OCD, or Obsessive-compulsive disorder according to WebMD is, “a type of anxiety disorder, is a potentially disabling illness that traps people in endless cycles of repetitive thoughts and behaviors.” It is estimated that 2-3 million adults have this illness, with near 1 in 200 children also being diagnosed. It is a disease that can alter your day, or your entire life. Many times OCD is just a matter of refusing to shake hands or eating foods in a specific order, but on some occasions it can be life-changing.
I have OCD. It is a part of my life, and I have accepted it. This post is not an essay, or a research paper by any means, but rather my own reflections on the topic. Several minutes ago I was taking a shower. The light was off, the shower head was on the power of 5, and it was angled just right. I began to think....why do I do this? As I thought I realized that I have these compulsions to have everything a certain way. After 10 minutes of showering, I quickly dried off and went straight to my laptop. I lit my single candle, which is now getting close to death and began to write.
You wouldn’t know it if you saw me. You wouldn’t think to yourself, “Man, this kid is weird...”, or “He has OCD? I never knew.” If you met me, you’d think I’m a normal adult. I party, I drink, I game, I do everything that a 22 year old does, but I have a deep secret. After thinking in the shower, I began to write a list that includes all of my OCD habits, obsessions and compulsions. The list is long. It has things as small as playing video games to the way I approach conversations. Nonetheless, without boring you I will explain my OCD issues with the most important one last.
Several little OCD’s that I have include the following: When watching television, listening to music in the car, or anything that involves a degree of sound it must end in a zero or five. For instance, while driving my car the digital readout must always be 5,10,15,20 etc. I freak out if a friend messes with it. They always laugh because I’ll re-adjust the dial to match my need, even though it is too loud or soft. Right now my speakers on my laptop are at 0%, but my television is on 20. Another OCD that occurs often is my constant desire to take my temperature. This is probably the strangest obsession or compulsion that I have. I guess it goes hand in hand with my hypochondria, but nonetheless I check it often. In the past hour I have checked my temperature 5 times. It always reads between 97.1 and 98.5 degrees Fahrenheit. (my first one broke, someone stepped on it ) It is embarrassing to have this problem. My family laughs at me, but accept it. My friends for the most part do not know about it. It is a part of me.
Nonetheless, I’ve realized a deeper problem.. My OCD has diminished my gaming careers. Whether it be a sport (baseball/basketball), or video games my OCD always causes an issue. I never thought about it before until tonight. I never realized how big of an issue it was. Currently I’m a part of Precision-Esports. It’s a very good team, except I’m no longer on the starting roster. I’m too predictable as they put it. I do not stray from my pattern. I find a path in the map, and I find a set way to play the game and I never leave it. For instance, in Blackops on Firing Range I always to do the same exact thing. In my mind, this was all a good thing. I knew my section of the map better than anyone, but to my demise apparently there was a lot more of the map to know. I would always go to the right. I’d go down the alley, but not before stopping in the bathroom, and then going to half wall. Then I would run to the end of the building and go inside. It was a habit, and it happened on every single map. It sucked having all the potential in the world and never going anywhere with it. This happens to me in every single video game I play. Here is a youtube link describing what Firing Range looks like etc. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6J7hW_jFio)
When it comes to sports, I also have OCD. I played baseball for 14 years. I had a scholarship and blew it. I will always take the first pitch at bat. I will always walk exactly the same way to left field (my position.) I will always sit in the same spot on the bench, and most of all I will always count to 5, dig my cleat in a certain way, grab the bat and twirl it 5 times toward the pitcher and get set. It was all habit I thought, but in reality it was my OCD.
Obsessive compulsive disorder has not only changed the way I live, but sometimes I fear that it will absorb me. It’s like being an alcoholic and not realizing you are one until it’s too late. I hope it isn’t too late. I know that it’s not necessarily life-changing, or endangering me in anyway, but I fear that I will stick to the same ol’ thing forever and never move on.
