|
Part 1
+ Show Spoiler +Well its late, Im depressed and I need to just get my shit out.
So, Im a 21 soon to be 22 year old.
I have a son who will be 3.
As of right now I am a full time student majoring in Computer Science with a concentration in software dev.
In September of this year me and my long time fiance decided to split up. At first everything was cordial and we managed to share time with my son. This turned into her using the fact that she is the mother to her advantage.
This past month she has limited me to seeing my son every other weekend only. This eats me up inside, I love my son more than anything and have almost solely taken care of him our entire relationship.
Yesterday I decided I am going to act on my long-time thought of joining the military. I plan on going in the next couple of days to various recruiters and hopefully will ship out after Christmas.
I feel like the military will help me get my life on track. Right after graduating highschool I worked ~60 hours a week to support my family while my, then, fiance went to school. Our plan was for her to get her associates and work while I took care of the baby and got my Bachelors.
When she graduated she found a job and we had our little talk. Everything would continue as planned and I quit my job of 3 years. This was my biggest mistake, this simple action relinquished my *pair of pants* in the relationship. From here on everything seems to be spiraling downhill.
Losing everything and being stuck back at home with mom is taking a huge toll on my mental state and I just have to get this shit out.
Any questions or whatever else just let me know. Without the SC community to keep my mind busy, lord knows what I would have done.
Just a small update.
Well I have went through all of the paperwork to join the Army. I am currently waiting on my date for MEPS. As soon as I can I will let you guys know my date to ship for basic.
As for an update with the situation for my son;
Well my parents and I had a sit down with my ex's parents and her. We *tried* to discuss and come to an agreement on visitation and child support. At the end of a 2 hour "well you did this" "no you did this" session we agreed to take it to court and just let them handle it.
As of right now my ex is keeping my son from seeing me. She has called me 2-3 times this week with him bawling his eyes out for daddy. This is really fucking heart-breaking. For any of you who have kids you know the pain this causes, for those of you who don't, read, repetative baseball bat hits to the nuts.
Its really the same story as last time; she gets mad at me and says "well your not seeing your son until we go to court!" only this time she has stuck with it.
So yeah, thats pretty much it. Trying to keep my mind busy so I don't dwell on things I can't change, and working my ass off to make sure things are going to be lined up for when I do head to basic training/ait. On a positive note I did get a 3.9 for this last semester, so thats good.
Cheers.
|
|
|
|
|
Nice! Not quite common but not unusual. It's a good name 
I nearly enlisted when I was 17. I was set to ship out in a week and a few days but .. ehm.. the war in Iraq and I had philosophical differences. I was caught in a difficult situation right out of high school as well because of it, although it was very different than yours.
That speaks nothing of the benefits of the military though. I mean, it will help you focus on what's important; give you a good job depending on your vocational capabilities and willingness to learn et cetera. I don't need to sell you on that. Have you already taken your ASVAB and gone to MEPS?
|
I took the ASVAB in highschool and got a 76 or around there.
I was recommended electrical engineer. Basically my though proccess is this, after this semester of school I will have ~30 hours. I don't see my life going anywhere in the next couple years because I will be in school and working while fighting to see my son.
My uncle is a Maj. General in the Army (apparently he is a Lt. General now) so Im inclined to join there. The hardest part of all this is giving up this time with my son. The only positive I see is that he is still young and by the time he is old enough to know whats going on completely I will be established.
I just want to be the best father I can be because I never had that. I hate that he now has to grow up with split-up parents.
|
I come from a family of frogs lol. My grandfather specifically was a electrical engineer. He joined up for WW2 and missed the Japanese surrender then stuck around for Korea and Vietnam. He had a lot of good stories.
He went on to teach after 20 years and leaving as an officer. By the time he retired in his 60s the military, teaching and being generally frugal while raising our family had made him a millionaire. That's not an exaggeration. The pay may be paltry at first but eventually you get good money and the government gives you great health care, housing, education grants and education outright.. You get a lot from serving. So does your family. There are downsides of course but you're probably as aware of them as the things I've just said.
I don't have children despite being 4 years older than you but I think I understand how important your son is to you. The whole system is screwy and it's tough to be a dad when your childs mother makes it difficult :/
Even if you're not around every day you can still be a father by supporting him. I don't know if that helps but you should remember that. Just by trying to be there that means something. Shit, you're already better than some Dads and that isn't an empty platitude.
Edit: Best way I've found to feel better is rigorous exercise. I just run until all I can think about is getting my next breath. But everyone has their own way. Unrelated- who's your fav EG player?
|
No I know. Thats what made me finally want to take this step, I have been thinking about it for the past 3 months and I have now realised I can send him stuff and pay child support.
The worst part though, is that I literally have did everything for him his entire life. I would work nights come home keep him occupied all day while mommy went to school, sleep 3-4 hours and head back to work. Doing all that, I still have no *right*, its just crazy.
edit: LingBlingMuta take a guess?
