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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
people seem to think you have to do stuff. 'what did you do this weekend?' what a stupid question. what % of people can say more than "nothing i just sat at my computer and jerked off"? this may get to you and make you feel shitty. it's okay.
i have compiled an exhaustive list of things you can do to make yourself feel better.
1. floss. you don't floss. when you hear people talk about how gross it is to not floss, you suddenly feel self-conscious and pretend agree. have you ever thought that those people might not floss themselves? who the fuck flosses? i mean i do, now, just to feel useful. but before? fuck no. what if nobody in the world flossed, and the entire floss industry makes money off of peoples' vanity? fuck flossing. but still, floss. it feels great, it hurts and it also will probably bleed a surprising amount. even your fingers will hurt. any activity that involves lingering pain, cut circulation and bleeding is by definition very exciting. good job!
2. clothe an animal. this will give you something cute, whimsical and funny to say if an attractive member of the other sex asks. "so what do you do for fun?" "well yesterday i dressed my dog up in a pumpkin costume" [intrigue's note: i actually did this] and insert a mischievous smile [i actually did this]. it will make her laugh and imply that you do interesting things all the time and follow your imagination, when you don't at all. who cares. people don't like other people for who they are, they like other people for who they're perceived to be. enjoy getting laid, a lot.
3. trim your pubes. if you already do, just do it again. it's fun, and you feel different down there for a few days. it's a constant reminder that you look great, girl, have you been working out? yeah i found this new gym, and there's this really cute trainer. his name is dmitri and i fucked him in the parking lot.
thanks for reading, have a great day everybuddy. i hope your children all attend prestigious universities for non-liberal arts degrees and make you proud.
 
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This made my day, but even better, it just made my weekend
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I am pretty sure that point number 2 and " i hope your children all attend prestigious universities for non-liberal arts degrees and make you proud." are contradictory 
What would possess you to demean a companion thusly. Tut tut I say. Tut. Poor pooch won't want to piss on anything in case it smells of pumpkin juice 
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Great post. I never have anything to say when someone asks me what I did over the weekend, but now I can tell them I flossed.
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United States5162 Posts
No matter how cute a girl might find me for clothing my dog, I can't lower myself far enough to degrade them like that.
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Oh intrigue, a dog in a pumpkin costume! *laughs
I don't floss. Fuck flossing. My toothbrush is good enough.
Lol! 5/5
I did stuff today guys!!!
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Flossing is sooo american....
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I told my wife I will never touch one hair of my manly mane of pride.
She laughed at me, but deep down, she understood...
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The best part of this blog is that Intrigue really is a cat irl.
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Wow, epic post.... I have to start flossing!
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
On December 02 2011 08:23 Titusmaster6 wrote:
This made my day, but even better, it just made my weekend
happy birthday, dear. i hope your marriage or romantic union last as long as you want it to and be full of profoundly loving moments.
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Can we get a photo for number 3 i dont seem to understand what u mean
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This actually turned my day right side up thanks
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I floss...I get a strange joy from seeing all the crap stuck between my teeth gone.
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Flossing removes tartar, and dentists all over the world will remember the day intrigue got 90% of the nerds on TL to floss their teeth because people forgot how more meaningful it is to do something again 
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
yeah sure darkren so okay "pubes" is the american colloquial term for pubic hair, or the hair found around your genitals (which are your reproductive organs - if you are male, then it is your junk and if you are female it is your uterus&co). i don't feel like typing anymore
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hmm, i recently successfully asked a girl out when I showed pictures of my dressed up robot (with which I conduct research) for halloween :3
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On December 02 2011 08:40 DreamChaser wrote:
I floss...I get a strange joy from seeing all the crap stuck between my teeth gone.
That's how most people feel about cleaning their ears
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
On December 02 2011 08:43 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:
hmm, i recently successfully asked a girl out when I showed pictures of my dressed up robot (with which I conduct research) for halloween :3
^satisfied customer testimony already
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On December 02 2011 08:20 intrigue wrote:
any activity that involves lingering pain, cut circulation and bleeding is by definition very exciting. good job!
