|
Hi TL, I had some time today and decided to help out my fellow men who are having trouble with females with a bit of advice.
Having standards on women drastically changed my view when first meeting them. So what exactly do I mean by having standards? What sort of change did I achieve? And how is this going to help? Too many time on TL I've seen guys concede that guys will "settle" for girls and that it's always the man who has something to lose. THIS "SHOULD" NOT BE TRUE. If you already think that way, you are walking into a lost battle.
Many guys think that some of the hot girls are nice (and I'm sure they are) but when you like someone based on their looks, everything else they do will make you like her. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy (I go back to this a lot), you like her, so all you pickup from her are things that make you like her. Anything bad she does will fall on your blindside. Having standards sheds light on the blindside and gives you a clearer judgement.
I'll give you guys the best filtering tool: Authenticity. It means, how original are they? How REAL are they? What do I mean? Here's what I DON'T LIKE:
1. Anyone who does any of the similar poses for taking pictures (duckface etc.). Basically, all girls do it, you aren't making yourself look like you are above the pack by doing exactly what they do - This filters away SOOO MANY women
2. I really hate it when girls are OBSESSED with alcohol, it's all they ever look forward to, its all they ever talk about, they can't go a weekend without "OMG IM GOING TO GET SHIT FACED"
So what does this achieve? You unconsciously act like you have standards, you make it seem like THEY are the ones that have to prove to YOU that they are worth your time. Girls detect this subtle change much better than guys can. Funny enough, the same guy who would've "settled" for a girl would have a much harder time attracting female than a guy that would filter them out.
When you talk to a girl while you are in your filtration mindset, you aren't scared to talk to her or w/e, you are talking to her like you would to any goddam guy you've just met - NEUTRAL. You aren't putting her on a goddam pedestal because she's cute. For a hot girl, this is new. This guy isn't timid, he knows how to handle his shit, this isn't another guy thats gonna buy her a drink, this isn't another lesser male that she can stomp all over. This guy is interesting.
So guys, PLEASE remember that it isn't how you look, it isn't how much money you have, or what job you have that determines if a girl likes you. It's things like these that separate you apart from the masses of other guys. Confidence, ability to handle yourself, not being worried about talking to some random girl. ALL of this plays out in your unconscious, it makes your voice more dominant, it makes your body language more dominant, you won't have to dig into your brain to think of what you are gonna say next, because its just coming out naturally. And girls WILL DETECT THIS!
I hope this advice can apply to some people. It has worked for me.
EDIT: I have a lot more to say but I cbf writing more haha. Perhaps another blog post
  
|
On August 11 2012 12:00 Elegance wrote:
Too many time on TL I've seen guys concede that guys will "settle" for girls and that it's always the man who has something to lose. THIS "SHOULD" NOT BE TRUE. If you already think that way, you are walking into a lost battle.
Just a thought, but I actually get the impression that more girls settle for guys than guys settling for girls. (Let's face it -- and this is something you yourself implied in the post -- it's way easier for an average-looking guy to date above his "level" than for an average-looking girl to do the same.) Most of the girls I know who are in relationships entered them at least a little reluctantly (aka there was not much mutual attraction, just the guy asking her and her saying yes for whatever reason) and end up staying because, "It's not as if the relationship's bad." Some of them do end up making happiness for themselves though, even if the attraction isn't really that strong; if you're willing to make a relationship work, then you can make it work even if you're initially reluctant or initially feel that you're "settling." So long as that feeling morphs into "well, actually, this relationship is something I can see going on long-term" and doesn't persist, then "settling" isn't much of a problem imo.
I see a lot of older couples who've "settled" who end up being much happier than people who play around looking for the Perfect One. (See: a lot of arranged marriages and a lot of the older generation in Asia.) It's all about creating a space for yourself and mutual respect within the dynamic of your relationship.
|
On August 11 2012 12:00 Elegance wrote:
2. I really hate it when girls are OBSESSED with alcohol, it's all they ever look forward to, its all they ever talk about, they can't go a weekend without "OMG IM GOING TO GET SHIT FACED"
This one for me. I dont drink at all (long story) and i dont have problems with other people drinking but i cant stand anyone that is obsessed with it and really can enjoy anything without it.
