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Part one: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=271453
I was a douchebag of a kid. A bully in real life, in game I took to griefing and flaming. I was the kid who hid all his peons in the Garden of War after he had lost the game. I was the kid who refused to turn on allied victory in your "7v1 Compy Stompy" game as I constructed 12 dragon roosts in my base.
Later, I found out that actually winning games while yelling at your opponent could be even sweeter than just plain screaming. Warcraft III was my game, Lightknight69 was my hero. Combat-Ex? Deezer? They don't hold a bad mannered candle to LK69 and his partner, huk_you. Their deft "psychological warfare" inspired me. If you played me, you would be called a crackerous niggerfaggot. Repeatedly. In all caps. While the game was paused. As a Death Coil was flying toward your Archmage. No, you unpause the game. I have all day. I can piss in this Mountain Dew bottle; I don't give a fuck.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/xq09k.jpg) Some would even argue that it improves the taste.
But I got older, and I mannered up. There was no epiphany; nobody made me see the error of my ways or kicked my ass or anything. I just stopped being such a jackass the further I got into my teenage years. By the time Starcraft 2 came out, high school was well behind me, and I don't think I had really BM'ed anyone. I called the iEchoic build "gay" once, but I believe that was justified because that damned Day[9] Daily fucked up the ladder for weeks. Other than that, though, I had been pretty nice, and people had been pretty nice to me.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/BPyEC.jpg) Even people whose names could land them roles as villains in the Star Wars prequels were cheery.
However, you can only push a man so far before he snaps. I suppose I should explain just why the bronze league in particular was so damn frustrating. I mean, I've been flamed on the internet before, but generally the insults have had some basis in sanity. I could very well be a person who has sex with my mother. Or with men. Or with pigs. Or with nobody at all. Those are all things that exist, and I could very well be fucking them. So when somebody calls me a faggot, my brain can connect the dots. He's telling me that he thinks having sex with men is icky, and that I have sex with men, therefore making me icky. It's simple syllogistic logic that my mind can follow. The shit that gets flung at me in the bronze league is so far out of the realm of reality that I don't even know where to begin.
I guess I have to start with the fact that nobody should ever lose to a worker rush. Ever. It's a simple mathematical issue. By the time I get to my opponent's base, I will always have less workers than them.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/sfVY5.jpg) I have modified this first grader's homework assignment to illustrate my point.
This fact bewilders people in the bronze league. That basic premise is what makes all BM received so confounding. It's all based around a premise that I'm doing some sort of awesome tactic. The only possible way I can win with my "strategy" is if my opponents find a way to fail (and damn, do they ever). It's normally pretty dumb when someone you just manhandled calls you a scrub, but it's infinitely worse when someone calls you bad immediately after you have beaten them with what may literally be the least effective strategy possible. It hurts one's brain to even think about it.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/pUFMT.jpg) I know you are, but what am I?
Or worse yet, when they question your honor:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/bW224.jpg) I thought "Non sibi sed patriae" was a good motto, but I guess "No Rush 15" is fine, too.
Or worse yet, when they call you a cheater:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/zj4D6.jpg) Sometimes I regret asking questions.
Or worse yet, whatever this is:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/C7PKK.jpg) In the "manic phase," sufferers of bipolar disorder will often convince themselves that they don't need to take their medication.
At first, I shrugged these off. They were sporadic and often humorous. Most people left without saying anything, or even left with a light hearted "lol." A surprising few even gave a "gg." Unfortunately, as my MMR continued its abyssal plunge, the amount of insanity increased. Bombarded by stupid on all sides, my first instinct was to just keep my head down and do nothing. As it continued though, I felt like I had to say something—like I needed to just inject a little seed of truth into the morass of failure that is the bottom of the NA ladder. So I attempted to reason with some of them. I thought maybe if I could touch one person with knowledge it could make the ladder a better place.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/F1SVZ.jpg) OK, next time I'll make my drones sound a war trumpet before they attack so you have ample time to look at your base and react. I know you were probably too busy macroing at your, oh wait.
Like when people asked Destiny how to beat mass queens, he would reply "macro better," but they didn't want to listen. Instead they theorized stupid counter strategies like mass high templar/zealot. Similarly, when I explain to someone that all that is required to beat a worker rush is a pulse and an "A" key on their keyboard, they refuse to believe it, instead ascribing their failures to some sort of sinister tactic on my part.
So finally, frustrated, I gave in. I BMed.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/C8akJ.jpg) It begins.
