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I want your opinions and advice please, (THIS IS LONG)
What I want:
Speak Russian language
Consistency at gym (great physique)
Qualified language teacher to foreigners (CELTA course, £900+ )
Qualification in Social Care
What I am doing:
Had a couple of Russian lessons, didn't study much, not doing it atm
Decent consistency at gym, and everything that goes with it (sleep, eat)
Saving money (not much) by working for CELTA
Just registered with the Social Care qualification and wrote a few paragraphs for it
What I am struggling with:
a) Getting my head around putting my every soul and effort into understanding the concept that these very long-term goals are what I really want and pursuing them , by diminishing/removing wasteful aspects of my life such as browsing the web or lying in bed for hours at end
b) Depression, sleeping problems, general "motivation" BS , organisation, complete and utter lack of self-confidence even though I do seem to know what I want and how i want to feel but being unable to fulfil my emotional state.
For example, some days I go to sleep and wake up after 2-3 hours then go straight back to sleep or back to sleep after a couple of hours because of Day9 or something, then repeat 3 more times, before I have to get up for work and am still 5 minutes late for work.
Or feeling exhausted and MISERABLE all the time, feeling anxious and having nothing to talk about and being miserable at work and being anxious about it, to the point that people at work say stuff like "stop being so serious!" (which makes me feel worse, and more anxious). And my face being in a semi-permanent look of misery/frown.
And overthinking everything, being rediculously over-sensitive to everything, even when I am saying to myself "be cool, it doesnt matter, you know how you want to act so just be that way".
For example a friend colleague tells me she is cross with me about something and explains it, then i calmly explain my response, then in my head i am like "okay sorted thats great" but another part of my mind is saying "was that really okay? was i okay? did i react the right way? did i want to be like that? how should i act now? why am i still thinking about this? how is she feeling? blah blah".
Basically ZERO self-confidence. When I should like myself, I am constantly double-guessing and freaking out. Even when I confront issues head on my mind remains in turmoil afterwards. I can't "be myself" because I don't know what that means for me anymore.
c) Unable to relax and like myself for who I am or what I am currently doing/being
I sort of want to become completely isolate myself and just do all of these things (study, gym, sleep, work, NOTHING ELSE). I could do this, I mean its what I want isn't it? I have grown to LOATHE the wasteful things in my life - but there is a second half of me that still loves them and doesn't understand why I can't have both. Is that time-management? Is it simply because I'm unable to manage my time properly yet so I feel like I have to take an extreme in order to adapt my mind to study and organisational habits?
My history:
Ex-Alcoholic, still occasionally does weed/painkillers but doesn't really NEED to, just quit smoking "so to speak", ex-unemployed hobo who would spend 20 hours a day watching Starcraft/doing nothing except getting drunk to anime music videos, for about 8 years straight, failed university twice, never had a girlfriend, have a handful of friends with next to no contact with them, ugly face/can't smile or fake conversation easily, large anxiety/racing thoughts (not currently on anti-depressants but have been many times), insecure as fuck, emotionally hyper-sensitive to everything, unbalanced and zero self-confidence.
Again, my question:
Anything, anything you can say might help me... How did you learn to cope with yourself? Why do I feel like I NEED certain achievements now otherwise I hate myself? How did you cut out internet bullshit/wasteful things in order to study or achieve or change yourself? How do you deal with inner turmoil and lack of self-confidence? What should I do to help myself? How can I adopt a new mindset??
Thanks
  
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Sounds like you know exactly how to fix the problems you describe, its just a matter of comitting to them.
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thats what i thought , about that part really. but will that make me happier/more content , self-confident as a person? and why do i need these achievements, why cant i be content with who i am right now, rather than being innately miserable as fuck and finding it hard to function? and anxious and over-sensitive and all that crap
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Go see a professional psychologist. Seriously, even if it's few meetings (I've been to around 10 therapy session, it helps).
At least you know what you want to do - that is much in itself. Don't strain yourself if many goals at once, this one is crucial. Take things step by step. Don't freak out when you fail and if you do, just start over.
Considering a). Coaching might be the thing for you. Not even paying a coach, find a book on coaching (there's plenty) and read up. There's a lot of useful techniques that will help you better manage your times and goal.
Regarding sleep, first thing. Bed is place where you sleep. Don't spend waking hours in your bed. Don't eat right before you sleep. Go to sleep at the same hours, say midnight.
Meditation is very good for anxiety. Also if you are feeling anxious just close your eyes, take a few deeps breaths, focus on your muscles and think about how they are warm and heavy - or read about Schultz's Autogenic Training.
Working on self-confidence and feeling miserable. Tough one. Best way to work on those is to constantly challenge yourself and overcome those challenges. How low or rather unstable self-esteem works is that you have low expectations about yourself so you don't challenge yourself with many activities. Because you are not as active you perceive yourself as miserable, which gives even more reason to feel down about yourself.
