BW Battle Report (NSFW)

I joined a game listed as D-/D/D+ with the map listed as Lost Temple. To me the map choice meant my opponent was either bad or going to try some crazy strategy.

The night before was crazy. I invited some of my classmates out for a drink after seeing a show off campus. Here we see our hero, the brilliant brown zerg at the 7 o'clock position


The night started off simply. We had some Tequila shots and had little small talk. At the 8 o'clock position we have the cowardly yellow Terran


Soon we started up some beerpong. The ever benevolent zerg overlord spots a possible new friend nearby


Beerpong was fun and I got to flirt with three of the cuter girls here. Our new neighbor is sealing his entrance, guess he doesn't like visitors


After a couple games, we moved to a game of king's cup to include the whole group. The brilliant and benevolant zerg open with a 12 hatch hoping for only friendly relations between their newfound neighbor to the west


We decided to change up the rules of king's cup a bit to make things a little bit more risque. For example, drawing a 7 would have you make out with the nearest person of the opposite gender to your left. The cowardly yellow Terran is moving out with a couple marines and some scvs. Maybe they just want to be friends?


Drawing an 8 would have you make out with the nearest person of the opposite gender to your right. Noooo our neighbors to the west have murdered our beloved zergling scout. There will be vengeance!


Drawing a Jack would allow the person to give out a dare and the cost of turning down the dare would be a double shot of Tequila. Our zergling scout's many cousins have surfaced and they seek an apology.


Aces were the most exciting, as drawing an Ace would result in everyone removing an article of clothing. The cousins rush forth looking for an apology and they are met with gunfire! Oh the humanity!


There were 4 girls and 6 guys playing this game and two of us (myself being one of those two) started the game with only 3 articles of clothing on. If they will not apologize willingly, then we will make them apologize!


We discredited shoes, hats and jewelery so that nobody was wearing more than 5 articles of clothing. The cousins rushed to the neighbor's house seeking to put a peace between the two people.


I got to make out with the attractive brunette to my left, but somehow 3 aces ended up being drawn within the first 5 cards and one girl and myself were stark naked in a room full of nearly naked men and women. After accidentally knocking over a supply depot the cousins ran into a bunch of bigger dudes who looked to be headed to a barbeque.


I was buzzed enough at this point that I didn't really care that my dick was out for the world to see and it made it better when I drew a Jack and dared all the girls to make out with me. Three of them did and two of them sat on my naked lap while doing so. One particularly brave cousin ventured towards the big men to ask if they wanted to talk peace over a barbeque. That was the last we saw of that brave cousin.


The amount of liquor in everyone increased rapidly and each turn was getting longer. Kings in this game did two things, they had you pour some of your drink into the king's cup and you would also make a new rule. Back at home, the brilliant and benevolant zerg sought help from their aerial friends in hopes that they could convince the cowardly Terran that peace was possible.


There were 3 kings drawn, but only 3 aces. 6 of the 8 non-naked people had only one article of clothing left at this point, would the last king be drawn and end the game before the others got naked? The mindlessly violent barbeque partygoers descended on the remaining cousins and committed atrocities too horrible to put into words.


The final king was drawn and simultaneous sighs of relief and disappointment were released. But wait, a new rule was to be added first! The new rule was that the game would end after all the cards had been picked. Oh what a joyous night The peaceful and adorable kittens of the sky approached the terran base only to be met with a flurry of ground to air rockets.


There was more making out and all but two people ended up stark naked. The mutalisks, aka kittens of the sky, found an area to cough up some hairballs unperturbed.


Some people started to start lighting up. I took this opportunity to sneak one of the girls into my room. The mindless barbequing partygoers brought the party to our door, but our kittens of the sky encouraged them to leave.


I had a firm grip on her D cup breasts as our tongues intertwined. She grabbed onto my dick and dove down below. With neighborhood violence on the rise, real estate was down and the brilliant zerg decided to invest in more real estate up north.


She wasn't the best I had experienced, but she knew what she was doing and she licked, sucked and slurped that dick like it contained the fountain of youth. The kittens of the sky were not faring well so it was time to bring in the peace loving herbivores who grace the zerg with their beauty.


She worked her tongue around my shaft and all up and down my balls. I took a moment to congratulate myself for shaving my balls that morning. Another innocent ling is lost as the robot army begins its rampage.


I climaxed and released my essence into her mouth. She hungrily gulped it down and looked up at me with a mischievous smile. The innocent lings and the kittens of the sky banded together against this robot army in hopes to dissuade them from a life of violence.


We cleaned ourselves up and rejoined the party. Maybe one more round of beerpong? They succeeded and shortly afterwards accidentally toppled two missile turrets being built by the cowardly Terran's natural.


A number of the people started to leave assuring me that they would be able to walk home just fine. The girl from my room passed out in my room leaving me with the two remaining guests... both attractive females. Another robot army descended upon the peaceful zerg and it appears they were (finally) looking to expand.


Since there's already a sleeping girl in my room, I pull out the mattress from our couch and the three of us cuddle up real close. The real estate investment is paying off, though the brilliant zerg must have something special in mind since he has no upgrades and is stockpiling vespene gas.


The redhead plays with my dick for a while, but avoids making out. The short brunette avoids my dick but has no problem making out with me. I feel good and the three of us pass out. The peace loving herbivores and the remaining kittens of the sky gather in hopes that their message of peace and love will be stronger with numbers.


The girls wake up at god awful 6 am and gather their things so one can head to work and give the other a ride back. I bid them farewell and head back to my room. I cuddle up to the girl in my room and as she wakes up she greets me with another wet sloppy blowjob. Life is good. The message of peace and love is too strong for the cowardly Terran to handle and he ggs.


I love battle reports, but I am terrible at BW. It's all DonKyuhote's fault for relentlessly telling me to write a BW Battle Report. Fine I'll do it, but I'll do it my way!