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hey guys,
i know there are a bunch of girl problem threads on TL, and I don't know what I'm expecting for here, but I just felt like I wanted to tell somebody and see what they say. So here goes...
I met this girl this year March at a sort of get together at a friends place. I got her number and we started talking and we really hit it off. She is pretty hot and single at the time and I was like wow, this is amazing that this girl likes me! Then two days later, i see that our mutual friend and her are in a relationship... bleh
But we keep talking and get along with each other amazingly... and then I tell her that I like her. She says the usual that our timing is really bad and she just got into a relationship and I'm like yeah its cool I just wanted to tell you that. Ok, the other thing is that she's end of second year in university and i'm end of fourth year (just about to graduate). So yeah, over the summer we get really close, but then I get a job in california (she already knew this, which is why she didnt wanna break up with her bf either).
Now that i'm in California, we start talking even more.. like crazy a lot. I'm the first person she speaks to when she wakes up, goes to bed, and every hour in between. I guess we really like each other. Shes pretty awesome too.. she's hot and parties and stuff, but used to be kinda of a nerd, and we can relate to so many things.
Over the summer she even mentioned she thought about long distance, but we both said that would never work...
I was gonna end the story here... but I guess i'll tell you guys the whole story
So now.. yeah I come back to Canada for the holidays, and I see her.. and then things get messy. Her bf finds out we saw each other and she lied about it and they break up. And then two days later she sends me an email saying that she has to defriend me on fb because she doesn't want to be lying in every relationship she's in... but she told me a bunch of times (even when I saw her) that she wants to break up with him, but just is waiting for the right time (last time she wanted to break up, one of her bf's friends msged her and was like ... heyy where are we going for new years.. and she felt bad)
anyways... its obvious to both of us that we really like each other, but there's all this other shit involved. the biggest problem is that i'm working in cali and she's (now in third year) in school.. and I mean even once she graduates, she's probably will be doing more school or working in canada. And I'm working in silicon valley companies and it seems unlikely i'll move back to canada 
I know everyone tells me there'll be more girls... but she's so perfect for me you know. Its like such a good fit. the right balance of partying and nerdyness and music and ... blah.. everything. just talking to her is so awesome.
anyways.. oh yeah, forgot to mention. after seeing her the first time over the break.. i was like fucking sigh.. i like this girl so much. and then my friend said yo just tell her to go long distance see what happens. so i did, i figured might as well try, and she said what was obvious that its too hard and yeah..
i don't know what to do guys. i guess i feel like there is nothing to do. i honestly just wished there was some hope that one day we could actually get together
thanks for reading this
EDIT: thanks for all the replies. couple things... our mutual friend isn't really a mutual friend.. i met them both at the same time. also, i'm pretty sure we aren't in a friendzone.. when i went to see her we nearly slept together (well we slept together, nearly had sex but i didn't cos of well some stuff she said before about how she doesnt wanna cheat and i respected that cos i actually like her)
but yeah thanks for these responses they are actually helping me 
  
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Move on. You can keep talking to her and stuff but you have to keep in mind that you won't see her for two years and even then you still might not live in the same town. Why waste so much time? Also, way to fuck up your friend's relationship.
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imo seems like ur being friendzoned and i have a feeling that ur feelings are a lot stronger then hers. imo shes just not being completely honest with you that she doesnt really want anything past friendship at this point. move on imo
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Well if its any consolation, count yourself lucky that girls even notice you >.<, and even talk to you.
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I was gna say what huk said, I think u should reconsider whether you're more of a best friend or romantic interest, then move on or go long distance
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You feel strongly enough about her that you want to be in a long distance relationship with her. She clearly does not feel the same way. Time to find a California girl.
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prioritise n sacrifice. work or her? if you really really want her, den go back canada to work. if u want to stay in cali, then i guess just forget about her, let time move on and soon you realise she is just someone that you could leave behind.
