It feels like a friend has died. I will never see him again and no matter how much I miss him or how many memories flood into me, he is gone forever. It feels like we never properly said good-bye. From meeting his little brother in elementary school, and discovering him in high school, we've had such a long history. How can I even describe how it feels to just sit here thinking about all the fun we had together, and then to think about how the disease slowly took his body away from him for itself over two cruel years? It is like seeing his whole life in images over an instant, the humblest beginnings when he didn't know what he was doing or if anything was going to come out of his life, to his achievements to his spiral into darkness.
It's times like these you just want to absorb yourself in grief. You listen to sad songs and torture yourself till an inconvenient life interrupts and demands attention. Things continue moving on, and you feel like you are all alone in the world because no one you know knew him like you did. To bring it up in conversation with people who didn't know him well would be unsatisfying. It gnaws at you that you can't tell anyone how much you miss him, or how sad it is that he's gone forever, and that if you did they would not understand.
The world is cruel. It becomes as if it had never happened and the life you knew was wasted. Won't anyone remember him? Won't anyone give him the proper respects for what he achieved? Has it all disappeared into the quiet thoughts of those who loved him, in the serene mornings such thoughts wander to what was and no longer is? And then for those thoughts to be pushed out during the uncaring tasks of the day that didn't know.
So many of us lost that friend, but I still can find it hard to believe that, why isn't is just some nightmare? We would wake up and everything would be back to normal
Wish I could've met earlier, I missed so many things, so much fun...
I will never forget the time we've spent together. I will never stop appreciating everything he's done for me. I am sad. No clue on how to move on, i don't even want to think about it. I wish i could go back in time...
I met him late. Thankfully, not too late. I won't lie--I cope well, and have found ways to move on. But I will fondly remember the time we spent together.
I can't count how many days I walked into class sleep-deprived because of you, being halfways around the world and all. But I don't regret a second of the time I spent.
i felt the need to comment on your blog post. i'm sorry if it comes off as insensitive.
i don't think that your (everyone's) understanding and respect for him are really just quiet thoughts, i think they're quite the opposite, but was beautifully worded despite what i think.
i seem to believe that when you have someone on your mind, it's almost as if everything you've done was with a thought of them.
regardless of how close you were to them.. given the time, given the space, and given that everyone has a life of their own, i'm sure your friend would respect how much thought you've put into everything as is.
please live long and remember your friend in positive light. you are one of his/her stories.
Would he want you to be sad? Or would he want you to simply remember him for what he was, and to move onto to the future? Who knows, maybe he wants to see himself outdone.
The worst thing is having almost noone in day-to-day life you can share the loss with. The end will go largely unmarked and only a few of my friends will understand its death as anything more than trivial.
I first met you in early middle school..before the fame and the glory and the popularity. It was just me and you, and we treated life like it would never end, or like it would end that very night. Staying up every night till early in the morning to get to know you better, slowly beginning to understand all the complexities. Through the years others you truly became something special to the world, and those that experienced you and your presence never regretted it and never truly left. We grew apart during your last few years despite it all, but at the end I spent many long nights thinking about the past memories and the incredible nights. Too late for the other side...Caught in a chase, 25 to life...
EPT
