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There is this girl who is really pretty (imo) and she's been having a crush on me for quite some time (at least 2 years). This sounds like a nerd's fantasy comes true, right?
But there is this annoying problem: every time we are physically close, it's always SO awkward. You can say I'm not mentally attracted to her or smt like that. We sat next to each other in class for a whole term (I'm 3rd year at university) and I can't remember a single conversation between us that lasts longer than 10 seconds. I'm kinda terrible when it comes to opening my mouth and initiate a conversation, and her light pokes didn't really help. We were meeting basically 5 days a week for over 2 years (we're classmates) and I barely noticed her existence. There's really no doubt that if she was not pretty I wouldn't even remember her name.
Fast forward to recently. Now we're only in one class together, which means I meet her once a week for about 2.5 hours. A while ago the teacher assigned our class smt and she was in charge of our subjects, so I figured it would be a good idea to ask for her number. So around 3 weeks ago when I was going to the parking area I saw her, realized it was the only timing to ask for her number. So I did. Felt great for some reason. But then again, I didn't do anything after that.
One week later, at that class, we didn't speak a single thing to each other. Then one week after that, this time I went to class earlier than the teacher so I sat behind her. She turned around and started asking me (in a kinda angry tone) why I asked for her number the other day and didn't text her since then. I was like 'really you was waiting for me'????. Well it turned out she thought it was a big move when I asked for her number and told her girl friends about it. I almost said "I only asked just in case I need to ask smt about our class". Right after the class was over, she posted a status on facebook "love is like catching clams at the beach, don't try to catch the biggest or the prettiest, just choose the one you like and most importantly, don't go back to the beach after you're done!". I wasn't sure if this was about me and her, but it was posted right after the class ended, so I guess it was. That was when I really started to think about our situation and my feeling for her. I ended looking at her pictures and stalking her on Facebook, to try to know more about her. Didn't get much info. So this morning, we were at that class again. Suddenly the teacher asked for our assignment, which I didn't have time to print out earlier, and seeing two girls went out of the class to the photocopy shop, I followed them. After a few minutes sitting at the computer, I heard her voice. Talking to the girl next to me. Took me a few seconds to ask her a bit about her assignment, she then asked for my assignment, looked a bit at it and didn't say anything. It was then that I realized I was still not attracted to her. But when she's not around, I kinda miss her and think a lot about her. What an annoying paradox.
I think a good way to solve this problem may be to ask her out, do something together etc. But that would mean showing her my true, nerdy self which could potentially make it worse. Another option is to try to improve myself first, but that would mean making her wait even longer, and with her recent status on facebook about "waiting is the worst feeling", I dunno if it's a good idea.
A bit off topic: after 21 years living in this world, there are only a few girls who I consider "not boring". One is a girl from elementary school, who is probably the only who has ever made me feel "in love" (like when I'm around her my heart beats faster, my face turns red, my head is full of angel songs etc. I still dream about her from time to time), the other one is a voluntary teacher from the U.S, who totally changed my view on women.
That's it for now. My apologies for the somewhat depressing blog, I'm just too confused right now and have to tell someone or else my head will explode.
Edit 1: I knew TL would be the right place to ask. After reading the comments I've realized a lot about myself and what's actually happening.
- This whole post from r.Evo describe my situation quite accurately. I think I'll need your advice soon if it doesn't bother you.
* to people saying just give it a try: I know, I know. If only it's that simple.
 
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still a better love story than twilight. (sorry, first thought that came to mind.)
go for it dude. no regrets.
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The way I see it, you have two options:
If you like her, kiss her. It's slightly more complicated than that, but not really.
If you don't like her, tell her so and stop leading her on like you are right now.
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On March 20 2012 15:06 Garnet wrote:
That was when I really started to think about our situation and my feeling for me.
Quite narcissistic, aren't we? 
Anyway, I do agree with Ghin. Don't make her wait and create a situation where you either take or dump her.
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There's nothing wrong with your "true, nerdy self" that could "potentially make it worse." Let her see you for who you really are and make a damn move already. If you don't try to take this further, my guess is you'll always wonder what would've happened, what could've been. If you ask her and it doesn't work out, then you will know that you tried to make it work.