Thanks for reading, sorry this was so random. I’ve listed a few other things that I think might be OCD -I’m obsessed with the word “intricate” -The pillow on my bed must be cold and without the sheet -My money must always face the same way and be in perfect order I’ll post more as I think of them
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
Well, ocd is treatable. But it sounds like although the OP may have strong habits which may be inconvenient, he doesn't do anything immediately self-harmful. A lot of the drugs are sort of like mild sedatives and impair thinking ability. =/
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
The temperature not so much because I think I've associated different numbers to it. It does drive me crazy if it's over 99. I start getting paranoid.
As for sc2 luckily the maps are symmetrical. I do always have to have an even number of units though. I play Protoss and I hate having an odd number of Templar. For some reason that drives me insane. I'm not very good at sc2 though.
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
There's different approaches to psychological problems. Medical is just one of them. For example, Psychotherapies require no medication
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
There's different approaches to psychological problems. Medical is just one of them. For example, Psychotherapies require no medication
The thing is that in a weird way I like it. I like the way I do things. But then again, that could be my denial that it's an issue? I've never discussed this stuff with anyone before.
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
There's different approaches to psychological problems. Medical is just one of them. For example, Psychotherapies require no medication
The thing is that in a weird way I like it. I like the way I do things. But then again, that could be my denial that it's an issue? I've never discussed this stuff with anyone before.
Your actions, do they cause u personal distress? What happens if you do not engage in them?
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
I really liked your blog though sir, but I was expecting how OCD affected your Starcraft 2 playing hehe. I always thought OCD would help in sc2 but probably not now that I read your blog. Does it upset you when your temperature doesn't end in a 5 or a 0?
There's different approaches to psychological problems. Medical is just one of them. For example, Psychotherapies require no medication
The thing is that in a weird way I like it. I like the way I do things. But then again, that could be my denial that it's an issue? I've never discussed this stuff with anyone before.
Your actions, do they cause u personal distress? What happens if you do not engage in them?
I get agitated. Not to the point that I can't focus or move on. For instance, the car stereo issue just bugs me, but I can change it. If I'm in someone else's car I'll just zone out and avoid listening/wait to leave the car.
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
I heard the medications side effects can be worse than the actual OCD.
You can go through cognitive behavior therapy... No medication. OCD shouldn't be treated with medication to be honest, when CBT is the best and most effective for OCD.
Cost though, may be an issue. But if your lifestyle is being affected, then cost should be irrelevant.
I don't have ocd but I got a few weird habits like that. Number one thing I absolutely can't stand is people leaving the door open. I can't focus on anything if the door is open...T_T, I don't even know why... I also hate hate seeing idle workers in SC, I want to yell at people who have workers just sitting there :D.
GL op, sounds like your case is pretty bad, maybe it might be worth trying some sort of medication or therapy?
On December 02 2011 15:46 Suichoy wrote: Interesting, what happens when you do things wrong?
I'm also curious about this.
Occasionally my habits can be described as symptoms of OCD but it is nothing relative to what you've written about. My feeling towards these habits are "if I can do it, why not?" but also "it doesn't make a difference to me, it's just for fun".
On December 02 2011 15:15 Ixas wrote: Why not see a doc? Its treatable
Is it treatable or "medicinable"? I wouldn't say that you are treated for OCD if you just drug yourself out of it.
Question to OP: What happens if you try NOT to do these things? If you put your stereo on 22 instead of 20 or 25? Is it just impossible, or can you do it?
I also suffer from OCD and have since I was about 4 or 5 years old. These days it's mostly obsessions and not so much compulsions and checking, though I still check my pulse probably 100x more than your average person. PM me if you ever wanna talk to someone else who goes through the same thing from time to time.
And to the post above me, yes... you can it's just uncomfortable and it's very hard to get the thought to leave your mind, it's as if your brain is stuck and everything doesn't feel right until you change it to 20 or 25.