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On December 25 2011 03:09 HuK wrote:
imo seems like ur being friendzoned and i have a feeling that ur feelings are a lot stronger then hers. imo shes just not being completely honest with you that she doesnt really want anything past friendship at this point. move on imo
Exactly how I felt when reading "once I move out we start talking a lot more...". Move on. Don't let these girls take advantage of you. You asked for a relationship, she said no. That's all there is to it. Even if you want to change her mind, the only way of doing so is /ignore for a little while. Make it clear that unless she's interested in a relationship you can't sacrifice your time for her.
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On December 25 2011 03:38 Stratos wrote:Show nested quote +On December 25 2011 03:09 HuK wrote:
imo seems like ur being friendzoned and i have a feeling that ur feelings are a lot stronger then hers. imo shes just not being completely honest with you that she doesnt really want anything past friendship at this point. move on imo Exactly how I felt when reading "once I move out we start talking a lot more...". Move on. Don't let these girls take advantage of you. You asked for a relationship, she said no. That's all there is to it. Even if you want to change her mind, the only way of doing so is /ignore for a little while. Make it clear that unless she's interested in a relationship you can't sacrifice your time for her.
yeah you are definitely right. actually i did do that over the summer. when we were talking like basically every minute of the day i said that this isn't helping my feelings and you're in a relationship and i guess we can't talk anymore. this lasted for around a month actually (with the occasional drunk text from her) until she texted me and told her bf found out about us chatting.. and then i guess after that we just started talking again like no time was lost (not as much since she was back in school.. but it was still the same relationship).
i guess what you guys are saying is right. i guess i should move on. i am trying too as well. its just that she's always at the back of my mind as this awesome girl that i'll never get.. the one that got away or something. maybe i'll find someone awesomer lol ... its just that... i duno if that'll ever happen.
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You're nothing more to her than a shoulder to cry on and an ego booster. It's like you're her booty call but you're not getting anything out of it. If you like her enough as a friend that you can eventually move past your feelings for her and remain close I would do that, but if you can't then I would cut all contact with her.
If she felt (or was capable of feeling) the same way about you she would never have de-friended you on Facebook...
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
not sure about the friendzone thing, but at the very least this is true:
On December 25 2011 03:30 mucker wrote:
You feel strongly enough about her that you want to be in a long distance relationship with her. She clearly does not feel the same way. Time to find a California girl.
i think this the best course of action!! + you have confidence now that you 'know' you can charm a girl from so far away. you'll do great buddy
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try to hit it behind ur mutuals friend back,if hes not a close friend to you.
if hes a close friend to you,just leave it be,there is plenty of fish in the sea.
if you think you have feelings and he's not a close friend - still try to hit it,things will develop afterwards if u keep it cool
if you think you have feelings and he's a close friend - a) try to talk to him (if u have the guts,i wouldnt recommend)
b) do the best thing and try to ignore your feelings,there is plenty of fish in the sea.
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Can I tell you something bro?
I'm still recovering from a situation that happened to me back in July (2011)..
But you gotta actively think about other things; It's possible.. very difficult but possible. Every situation is different but the end result is the same, we're all human and we feel that pain or whatever emptiness.
So I can honestly tell you that I understand..
But let's get through this together bud. =)
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On December 25 2011 03:09 HuK wrote:
imo seems like ur being friendzoned and i have a feeling that ur feelings are a lot stronger then hers. imo shes just not being completely honest with you that she doesnt really want anything past friendship at this point. move on imo
imo dude.
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you're still young, don't be a fool and get caught up on a college girl. if she's that social AND hot it wont work long distance. there are plenty of girls out there, just because you get along with one doesn't mean that you won't ever get along with anyone else. just forget about her.
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On December 25 2011 03:30 mucker wrote:
You feel strongly enough about her that you want to be in a long distance relationship with her. She clearly does not feel the same way. Time to find a California girl.
Basically answers your thread. Your last point that you were willing to, as a last resort, try long distance - yet she still says no? Unless she went into really specific things that aren't explained in the OP, she'd probably put a little more effort in trying to make things work if there were the same level of romantic feelings on both sides.
