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Worker Rush Part 2: BM Rising

Blogs > Gheed
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Gheed
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States972 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-02-05 05:06:55
October 05 2011 02:24 GMT
#1
Part one: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=271453

I was a douchebag of a kid. A bully in real life, in game I took to griefing and flaming. I was the kid who hid all his peons in the Garden of War after he had lost the game. I was the kid who refused to turn on allied victory in your "7v1 Compy Stompy" game as I constructed 12 dragon roosts in my base.

Later, I found out that actually winning games while yelling at your opponent could be even sweeter than just plain screaming. Warcraft III was my game, Lightknight69 was my hero. Combat-Ex? Deezer? They don't hold a bad mannered candle to LK69 and his partner, huk_you. Their deft "psychological warfare" inspired me. If you played me, you would be called a crackerous niggerfaggot. Repeatedly. In all caps. While the game was paused. As a Death Coil was flying toward your Archmage. No, you unpause the game. I have all day. I can piss in this Mountain Dew bottle; I don't give a fuck.

[image loading]
Some would even argue that it improves the taste.


But I got older, and I mannered up. There was no epiphany; nobody made me see the error of my ways or kicked my ass or anything. I just stopped being such a jackass the further I got into my teenage years. By the time Starcraft 2 came out, high school was well behind me, and I don't think I had really BM'ed anyone. I called the iEchoic build "gay" once, but I believe that was justified because that damned Day[9] Daily fucked up the ladder for weeks. Other than that, though, I had been pretty nice, and people had been pretty nice to me.

[image loading]
Even people whose names could land them roles as villains in the Star Wars prequels were cheery.


However, you can only push a man so far before he snaps. I suppose I should explain just why the bronze league in particular was so damn frustrating. I mean, I've been flamed on the internet before, but generally the insults have had some basis in sanity. I could very well be a person who has sex with my mother. Or with men. Or with pigs. Or with nobody at all. Those are all things that exist, and I could very well be fucking them. So when somebody calls me a faggot, my brain can connect the dots. He's telling me that he thinks having sex with men is icky, and that I have sex with men, therefore making me icky. It's simple syllogistic logic that my mind can follow. The shit that gets flung at me in the bronze league is so far out of the realm of reality that I don't even know where to begin.

I guess I have to start with the fact that nobody should ever lose to a worker rush. Ever. It's a simple mathematical issue. By the time I get to my opponent's base, I will always have less workers than them.

[image loading]
I have modified this first grader's homework assignment to illustrate my point.


This fact bewilders people in the bronze league. That basic premise is what makes all BM received so confounding. It's all based around a premise that I'm doing some sort of awesome tactic. The only possible way I can win with my "strategy" is if my opponents find a way to fail (and damn, do they ever). It's normally pretty dumb when someone you just manhandled calls you a scrub, but it's infinitely worse when someone calls you bad immediately after you have beaten them with what may literally be the least effective strategy possible. It hurts one's brain to even think about it.

[image loading]
I know you are, but what am I?


Or worse yet, when they question your honor:

[image loading]
I thought "Non sibi sed patriae" was a good motto, but I guess "No Rush 15" is fine, too.


Or worse yet, when they call you a cheater:

[image loading]
Sometimes I regret asking questions.


Or worse yet, whatever this is:

[image loading]
In the "manic phase," sufferers of bipolar disorder will often convince themselves that they don't need to take their medication.


At first, I shrugged these off. They were sporadic and often humorous. Most people left without saying anything, or even left with a light hearted "lol." A surprising few even gave a "gg." Unfortunately, as my MMR continued its abyssal plunge, the amount of insanity increased. Bombarded by stupid on all sides, my first instinct was to just keep my head down and do nothing. As it continued though, I felt like I had to say something—like I needed to just inject a little seed of truth into the morass of failure that is the bottom of the NA ladder. So I attempted to reason with some of them. I thought maybe if I could touch one person with knowledge it could make the ladder a better place.

[image loading]
OK, next time I'll make my drones sound a war trumpet before they attack so you have ample time to look at your base and react. I know you were probably too busy macroing at your, oh wait.


Like when people asked Destiny how to beat mass queens, he would reply "macro better," but they didn't want to listen. Instead they theorized stupid counter strategies like mass high templar/zealot. Similarly, when I explain to someone that all that is required to beat a worker rush is a pulse and an "A" key on their keyboard, they refuse to believe it, instead ascribing their failures to some sort of sinister tactic on my part.

So finally, frustrated, I gave in. I BMed.

[image loading]
It begins.


I just started typing shit. Soon it didn't matter if they had BMed me first, or second, or even said anything. I hurled EZs around; I demanded people leave the game. I called people retards; I told people to uninstall. Niggerfaggot made a lexical comeback. I was flaming bronze newbies, people literally new to the game. I was getting into flame wars and "owning" 12 year olds and Latin Americans with my default superior grasp of the English language. It was an even more pathetic BM than normal BM, because I was executing a strategy that only works on noobs, and if it failed I had a built in defense: It wasn't supposed to work. I was BMing with impunity in addition to anonymity. I even rematched a few bronze leaguers in a "real game," flaming them the whole time, knowing full well that they stood no chance against me. What was I doing? What the hell was wrong with me?