Also anyone that thinks video games causes violence.
|
On August 11 2012 12:16 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2012 12:00 Elegance wrote:
Too many time on TL I've seen guys concede that guys will "settle" for girls and that it's always the man who has something to lose. THIS "SHOULD" NOT BE TRUE. If you already think that way, you are walking into a lost battle.
Just a thought, but I actually get the impression that more girls settle for guys than guys settling for girls. (Let's face it -- and this is something you yourself implied in the post -- it's way easier for an average-looking guy to date above his "level" than for an average-looking girl to do the same.) Most of the girls I know who are in relationships entered them at least a little reluctantly (aka there was not much mutual attraction, just the guy asking her and her saying yes for whatever reason) and end up staying because, "It's not as if the relationship's bad." Some of them do end up making happiness for themselves though, even if the attraction isn't really that strong; if you're willing to make a relationship work, then you can make it work.
Ah I see where you are coming from. I guess I've never thought of it that way. But the question is, how long a relationship like that would last (idk the answer). Most of what I said basically had the assumption that the girls are above average looking. I can definitely see average or below average looking girls getting into relationships just for the sake of it or for the security (chances like that would be hard to pass up for a less attractive female to accept)
|
I think "settling" relationships can last for a long time, but I say this because I know a lot of people who've settled for each other (one couple being my parents) and they're happy and well-off and have a good relationship. It strikes me that people who are more prone to settling are more prone to accepting each other and learning how to navigate a relationship well -- just learning how to live together, basically, even if the Love isn't all sparks and fireworks but more familial and comfortable. Which isn't to say that people who are "looking" can't do the same thing, but the entire, "Well, I'll just look for someone who fits my X standards," seems to naturally lead towards thoughts like, "If this relationship isn't the way I thought it would be, then I'll just go find another guy/girl who does give me what I want, 'cause hells no, not gonna settle for anything less than perfect!"
Of course, as people get older, the less resistant they get to the idea of settling, since when you get older, it's not really an adventure you want, but just to live comfortably and have someone be there for you. Especially when you realize looks don't last forever. ^^
+ Show Spoiler +Re: looks -- one of my friends made a rating for how well different races age, hahaha. She holds that Asian women age the best until they hit menopause, that Caucasian women age terribly, black women age okay. Asian guys age horribly -- "Have you ever seen an Asian guy over 40 who looked legit handsome?" -- black guys age okay, while Caucasian guys age the best.
|
On August 11 2012 12:33 babylon wrote:
I think "settling" relationships can last for a long time, but I say this because I know a lot of people who've settled for each other (one couple being my parents) and they're happy and well-off and have a good relationship. It strikes me that people who are more prone to settling are more prone to accepting each other and learning how to navigate a relationship well -- just learning how to live together, basically, even if the Love isn't all sparks and fireworks but more familial and comfortable. Which isn't to say that people who are "looking" can't do the same thing, but the entire, "Well, I'll just look for someone who fits my X standards," seems to naturally lead towards thoughts like, "If this relationship isn't the way I thought it would be, then I'll just go find another guy/girl who does give me what I want, 'cause hells no, not gonna settle for anything less than perfect!"
Of course, as people get older, the less resistant they get to the idea of settling, since when you get older, it's not really an adventure you want, but just to live comfortably and have someone be there for you.
yeah that definitely makes sense. My parents for one settled as far as i know. What I'm getting at is slightly different though. It isnt about having the standard itself so much (there is no such thing as perfect), but its the mindset that it puts you in which raises self-value in the female eyes
|
I want to hear more about the women you dated. They don't make duck face, they are not alcoholics, what else?
Every time I heard "I have standards" guy was a miserable fuck who couldn't accept own social awkwardness and had to justify it through imaginary selection process.
|
On August 11 2012 12:36 Elegance wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2012 12:33 babylon wrote:
I think "settling" relationships can last for a long time, but I say this because I know a lot of people who've settled for each other (one couple being my parents) and they're happy and well-off and have a good relationship. It strikes me that people who are more prone to settling are more prone to accepting each other and learning how to navigate a relationship well -- just learning how to live together, basically, even if the Love isn't all sparks and fireworks but more familial and comfortable. Which isn't to say that people who are "looking" can't do the same thing, but the entire, "Well, I'll just look for someone who fits my X standards," seems to naturally lead towards thoughts like, "If this relationship isn't the way I thought it would be, then I'll just go find another guy/girl who does give me what I want, 'cause hells no, not gonna settle for anything less than perfect!"
