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I'm writing this blog from the perspective of a skinny guy but I would imagine based on what I've heard that the principles of what I'm talking about apply in some situations to those on the other side of the spectrum.
Thanks to the TL:HF subforum I've been taking my health more seriously than ever before. I spend lots of time reading and researching all things fitness related. Recently I've managed to gain almost 15lb thanks to lifting and eating more. It's been an awesome experience seeing gains in my lifts and weight as I'm very achievement-oriented, as I'm sure most of you can relate. It's like grinding your way up the ladder but it's for your own body 
I get compliments from friends, my wife says I look like a man now instead of a boy, etc. However, I have a weird experience when I look at myself in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy and I don't mind admiring my hard work pay off. I've been surprised to find sometimes I feel uncomfortable, almost a nagging feeling. A week or so ago I realized it was this simple: That isn't me. I'd look at myself and that just wasn't me standing there.
So I've been giving a lot of thought to body image and identity. I love the fact I'm bigger, stronger, healthier and generally better looking. At the same time, I've always been the nerdy (not related  ) skinny guy. I'm realizing this has been a core part of my understanding of who I am. Now there's a lot more to me because of my faith, family environment, etc. but I never knew changing how I look would go so deep in a way. I don't regret making the choices I have and I actively try to encourage others to take the same steps I have, which leads me to my next observation.
People don't like to change their identity. A lot of times they say they want to. I mean, if I ask a guy or girl if he or she would like to look like a celebrity and could do so just by saying yes I doubt either would decline. But the people you do hear about making extreme lasting changes seem to be the minority. I've asked multiple close friends that are slim to just try out this lifting program I've been doing and I've gotten mediocre responses. Most just give me a noncommital answer at first and then reject or ignore all encouragement. I'm sure there are a lot of factors at work, but what I'm getting at is that preserving one's identity through their body image is a hidden motive to not change. We're comfortable when we know who we are.
I was reminded of an article I read awhile back about the best (subjective and situational of course) weight-loss diets were those that were secret. Despite the benefits of a support network, the negatives of bad/unwanted advice, peer pressure, and early affirmation outweighed those benefits in most situations. Being large was part of the individual's identity personally and in the group.
Beyond writing some of my thoughts out to solidify them for my own personal benefit and sharing a weird feeling I encountered, I was hoping to have some sort of application or "point". Hopefully we can all spend some time reflecting to get a better understanding of who we are and how our appearance affects that. Be that friend that cares and truly encourages someone. Don't undermine someone's efforts to change who they want to become. If you're dissatisfied with the way you look, don't let your percieved role hold you back. It is really crazy how we are spiritual and physical beings and the two are so closely intertwined. Improving one aspect of our identity enhances the other.
Shout out to TL Health & Fitness and also thedeadhaji for being an awesome blogger haha.
 
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On April 11 2012 04:24 mordek wrote:
I get compliments from friends, my wife says I look like a man now instead of a boy, etc. However, I have a weird experience when I look at myself in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy and I don't mind admiring my hard work pay off. I've been surprised to find sometimes I feel uncomfortable, almost a nagging feeling. A week or so ago I realized it was this simple: That isn't me. I'd look at myself and that just wasn't me standing there.
Super cold. :p
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I've seen people who hated their fat/skinny identity so much that they decide to transform into obsessive gym rats, you know the type who goes everyday and seem very narcissistic.
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On April 11 2012 04:37 Jerubaal wrote:Show nested quote +On April 11 2012 04:24 mordek wrote:
I get compliments from friends, my wife says I look like a man now instead of a boy, etc. However, I have a weird experience when I look at myself in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy and I don't mind admiring my hard work pay off. I've been surprised to find sometimes I feel uncomfortable, almost a nagging feeling. A week or so ago I realized it was this simple: That isn't me. I'd look at myself and that just wasn't me standing there.
Super cold. :p
It was a compliment in jest, don't worry
On April 11 2012 04:53 taldarimAltar wrote:
I've seen people who hated their fat/skinny identity so much that they decide to transform into obsessive gym rats, you know the type who goes everyday and seem very narcissistic.
Right, you can take this to that extreme as well. I'm sure eating disorders are very much related to this same idea of your identity being closely tied to how you look.
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I dunno for sure allthough it is very interesting, I'm the opposite side of the spectrum. Despite being active and working a physically demanding job I've allways been overweight but it never bothered me much. When friends bugged me about it, I allways claimed that I could lose it if I cared.