Do you want her? Then go get her?
GLHF, GOFORIT 
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Making her wait for you to ask her out is worse than making her wait for you to improve yourself as a person AFTER you guys are in a relationship.
It seems like you're putting her on a pedestal. Just treat her as you would treat any other friend, and if she reacts negatively to anything just change the subject or switch to a different topic. People in general love talking about themselves, so you can divert attention to her by asking questions and keeping the conversation rolling.
Also, look at it this way: Lying about yourself is only going to make the situation worse, because it means you need to keep up the facade consistently. There's a reason that 'Be yourself' is solid advice.
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I had a similar experience and what your experiencing is the joy of another's attention. You don't have to start dating her but getting to know her will give you a better insight about her and mainly yourself. She's probably waited long enough to know what your like, and being nerdy isn't a bad or a good thing. Don't fight it, rather embrace the culture you've cultivated. You could orientate your conversations around her that way you can slowly reveal yourself and improve beyond just small talks.
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Guy, are you serious?............Five times I said to myself " wtf am I reading here?" Do you have a penis and two balls? Do they work? Do you get excited, have sexual thoughts of this woman, have any inclination to make her laugh, see her smile, make her feel good, have sexual thoughts of this woman???? If no, quit talking about it.
p.s pathetic
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Sorry, I am back again. Just re-read the line where you speak about improving yourself.....jesus christ man. This girl is hot right? She was pissed that you did not use her phone number right? She told her girlfriends about you right? And you are writing to strangers, describing your contemplation of self improvement? Motherfucker, go put it inside her. If you do not want to do that you are wasting her time. In the future, never talk like the way you did ever again. That should be your first step to not being a self absorded, woman fearing wierdo. GLHF
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I think a good way to solve this problem may be to ask her out, do something together etc. But that would mean showing her my true, nerdy self which could potentially make it worse. Another option is to try to improve myself first, but that would mean making her wait even longer, and with her recent status on facebook about "waiting is the worst feeling", I dunno if it's a good idea.
You're shy and you have little self-confidence.
You're not "not attracted", you're just so scared that she might not like you at one random point in the future and that is what keeps you keep from being honest with yourself.
a) Admit that you're being a scared pussy. To yourself and, after you spent some quality time as boy & girl together, to her. Feel free to be honest to her starting right now about how you're a bit further on the shy side but that you enjoy spending time with her.
b) Play it tough. Build that shell that you kept your entire life and build it further up. Enjoy sex and being with her and then getting dumped becaue she learned to love someone you don't really want to be.
c) Keep doing what you're doing. Enjoy seeing her kissing and cuddling with a random male of your class. Enjoy her not wanting to spend a lot of time anymore with you (except to tell you what a great guy you are and how much her bf sucks).
It's your life & your choice. If you aim for a), I'd gladly help you out on the way. If you go for b) I'd understand the choice and wish you gl. If you chose c), you haven't been hurt enough in your life to start changing your behaviour.
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I laughed at the part where she asked in an angry tone why you kept her waiting. But as the guy above me said, if she's hot and clearly has a crush on you, go for it! What are you waiting for, go on a few dates and see how it goes. I feel it's worth a shot. Good luck mate!
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Korea (South)11586 Posts
Why don't you just simply talk to her for more than 10 seconds, to figure out if YOU are interested in her.
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On March 20 2012 16:13 CaucasianAsian wrote:
Why don't you just simply talk to her for more than 10 seconds?
Cause then he couldn't write a shitty blog on a starcraft forum.
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On March 20 2012 15:48 Particle wrote:
Guy, are you serious?............Five times I said to myself " wtf am I reading here?" Do you have a penis and two balls? Do they work? Do you get excited, have sexual thoughts of this woman, have any inclination to make her laugh, see her smile, make her feel good, have sexual thoughts of this woman???? If no, quit talking about it.
p.s pathetic
On March 20 2012 15:53 Particle wrote:
Sorry, I am back again. Just re-read the line where you speak about improving yourself.....jesus christ man. This girl is hot right? She was pissed that you did not use her phone number right? She told her girlfriends about you right? And you are writing to strangers, describing your contemplation of self improvement? Motherfucker, go put it inside her. If you do not want to do that you are wasting her time. In the future, never talk like the way you did ever again. That should be your first step to not being a self absorded, woman fearing wierdo. GLHF
Dont like it, leave. OP, i suggest banning this fool from your blog altogether, he wont make 50~ posts on TL anyway. (My bets 25.)
