EPT
I would like to idealy cover 3 topics inside this post and they are:
1) fighting your inner demons
2) Dealing with hate and anger issues.
3) the updates section.
So lets begin shall we?
Dealing with your inner demons?
Well for me this has been dealing with manic depression, anger bursts, frequent violent outbursts and last but not least being a complete douche sometimes, during this i will discuss things that affected me, how these affected me as a person and people around me, Its the harsh truth i realised but i wish to share my experiences and help those with the same issues.
Depression:
This affects a very large amount of people around the world and is something that is extremely hard to beat depending how far into the darkness you are, and of course the things that made this depression come up in the first place, for me it was losing the 1 girl that i loved for so long, she was my life, my dream and my soul mate.
I spent many days and nights crying i still do, She will still be in my heart forever, i miss her everyday and not being with her just makes fighting harder, But anyway, one of the main things i do to fight this suppression is just be with those that care for you (family or friends) as they are the important people you should be with during any times of disregard or sadness.
Of course there are other ways around it, by doing anything that you like that stops any thought processes about, for everyone else this is pretty easy to do, but for someone like me that prefers being alone and finds it hard to find anything enjoyable. all that will be explained later in the blog.
Anger bursts:
If you knew me in real life you would know i have quite bad anger issues with allot of things, I have no idea why or where this violent anger came from in my life, just after i turned 16/17 many years ago i noticed i used to start getting allot angrier then i ever noticed, it controls allot of separate parts of my life.
I say this because it stops me from being with or near people, everyone has different "Triggers" that can set off anger issues the trouble with that is finding them and finding ways around them, in the past i have been called a monster, a heartless dick-head and much worse things, heck i've even had people wish me be dead, for which i don't blame them.
It scares me myself as i have spent along time alone, trying my hardest to avoid people for the sole reason i can't control myself when i start getting angry, even with help it just doesn't get through to me, Again the ways around this i found were simple: find your triggers, stay with people who you trust and will be their with you throughout the whole process as it's not an easy fight in any persons mind.
Violent out-bursts
These were mainly from my childhood, when i was an angry out of control little punk, i hurt allot of people growing up, members of my family, my best friends, and my brothers, I have potentially been one of the most vile humans i could have been if i'm going to be perfectly honest with everyone, i have never been proud of myself and i never will be.
As an example: i completely broke / fractured 3 of my cousins fingers because she tried having a go at me when i was all ready in an extremely pissed off mood since that day happened my family has gradually fallen apart day by day, to the point where i don't even talk to anyone inside my family anymore as i feel they dis-own me and don't want me as there son for which i do not blame them at all.
I have yet to find a way around violent anger issues, if anyone has help then feel free to let me know as i wish to deal with these things as soon as i can.
Dealing with hate and anger issues
as said previously i have massive issues when it comes to anger as you would have been able to tell by reading through it all properly, i make myself cry sometimes with how vile i am, on the internet i'm a different person like everyone else is, i'm someone that helps people, is kind and friendly and all that jazz.
Anyway back on track, i think generally i have spent most of the 21 years i've been alive angry, at the world, at other people and at my friends, when i should not be as they are not to blame for all the fuck ups i have made and all the trouble i have caused, but anger is not something that is easily fought, as i fight daily when dealing with people at lectures or at work to keep it calm and relaxed.
and then sometimes i just want to beat the crap out of people which is fun i had to admit, but its also the stupid choice to do, i am a strong person as i've done allot of training in the past, this ties in with the hate issue, i have allot of hate built into my body and personality from all those who have tried to damage and ruin my life even further, or even those who have tried and stopped me from trying to recover myself from the issues i have.
Hate is not something i like to discuss as it comes in many forms to different people, We can define hate as "Intense hatred or intense feelings of aversion of people, or extreme hostility towards certain people", which is all the forms of hate i feel and deal with personally, Anyway, back to the speak of triggers.
Finding ways around the "Triggers" that start fits of anger or hate are difficult as there is always some smart cunt who just wishes more pain on you, which is why being careful and taking your time is one of things i do most, relying on true friends only, not those who use you and treat you like shit.
I avoid my family at all costs, as i would preferably rather be dead then speaking with any of them ever again after my past.
The updates section
Firstly i will be changing my skype address in the up-coming weeks, along with facebook, twitter, my own personal website and a few other different contact methods.
Secondly I have gone back into the world of FPS championships, currently i am just training again but hopefully soon i wish to be taking part in big events, and for anyone who's interested (CSS, COD) games are the basic ones i play on a daily basis in my spare time.
I am going to try and travel to as many MLG events as i can in the up-coming year so would be great to meet you all out there, and chat and stuff such as that.
I am happy to say i support Matthew "Looknohands" Fink in his event that he is hosting in 5-6 days time, he is a great man and an inspiration to me to keep building this community into something better and i hope more people support him he deserves it.
Shoutouts
Whitera - best mannered man alive.
Matthew fink - One of the greatest inspirational characters ive met in a long time.
Philip "slardar" akcasu - my ban brother, till we die brah <3
Archybaldy - A great friend, and a great man to talk to, keep at it bro.
