• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 19:41
CEST 01:41
KST 08:41
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt2: News Flash10[ASL21] Ro24 Preview Pt1: New Chaos0Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy18ByuL: The Forgotten Master of ZvT30Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book20
Community News
$5,000 WardiTV TLMC tournament - Presented by Monster Energy1GSL CK: More events planned pending crowdfunding0Weekly Cups (May 30-Apr 5): herO, Clem, SHIN win0[BSL22] RO32 Group Stage4Weekly Cups (March 23-29): herO takes triple6
StarCraft 2
General
BGE Stara Zagora 2026 cancelled Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool Weekly Cups (May 30-Apr 5): herO, Clem, SHIN win Rongyi Cup S3 - Preview & Info Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - Presented by Monster Energy
Tourneys
RSL Season 4 announced for March-April $5,000 WardiTV TLMC tournament - Presented by Monster Energy Sea Duckling Open (Global, Bronze-Diamond) GSL CK: More events planned pending crowdfunding Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
Custom Maps
[D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3 [A] Nemrods 1/4 players [M] (2) Frigid Storage
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 520 Moving Fees Mutation # 519 Inner Power Mutation # 518 Radiation Zone
Brood War
General
so ive been playing broodwar for a week straight. Gypsy to Korea ASL21 General Discussion Pros React To: JaeDong vs Queen [BSL22] RO32 Group Stage
Tourneys
[BSL22] RO32 Group B - Sunday 21:00 CEST [BSL22] RO32 Group A - Saturday 21:00 CEST 🌍 Weekly Foreign Showmatches [Megathread] Daily Proleagues
Strategy
Muta micro map competition Fighting Spirit mining rates What's the deal with APM & what's its true value Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Starcraft Tabletop Miniature Game General RTS Discussion Thread Nintendo Switch Thread Darkest Dungeon
Dota 2
The Story of Wings Gaming Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
G2 just beat GenG in First stand
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion Cricket [SPORT] Tokyo Olympics 2021 Thread General nutrition recommendations
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
[G] How to Block Livestream Ads
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Loot Boxes—Emotions, And Why…
TrAiDoS
Broowar part 2
qwaykee
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
FS++
Kraekkling
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Electronics
mantequilla
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 2127 users

Just another day at the Blizzard office.

Blogs > Arcanefrost
Post a Reply
Normal
Arcanefrost
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Belgium1257 Posts
August 05 2011 19:05 GMT
#1
"I would like to conclude my presentation by stating that it would be a wise decision to remove rocks from the game." A terrible silence captured the room. David Kim wasn't an easy man to scare, but after saying those words he was frightened.

Not too long ago the Taiwanese player Sen sat in this very room, and dared to opposse Dustin Browder by saying close positions are imbalanced. The next day he lost in the NASL. Some say it was the voodoo priest Browder visited the night before. Others say Browder did a ritual dance with Navajo indians ( naked, but no one was eager to imagine that so it was often left out). Perhaps it was the bloody sacrifice of a goat by a notorious Haitian shaman that cursed Sen. One thing the stories had in common: Dustin Browder. That part must be true.

The silence seemed eternal, until somebody started clapping. David looked up slowly, and too his surprise it was Browder himself. A feeling of relief went away as quick as it came, when he suddenly realized the sound produced by the joining of hands told the careful listener that it meant "I will destroy you", more than "Good job". The others followed Dustin's example and started clapping as well.

David was Korean, and Koreans are fast, but no one can escape the mad rage of an American with a gun. He didn't actually know whether Dustin owned a gun, but he knew it was safer to presume every American had at least three of them.

"What a wonderful presentation Mr. Kim". The words rolled of his tongue in the same fashion a genuine compliment would, but the vague smile revealed his true intentions. The others saw it too, but no one dared to raise their voices.
David didn't blame them, the fear made him sweat, and he noticed drops of water running down Matt Cooper's forehead too. The brave man almost spoke up, but his open mouth failed to produce any words.

"Splendid, absolutely splenid", Dustin said with the same vicious smile on his face.
Don't you agree, Matt?", Dustin asked suddenly, while turning his head toward the poor designer.
"Your words described it as best as any words could", he said rather nervously.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dustin's roaring laughter went through flesh and bone.
Browder had trouble recapturing his breath after his sudden explosion of laughter. He stood up and faced his employees.
"I disagree", the words were cold as ice. "You can never have enough rocks".
The others nodded.