Idra of course just cause he is so volatile and unpredictable, but I am also a HUGE iNcontrol fan, I just love how active he is in the community.
I also enjoy watching Machine's stream, hell I love em all to be honest lol.
|
I know. It's frustrating beyond belief how slanted the system is towards mothers. In a psychology textbook it would make sense but in reality the lawyers and courts have made even the most ridiculously lackluster or even abusive mothers more likely to have the rights of the child than the father. The system has long needed an overhaul imo.
|
Yeah if I could give any advice to a young male it would be this.
DO NOT have kids with a woman until your sure its the real deal, then, wait another 5 years first.
|
First- Machine is a badass manner zerg. He looked really good against Tyler at MLG and even took a game off HerO. I don't really have enough time in my day to watch streams T__T. I'm talking to you while trying to cross my eyes so I can watch ProLeague at the same time.
Second- That's the advice I've lived by. I think about it every year and yeah, I'm happy with adopting later on in life if I just can't find someone I deeply trust and love. It's tough being that cynical and harsh but life's going to be harsh either way.
|
damn bro, thats quite a story. You went through some tough shit considering your age. I hope things work out for the better man.
|
Yeah Machine has fucking HUGE potential.
@gameguard thanks man, all you can do is lower your head and push through. My whole life has been shit other than my son.
I look at it like this. You either use it an excuse 20 years down the road as to why your an alcoholic, or you use it as motivation to *beat the odds* and come out a better man.
edit:
GSL SPOILERS!
+ Show Spoiler +AHHHH poor HuK, I hate to see him lose to such a cheesy play.
|
That's a solid philosophy. I'm glad you didn't forget it even though things aren't looking super great right now. Life/Ladder has winning streaks and losing streaks.
Speaking of which if you want to clear your mind I'm going to get on to play a few games in 30ish minutes when the last match of STX vs Woongjin finishes. If you want to do some practice 1v1s or mess around in 2s I'm down.
|
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
keep your chin up buddy.. hard times suck and it may seem like nothing will improve but it will.. I promise you! If you work through this and try as hard as you can to move on and make things better for yourself it may seem impossible but you will get there.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us.. a lot of us can relate good sir.
in any case I am cheering for you and I want to hear a blog in the future about how you overcame this sir!
GL <3
|
Have you seriously pursued legal action to get shared custody of your son? If you are going to enter the military obviously you son cannot live with you all the time, but you should do your best to have legal access to him so she cannot arbitrarily just decide to limit your time with him. The sooner you do this the better, especially because your son is young and will have less understanding and pain from what is going on between the two of you.
|
Yeah Ill probably pass out after GSL.
Was laying in bed and couldnt sleep with so much on my mind, thus this blog spawned :-)
Also decided to watch some GSL.
Really appreciate everyone so far though, just being able to get stuff out really helps.
Also if you want to pm me your Name and Identifier we can game tomorrow.
Im plat zerg, waiting on my promotion any day now :-) been playing Diamonds the past couple of weeks. ZvZ just holds me back atm.
|
Fedora.570 on NA you can add me. Heh, I dropped back down to plat after a embarrassing choice to quit every zvz during ladder lock. I've only played 80 or so games this season so I've got a long ways to go and a lot of dedication to make it back to where I was. ZvZ is definitely my weakest match up and I'd gladly practice it. Siiiiigh hard to get excited over this TvT on right now and light is going to murder hyvaa v___v
|
Yeah Ill add you up man, I could use the ZvZ.
|
I'm going to try to focus on GSL to cut down on the amount of games I'll have to watch tomorrow  recaps will be the death of me. like inc said, keep your chin up. smart dude.
Cheers. See you in game.
|
My uncle (i'm only 18 lolol) was in a similar situation a while back, and eventually he could never see his daughter, barring random times once a month or less, even then only after repeated calls. Eventually he had to take it to court, just to be able to see his own daughter growing up.
You as a parent, you have equal rights. Don't be afraid to fight for your son, and make sure your ex knows it. The system is already rigged in a mother's favor, so make sure you don't lose grip for a second else she might take advantage of it.
|
Right I have the paperwork filled out.
Unfortunately the courts cant *force* shared parenting, which is the only thing that would work with my schedule. So I have the paperwork for full custody and the paperwork for visitation rights.
I don't plan on actually filing them now though, as I have pretty firmly decided the Army is where Im going for now.
The best I can do is see him on leave and send money to the mom.
|
Sorry if this offends you in any way but after reading the OP I immediately thought of this:
http://i.imgur.com/drYUf.jpg
I mean, I think it's not quite the same, but hearing that she's trying to take adventages out of being the mother etc makes me mad.
I know a lot of stories and have quite the experience with my parents as well with this..
So yea, whatever you end up doing, I wish you the best of luck and that you not only find the right woman but also the job you really WANT to do.
|
I honestly wish women weren't so goddamn attractive so we wouldn't have to put up with this kind of bullshit. If only they were hideous they would be SO easy to ignore...