In December I stepped on a scale and weighed 247 (im like 6'1 and a big frame but still....) and I said to myself. "Well I dont want to weight 250 @ 25 years old and losing weight isnt going to get easier as I get older, I guess I should see if what I allways claimed is true." Since then I have lost ~45 pounds and honestly it just makes me feel like superman. lol. Everything is easier without the extra weight. So yeah I'm not totally sure.
I will have to think about the self image part of it though, because it is for certain that a drastic change feels pretty wierd.
P.S. Grats on your accomplishment!! And I second shoutout to TLH&F forum where I have been lurking hardcore for last 4 months, read almost every post!
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I gotta say, I feel you man. I'm also a very skinny person, and no matter how much I ate or what I ate, I just didnt gain any weight. (Remember: I'm from finland, and even 'eating whatever' is a hundred times better than your average american diet, at least from what I saw a few years back) For the longest time I also felt like this body is not what I want, and also that my genes prevent me from becoming what I could possibly want. The main reason is lack of commitment though. To go to the gym 2-3 times a week is a massive change to your everyday life. It takes away some of your free time, and many people can't imagine finding enjoyment from it, only the labor and sweat and 'seeing results in 4 months'. I had to go to the army and change my lifestyle in multiple ways before I felt like I could commit to going to the gym 3 times a week. I thought that I was super busy at school and wouldnt have the time, but honestly, anyone has time any day, if they just want to do it.
Secondly, the biggest motivation for me is to feel strong, and to be able to do things I have not been able to do before (gymnastics skills etc). Being able to do those thing have an importance to me, but not to many others.
Also, I'm sure you didn't mean it so harshly, but if someone doesn't want to do a specific thing to supposedly change his life for the better, then I feel like he shouldn't if he's happy as he is. Being strong, being able to gain lots of strength and such things are something that are supposedly important because the society tells us that. We can also see the same especially in female body products: Use this shampoo and you'll have this pretty hair, hide your pimples, make your eyelashes longer etc etc. It's not something that should be done just because the system wants us to. If a person is happy however he is, then it's all good, and it's not necessarily only about 'not wanting to lose his social status or place'.
I wasn't happy with what I was like, and what I wasn't able to do. That's why I wanted to make a change, and like I said, it wasn't until many smaller changes in my life that I realized I would be able to do this and that this is what I wanted to do.
But yes, I totally agree that if someone wants to make a change for the better, no matter how small the change is, we shouldn't undermine it. I admit that I've been quilty of this multiple times, though not intentionally, and I really gotta put more attention into that.
Nice blog anyhow.
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I hope it didn't sound harsh Ahzz, this post was more of me sharing a revelation about myself and trying to expound on that.
At Endy: errr what? This is mostly about the intricacy of being human, not attractiveness. Related, I guess, but I was trying to focus on identity.
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I think you need to explain more about how you feel the bigger you is not you.
Because I am in the same situation, but I fail to understand how looking at the "new me" isn't "me". Me is ... me. I chose to begin weightlifting and general health initiatives in order to specifically obtain the results I have now. Why did you start your initiative if you didn't want to change?
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I wanted to be stronger and faster. More athletic. "Strong people are harder to kill than weak people and more useful in general." No guy likes the thought of getting into a bad situation and this other guy that is just straight up bigger than you and will break you in half.
I honestly have no complaints and happy with how I've set goals and I'm accomplishing them. This odd feeling I got when I saw myself clued me into the fact that my appearance and identity were more closely related than I thought. Maybe I'm just naive and most people reading this think that should be obvious Basically, there's a disconnection with how I look and how I perceive myself. It's probably only a matter of time for the transition, just like any change, but I thought the insight was worth sharing
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This is slightly different, but I know of some girls who personally dislike wearing a lot of makeup because when they put it on, they can't recognize themselves anymore. They feel kinda disconnected from the person they see in the mirror. It's something that they really have to force themselves to get used to. I guess the difference is that your body change is likely to be more permanent than something like makeup, but it's still a significant change in your appearance.
Actually, I guess it can be kind of permanent. Some girls wear their makeup to sleep or tattoo that shit on.
I'm sure that you'll get used to it OP! TLHF proves that not everyone here is a "nerdy, SKINNY guy". Now you can be the badass that crushes his opponents ingame and IRL.
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i cant wait to be a big strong cosplaying warhammer nerd and people think twice before they make fun of my magic cards
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On April 11 2012 05:22 mordek wrote:
I hope it didn't sound harsh Ahzz, this post was more of me sharing a revelation about myself and trying to expound on that.