Of course, as people get older, the less resistant they get to the idea of settling, since when you get older, it's not really an adventure you want, but just to live comfortably and have someone be there for you. yeah that definitely makes sense. My parents for one settled as far as i know. What I'm getting at is slightly different though. It isnt about having the standard itself so much (there is no such thing as perfect), but its the mindset that it puts you in which raises self-value in the female eyes
Yeah, all of that being said, I really also don't like people who drink excessively, esp. since I am a complete teetotaler.  I have no problem with like a glass of wine every once in a while or responsible drinkers who drink more to socialize, but people who drink to get drunk typically aren't my type. (Though since I am typically not their type either, it's all goooooood.) ^^
My "standards" are less standards than base guidelines ...
1.) Someone who is good at heart.
2.) Someone who doesn't need to be "fixed."
|
|
|
On August 11 2012 12:38 ecstatica wrote:
I want to hear more about the women you dated. They don't make duck face, they are not alcoholics, what else?
Every time I heard "I have standards" guy was a miserable fuck who couldn't accept own social awkwardness and had to justify it through imaginary selection process.
That is because having standards is not the same thing as having a sense of self-worth 
I feel that girls are already held to pretty high standards by society, and are often judged harshly for their imperfections (being a "slut," a "ditz," etc). While a girl can get by on looks alone, guys can get by on just looks OR just money OR just charisma, connections, how much they can dead lift, etc.
Having standards should be more about knowing what you are looking for, instead of excluding people based on a few very specific qualities (oh no she made a duckface she is dead to me)
edit: I guess by "get by" I mean "get laid," but my main point is that the aura of confidence OP is describing comes from girls realizing you are looking for deeper qualities, not from telling girls you don't like their fake tan.
|
On August 11 2012 12:53 Flakes wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2012 12:38 ecstatica wrote:
I want to hear more about the women you dated. They don't make duck face, they are not alcoholics, what else?
Every time I heard "I have standards" guy was a miserable fuck who couldn't accept own social awkwardness and had to justify it through imaginary selection process. That is because having standards is not the same thing as having a sense of self-worth I feel that girls are already held to pretty high standards by society, and are often judged harshly for their imperfections (being a "slut," a "ditz," etc). While a girl can get by on looks alone, guys can get by on just looks OR just money OR just charisma, connections, how much they can dead lift, etc. Having standards should be more about knowing what you are looking for, instead of excluding people based on a few very specific qualities (oh no she made a duckface she is dead to me)
Can get by on looks alone? What's the other way? I don't think they get by without looks period
|
On August 11 2012 12:58 ecstatica wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2012 12:53 Flakes wrote:On August 11 2012 12:38 ecstatica wrote:
I want to hear more about the women you dated. They don't make duck face, they are not alcoholics, what else?
Every time I heard "I have standards" guy was a miserable fuck who couldn't accept own social awkwardness and had to justify it through imaginary selection process. That is because having standards is not the same thing as having a sense of self-worth I feel that girls are already held to pretty high standards by society, and are often judged harshly for their imperfections (being a "slut," a "ditz," etc). While a girl can get by on looks alone, guys can get by on just looks OR just money OR just charisma, connections, how much they can dead lift, etc. Having standards should be more about knowing what you are looking for, instead of excluding people based on a few very specific qualities (oh no she made a duckface she is dead to me) Can get by on looks alone? What's the other way? I don't think they get by without looks period
To not get by with looks females need a setting that isn't a mass of people meeting another mass of people. They need a setting where a male get to know them before trying to score. School seems bad at this, work so-so. Hobbies would probably work well if both are heavily into it.
Edit
Oh and females can get by with money. That is the same for them as for males. If somebody worth 1 billion USD were to print a wanted ad for males she would be swarmed by gold diggers, same as any male.
|
51696 Posts
I have very high standards.