Edit: Also to everyone suggesting CBT or other methods, trust me, I"m sure by this age the OP has heard / tried em all. Anyone with OCD for long or severe enough has. It's just even with thorough and sustained behaviour therapy its an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. You can learn to overcome it but relapses will happen later in your life, from time to time and you'll have to do the behaviour therapy battles all over again. I practiced and learned behaviour therapty with my parents from 7-12 years old and finally was able to overcome the problems with OCD I was facing till about 16 when I relapsed pretty hard, 2 years later at 18 I was OCD free again for 2 more years until 20 when it manifested itself in a new way I hadn't dealt with before, struggled through it again for about 12 months, was OCD free for about another year now late into 21 I'm in the midst of another relapse, but not so bad right now, I think i'm almost over it. I never was one for drugs though, never went on any antidepressants or SSRIs.
Sorry for the long paragraph I just wanted to describe how it is so those who don't have it might understand a bit better about how it works.
I have the same problem, gotta make sure everything is straight, centered, gotta make sure the TV volume or anything with a dial or such is in increments of 5 or an even number of sorts. I try to ignore these all the time but i always get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind to keep fixing it until i do fix it. For example, if someone turned my volume on my tv to 17 then turned my TV off, i would feel the urge to turn the tv back on, put it up to 20 then turn it back off.
I have a similar compulsion with your volume settings. I always need mine to be in increments of five. I don't go nuts over it, but it's a weird thing for me as well, lol.
Well, everyone has OCD, some people just have it worse than others. I can say from experience that lots of people have the volume always on multiples on five :p
On December 02 2011 16:59 FreshandLegit wrote: I also suffer from OCD and have since I was about 4 or 5 years old. These days it's mostly obsessions and not so much compulsions and checking, though I still check my pulse probably 100x more than your average person. PM me if you ever wanna talk to someone else who goes through the same thing from time to time.
And to the post above me, yes... you can it's just uncomfortable and it's very hard to get the thought to leave your mind, it's as if your brain is stuck and everything doesn't feel right until you change it to 20 or 25.
Edit: Also to everyone suggesting CBT or other methods, trust me, I"m sure by this age the OP has heard / tried em all. Anyone with OCD for long or severe enough has. It's just even with thorough and sustained behaviour therapy its an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. You can learn to overcome it but relapses will happen later in your life, from time to time and you'll have to do the behaviour therapy battles all over again. I practiced and learned behaviour therapty with my parents from 7-12 years old and finally was able to overcome the problems with OCD I was facing till about 16 when I relapsed pretty hard, 2 years later at 18 I was OCD free again for 2 more years until 20 when it manifested itself in a new way I hadn't dealt with before, struggled through it again for about 12 months, was OCD free for about another year now late into 21 I'm in the midst of another relapse, but not so bad right now, I think i'm almost over it. I never was one for drugs though, never went on any antidepressants or SSRIs.
Sorry for the long paragraph I just wanted to describe how it is so those who don't have it might understand a bit better about how it works.
Sorry to hear man. That doesn't sound like fun.
But the idea that OCD is caused by a "imbalance of chemicals" is NOT an undisputed fact. There is NO test for a "chemical imbalance". It's true that some chemicals make you feel better -- but you don't need a scientist to tell you that. Just go to a local bar.
I'm not opposed to the use of medication. I just think there are a lot of good reasons to think the cause of OCD is primarily cognitive.
On December 02 2011 14:59 ranshaked wrote: -I’m obsessed with the word “intricate” -The pillow on my bed must be cold and without the sheet -My money must always face the same way and be in perfect order
It's "normal" for people to have a couple "non-normal" habits. I for example also like to arrange the money in my purse neatly, but I wouldn't say that it's a hint to me having OCD.
EPT![[image loading]](http://i41.tinypic.com/242ubds.jpg)
(my first one broke, someone stepped on it 
) It is embarrassing to have this problem. My family laughs at me, but accept it. My friends for the most part do not know about it. It is a part of me.