"We all had a good laugh, but it's time to work seriously again David. I would like your opinion on the new maps. We can only add one more and I really like the one with the 3 ramps to the natural, and rocks at every possible expansion. But that would mean sacrificing the one with dragons in the background, and dragons are the coolest thing ever. The dragon map also has more rocks, can you see the dilemma, David?", Dustin asked.

David was speechless for a brief moment, and then he pronounced the very safe and calculated words "We can just add more rocks to the first map, and add dragons in the background. We could even have a dragon sitting on every rock, to attack players who try to break them down."

Browder smiled, this time the smile was a sincere one. "It's good to have you back, David".

David's relief made him laugh. "That wasn't too bad", he thought.

The next day David Kim had a 119 game long losing streak, and dropped all the way to the bronze league. For 118 consecutive games he had to play Tasteless. He lost them all. After every game Tasteless couldn't help himself and made jokes about stealing ladder points from nerds. After 118 games David didn't have any points to steal left. Tasteless logged off in disappointment.

David decided to play one more to get his points back. However he lost game 119 to the bronze league player "Mr.Bunnypants", who caught him off guard with a 10 minute 3 roach timing attack.

That same day Browder was looking with unreal pleasure at the biggest rock covering the gold base, with of course the biggest dragon defending it, and whispered: "My precious."



****
Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
radscorpion9
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada2252 Posts
August 05 2011 19:10 GMT
#2
You are a very good satirical writer. I enjoyed that
Wik
Profile Joined July 2010
United States125 Posts
August 05 2011 19:13 GMT
#3
I'm so confused right now, wasn't this posted before back in July? xX
Homo for Lomo
N3rV[Green]
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States1935 Posts
August 05 2011 19:13 GMT
#4
I've read this somewhere before...........
Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.
Arcanefrost
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Belgium1257 Posts
August 05 2011 19:15 GMT
#5
I posted this before but I messed up and it didnt get into my blog like I wanted it to, so I reposted. Sorry for the confusion.
Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
Snowbear
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Korea (South)1925 Posts
August 05 2011 19:54 GMT
#6
Arcanegaming <3
Emporio
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States3069 Posts
August 05 2011 20:02 GMT
#7
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.
How does it feel knowing you wasted another 3 seconds of your life reading this again?
Calm
Profile Joined September 2010
Canada380 Posts
August 05 2011 20:11 GMT
#8
On August 06 2011 05:02 Emporio wrote:
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.


Isn't that what the PF is?
Crisium
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States1618 Posts
August 05 2011 20:33 GMT
#9
Amazing.
Broodwar and Stork forever! List of BW players with most Ro16, Ro8: http://tinyurl.com/BWRo16-Ro8
Probe1
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States17920 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-05 20:36:02
August 05 2011 20:34 GMT
#10
5/5 for amusement.

1/5 for not labeling it properly as nonfiction.
Fucking rocks -_-

Please write SC2 fiction. That was 140% more enjoyable than Heaven's Devils.
우정호 KT_VIOLET 1988 - 2012 While we are postponing, life speeds by
Primadog
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States4411 Posts
August 05 2011 20:36 GMT
#11
Neutral PFs at all naturals? Don't give them ideas.
Thank God and gunrun.
GigaFlop
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1146 Posts
August 05 2011 20:43 GMT
#12
bring on the dragons! especially if you can morph them from larvae.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ "Shift-Q oftentimes makes a capital Q" - Day[9] || iNcontrol - Alligator from heaven = ^
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
August 05 2011 20:46 GMT
#13
What the hell did I just read, it was awesome.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
SiCkO_
Profile Joined September 2010
United States481 Posts
August 05 2011 20:59 GMT
#14
Absolutely amazing

would read again
SKT Toss line Fighting! | Bisu, BeSt, By.Sun! |
neSix
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States1772 Posts
August 05 2011 21:26 GMT
#15
On August 06 2011 05:11 Calm wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 06 2011 05:02 Emporio wrote:
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.