As a consequence I've never had a girlfriend :D
|
TLDR for all those who want a concise version:
- Don't white knight
- Act confident
- Get laid
Here's a different take on getting laid:
Some people say "be yourself." Others say "do whatever it takes to get laid."
Who's right?(in your opinion)
imo, the latter is.
|
Blog titles lack standards. This is no girl blog.
|
On August 11 2012 14:31 GTR wrote:
I have very high standards.
As a consequence I've never had a girlfriend :D
I never had a girlfriend when I was 15 either,nothing abnormal.
|
On August 11 2012 12:53 Flakes wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2012 12:38 ecstatica wrote:
I want to hear more about the women you dated. They don't make duck face, they are not alcoholics, what else?
Every time I heard "I have standards" guy was a miserable fuck who couldn't accept own social awkwardness and had to justify it through imaginary selection process. That is because having standards is not the same thing as having a sense of self-worth I feel that girls are already held to pretty high standards by society, and are often judged harshly for their imperfections (being a "slut," a "ditz," etc). While a girl can get by on looks alone, guys can get by on just looks OR just money OR just charisma, connections, how much they can dead lift, etc. Having standards should be more about knowing what you are looking for, instead of excluding people based on a few very specific qualities (oh no she made a duckface she is dead to me) edit: I guess by "get by" I mean "get laid," but my main point is that the aura of confidence OP is describing comes from girls realizing you are looking for deeper qualities, not from telling girls you don't like their fake tan.
If "get by" = "get laid," everyone can "get by."
Honestly, every single person in the world is the result of an enormous chain of people getting laid. You have to be pretty incompetent not to.
People overestimate getting laid. The PUA-folk make some gigantic game out of it, whilst the shy-folk make it out to be like hunting for a while whale (white whales, for the record, very easy to get with).
Unless you are repugnant (aka, obese) you can walk into any bar or club and just sit in the corner. By the end of the night, you can see who is desperate or too drunk to know better.
But the fact is that people, in general, don't want that. They want more than just sex, and that takes going out there and actually trying to be social.
You can set standards if you like, any self-respecting person would. When you do, make actual standards, not this cringy 9gag stuff.
What do I care how a girl poses for a photo or if she really likes to drink alcohol? More tiresome than the party girls are the people that constantly try to tell you how women should act. Its 2012, they can do what they want, but I hear there are a few countries where they are handled more to your taste.
|
I think Ron White said it best...
Paraphrasing - looks can be changed. A woman can lose weight, exercise, get a tummy tuck, boob job, nose job, dye job, whatever.
"But you can't fix stupid."
If all of your standards are based on how a woman dresses and acts (during which, she is just like you presenting a mask to attract a mate) then just stop. Because the most important thing for happiness in the long term is who you are, who she is, really, and how you both get along and communicate as individual people. Yeah, if all you want is "bang bang bang", you can just find random hot girls that might have daddy issues or are completely insane. But that won't make you happy. (And let's remember, don't do crazy. As in, "IT'S YOUR BABY!" crazy.)
Get to know her (or him, really - guys are equally effed up as women, just in different specific ways) and concentrate on if you make each other happy, and if you'll keep making each other happy. That's it.
As for standards? Yeah, I'm a hypocrite in that I do have some standards - but that's mostly a cursory filter and it can change. You may not think a certain girl is really hot when you first meet her. But if you wind up in a relationship with her and it's good? She'll just keep looking more beautiful.
TL;dr - don't be so damn shallow, concentrate on the shit that matters not crap that will change next week or next year.
|
Russian Federation748 Posts
All you write in your OP seems obvious to me. I've always used the same standards for females as for males, there is no reason to act otherwise. Let me warn you however, you won't encounter many a girl that appreciates not being put on a pedestal.
|
OP should have stated some concrete methods to achieve the state he proposes (i agree with his premises tho):
1. Remember that for every hot girl out there, there is someone sick of her shit.
2. Everyone has that one or two girl pals who is interested in you, but you arent, for whatever reason, clinginess, whatever. Remember how you felt, when they talk to you. Put yourself in that frame of mind. Works wonders, believe me!
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