I just started typing shit. Soon it didn't matter if they had BMed me first, or second, or even said anything. I hurled EZs around; I demanded people leave the game. I called people retards; I told people to uninstall. Niggerfaggot made a lexical comeback. I was flaming bronze newbies, people literally new to the game. I was getting into flame wars and "owning" 12 year olds and Latin Americans with my default superior grasp of the English language. It was an even more pathetic BM than normal BM, because I was executing a strategy that only works on noobs, and if it failed I had a built in defense: It wasn't supposed to work. I was BMing with impunity in addition to anonymity. I even rematched a few bronze leaguers in a "real game," flaming them the whole time, knowing full well that they stood no chance against me. What was I doing? What the hell was wrong with me?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/349d0.jpg) I… I am.
Interlude: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=272765
 
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"NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER"
That had me loling for a good few minutes. x)
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so you worker rush and bm?
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Well written and entertaining! Keep us updated 
Have you run into someone who also tried to worker rush you yet?
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I'm not sure if I played you or not. I remember playing someone that worker rushed me but I won.
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On October 05 2011 11:43 Mattchew wrote:
so you worker rush and bm?
This is not the end of the tale. Also make sure to read the first part.
On October 05 2011 11:45 frogmelter wrote:Well written and entertaining! Keep us updated Have you run into someone who also tried to worker rush you yet?
I've run into some interesting things. I'm kind of jumping around a little because I have like 330 replays over almost 2 months to go through, and I didn't have the foresight to take a lot of screenshots. I also didn't save my losses, because most of them were boring. So I'm just kind of making up the pacing of the story as I go along.
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lmao. Great read. I was actually laughing out loud towards the end. 5/5
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It was funny up until you were being so mean to those poor little bronzies  those are the gosus of tomorrow we need to take care of them!
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LOLOL ok next time someone bunker rushes me and my drones start eating the marines, im actually gonna yell out loud "NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER"
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Haha this made me laugh out loud. I love your writing style, it's hilarious. 5/5
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LMFAO. I loved the first one... couldn't see how it could get any better... and then you post this masterpiece. Please continue to write these, You are tempting me to use my alt account to worker rush every game just to see peoples reactions >.<
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Well written 
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This is hilarious, I can't wait for the next episode! Maybe you'll end up finding a secret league below bronze, inhabited only by worker rushers.
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Poor Bronzies
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Your shit gets revealed on garden of war after you lose your town hall and you just die when all your buildings die. So i dont see the point of hiding peons lol.
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This is great stuff. Kudos, not for the behavior, but the behaviour is justifiable for the absolutely hilarious blogs you are producing from it.
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On October 05 2011 13:30 iSometric wrote:
Your shit gets revealed on garden of war after you lose your town hall and you just die when all your buildings die. So i dont see the point of hiding peons lol.
No, that feature was introduced in Warcraft 3. In Warcraft 2 you had to hunt for every last unit.
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This blog. Is hilarious. You've a gift for telling a story.
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LOL
Sometimes I play Amnesia: the Dark Descent after facing those kinds of people. It helps me get my sanity back up.
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Laughed my ass off. Girlfriend doesn't appreciate the humor. Her parents died in a worker rush.
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I love this blog
NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER
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hahaaha nom nom motherfucker LOLOL
the last guy is soo right xD
so entertaining, keep it up.
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On October 05 2011 11:43 Mattchew wrote:
so you worker rush and bm?
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I seriously cannot understand how you understand your own bm back when you are younger but is perplexed by the bm by people, whom might just be a 17 / 18 year old at the other side of the screen. Do you not understand people say stupid things when they are angry, and often they are not correct? How are you taking those charged comments so seriously and make a post about it, with seriously thought out pictures?
My only conclusion is you want to further show off your bm in the blog.
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On October 05 2011 18:00 evanthebouncy! wrote:
I seriously cannot understand how you understand your own bm back when you are younger but is perplexed by the bm by people, whom might just be a 17 / 18 year old at the other side of the screen. Do you not understand people say stupid things when they are angry, and often they are not correct? How are you taking those charged comments so seriously and make a post about it, with seriously thought out pictures?
My only conclusion is you want to further show off your bm in the blog.
I only showed one screencap of myself BMing someone for no reason, and it was a rather playful BM at that. I didn't show the games where I really tore into people specifically because I didn't want to seem like I was bragging about doing so. And there's a difference between what I did, which was taunting someone as I was beating them, and what they were doing, which is illogically posturing at someone after losing to the worst strategy ever. Worse yet were the people I didn't beat, who would whisper me after a game and tell me my strategy would never work when I had hundreds of replays to prove the contrary. The point is: the BM I was getting in the bronze league was so far afield of anything rational that I just gave into the craziness and started pissing into the ocean of piss myself.
