely possible that it was just a joke, or maybe she's playing hard to get.
|
Of course it's dominating this conversation because it's freakin sick. oO
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