At Endy: errr what? This is mostly about the intricacy of being human, not attractiveness. Related, I guess, but I was trying to focus on identity.
eh if you delve deep into the thread it gets heavily involved in the self image that people derive from being attractive, i thought that's what you meant when you said you looked in the mirror and said "that isn't me"
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On April 11 2012 05:44 FFGenerations wrote:
i cant wait to be a big strong cosplaying warhammer nerd and people think twice before they make fun of my magic cards
I'm 6" about 170-180 pounds, and last time i checked i have only 6% body fat. I Squash twice a week, play tabletennis once a week and do indoor climbing 1-2 times a week. I had a huge collection of Magic cards, played Warhammer fantasy and still am a HUGE gamer.
Last time someone tried to pick a fight with ( which is 8 years ago btw ) me he got him and 2 other people trying to beat me up and 2 of them ended in the hospital with something broken.
You can do it if you are willing to put the effort into it. Regardless off your current body state ( dunno if that's the right word but you get my drift ) you can always start eating better and start working out.
I never gotten too fat or too skinny, it's just not my personality, and i really don't like people slacking off in the health department.
For OP:
Soon you'll find out that you will be able to do all the stuff that you want to do physique wise and you'll be happy with. You are married, so your seks life will improve as well. Trust me
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TL HF is a great place, but I recommend going to reddit.com/r/fitness. They have a ton of great information and I love the community there. Make sure to read the FAQ on the right. I also recommend going to the 'top posts' of 'all time'.
What is your exercise and eating routine, OP? I'm 5'10" and 124 Ibs. and I'm going to very soon, change that.
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6'1" and 172 as of this morning. I'm doing a combination of Starting Strength and Stronglifts. I tried counting calories which I gained most of my bulk during that time but basically I just try to eat a lot (clean/paleo) and drink a ton of whole milk.
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On April 11 2012 06:35 mordek wrote:
6'1" and 172 as of this morning. I'm doing a combination of Starting Strength and Stronglifts. I tried counting calories which I gained most of my bulk during that time but basically I just try to eat a lot (clean/paleo) and drink a ton of whole milk.
All I see in you is a big potential for a bigger squat. When you squat more, life is better. It is that simple
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A healthy, strong body can't really objectively inconvenience anyone. But people are always afraid of change, and even more so hard work :p I've been an active martial artist for a while now and although strength is clearly my weak point in amateur competition I can barely drag myself to the weight room twice a year. A lot of people really dislike weights, they find them boring as hell much like others find jogging.
It's not like a skinny guy will get uber buffed if he doesn't use any "boosters". Your results are actually pretty drastic and it's why you might be a bit startled. I recently got pretty chunky and stocky from all the training although I haven't gained much weight and my new photos seem kinda odd, I resemble a dwarf rather than the racoon I used to be (I'm 5'8'').
The missis is pretty stoked when I take off my shirt tho and I'm sure yours is, too
Overall, I'd say the reluctance to exercise is far more rooted in the extremely hard entry barrier you need to overcome for which our lazy minds makes up all kinds of excuses, kinda like quitting smoking. Sports and reading just might be two of the greatest failures of the modern education system, instead of making everyone love these awesome activities somehow the system messes them up for the average kid (especially the ones who could have really used it).
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I'm 6 foot 130 pounds. I'm really skinny, my friends call me twiggy. I'm only 16 so I hope I will bulk up a little bit but I honestly eat as much as I feel like I can and I don't gain weight.
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On April 11 2012 07:01 GoTuNk! wrote:Show nested quote +On April 11 2012 06:35 mordek wrote:
6'1" and 172 as of this morning. I'm doing a combination of Starting Strength and Stronglifts. I tried counting calories which I gained most of my bulk during that time but basically I just try to eat a lot (clean/paleo) and drink a ton of whole milk. All I see in you is a big potential for a bigger squat. When you squat more, life is better. It is that simple
Hahaha GoTunk. I'll try to make you proud tomorrow!
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On April 11 2012 07:26 Luepert wrote:
I'm 6 foot 130 pounds. I'm really skinny, my friends call me twiggy. I'm only 16 so I hope I will bulk up a little bit but I honestly eat as much as I feel like I can and I don't gain weight.
You don't gain weight by just eating alot, if your metabolisme grinds out that food as fast as you get it in, you will stay skinny.