Just go out with her and see what happens
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dude I think we can all pretty safely say you have real legit chance of getting this girl since there is a high chance she likes you. go for it the odds are on your side.
On March 20 2012 15:53 Particle wrote:
Sorry, I am back again. Just re-read the line where you speak about improving yourself.....jesus christ man. This girl is hot right? She was pissed that you did not use her phone number right? She told her girlfriends about you right? And you are writing to strangers, describing your contemplation of self improvement? Motherfucker, go put it inside her. If you do not want to do that you are wasting her time. In the future, never talk like the way you did ever again. That should be your first step to not being a self absorded, woman fearing wierdo. GLHF
wtf. show some fucking respect. if you didnt like what you were reading, stop and run along. no need to bash the OP for writing a blog in the damn blog section.
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If you wont/don't want to have a relationship with her, do the nicest thing you can. Tell her clearly that you really don't want to be more than friends with her. Don't let her think she has a chance, if you do, but don't go for it, then you are leading her on, and you are being cruel. Unrequited love sucks, and if she loves you (and you know), either love her back, or tell her it will never happen.
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You're too afraid to tell her about your interests. If you want a good conversation with someone, you have to be able to communicate what you like. Ask her out, see how it goes, and evaluate after that.
Think about it, if there's a chance you aren't even interested in her, or you don't have much in common, what are you really losing?
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Off topic: are you really in Vietnam? If so where at dude?
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On March 20 2012 19:12 htn2481 wrote:
Off topic: are you really in Vietnam? If so where at dude?
He is in Vietnam, in Hanoi I believe.
Asians don't ask girls out fast if they have true feeling for her. Thats come natually and may take months or even years . I know how you feel dude. Well just ask her out now, if still you can't make a conversation with her, just let it go. There are plenty more girls out there.
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Have you ever felt any attraction to women at all? Do you actually fantasize about women, sexually?
I mean if you're not into her, then that's cool. If you're not into women that's cool too- you just need to figure out what you like. Reading that wall of text basically saying that you're not attracted to a girl- how is that a problem?
So either a) You don't want her but you still want her to be interested. That's a dick move and you should stop. Or b) you're gay/asexual (does that really exist?) and just don't like women that way. That's fine and the sooner you realize and accept that the better. Or c) you're such a pussy that you can't even admit to yourself (and TL) that you ARE into her in which case your self improvement should start with looking for some resemblance of balls. You don't need to be that bullshit alpha/PUA whatever macho type. But if you can't even admit to yourself what you want- how are you ever gonna get anything?
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This girl has an interesting (read: terrible) way of fishing for clams
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On March 20 2012 15:06 Garnet wrote:
. We were meeting basically 5 days a week for over 2 years (we're classmates) and I barely noticed her existence. There's really no doubt that if she was not pretty I wouldn't even remember her name.
Sounds as if you don't like her.
That was when I really started to think about our situation and my feeling for me. I ended looking at her pictures and stalking her on Facebook, to try to know more about her. Didn't get much info.
*Sigh....of course you didn't. You're trying to find things out about her without actually talking.
But when she's not around, I kinda miss her and think a lot about her. What an annoying paradox.
Generally we call this "having feelings for someone".
I think a good way to solve this problem may be to ask her out, do something together etc. But that would mean showing her my true, nerdy self which could potentially make it worse.
If you're honestly looking for companionship then you're going to need to find someone who accepts you while you're being your "true nerdy self". Being yourself and having her not like it is a fairly easy way to find out if she's the one for you.
Honestly, at the age of 21 there's a mountain of things that need improvement. With that attitude you'll be 35 before you're even close. So long as you make the effort of self-improvement you'll be fine (unless, of course, you're curbing a potentially dangerous action like sudden, uncontrollable rage!).
