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I sit here with a smile on my face. I am typing on my phone, in front of a gift shop in the Wailea resort hotel in the Hawaiian Islands. A beautiful thing has just occurred, and I feel I must bestow the experience unto you, reader. But first, let me inform you of our journey thus far.
On Christmas Day, my family and I left our home in California to embark on a fantastic voyage to the gorgeous tropical island of Maui. And by "fantastic voyage", I am referring to a boring as hell, five hour airplane flight in which I am seated next to one of those old people who talks the whole goddamn time. Shut your trap, Gramps, I'm trying to pay attention to State of the Game. But he ignored my pleas. The old fart just wouldn't shut up, always talking about his wonderful offspring, and how his grandson Thomas is gonna be a doctor or some shit. Fuck Tom and everyone who looks like Tom; I'm not interested in your senile prattling, old man.
But I'm sidetracking. Forgive me.
After that joyous experience, we touch down on the Maui airport tarmac and are immediately assailed by the huge change in humidity and overall temperature. Predictably enough, my wardrobe pretty much consists of long-sleeved T-shirts and khaki pants, so about five minutes later, I'm drenched in sweat and feeling miserable. This only compounds the misery I have to endure from a fresh case of strep throat that no amount of ibuprofen will vanquish. What this means is that for the first few days of our vacation at the Grand Wailea resort, I feel like utter crap. Yeah, the clothing part is my fault, and I'm an idiot for lacking any sort of foresight, but gimme a break. I'm trying to play the pity card.
Cut to this morning, Thursday around 5:00 local time. I'm a very early riser, so I get out of bed, pop Advil like it's going out of style, and head out the doo—
No. Not yet. This time, I will prepare for the climate. I search through my bags and retrieve the only short-sleeved shirt I packed for the trip: my Team Liquid winged-horse T-shirt. Under the aegis of the mighty stallion, I stride outside like a fuckin' boss. I am ready to take this planet by storm.
Then I have a coughing fit that lasts for about a minute, and hurts my throat so much. T_T
After that violation of my manhood, I take the elevator down to the lobby. Given the hour, only a few tourists are up and about. My destination is the esteemed gourmet restaurant known as "Cafe Kula". (In case you didn't know, "gourmet" is a food term meaning "far too expensive".) My path from the elevator to Kula takes me past the front desk, near which a man of about thirty years is chillaxing. Your average American tourist type: slightly overweight Caucasian, wearing a lei, polo shirt, shorts, and sandals. No socks with the sandals, which is fortunate, but for all intents and purposes, an average vacationer. Another coughing fit overtakes me, and I retreat to the safety of the chair next to the one Tourist Guy occupies until it passes. Being a nice guy, Mr. Vacation asks if I'm all right, and I respond by coughing more. Clearly not, buddy, but I appreciate the sentiment.
Finally, the battle subsides, and I catch my breath a bit. Apparently, I'm not taking the planet by storm anytime soon, unless I infect everyone with strep. As I recover, I notice Joe American looking at my chest. Confused, I begin to ask him what the matter is, but he speaks first. He speaks a question that I never thought I'd hear, a question whose answer I have prepared many months in advance. And yet, though I never expected to be subjected to The Question, it has been posed.
"What's Team Liquid?"
Time stops. My mind is at once paralyzed and frantic. He asked the fucking Question! I can't believe it!! The moment I've waited for. More than a year of preparation. It it time to initialize.
Though my mind races, my face is passive, and after a fraction of a second of hesitation, I make my reply. A reply scripted for such an encounter.
"You know about the Freemasons, right? The secret organization that supposedly runs the world?"
He responds: "Yeah, I've heard of them. What about it?"
Yes! The perfect setup. Time to bring it home. After another slight hesitation...
"Well, we run the Freemasons."
Tourist Man looks at me suspiciously. He opens his mouth to respond, but thinks better of it, and simply returns to the morning paper. With a shit-eating grin on my face, I depart and continue my trip to Cafe Kula. Thirty minutes later, over a cinnamon roll and a hell of a lot of ice water, I bring this experience to you.
Thanks, niteReloaded.
 
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LOL well played.
Sucks about you having a shitty time in a sterotypically wonderful vacation spot though 
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Yeah, it sucks. I got the strep from my older brother, who just so happens to be leaving for home a day early because of strep. Bleh.
I'm still having a lot of fun, though.
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Haha fantastic. Shitty that you are that sick though TT
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Giving our secrets away ehhhh?
Well it's okay. We run more than just the FM anyway.
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United States24805 Posts
I just flew right past that airport in MS flight simulator lol
Enjoy the rest of your time.
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TL runs the free masons. i knew it
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I had an answer to the question worked out for when my day came.
I think I just revised it to your simplified eloquent version.
