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Hey all. I figured I'd post some crap here. I'd like some advice and some aid, and any would be helpful.
About me: I'm a college senior majoring in English, and will graduate this summer (a year early thanks to AP credit). I work for the school at the annual giving office and also teach music at my synagogue. I love comics books, videogames, rugby, and above all food.
Right now I've got a lot of issues and I thought maybe writing about them would help and it's be nice to get some advice from people who don't really know me.
I've been dating the same girl on and off for about 2.5 years. We split up for about a month because she wanted me to get my life together (or something, I've come to the conclusion that it mostly had to do with her anxieties about graduation) but we got back together. Things have been really rough a lot since then, with her being incredibly anxious about law school and that coming back somehow on me. For my part, I try to be as supportive as I can. I helped her study for the lsat (even took it with her), gave her driving lessons, and drove her all over the city to help her get a job (she just got her license at 22, and no car). We talked about living together, but because she had no idea what she was going to do in terms of where she would be and work and all, I couldn't wait any longer and had to get a place with some people at the last minute. It's kind of a scumhole, but its a scumhole to call home.
Anyway, as I mentioned, things have been rough. She's been kind of treating me like crap. I'm not a perfect boyfriend, but I think I do ok. She begs to differ. She gets angry, and not to sound like a wuss, but says a lot of shit that's pretty hurtful.
+ Show Spoiler + shit like "you make me sick", "fuck you, I hate you", and a bunch of sexual insults as well that I really don't feel like repeating. If I was using her for sex that would require us actually having sex now and again
I've sort of taken this in stride, acknowledging its her anxieties talking most of the time, but I can't help but slowly get angrier and angrier every time this happens (3 days out of the last 4). I'm tired of feeling like an asshole.
Our current fight is about my study abroad. I applied for an exchange program at the University of Copenhagen and got in, but I hadn't accepted yet. After we had a big fight on Friday night in which she said, "you should just go to Denmark". I said fuck it and signed up. I was kind of fed up. Now we are fighting about the fact that I am going. I'd like to stay together. She's furious. At this point I'm slowly becoming indifferent to what happens. I don't want to lose her, because despite what I've said she's pretty great, but I'm frustrated and just need a break. I don't know if I can handle more of this.
What do you guys think I should do? Also- Danish bros, If you know things about university of Copenhagen or being a student in Denmark, send me a PM.
 
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The way you describe the situation, you need to move on. Simple as that. Granted we only have your side. From reading it seems like you're sick of her shit. Also, berating you with insults probably has nothing to do with anxiety. Of course i'm not a doctor, but wouldnt anxiety make her avoid confrontational situations, not start them? Once again this is your side of the story, and me, someone whos never met either of you depicting it.
You guys may be in a dependent relationship, ie you stay together based upon your own best interest, not for the good of your mutual relationship. You spend a lot of the text in your post focusing on the negatives. The only kindve opposition viewpoint for breaking up in my eyes is you call her "pretty great". What did yo mean? Think about why you want to stay with her, as opposed to why you want to break up with her.
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my general philosophy on break-ups and get-back-togethers is that they never work. we're at a young age where our relationships are incredibly shallow and we don't get the chance to really flesh out the details of a person, what makes them tick, and what makes us love them. if you're in a relationship, and yall break up, it means something on the surface was wrong, which is significant. if you guys can't handle each other on a shallow level, then theoretically 25 years down the road it's going to be a disaster, if it even makes it that far.
you sound like a nice guy, and that's your problem. i assume you haven't dated much, and if so then your frame of reference for women is incredibly small, so you may assume that this is just how things go. well it's not, you need to find someone who you can grow with, someone who will support your endeavors and not banish you to them. you guys clearly don't tick if she wasn't extremely excited for you at the prospect of a study abroad. this indicates, from her, jealousy and low self esteem in that she needs you close at all times and doesn't trust you. this is bad 1) because she's not a strong enough person on her own, which you need from her as much as she needs from you, and 2) because jealous people are fucking stupid.
i'm studying right now so i can't spend much more time on this, but congratulations on your study abroad op, that's an incredible opportunity to expand your cultural and intellectual framework and you should be VERY proud of yourself for that. dont let your girl thing taint your sense of accomplishment, because you've earned where you've gotten yourself, and you deserve a girl who will be there to share that with you. the only thing better than reaching a goal you're proud of is having a person there who is as proud of you as you are of yourself, if not more so.
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I'm only replying to your post, as you are an English major; otherwise, I'd let it fall into the void. You both sound young (read: naive) about relationships, and what's expected--hence the arguments. I doubt, considering how the past precedes this relationship, that it will be salvageable if you study abroad. Of course, it may not really be worth it, if you stay. You both need to be mature enough to handle life separately, or together, without causing the drama. If neither of you can realize this, then it's a deal breaker, (and by the way, always make sure you're the deal breaker and not the receiver).
As far as your studies go, studying abroad, in an exchange program will be a paramount event in your life, and I wouldn't give-up the opportunity on a shaky relationship. Is this girl going to be there for you through the thick, and thin? Is she going to give you her entire self, as well as you would do? You have to be selfish, to be giving. You have to have a rock to stand on, before you can even walk on the ground. All this melodramatic, pithy sentiment I'm spewing means you have to look at what you want, and progress as an individual before you can give all that back to someone--why let weakness fester?
Good luck.
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EPT