Long story short, ask her out, spend some time together, and go from there. Just don't tell her you facebook-stalked her!
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You're 21. Grow up, man up. Period.
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On March 20 2012 15:23 Lucumo wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2012 15:06 Garnet wrote:
That was when I really started to think about our situation and my feeling for me. Quite narcissistic, aren't we? Anyway, I do agree with Ghin. Don't make her wait and create a situation where you either take or dump her.
sorry that should be "her" instead of "me". Damn typo.
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A rule of thumb for nerds and women that took me too long to learn is: when in doubt, go for it.
Don't use doubt as an excuse, that's just too convenient.
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The title says it all: disappointment. What? She's clearly interested in you. You are too... kind of. Both of you suck at carrying a casual conversation along. Well, that only means one thing - go on a date where you don't have to talk much! I'm going to bring up the classic movie-and-dinner theme here. You know you can man up (like how you asked for her number) so asking her out isn't a problem, I assume.
- don't have to talk about much before the movie
- movie creates a common topic for you two to talk about afterwards
You can replace the movie with any kind of concert / theatre event where you two are primarily audience members. Minimal pre-talk, something to talk about after!
Anyway, other than that, this blog was kind of confusing but good luck I guess.
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On March 20 2012 20:59 Monsen wrote:
Have you ever felt any attraction to women at all? Do you actually fantasize about women, sexually?
I mean if you're not into her, then that's cool. If you're not into women that's cool too- you just need to figure out what you like. Reading that wall of text basically saying that you're not attracted to a girl- how is that a problem?
So either a) You don't want her but you still want her to be interested. That's a dick move and you should stop. Or b) you're gay/asexual (does that really exist?) and just don't like women that way. That's fine and the sooner you realize and accept that the better. Or c) you're such a pussy that you can't even admit to yourself (and TL) that you ARE into her in which case your self improvement should start with looking for some resemblance of balls. You don't need to be that bullshit alpha/PUA whatever macho type. But if you can't even admit to yourself what you want- how are you ever gonna get anything?
No I don't think I'm gay, so I guess c) is right.
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On March 20 2012 16:00 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +I think a good way to solve this problem may be to ask her out, do something together etc. But that would mean showing her my true, nerdy self which could potentially make it worse. Another option is to try to improve myself first, but that would mean making her wait even longer, and with her recent status on facebook about "waiting is the worst feeling", I dunno if it's a good idea. You're shy and you have little self-confidence. You're not "not attracted", you're just so scared that she might not like you at one random point in the future and that is what keeps you keep from being honest with yourself. a) Admit that you're being a scared pussy. To yourself and, after you spent some quality time as boy & girl together, to her. Feel free to be honest to her starting right now about how you're a bit further on the shy side but that you enjoy spending time with her. b) Play it tough. Build that shell that you kept your entire life and build it further up. Enjoy sex and being with her and then getting dumped becaue she learned to love someone you don't really want to be. c) Keep doing what you're doing. Enjoy seeing her kissing and cuddling with a random male of your class. Enjoy her not wanting to spend a lot of time anymore with you (except to tell you what a great guy you are and how much her bf sucks). It's your life & your choice. If you aim for a), I'd gladly help you out on the way. If you go for b) I'd understand the choice and wish you gl. If you chose c), you haven't been hurt enough in your life to start changing your behaviour.
You read me like a book sir. I think I'll go with a), but I don't know if she's the type of supportive person that understand 'deep' stuff like this. I mean she's shown on multiple occasions that she really dig good-looking guys. But I think that's true for every girls.
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On March 20 2012 19:25 Caphe wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2012 19:12 htn2481 wrote:
Off topic: are you really in Vietnam? If so where at dude? He is in Vietnam, in Hanoi I believe. Asians don't ask girls out fast if they have true feeling for her. Thats come natually and may take months or even years . I know how you feel dude. Well just ask her out now, if still you can't make a conversation with her, just let it go. There are plenty more girls out there.
Glad you still remember me
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EPT