[image loading]
I… I am.


Interlude: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=272765

****
Tatari
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States1179 Posts
October 05 2011 02:42 GMT
#2
"NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER"

That had me loling for a good few minutes. x)
A fed jungler is no longer a jungler, but a terrorist.
Mattchew
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States5684 Posts
October 05 2011 02:43 GMT
#3
so you worker rush and bm?
There is always tomorrow nshs.seal.
frogmelter
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States971 Posts
October 05 2011 02:45 GMT
#4
Well written and entertaining! Keep us updated

Have you run into someone who also tried to worker rush you yet?
TL+ Member
Yaqoob
Profile Blog Joined March 2005
Canada3278 Posts
October 05 2011 02:45 GMT
#5
I'm not sure if I played you or not. I remember playing someone that worker rushed me but I won.
김택용 Fighting!
Gheed
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States972 Posts
October 05 2011 02:49 GMT
#6
On October 05 2011 11:43 Mattchew wrote:
so you worker rush and bm?


This is not the end of the tale. Also make sure to read the first part.

On October 05 2011 11:45 frogmelter wrote:
Well written and entertaining! Keep us updated

Have you run into someone who also tried to worker rush you yet?


I've run into some interesting things. I'm kind of jumping around a little because I have like 330 replays over almost 2 months to go through, and I didn't have the foresight to take a lot of screenshots. I also didn't save my losses, because most of them were boring. So I'm just kind of making up the pacing of the story as I go along.
Subversive
Profile Joined October 2009
Australia2229 Posts
October 05 2011 02:56 GMT
#7
lmao. Great read. I was actually laughing out loud towards the end. 5/5
#1 Great fan ~ // Khan // FlaSh // JangBi // EffOrt //
fuzzayy
Profile Joined February 2011
United States99 Posts
October 05 2011 02:57 GMT
#8
LOL I love this
nttea
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Sweden4353 Posts
October 05 2011 03:20 GMT
#9
It was funny up until you were being so mean to those poor little bronzies those are the gosus of tomorrow we need to take care of them!
Antimatterz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1010 Posts
October 05 2011 03:28 GMT
#10
LOLOL ok next time someone bunker rushes me and my drones start eating the marines, im actually gonna yell out loud "NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER"
"HotBid [11:45 AM]: i dunno i kinda like the big muta shooting smaller mutas out"
Dalguno
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States2446 Posts
October 05 2011 03:32 GMT
#11
Haha this made me laugh out loud. I love your writing style, it's hilarious. 5/5
"I'm gonna keep making drones cause I'm a baller, and ballers make drones." -Snute
OmniEulogy
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada6585 Posts
October 05 2011 03:33 GMT
#12
LMFAO. I loved the first one... couldn't see how it could get any better... and then you post this masterpiece. Please continue to write these, You are tempting me to use my alt account to worker rush every game just to see peoples reactions >.<
LiquidDota Staff
DisaFear
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Australia4074 Posts
October 05 2011 03:56 GMT
#13
Well written
How devious | http://anartisticanswer.blogspot.com.au/
whatthefat
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States918 Posts
October 05 2011 04:02 GMT
#14
This is hilarious, I can't wait for the next episode! Maybe you'll end up finding a secret league below bronze, inhabited only by worker rushers.
SlayerS_BoxeR: "I always feel sorry towards Greg (Grack?) T_T"
AnxiousHippo
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Australia1451 Posts
October 05 2011 04:03 GMT
#15
Poor Bronzies
An apple a day keeps the Protoss away | TLHF
iSometric
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
2221 Posts
October 05 2011 04:30 GMT
#16
Your shit gets revealed on garden of war after you lose your town hall and you just die when all your buildings die. So i dont see the point of hiding peons lol.
strava.com/athletes/zhaodynasty
Atreides
Profile Joined October 2010
United States2393 Posts
October 05 2011 04:36 GMT
#17
This is great stuff. Kudos, not for the behavior, but the behaviour is justifiable for the absolutely hilarious blogs you are producing from it.
Gheed
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States972 Posts
October 05 2011 04:42 GMT
#18
On October 05 2011 13:30 iSometric wrote:
Your shit gets revealed on garden of war after you lose your town hall and you just die when all your buildings die. So i dont see the point of hiding peons lol.


No, that feature was introduced in Warcraft 3. In Warcraft 2 you had to hunt for every last unit.
Treadmill
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada2833 Posts
October 05 2011 05:55 GMT
#19
This blog. Is hilarious. You've a gift for telling a story.
ymir233
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States8275 Posts
October 05 2011 06:05 GMT
#20
LOL

Sometimes I play Amnesia: the Dark Descent after facing those kinds of people. It helps me get my sanity back up.
Come motivate me to be cynical about animus at http://infinityandone.blogspot.com/ // Stork proxy gates are beautiful.
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