EPTThe Character Backstory
I come from a pretty cold region of Canada: Saskatchewan, to be precise. -40 degrees is a normal occurance (fun fact, -40 is the same in both Celsius and Fahrenheit, put away your calculators). I also come from a very big and loving family. In my immediate family, there are 9 members: 7 children and 2 parents. Throw in cousins, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, cousins-once-removed, and other sorts of relations, and we regularly have family get-togethers of 30 people. Furthermore, my family has prairie pioneer roots and we often have family get-togethers on the defacto family farm. Doing the math, you can probably deduce that I am used to very traditional, cold, snowy, and all-round awesome Christmases surrounded by family. I LOVE Christmas.
![[image loading]](http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3600/3371981338_0e9158dfec_z.jpg)
[center]Most people would shudder at the thought of driving down a road like this for 3 hours just to reach...
![[image loading]](http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5203/5262664513_6f7eee25e4_z.jpg)
An old, run down farmhouse that looks roughly like this. I peed my pants in anticipation.
The Setting
[center[
![[image loading]](http://thebesttraveldestinations.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Seoul_Korea_01.jpg)
Holy shit I live in the future!
Flash forward. I now live in Korea. I love Korea. Everything is basically a new adventure; I love learning the language; I love all the unique things there are to do; I love the food; I love the girls and all the non-girl people; i love the Starcraft; i love pretty much everything. However, the Korean understanding of christmas is pretty different from the western perspective. For young Koreans, Christmas is much more of a party holiday rather than a heart-warming family love holiday. That's fine, I love to party.
Plot Building
![[image loading]](http://www.musik-therapie.at/PederHill/images/Struct1.gif)
Alternative title: The Plot, Plotted
It's Christmas eve. I'm meeting a good group of close friends for Christmas Eve Dinner. I'm already a bit bitter and grouchy. I didn't sleep very well due to a late night of partying; The place I wanted to go for Christmas Eve dinner got voted down. The place that was chosen was busier than bee's colony. Waiting time: Roughly 2 hours, 30 minutes. I told them my idea was better. I get more grouchy.
We get seated, and the restaurant is amazing. It's a buffet bigger than anything I've seen before. Crab legs, fresh sashimi, billions upon Chinese dishes, pizza, curry, dessert galore. The restaurant is 2 floors and 3 rooms are dedicated to giant buffet tables. The only complaint that could be made is that the toilet was not a combined toilet/bidet like at many buffet restaurants in Korea.
![[image loading]](http://www.nostalgic-lavender.net/pictures/japan06-012.jpg)
This is the best thing you can ever see as you're taking a shit on a toilet
That's ok. I guess I'll just wipe and stimulate my ass the old fashion way. I eat myself sick. As great as this restaurant is, I can't help put feel that this isn't a Christmas meal. There are no perogies being eaten, and no family present. I met the guy next to me just 2 weeks ago.
After passing out on the couches in the restaurant for a bit, we leave. My friend is from Milwaukee, so we have to stop in at "Miller Time" a pub basically dedicated to Miller beers. We start our drinking phrase of the night with giant, 2 foot long beer bups that look more like light-sabers than drinking tools. There's some cute girls sitting next to us, I awkwardly sit there and try to build up my courage to talk to them: I don't. I'm too shy and sober to attempt to talk to them. Girl frustration 1.
My bitterness grows.
Moving on, we try to get into some of the clubs in the area, but the lines are ridiculous and the cover ridiculous: 30 dollars just to get in! Some in our party are still feeling sick from the buffet, and we decide to bail. We try going to some other pubs, but for one reason or another we never stay long. Normally, not a big deal. To bitter me, it's annoying.
Once on the street where I see hot couple of Koreans enter a weird club-looking place, No english signs at all. I ask one of the Korean members of our group what the place was: She says it's a club that only place 80s and 90s Korean music. This sounds like an adventure!