Keep your chin up man, the military is a GREAT place to get your life on track and as long as you have a career direction to take with them, you'll be in a great place in 10 years. Your son will truly appreciate you when he looks back and saw that you didn't fall into the same trap so many have and that you persevered through a hard time in your life for yourself, but more importantly, for him.
Good luck with everything and keep us posted man. I'll be proud to have someone like you protecting me and the people I love.
|
@ Keksx none taken buddy, I pretty much think this how women think. I actually laughed when I read that. We are no more than poor smucks.
@shadowboxer Thanks for the support man!
I appreciate all the feedback thus far guys thanks.
|
I have to say how much I fucking hate the who legal system being rigged in the mothers favor, I'd even go as far to say I would love to see laws changed. On the fact that if a woman is pregnant with our child, it is 100% her decision to keep it or not. If she keeps it, you have to pay, if she doesn't, you lose your child. We should only have to pay for the kid while shes pregnant, since we did get her pregnant but after birth its up to her what she does with it, so we should be liability free.
Sorry that was a little of subject.
Dude just keep in there, I know the one thing I cared about most was just having my dad around when I was young, so you need to do whatever you can to fix you, so you can be the best you for him. Fucking take your wife to court too, you may not get sole custody, but 50/50 is better than what she is doing to you right now. You have every right to see him at this point until the courts are brought in. So as long as you can be civil with your ex (and she isnt fucking crazy) I'm sure you guys can work something out for the what is best for Jackson.
And please, if you do get shipped out, come home safe, nothing is worse than growing up with a picture as your father figure....
|
@DjWilma
Well I have did alot of research and Im going to try to get something in my contract where I can get shipped to Korea, that would be awesome to get a taste of another culture, and hopefully attend a GSL :-)
The only reason I don't plan on turning in the paperwork I have filled out is, if I didnt join the military I would still be in school full time for atleast another year, I feel like sacrificing 2 years with my son in the long run is going to be the best thing for the both of us.
|
I think it's great that you are proactive in trying to improve your life. Your will must be very strong to be in your situation and decide to join the armed forces. Best of luck man!
|
That would be sick if you could do that, do what you think is right. How old is your son? Because though you may miss the first years of his life, he really won't remember as he will be developing mentally, but with the grace of technology, thinking your ex is okay with it, you could always skype call with her while shipped out to see your son, and him growing up, the amazing part about technology. And no matter where you get shipped to, make sure you bring a video camera and document as much as you can for your son, he will LOVE to watch videos of where his dad has been.
If this helps, you have further solidified my position on marriage and having kids. I think I might just put my time towards helping raise my nephew (hes 8 month old, and besides his parents, I'm the next best thing, or so he acts like it, his name is Jacob if you were wondering )
|
I'd just like to say best of luck to you. my family is kinda going through some custody related things, and while I can't really imagine how that feels I can still offer my support.
Looking forward to another blog ^^
|
@bearstorm thanks <3
@DjWilma He is going to be 3 soon, I plan on talking to my son's grandma, (ex's mother) and setting up some sort of skype schedule etc, when I figure out exactly how everything is going to play out.
@Juliette Thanks for the support, its great just being able to open up to random strangers and it actually helping me with my decision.
|
On December 07 2011 19:35 shadowboxer wrote:
I honestly wish women weren't so goddamn attractive so we wouldn't have to put up with this kind of bullshit. If only they were hideous they would be SO easy to ignore...
Can't live with them can't live without them, right? Sorry, had to respond to this, funny yet somehow TOO true answer. But luckily there are women that are not like this, I guess some people just end up being very unlucky.
|
We LingBlingMuta can you keep up posting blogs about the developement of your situation, cuz I would love to keep tabs on how your doing
|
Yeah, Ill post another in a couple days letting you know about the contract etc, what ever is going to happen there.
Oh no + Show Spoiler +Boxer threw away his Code S slot!!!
Goodnight everyone, thanks for the support!
|
am I getting this right.
You want to quit your education to join the military because you think they will help you through hard times? I am sorry for what happened to you and I really dont like this mother favoring either but what you do is not "sort out your life" what you do is running away from the problems. This is never right and will not help you and probably leave you with a lot of regret.
Finish your education, get a good job and get your son back that's what you should do and not run away to the military because they surely wont help you and even keep you longer away from your kid.
On a not so serious side you could open up a biker club in southern california 
|
Trust me your not the only one thinking like that, I have actually thought of that as well.
I just feel the joining up and doing my 2-3 years will help pay for school and ease my financial burden, while at the same time providing for my child and getting to absorb the world.
You can look at it how you will, I absolutely respect your point of view, I just feel like this *short-term* sacrifice is going to shape me into a better person for the long haul of life.
|
well then better get a job behind the front and keep your head down
|
Thanks :-)
We could totally substitude *Americans* in your sig as well. Love it :-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