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On December 25 2011 05:35 Malgrif wrote:
you're still young, don't be a fool and get caught up on a college girl. if she's that social AND hot it wont work long distance. there are plenty of girls out there, just because you get along with one doesn't mean that you won't ever get along with anyone else. just forget about her.
Yeah that's sadly the truth... the hotter the girl the less likely it will work out long distance because they will have plenty of suitors at home.
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Unless she knows you want to mate with her from the beginning. It's a friendszone.
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She has a boyfriend, fuck off
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some chicks actually thrive off this, and will feed into it, especially with narcissistic/egocentric male personalities. Things don't work like in the movies. If you were even able to convince her to break up with one guy for you, that simply rewards her behavior for doing so, and it'll happen again.
On the other hand, you have to question why you are hung up on her as well, particularly since she has a friend as a boyfriend. You're idealizing her and that would quickly wear off if yo actually had her. I mean, firstly you don't know how it is to actually be in a relationship with her, and secondly, humans in general idealize the other side as the grass is always greener. It's human nature to want what you can't have. It takes an amount of growing into maturity to move on in cases like this.
Based on the large possibilities involved of her actually being completely wrong for you for reasons you cannot see yet, you will only get frustration and wasted time out of it, and time is gold.
And if all else fails, remember Fight Club. You are not a special unique snowflake. Same goes for chicks. Create the mindset that you can have any of them and that you can refuse any of them too, then get back out there and find a more amenable sex partner. All relationships start as sexual attraction anyway, since noone checks out a chick and goes "Man I wanna fist her personality so hard".
On December 25 2011 03:55 intrigue wrote:not sure about the friendzone thing, but at the very least this is true: Show nested quote +On December 25 2011 03:30 mucker wrote:
You feel strongly enough about her that you want to be in a long distance relationship with her. She clearly does not feel the same way. Time to find a California girl. i think this the best course of action!! + you have confidence now that you 'know' you can charm a girl from so far away. you'll do great buddy
if you're looking for hot, go to the north or south or coastal areas of california, at all costs stay away from the middle.
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This should be a warning light for you..
+ Show Spoiler +Her bf finds out we saw each other and she lied about it and they break up. And then two days later she sends me an email saying that she has to defriend me on fb because she doesn't want to be lying in every relationship she's in...
If she has to lie to other people about talking to you, its obviously not important enough to her to be up front about it. Either she is naive and thinks that she can play the tango in secret, or she is simply toying with you. One way or another, she has to grow up and be up front about whats going on. I mean Facebook is serious business...
All in all, just move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea, if you keep tethering yourself to one, you will never catch another. She may seem the right fit for you, but obviously she isn't serious enough to make even a simple commitment for you.
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you are right guys. i tried as hard as i could, and i guess its just not working out right now. who knows maybe in the future something will happen, but i can't live thinking about that. i guess i'm not really living being tied down by it, i guess i just wanted hope. i didn't want this to slip away. i didn't want to have to live wondering what if...
On December 25 2011 04:05 jjun212 wrote:
Can I tell you something bro?
I'm still recovering from a situation that happened to me back in July (2011)..
But you gotta actively think about other things; It's possible.. very difficult but possible. Every situation is different but the end result is the same, we're all human and we feel that pain or whatever emptiness.
So I can honestly tell you that I understand..
But let's get through this together bud. =)
thanks man, it means a lot
merry christmas everyone
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Maybe I'm a grumpy old man but I can't deal with drama shit like this anymore in my personal life. The last time something similar happened to me, I just told the girl, "sorry, we can't see each other anymore, even though I like you a lot." Some people are just not ready to give their all. And then other times, circumstances won't allow it. I think it's best to split and mourn her loss. Yes you're going to mourn...as if she died. And it's natural, the death prain of a relationship is quite draining. It takes me about 6 months to fully get over someone that I really like. Anyway, you gotta do what's right for both of you. Clinging on to something without a future is detrimental to both parties.
Buy a box of tissues and good luck!.
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Friend Zone. If you're cool with that, keep it up. If you wanna get laid, move on. Pretty much what chimpalimp said. Merry Christmas -_-
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EPT
