EPTSo I've spent these last couple of days sleeping at 3:30-4:00am and waking up at 10:30-11am. It's a good feeling to be able to do that but then an awful thing happened. This morning I woke up at 2pm. I felt so fucking frustrated I didn't know what to do so I just went with my regular routine of spending 10 minutes to try and turn on my damn computer while the kettle boils. Got on teamliquid and eased the frustration with the prospect of seeing DRG on TLAttack which went live on 6pm.
Between 2pm and 6pm I played 8 games of StarCraft, 7 of which I lost to Protoss and Zerg opponents. I felt so shitty and got frustrated more and more with every game. I dropped down about 100 points and I just couldn't believe how shitty the match up felt. I kept telling to myself that I can beat Zerg but at the same time I kept thinking that Protoss was too weak to be able to do anything to win other than just be a shit-ton better than the opponent or cheese. I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do.
I relaxed by playing some LoL Dominion with friends before I watched TLAttack and then spent 2 hours watching that. After that I went for a long hot shower. I felt refreshed and ready to tear up the ladder. It was going excellent until my StarCraft started getting buggy. I was just finishing losing my whole army to a terran because of my shitty positioning when the game crashed. I thought that it was just an anomaly and started the game again but it wouldn't. It crashed again, and again, and again. I couldn't get past the loading screen before the game crashed. Frustration stated to rise again but I calmed myself down and reinstalled the game and downloaded the patches.
After an hour of browsing damnlol, damnyouautocorrect, reddit, sc2manager, facebook, and fatpita, StarCraft 2 was finally done. It started on a good note again but for some stupid reason the game just crashed in the 1v1 loading screen. It counted it as a loss and I thought well, shit. I started the game again and my interface was all white and shitty. I had a shit-ton of lag, I left the game and yet again, it crashed. It told me to repair so I did but now it won't start. I ended up back to square one.
So I said fuck it let's play some minecraft and relax, but nooooo I can't do that because my Java is all messed up and I can't do shit about it. The internet seems to be ignorant to the problems that I'm having and due to being on bad terms with my brother because I told him to calm down after he couldn't keep his temper in check while he helped my mother log in to her ecdl program. Then we got in a small argument and being brothers and having spent most of my childhood admiring him and trying to copy his character, the argument ended in a stalemate.*
Now I'm screwed and writing this blog to calm down.
*My brother is 19 years older than I am, he started living with my grandma shortly before I was born. I used to love hanging out at grandma's house during the weekend since my brother had a room full of computers and consoles where he'd let me play games. Sometimes we'd even play LAN but he'd always beat me. He introduced me to StarCraft 1 and WarCraft II along with a multitude of other great games. I used to admire his intelligence and his skill in games, mainly fighting games. I also used to admire his strong character.
After 16 years he has changed and I no longer see him as my idol. He has become a pessimistic self-pitying perfectionist. He thinks that he is better than everyone else around him, his ego has devoured him. I fear I may have the same traits considering how I spent most of my life admiring him. I can no longer garner respect for my brother. Our parents asked my why I started to argue with him over his temper and I replied with the question of "when was the last time that you spoke to your son and you didn't have a discussion over who's opinion of anything is right?" I couldn't hold my tears back any longer.
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Well, I feel a bit relieved right now albeit a bit teary eyed. I'm sorry that I had to spill my innards out here, but I guess that's what blogs are made for right?