All in all. Seek professional help. There's probably some psych emergency in your town, look for psychological consultation.
I kind of understand you, being in same boat not-doing-a-thing-about-myself boat. Best of luck!
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I think a big part of your problem comes from the new final fantasy games, being a fanboy myself it's painful to go through.
To remedy your well-being I recommend a high dosage of final fantasy gaming, and when you beat them all play again.
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LOL
well i only watch them on youtube so it hasnt been so bad
i think im gonna do a perfect week starting from tomorrow. which means no wasted seconds, everything as it shoiuld be. never done it before tho spoke of it many times. will probably blog my progress at first. sorry sayle will catch up with you another time
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Give yourself some credit. I've gone through a lot of similar stuff (don't care to post about it in public yet though) and I find it's much easier to make progress when I acknowledge every small success. And giving up alcohol is a pretty huge one. And so is going from hobo to holding a steady job.
I wish I could give some more specific advice but in reality I actually admire you on some counts.
edit, regarding your last post: Perfectionism sucks because every tiny failure saps your motivation leading to a vicious cycle. Better to say: I'm going to do one thing better this week than last week.
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From the sounds of it, I think you could try getting proffessional help, that might help you break the cycle more easily. I think having a fucked up sleep pattern might be the root of a lot of these things, so I'd say try to fix that one asap. There was an insomnia thread here in TL with some good sounding advice that might help you out with that.
Constantly second guessing yourself is a bad habit. At least it never worked for me, it causes a lot of trouble and zero benefit. So what I do is everytime I catch myself in a 'thinking loop' of some sort, I force myself to think of something else, for instance a build order, or whatever it is than can refocus your mind to a completely different subject.
For the lack of confidence, you just have to belive and constantly remember how awsome and incredible you are, think of things that make you proud of yourself and remember them, and act as if you know you are a total baller. Relating to SC2 again, you can just remember how amazingly well you held that 2base ling bling allin yesterday. It will be hard in the beginning if you are not used to it, but give it a try, with some practice you will start to naturally act more confidently in whatever circumstances you find yourself at.
Finally, I got the impression that you are some sort of perfectionist. I think that is not bad per se, but can be if you take it to the extreme. For instance you say you'll try to have a "perfect week with zero seconds wasted". I can bet money you are not going to fully achieve that, since even people under incredible amounts of stress will "waste some seconds" here and there. If you take your self-made 'failures' too harshly, that can set you back a lot. It is good to keep goals, but you should try to make them progressive and within reach, so instead of trying to achieve the perfect week next week, I'd say allow yourself some leeway for next week, then reduce it further with every passing week. That is more likely to make you succeed in the long run I think.
Anyway, good luck with that! /end rant
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Try to take things one step at a time. Fixing everything at once isn't going to happen, and accept that change takes a long time. If you start falling back on some old tendencies, don't beat yourself up for it. That happens to everyone who wants to improve. Have a little more faith in yourself and your own decisions. Be positive that you're on the right path towards improvement and continue to strive forward.
Just my thoughts on a good mentality to adopt when it comes to facing problems and overcoming them. As to the specifics, I can't help you there. That's probably something you need to talk to a professional counselor about or you need to figure out on your own.
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On March 01 2012 04:58 FFGenerations wrote:
thats what i thought , about that part really. but will that make me happier/more content , self-confident as a person? and why do i need these achievements, why cant i be content with who i am right now, rather than being innately miserable as fuck and finding it hard to function? and anxious and over-sensitive and all that crap
A fundamamental problem I see in your post is that you believe success will bring in happiness. Which is not true. Happiness is a decision, and all you have to do is decide to be happy and you will. It's really not that hard to obtain "happiness". If you stop looking for reasons to beat yourself up, you will be happy.
Happiness is a combination of confidence and well-being. You are either lacking in one of them or both. Are you getting your basic needs met such as food? shelter? a girlfriend if you desire one? Do you have a stable job, a future you look forwards to? If not then you are lacking well-being, and what you need to do is to be assertive and get those things handled.
Also, confidence is not something you build over 1 night, it's a gradual process that comes slowly. When you feel anxious next time, ask yourself why you feel that way. And then do what is right. For example, if u feel anxious giving a public speech, do what is right and do it anyways, you'll feel much more confident after you've done it.
also, it's important to know that changing your attitutude is a gradual process, and again, it does not happen over night. There is no quick fix, and don't look for one. Any quick fix you think you find is probably fake and you'll feel the same way you did before again. Every "succssesfull" person that you see got the way they are from a gradual process, not from discovering a quick fix.
Hope this helps.
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EPT