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haha that is so amazing, I guess im pretty lame because when someone asked me what TL was i said a forum lol. I think im going to try this the next chance i get, don't worry if it becomes famous i won't take credit ha. I hope you feel better and enjoy the rest of your trip.
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Great answer. I got to get me a TL shirt and try this out next time
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After all, it is like a giant building. Would be fitting that we run the freemasons.
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I think a more effectful answer to the question would be the most evil smile you can come up with and a stare capable moving mountains, not the fuck-off-stare, but the one a rapist would use to startle his victim.
; )
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On December 30 2011 02:26 micronesia wrote:
I just flew right past that airport in MS flight simulator lol
Enjoy the rest of your time.
You were practically there! :D
Awesome story Aeres lol.
oh and feel better! ^^
wait isn't CaucasianAsian in Hawaii too? I have no idea if he's back yet or not, you should meet up!
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You haven't heard about Teamliquid? Well, you know how nobody believes in the Illuminati? They don't believe in us.
*walks away*
Pretty cool story, haha, sucks about the strep, though.
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On December 30 2011 02:21 Zergneedsfood wrote:
Giving our secrets away ehhhh?
Well it's okay. We run more than just the FM anyway.
It doesn't matter if I give away secrets. It's too late to stop us! :D
On December 30 2011 02:26 micronesia wrote:
I just flew right past that airport in MS flight simulator lol
Enjoy the rest of your time.
Thanks! Maybe I should just try MS Flight Simulator next time I need a vacation. Vicariously enjoying the sights from the comfort of my room.
On December 30 2011 03:00 mizU wrote:
COME SAY HI
i'm in oahu
I would, if I wasn't in Maui... :/
On December 30 2011 03:39 cmen15 wrote:
haha that is so amazing, I guess im pretty lame because when someone asked me what TL was i said a forum lol. I think im going to try this the next chance i get, don't worry if it becomes famous i won't take credit ha. I hope you feel better and enjoy the rest of your trip.
Well, the idea wasn't mine. Check the link at the bottom of the OP to see its origin.
On December 30 2011 04:25 Mr_Wo_Ot wrote:
I think a more effectful answer to the question would be the most evil smile you can come up with and a stare capable moving mountains, not the fuck-off-stare, but the one a rapist would use to startle his victim.
; )
The problem is that every time I try doing that, I start laughing. Wouldn't be much of a rapist smile if I'm giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl after five seconds.
Meow.
On December 30 2011 04:52 Torenhire wrote:Show nested quote +On December 30 2011 02:26 micronesia wrote:
I just flew right past that airport in MS flight simulator lol
Enjoy the rest of your time. You were practically there! :D Awesome story Aeres lol. oh and feel better! ^^ wait isn't CaucasianAsian in Hawaii too? I have no idea if he's back yet or not, you should meet up!
Sure, I'll just drive across the ocean to every other island and search for CA myself. owait.
Thanks for the well-wishing. 
On December 30 2011 04:57 Mr. Wiggles wrote:
You haven't heard about Teamliquid? Well, you know how nobody believes in the Illuminati? They don't believe in us.
*walks away*
Pretty cool story, haha, sucks about the strep, though.
Yeah, it probably couldn't have shown up at a worse time in all of 2011. It's not really hindering my enjoyment of the resort too much, but it's a nuisance I would have been fine with any other time of the year, y'know?
btw, I'm Illuminati. True story. Big shit's going down in April 2012, just you watch. We got all our best conspiracy workers goin' 'round the clock. Gonna be great.
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5/5 for packing your tl shirt over all other shirts and for this phrase "Under the aegis of the mighty stallion" (best tl shirt imo)
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fuck so many people have asked me the question this year, so many missed opportunities
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Little update: I'm feeling even worse than before, which is so stupid. It's like the Horseman of Pestilence was sent to fuck me in the ass out of spite. On the bright side, I located Joe Tourist again. I told him what TL actually was, and he said he'd heard of it, though not by name. Apparently, his brother is a big StarCraft player, and he (the brother, not Joe) had mentioned a site where the game was discussed and had an account there, but had never given his username to Joe. For all I know, Joe's brother is reading this right now. Maybe he'll reveal himself. :D
On December 30 2011 07:50 n.DieJokes wrote:
5/5 for packing your tl shirt over all other shirts and for this phrase "Under the aegis of the mighty stallion" (best tl shirt imo.
Yeah, I'm proud of that line. It feels like the warhorse of the gods is granting his protection unto me whenever I wear it. And yes, it is the best shirt.
On December 30 2011 07:50 shindigs wrote:
fuck so many people have asked me the question this year, so many missed opportunities
If only you had a time machine, you could have made quite a few damn good first impressions.
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Great line haha
And yes, it is the best shirt. Mine doesn't fit at all though I ought to order another
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EPT