So you're a proponent of hardcore S&M?
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Australia8532 Posts
Lol you floss to feel "in" - talk about FOMO
Still confused about this blog;
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Well, I agree on flossing. I do it every night. My teeth just don't really feel clean if I dont floss :s
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Brb while I do all three of these and have an extremely productive day.
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I tried teaching a dog I dressed in a Spiderman costume to trim my pubes while I flossed it.
It did not work.
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Technically it's only Thursday but reading this blog is the thing I did this weekend
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I rate random blogs 5/5 so I can say that I did something productive (and have something to show for it, LOOK SHINY STARS!!)
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2. clothe an animal. this will give you something cute, whimsical and funny to say if an attractive member of the other sex asks. "so what do you do for fun?" "well yesterday i dressed my dog up in a pumpkin costume" [intrigue's note: i actually did this] and insert a mischievous smile [i actually did this]. it will make her laugh and imply that you do interesting things all the time and follow your imagination, when you don't at all. who cares. people don't like other people for who they are, they like other people for who they're perceived to be. enjoy getting laid, a lot.
I bet this works on the ladies who enjoy cosplay.
You: Have you seen my sexy hound. He is dressed as a pumpkin.
Sexy sexy cosplay chick: Pumpkin? Isn't that a little embarrasing for a male?
You: No. He is manly enough to dress up and still fuck bitches.
Sexy sexy cosplay chick: I like to dress up. I could be a pumpkin.
You: Mmm, I do enjoy pumpkin juice. This could work. Now make me a sammich.
So bad
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Not flossing your teeth = no kisses from this guy!
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Dunno all this about pets and teeth, but I have to admit that I feel unnaturally great whenever I trim my pubes. It's probably dangerous to be this productive.
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This blog is horrible. 0/5 stars. However, I voted 5/5 stars to soften the blow this truth will deliver.
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I told a girl I trim my pubes in my spare time and now we're getting engaged. Thanks Intrigue
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On December 02 2011 10:09 FortyOzs wrote:
I told a girl I trim my pubes in my spare time and now we're getting engaged. Thanks Intrigue
she also has an abnormal attraction to giving you a blowjob, or was that just me
thanks intrigue!
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What an obvious blog post about how you fucked a gym trainer ^_^
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On December 02 2011 10:14 unit wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2011 10:09 FortyOzs wrote:
I told a girl I trim my pubes in my spare time and now we're getting engaged. Thanks Intrigue she also has an abnormal attraction to giving you a blowjob, or was that just me thanks intrigue!
Maybe I'm just bad at reading things but I interpreted that question as "Or was that just me who has an abnormal attraction to giving you a blowjob?"
Unless, of course, that's what you meant ; )
Anyway, I liked the blog. ^_^
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On December 02 2011 10:16 aNDRoM wrote:
DO NOT FLOSS WITH PUBES
It's interesting that these activities only work when they are done independently of one another. Here are examples of bad ideas:
1) floss your dog
2) floss your pubes
3) dress your pubes
4) floss your dress
5) dress your dog in your pubes
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On December 02 2011 08:21 Ack1027 wrote:
How high?
Quoted for emphasis.
On December 02 2011 10:16 aNDRoM wrote:
DO NOT FLOSS WITH PUBES
Quoted because wtf...
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LOL sorry, that was probably the most random thing I've said in a long time...
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Well it is a wise point to raise. Nothing worse than pubic breath
BTW, the randomness and vehemence of your proclamation suggest a prior experience with such atrocities. Is this true or were you merely projecting?
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you look great, girl, have you been working out?
On December 02 2011 07:24 Xxio wrote:
intrigue is the cutest girl of them all
i am forced to comment on this - xxio is attempting to perpetuate a common and unfounded myth that i am female. do not listen to this fucker
:O!
I will ensure that I clothe an animal :D
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How the hell is dressing your dog up in a pumpkin costume interesting?? Animal cruelty sucks.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
yeah its soooo cruel i do it cuz i hate her
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On December 02 2011 10:46 Probulous wrote:Well it is a wise point to raise. Nothing worse than pubic breath BTW, the randomness and vehemence of your proclamation suggest a prior experience with such atrocities. Is this true or were you merely projecting?