![[image loading]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_3x13p8DsVQ0/TG4hShy0u6I/AAAAAAAABng/4LsR5xpZlz0/s1600/Planet01.jpg)
FORWARD! To Adventure!
No matter where you go in Korea, as a white person I am in the minority. However, I don't think I've felt so out of place anywhere in Korea. If the DJ used records, it would have skipped a beat as I walked in. Maybe 200-300 people in the club, and our group contained the only white people in the entire place. Unlike modern K-pop, this music contained zero english lyrics and still had older korean musical sensibilities. Even more unlike modern Korean clubs, the drinks were cheap and strong. Best of all, there was a plethora of gorgeous women. I was sad and depressed , and I found my two favorite treatments for those ils: Women and alcohol.
I drink copious amounts of soju. The liquid courage does it's work and I'm quickly bumbling my way through the Korean langauge, trying to make small talk with nearby Koreans, and doing my best to alter my dance moves to songs I don't understand. I am loving life.
The first girl I have a good time with quickly has to leave because her mom called her and is yelling at her. She was 27 years old. A lame excuse to leave in the West, a much too common occurance in Korea. Girl frustration 2.
Fate seems intent on making me bitter.
I meet a girl named Suzanna (Korean name forgotten). Me, my friend, her, and her friend, leave the club to drink soju somewhere more quiet. We drink, we laugh, we have a good time. I drink too much. Suzanna leaves in my area, so we grab a taxi back home together around 4-5 am. We make out a bit in the taxi, but she insists she has to go home or else she'll get in huge trouble in the morning from her family. She is also 27. My pathetic cries to "hang out" longer are pathetic and useless. On the outside I take the rejection as cool as possible, on the inside I was frustrated and bitter: I don't even bother to ask for her phone number.
Girl frustration 3. I
The Underwhelming Climax
I wake up in my bed on christmas morning:still fully clothed, stinky, hungover, a bit drunk, and totally and utterly alone.
I call home: my entire family has gathered and is opening Christmas Eve presents. I hear everyone scream happy christmas to me over the phone. I ask my mom what they had for Christmas Eve dinner: Perogies. We chat, but soon my parents have to go back to the gift opening and we say goodbye.
Then I burst.
I started to cry.
Not just cry, I started to bawl.
My face is contorted by my bawling; my eyes bloodshot; cheeks puffy. I cry for 20 minutes in the fetal position. My pillows are soaked with tears.
Maybe I was really homesick all along, and I just repressed it until this tipping point. Maybe I just really, really loved Christmas with my family. Either way, at that moment, I hated Korea and I hated Christmas even more.
Resolution and Life Lesson Learned
![[image loading]](http://www.cooperativeindividualism.org/calvin-life-lesson.jpg)
Why are they called life lessons if we learn them first from Disney movies?
After I compose myself slightly, I decide to start sending some Merry Christmas texts. Not so much because I want to spread joy, but because I'm in desperate need for human contact and comfort.
I text a girl who teaches me Korean. She a really dear friend who I secret like probably too much for my own good. I wish her a merry christmas, and ask her what her plans are in Korean. Her reply: "I have to go see my father in the hospitall. Have a merry christmas instead of me!".
I'm blown away. I double-check the Korean on google. Yeah, I understood it right: her father went to the hospital today, and I'm trying to elicit sympathy for my situation from her.
I'm a fucking retard. I just had an amazing adventure that other people would kill to have, I have a giant, healthy family that loves me, I have a great job, great apartment, great heath, great....
I'm still processing this information. My friend knocks on my door. He came with his girlfriend to give me a christmas present before they went to see a movie. I'm in shock, i didn't get him anything.
I'm a huge fucking retard.
I give him an awkwardly long manhug and hold back tears. I just had an amazing adventure that other people would kill to have, I have a giant, healthy family that loves me, I have a great job, great apartment, great heath... and great friends.
I WILL have a Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas TL, the mere fact that you're on here means you're not alone!
For all 2ish of you that might read this all the way through, I hope you have an especially Merry Chrismas.
