EPTA while ago, I met this girl (here begins the girl blog?). She was pretty and her personality just resonated with mine instantly. Here was a girl I could devote my entire life to. I needed to become her boyfriend, but there was just one problem: her best friend.
"Oh, here we go again. Another girl blog, probably about getting friend-zoned. I've read this same story a million times..."
Her best friend was extremely close to her. They had no secrets between them, they were always together, they trusted each other in a way that I had never seen before. I even heard that they had a short relationship a few years back, but they moved past that and are now best friends.
This is where I come in. I meet her and try to befriend her... but it doesn't work out well. I leave a bad impression, she thinks I'm a creep, and I know that I'm worth nothing to her... whereas her best friend is worth her life. I admit, I was quite obvious in my actions... everyone could tell that I was in love (or they had suspicions) except for her. I never gave away my feelings directly, so I had this one-sided relationship. Eventually, she begins to tolerate me and even becomes my friend.
"So she leads you on for a few months, then you find out that she secretly likes her best friend? Is that the story?"
Time moves on, and I am not getting any closer to her. I hit a brick wall. Meanwhile, her best friend has become even closer to her (is that possible?). They tell each other hidden thoughts and when you say the phrase "best friends", they're the number one pair of friends who come to mind. They're always together, they hug, the girl leans on him, she even sleeps on his lap.
I'm jealous. What can I say? My jealousy shows itself in obvious ways, but the girl does not catch on. I'm sorry to say that I hurt her many times with my jealousy, and the best friend hates me for that. He truly cares about her. Still, the girl and I become closer, as all friends eventually do.
"So you don't make a move on her like a pansy, you miss your opportunity, and the girl falls for the best friend. Isn't that right?"
No, the best friend does not like her romantically. She does not like him romantically. They never hint at anything beyond a friendship and they have both told me that they are not in love.
I begin to make moves on the girl, I'm tired of waiting and I want to take a chance. Every time I make a move, I am rejected by her. Like a coward, I alternate between phases of making moves on her and telling her that I don't like her. She believes me when I say I don't like her, even when I try to hold her hand or tell her that she's beautiful. Perhaps she wants to believe.
One day, she "realizes" that she has liked me all along. I ask her out, she accepts. We become a happy couple, hugging, kissing, holding hands, enjoying life and time together. The best friend gives no hint of his feelings, and I cannot read him. He seems to be happy for her. I am thrilled, chasing after her has finally paid off.
"The end, happily ever after."
Wrong. Our relationship begins to turn for the worse. Small arguments turn into bitter bickering and I'm not laying the blame on her. It was 50/50, she had her moments and I had mine. I must admit, I was extremely immature at times and I did so many things that I regret. Still, I loved her and I did what I could for her. We went through periods of love and periods of annoyance/fighting.
The best friend still gave no hint of being jealous. However, he got sad when we fought. He wanted to protect his best friend from anyone who wished to hurt her... he wanted to protect her from me. I tried to be a better boyfriend. When I screwed up, she took it out on her best friend. Her best friend let himself be used as a punching bag... he really cared about her.
Still, everyone's patience has an end. He was reaching his. The best friend got tired of the constant abuse he received from his own best friend, and he sometimes didn't want to talk to her. The girl would cry and say that she's a horrible horrible person, and the best friend comforted her. The next day, the girl would abuse him again. A cycle began.
As for me, our relationship got rockier and rockier. I may have been the catalyst. My stupid moments. (for example, I got pissed off because of my parents and the stress they give me. I then proceed to take it out on her and say things I really shouldn't have said.) My stupid moments caused her to take it out on her best friend, and her best friend drifted further away. In response, she began falling apart and so did our relationship.
Yeah, fucked up, I know.
A time came when I felt no love for her anymore. I know that I'm a really selfish person, I have my needs. There was a time when she would not console me or comfort me, but only fed my insecurities. I became so jealous and I couldn't stop myself.
You see, the best friend slowly started distancing himself from the girl. He was tired of her acting that way towards him. In response, the girl desperately tried to salvage their friendship. The girl clung onto him. When he teased her, she would laugh and tease him back and she would be filled with happiness because her dear best friend wasn't ignoring her or being annoyed with her. She needed her best friend.
Probably, her best friend needed her too.
Whenever I teased my girlfriend, she wouldn't reply with the same enthusiasm. This is because our relationship was rocky, I was getting stress from multiple sources, and she was getting stress from multiple sources. Indeed, my girlfriend was always sad/depressed... except when she was around her best friend. He gave her comfort, warmth.
I gave my girlfriend cold, bitter words that I regret. Is it no wonder that she would respond to me with the same coldness? Still, I was jealous. Her best friend gave her cold, bitter words too... but she needed him. Their bond wasn't tied to something fickle like love.
I contemplated breaking up with her. Then, I did. She wasn't particularly affected, but it hurt me. The truth is, I didn't want any of this. I wanted a great relationship with her, I didn't hate her, she was so amazing. I wanted a relationship like our first few days, but the honeymoon doesn't last. I didn't want to say all those terrible words, but I did and I regret them. She grew tired of it and I grew tired of her, always showing me no love but giving her soul to her best friend.
What I didn't know was that her best friend was still drifting apart from her. It wasn't like he hated her, but the stress was getting to him too. He had too much to deal with and he didn't want to deal with an extra emotional wreck (his best friend). He was cold to everyone because he retreated inwards to deal with his problems. It hurt his best friend.
Whatever he was doing, it seemed to be working. In every aspect of life, health, work, etc., he was succeeding like he had always done. He sacrificed his social life in order to maintain the other parts of his life, and I don't think the choice was entirely his own.
"This is getting too long. So you broke up with her and it's your own damn fault and you're regretting it. Is that all?"
Sorry, but the story continues with her. Finally, she gave up on clinging to her best friend. Her best friend just wasn't there for her, and she drifted away from everyone. The thing is, she went through the worst stress, the worst circumstances. She had to deal with suicide, depression, trauma, even running away from home. Finally, she needed a change. She moved away last week, but she left no trace behind. She wanted a totally new life, she deleted all her social networking sites, she turned off her phone, she's gone.
Neither I nor the best friend were there for her.
I lost my girlfriend, I lost my chance, I screwed up.
The best friend could do nothing but cry. He needs her too, but he refused to acknowledge that. He destroyed himself and everyone around him.
Let me tell you a small story.
He told me that he was her best friend and he had no intention of dating her.
I told him, "That's impossible. You'll fall for her sooner or later."
He replied, "Challenge accepted."
Now, here's the twist. That best friend... is me.
What the fuck have I done with my life?
