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So, today was "Day one". Let me tell you something about day one. I've had a thousand of them. Its the day you get up and say, I've had enough. This is the start of something. Its time to turn your back on whats happened and build a new future. Lots of platitudes. Day one's are characterised by bad hangovers (because why would you want to stop drinking without feeling the pain that drinking causes you) and really bad things happening.
I actually find the first day the easiest one. Its easy because your feeling very ill and tired, so after work you just want to go to bed and sleep. There isn't (much) desire to drink. And if something has gone very wrong, like an argument with a friend, or breaking the law, etc, then all the better. You have a big incentive to give it up. You feel very unwell, so you really don't want to feel like this anymore. Its all very certain in your head... alcohol = makes me feel bad. Give it up = feel good.
Day two is where it gets hard. Day two, you feel refreshed and back to normal. And as soon as you feel normal, your back to denial. Your a normal person, living a normal life. So you start to miss it. I started missing it today at work, and I started thinking... am I going to drink tonight?
Should I drink tonight?
I've spent many evenings sitting there, thinking, shall I drink tonight? Theres usually a thousand reasons to drink, and a few, not many, reasons not to drink. I sit there, thinking, debating, whether to drink. My eye is on the clock, because the local shop shuts within minutes. You have to make that decision... will you get drunk and regret it? Or will you stay sober, and regret that too? Being sober when you don't want to be is a tortuous feeling, because you have to think about things you don't want to.
I'm quite concerned about the coming Christmas period. In one way its good, because I'm having problems at work, and I have a lot of time off. At the same time, I get very bored and lonely and fall into a pattern of drinking constantly, and Christmas just makes that worse. Because I know I don't have to go to work, I can drink a lot and stay up late, and just sleep in.
One of the things I've come to realise is that alcohol always gives you an easy way out. The easy way out is to keep drinking. To keep that cycle of drinking, going to work, having hangovers, etc. I love that easy way out. No tough decisions, no unpleasant thoughts. Sure, theres always the chance that one day the quantity of alcohol you're drinking might catch up with you, but thats the kind of thing that happens to someone else, not me.
I have said to myself so many times that "this" day is my last drink, I'm astonished that I can even say/type the words anymore. I'm hoping that the 10/12/2011 is a start of a new person, but I'm struggling to believe it. Maybe this hangover will start a new chain of thoughts, but I've had a million hangovers, and why would it change anything?
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Pick up a new hobby or go to a meeting and get a sponsor. That can really help. I would imagine that you play starcraft, So just hop on there and crank out a few games. its all about self control, so just think of what your doing to yourself in the long run.
Hope this helped!
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Hey man you just have to keep your self busy with something either hanging out with some friends or playing games or anything you can do. When you get the urge to drink you have to get up and say fck that i got to do something else. I had this problem with weed a few years back where i was blazing everyday. Its all about the inner will and saying to yourself that i don't want to drink. Good Luck man remember its all in your head!!!!
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u ever consider going to an AA group?
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Go to AA and consider meditation. The first can provide support, and the second can show you the best perspective that leads to quitting. Your body is your temple. If you decide not to take up meditation, remember that.
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Consider AA, it can provide some much needed support. Always keep yourself busy, play a board game with friends, play SC2, go shopping, borrow books from a local library, go to the movies, watch TV, draw/paint, make christmas cards for a friend, go skating/skiing/snowboarding (if the the snow is alright, of course).
I'm sure at least one of these can apply to you. Just don't let something like drinking get the best of you, there's always something else to do.
"I can't convince you to put the drink down if you're an alcoholic, you have to want to do that. I can't convince you to stop eating cookies when you're a diabetic, you have to want to do that. And that takes responsibility."
- Don Young
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someone once said that it is not our problems that define us, it is how we deal with them that define us. addiction is a hard thing to get over, but you know what they say: "the first few days are always the hardest."
at the beginning, it feels like you'll never be able to make it through. i think its because we truly believe that its only going to get harder and harder, and that we should save ourselves some pain and just give up. but its important to realize that if you make it through the first week or so, the worst part is already over.
stay strong! believe in yourself! you'll likely be surprised at how well you will do.
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EPT