Nice pun. Wish I thought of it.
Never done it. Sometimes just random and somewhat disturbing things pop into my head.
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Some how getting a STD never felt like "I did something today" to me. But hey whatever floats your boat.
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Oh boy, I'm gonna be a flossing / pube trimming BONJWA after this one. Thanks, intrigue!
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Hmmmm how would one ever come up with the idea to floss with pubes ._.
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On December 02 2011 10:35 shindigs wrote:It's interesting that these activities only work when they are done independently of one another. Here are examples of bad ideas: 1) floss your dog 2) floss your pubes 3) dress your pubes 4) floss your dress 5) dress your dog in your pubes
haahahahah
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
On December 02 2011 12:12 acrimoneyius wrote:Show nested quote +On December 02 2011 10:35 shindigs wrote:On December 02 2011 10:16 aNDRoM wrote:
DO NOT FLOSS WITH PUBES It's interesting that these activities only work when they are done independently of one another. Here are examples of bad ideas: 1) floss your dog 2) floss your pubes 3) dress your pubes 4) floss your dress 5) dress your dog in your pubes haahahahah
that is precisely why they make you feel useful - they are distinct tasks that require separate skill sets, all with no real overlap.
like you're hitting check marks all over the "functional" human's daily to-do list. if you are lenient with yourself and connect the dots, it's basically a completed checklist.
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After you've gone through two years of braces using a little rubber loop to thread the floss between each pair of teeth.. normal flossing feels luxurious. I just timed it and I took 21 seconds to floss. It used to take a few minutes at least. Funny, timing things makes them feel so much more productive. I flossed for 21 seconds today, what did you do?
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It was a great read. I'll definitely trim my pubes tonight. Or I could do it at office now, I got a decent pair of scissors.
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Sometimes I string my pubes to my beard and play them like a harp. Also the reason your gums bleed when you floss is because you haven't flossed in a long time. Floss regularly and they won't bleed.
When someone talks about the party or whatever they went to last weekend I'm not particularly impressed. I don't see why that would be seen as an accomplishment. However I do find I feel better when I go to bed if I've worked on one of my personal projects or actually done something so... Yup. Nothing to do with being judged by others, more judging myself. It feels pretty miserable to go through a whole day and realise the only thing you did was masturbate.
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I just flossed because of this post.
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Katowice25012 Posts
This is a really great blog and I'm glad I read it! Thanks intrigue!
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This is very insightful in a calm slice of life kind of way. I think that's how I would describe intrigue...he's a slice of life.
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I've had floss sitting on my sink for a month. I'm now finding new ways to use this floss. Name things I can do with said floss. Go!
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
i'm just kidding. i'm sure you may or may not be able to find a positive, beneficial application of this item you have discovered.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
oh, life, you clever dog you. to give me a job one day after i write this blog! i feel like i have already betrayed you guys.
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Austin10831 Posts
On December 03 2011 16:52 intrigue wrote:
oh, life, you clever dog you. to give me a job one day after i write this blog! i feel like i have already betrayed you guys.
cool! whats the job?
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
professional googler! please reference the relevant profile posting of my social networking page.
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Most of us cannot see your social networking page as most of us do not know what your real name is. Unless there is an 'intrigue' facebook page. ^_^ But congratulations on becoming a professional googler. At least you don't have to go too far away from TL.
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Thanks to this blog, I am now flossing. While studying.
How much more intense can productivity get? Well, I could be doing all this while on a treadmill, for one.
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The last two times I flossed I got floss stuck between my teeth. The first time I exacerbated it by trying to get it out with more floss. I'm not even sure if I ever got all the floss out- the sensation of having shit stuck between my teeth just sort of subsided after a day or so. For all I know, I still have that piece of floss in my teeth. This haunts me every day.
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
wtf i've never heard of that ever
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It happens sometimes and it's a most disturbing feeling :/
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EPT