Isn't that what the PF is?

Ahahaha!

The story was funny, but I wouldn't have five-stared it if it hadn't produced this gem of a comment.

Great work from you both! :D
Crais
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada2136 Posts
August 05 2011 21:30 GMT
#16
lol that was great
RIP MBC Game Hero
Mastermind
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada7096 Posts
August 05 2011 21:35 GMT
#17
lol that was pretty good.
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
August 05 2011 21:39 GMT
#18
Better than Dan Brown.
Not saying much, but I liked it!
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
August 05 2011 21:41 GMT
#19
lol, good read arcanefrost!
Administrator
GrapeD
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada679 Posts
August 05 2011 21:53 GMT
#20
very good. Please don't give them ideas for the rocks tho :|
5stars!
Some people hurt people. I defenestrate those people.
DyEnasTy
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States3714 Posts
August 05 2011 23:01 GMT
#21
Lol loved it
Much better to die an awesome Terran than to live as a magic wielding fairy or a mindless sac of biological goop. -Manifesto7
AzTec
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada178 Posts
August 05 2011 23:08 GMT
#22
Holy lol the Tasteless thing came out of nowhere and made me laugh so hard.
LML
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Germany1785 Posts
August 05 2011 23:17 GMT
#23
haha, very nice read
LML
JieXian
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Malaysia4677 Posts
August 06 2011 00:06 GMT
#24
On August 06 2011 08:08 AzTec wrote:
Holy lol the Tasteless thing came out of nowhere and made me laugh so hard.

hahahaha

but as everyone else said it's making all of us worry...........
Please send me a PM of any song you like that I most probably never heard of! I am looking for people to chat about writing and producing music | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noD-bsOcxuU |
saritenite
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Singapore1680 Posts
August 06 2011 05:16 GMT
#25
I demand a Nestea vs Dustin Browder Bo7, where Nestea complains about imbalance and Dustin does what he does
urashimakt
Profile Joined October 2009
United States1591 Posts
August 12 2011 10:26 GMT
#26
If the next new map doesn't have a neutral hostile PF at every possible expansion then I don't know what to put my faith in anymore.
Who dat ninja?
Normal
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 19m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
SpeCial 166
StarCraft: Brood War
GuemChi 2901
Artosis 642
Noble 20
Dota 2
monkeys_forever384
capcasts148
League of Legends
JimRising 429
Counter-Strike
Coldzera 1685
Super Smash Bros
hungrybox320
C9.Mang0298
Mew2King82
AZ_Axe77
Other Games
summit1g19740
Day[9].tv492
ROOTCatZ77
ViBE72
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick600
BasetradeTV136
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 20 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• RyuSc2 53
• davetesta6
• mYiSmile13
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• sooper7s
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Migwel
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 28
• HerbMon 12
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
Dota 2
• masondota21236
League of Legends
• Doublelift3924
Other Games
• imaqtpie1207
• Scarra648
• Day9tv492
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
19m
The PondCast
10h 19m
CranKy Ducklings
1d
WardiTV Team League
1d 11h
Replay Cast
2 days
CranKy Ducklings
2 days
WardiTV Team League
2 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
2 days
BSL
2 days
n0maD vs perroflaco
TerrOr vs ZZZero
MadiNho vs WolFix
DragOn vs LancerX
Sparkling Tuna Cup
3 days
[ Show More ]
WardiTV Team League
3 days
OSC
3 days
BSL
3 days
Sterling vs Azhi_Dahaki
Napoleon vs Mazur
Jimin vs Nesh
spx vs Strudel
Replay Cast
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Wardi Open
4 days
GSL
5 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Kung Fu Cup
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

CSL Elite League 2026
RSL Revival: Season 4
NationLESS Cup

Ongoing

BSL Season 22
ASL Season 21
CSL 2026 SPRING (S20)
StarCraft2 Community Team League 2026 Spring
Nations Cup 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League S23 Finals
ESL Pro League S23 Stage 1&2
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S2: W2
IPSL Spring 2026
Escore Tournament S2: W3
Acropolis #4
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
RSL Revival: Season 5
WardiTV TLMC #16
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
CCT Season 3 Global Finals
IEM Rio 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.