The whole theme of the blog was supposed to be one of transformation and then regret, not a celebration of the BM. This is only the second of probably several of these blogs, as well, and as I attempted to hint, I would not be BMing forever. If you didn't get that then I either failed as a writer or you failed as a reader.
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LOL, I have to do this now.
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Estonia4644 Posts
hahaha, part 2, the dark times
falling into the void
is part 3 where you start you rise from the ashes, leading up to a sidestory of betrayal, love, friendship and a sense of morality/honor?
has been an amusing tale so far :D
especially the philosophical and ethical considerations behind something as blatant and banal as a worker rush :F
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I hope the next blog is about how you worker rush your best friend before finally realizing just how far you've fallen.
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On October 05 2011 11:42 Tatari wrote:
"NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER"
That had me loling for a good few minutes. x)
I won't lie : I'm crying from laughter. That line was just too good. The paragraph after was even better.
You're a jerk, but you do know how to tell a funny story .
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What's your actual winrate with this amongst the bronze leaguers?
Also, you're killing ESPORTS by discouraging these poor noobs. Shame on you.
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Liked part I, part II just sounds like you being a dick to bronzies. Yes, they're bad, that's why they're bronzies.
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On October 06 2011 00:30 fusefuse wrote:
hahaha, part 2, the dark times
falling into the void
is part 3 where you start you rise from the ashes, leading up to a sidestory of betrayal, love, friendship and a sense of morality/honor?
has been an amusing tale so far :D
especially the philosophical and ethical considerations behind something as blatant and banal as a worker rush :F
On October 06 2011 00:36 Xyik wrote:
I hope the next blog is about how you worker rush your best friend before finally realizing just how far you've fallen.
I'm happy to see that some TL members paid attention in their Lit classes.
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On October 06 2011 05:21 SlimeBagly wrote:
Liked part I, part II just sounds like you being a dick to bronzies. Yes, they're bad, that's why they're bronzies.
I don't think it sounds like this at all I think it sounds like him being utterly confused by the amount of BM he receives doing a strategy that should never work. Ever. Ever Ever. lol
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Out of 10. How pro are you at worker micro after all these games?
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Can't wait for part 3. You have inspired me to worker rush every game and to be manner about it.
Maybe others will follow suit.
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OK, next time I'll make my drones sound a war trumpet before they attack so you have ample time to look at your base and react. I know you were probably too busy macroing at your, oh wait.
I lol'd until my boss was staring at me.
Great blog.
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Lol did u get this from Supreme Commander?
but I guess "No Rush 15" is fine, too.
That and Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance were the best RTS's i've ever played .
Supreme Commander 2 Was Garbage. So Sad that the 2nd one was so horrible small maps and just crappy..
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Sounds like you have some sort of mental disorder. Neat.
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Poor ButterBiscuit...he is so sweet and you're meanie!
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Great follow up to part 1. It goes to show the evolution of your journey.
I'm very excited for part 3 !!
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This is amazing. Truly, truly amazing.
Hat's off, sir.
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On October 05 2011 15:05 ymir233 wrote:
LOL
Sometimes I play Amnesia: the Dark Descent after facing those kinds of people. It helps me get my sanity back up.
rofl rofl rofl
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Zurich15143 Posts
How did I only just find this series. I love you Gheed. For the series, and for knowing and trying to teach the difference between Cheese and Allin.
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I can't be the only one that thought of "Horus Rising" when I read this. Awesome read btw. :-s
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I just got Worker rushed by Gheed a few games ago.
I've gotta say, as a new player to StarCraft, I've still got a lot to learn, and I appreciate that you've opened my eyes to this. Now I'll know how to defend it next time.
Cheers!
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i got my tassadar and kerrigan by worker rushing and i got dark voice after beating bots in low rank bronzies you gonna get there dude!
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i love how there are threads asking why no one plays 1v1 ladder anymore, and yet the community constantly praises people who do shit like this. good for you. what's next? making a thread about how you beat up a 5 year old?
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On March 29 2012 09:14 fishjie wrote:
i love how there are threads asking why no one plays 1v1 ladder anymore, and yet the community constantly praises people who do shit like this. good for you. what's next? making a thread about how you beat up a 5 year old?
Lets not draw false parallels here.
Most 5 year olds could hit the A key and click the mouse, if someone told them to do it.
Most bronze players can't do this, apparently.
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I played AT with LK69. We were very effective against the majority of players back then. LK was obviously taking steroids but whatever that was his choice. He was a fun partner, he just had a problem beating HU when we did scrimmages.
I wish the guy well wherever he is.
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EPT