What you need to "bulk up" is good excersise and a healthy eating habit. Go work out twice a week and all the sudden without changing your eating pattern ( aka just keep on eating as much as you like ) you start to bulk up/gain weight. Then when you start to pay attention to your food habits and start eating healthier and less fatty, you gain even more weight!
and this is because muscles weigh more then fat.
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On April 11 2012 07:26 Luepert wrote:
I'm 6 foot 130 pounds. I'm really skinny, my friends call me twiggy. I'm only 16 so I hope I will bulk up a little bit but I honestly eat as much as I feel like I can and I don't gain weight.
I'm going to direct you to the stickies in the TLHF subforum for Nutrition Recommendations and Training Recommendations. There is so much wisdom and solid advice compiled in one place. If you browse through that just ask questions, we're all really friendly
Edit: Also whole milk is OP
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so how exactly did you gain 15 pounds i wanna know! what kind of food (how much), and what exersizes etc.
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This can be a philosophical issue. The constituents in our body constantly change throughout our life, so where is the "I" if not in the physical body? But it's amazing how powerful the idea is that the body is "myself". This is one of the key elements of Buddhism. It's fun to make an effort to think about it sometimes. For me the thought doesn't really come up naturally and spontaneously.
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On April 11 2012 11:47 Elegance wrote:
so how exactly did you gain 15 pounds i wanna know! what kind of food (how much), and what exersizes etc.
I'm gonna point you at MOrdeks post as well, go look in the TL H&F forums to get tips on both eating and excersise, because it's impossible to explain it in 1 post.
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On April 11 2012 12:45 Mothra wrote:
This can be a philosophical issue. The constituents in our body constantly change throughout our life, so where is the "I" if not in the physical body? But it's amazing how powerful the idea is that the body is "myself". This is one of the key elements of Buddhism. It's fun to make an effort to think about it sometimes. For me the thought doesn't really come up naturally and spontaneously.
A tidbit someone brought up in a discussion a long time ago that this reminded me of was that your cells replace themselves and I don't remember the number of years but basically you have almost all new cells within 7 years or something crazy.
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before & after pics!! haha
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OP, I think you are an outlier. I've never heard of someone getting a nagging/negative feeling that they look more muscular/better. Your post is a rarity.
I don't agree that your friends are afraid to change their image. I think it's more basic than that. IMO, they are afraid of judgement from others, afraid of hard work, and possibly think that it's impossible to get bigger. Also, they may simply not care. General apathy and/or no desire broaden themselves.
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On April 11 2012 23:50 guN-viCe wrote:
OP, I think you are an outlier. I've never heard of someone getting a nagging/negative feeling that they look more muscular/better. Your post is a rarity.
I don't agree that your friends are afraid to change their image. I think it's more basic than that. IMO, they are afraid of judgement from others, afraid of hard work, and possibly think that it's impossible to get bigger. Also, they may simply not care. General apathy and/or no desire broaden themselves.
Well now you have I tried to include things like "many factors at work" and it's a hidden motive but not the only motive. I agree there are other more obvious things like laziness. Writing a blog about how people are lazy and that's why they aren't fit doesn't quite have the same huh, I hadn't thought of that worthiness.
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infinity21
Canada6683 Posts
I can't say I shared the same sentiment when I gained 15lbs initially but that might be because I wasn't underweight to begin with (165->180->170 @5'11"). Actually, I feel like I look exactly the same as I did before I started working out although others have said that I look more muscular *shrug*.
If I ever get a 6-pack, I'll report back here and tell you how I feel haha
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I think the key is to understand why you feel uncomfortable looking at your new look. If it's because you associate your look with a personality type, for example, do some things to ground yourself in the knowledge that your personality is still the same. Go hang out with friends, play some Starcraft, whatever.
Introspection is key. Understand what it is that you're associating negatively with your look, and find a way to reassure yourself that just because you look like that doesn't mean you're turning into that kind of person. Even better, it can help you broaden your horizons and possibly break you out of a particular prejudice you may have been unaware of prior to this.
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I wonder if you should do squants while you have a bad posture. Wont it potentially damage your spinal cord?
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On April 12 2012 07:03 ecstatica wrote:
I wonder if you should do squats while you have a bad posture. Wont it potentially damage your spinal cord?
Doing lifts without proper form is foolish of course. Bad posture should be corrected regardless if you're lifting However, squats (and deadlifts) have improved my posture and are the best exercises to strengthen your back. From personal experience my posture has never been better or my back stronger since starting SS/SL.
Basically, don't let bad posture be an excuse not to start lifting. Use it as part of a routine to get your body back to the way it should be.
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EPT
