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Blogs > Arcanefrost
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Arcanefrost
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Belgium1257 Posts
August 05 2011 19:05 GMT
#1
"I would like to conclude my presentation by stating that it would be a wise decision to remove rocks from the game." A terrible silence captured the room. David Kim wasn't an easy man to scare, but after saying those words he was frightened.

Not too long ago the Taiwanese player Sen sat in this very room, and dared to opposse Dustin Browder by saying close positions are imbalanced. The next day he lost in the NASL. Some say it was the voodoo priest Browder visited the night before. Others say Browder did a ritual dance with Navajo indians ( naked, but no one was eager to imagine that so it was often left out). Perhaps it was the bloody sacrifice of a goat by a notorious Haitian shaman that cursed Sen. One thing the stories had in common: Dustin Browder. That part must be true.

The silence seemed eternal, until somebody started clapping. David looked up slowly, and too his surprise it was Browder himself. A feeling of relief went away as quick as it came, when he suddenly realized the sound produced by the joining of hands told the careful listener that it meant "I will destroy you", more than "Good job". The others followed Dustin's example and started clapping as well.

David was Korean, and Koreans are fast, but no one can escape the mad rage of an American with a gun. He didn't actually know whether Dustin owned a gun, but he knew it was safer to presume every American had at least three of them.

"What a wonderful presentation Mr. Kim". The words rolled of his tongue in the same fashion a genuine compliment would, but the vague smile revealed his true intentions. The others saw it too, but no one dared to raise their voices.
David didn't blame them, the fear made him sweat, and he noticed drops of water running down Matt Cooper's forehead too. The brave man almost spoke up, but his open mouth failed to produce any words.

"Splendid, absolutely splenid", Dustin said with the same vicious smile on his face.
Don't you agree, Matt?", Dustin asked suddenly, while turning his head toward the poor designer.
"Your words described it as best as any words could", he said rather nervously.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dustin's roaring laughter went through flesh and bone.
Browder had trouble recapturing his breath after his sudden explosion of laughter. He stood up and faced his employees.
"I disagree", the words were cold as ice. "You can never have enough rocks".
The others nodded.

"We all had a good laugh, but it's time to work seriously again David. I would like your opinion on the new maps. We can only add one more and I really like the one with the 3 ramps to the natural, and rocks at every possible expansion. But that would mean sacrificing the one with dragons in the background, and dragons are the coolest thing ever. The dragon map also has more rocks, can you see the dilemma, David?", Dustin asked.

David was speechless for a brief moment, and then he pronounced the very safe and calculated words "We can just add more rocks to the first map, and add dragons in the background. We could even have a dragon sitting on every rock, to attack players who try to break them down."

Browder smiled, this time the smile was a sincere one. "It's good to have you back, David".

David's relief made him laugh. "That wasn't too bad", he thought.

The next day David Kim had a 119 game long losing streak, and dropped all the way to the bronze league. For 118 consecutive games he had to play Tasteless. He lost them all. After every game Tasteless couldn't help himself and made jokes about stealing ladder points from nerds. After 118 games David didn't have any points to steal left. Tasteless logged off in disappointment.

David decided to play one more to get his points back. However he lost game 119 to the bronze league player "Mr.Bunnypants", who caught him off guard with a 10 minute 3 roach timing attack.

That same day Browder was looking with unreal pleasure at the biggest rock covering the gold base, with of course the biggest dragon defending it, and whispered: "My precious."



****
Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
radscorpion9
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Canada2252 Posts
August 05 2011 19:10 GMT
#2
You are a very good satirical writer. I enjoyed that
Wik
Profile Joined July 2010
United States125 Posts
August 05 2011 19:13 GMT
#3
I'm so confused right now, wasn't this posted before back in July? xX
Homo for Lomo
N3rV[Green]
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States1935 Posts
August 05 2011 19:13 GMT
#4
I've read this somewhere before...........
Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.
Arcanefrost
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Belgium1257 Posts
August 05 2011 19:15 GMT
#5
I posted this before but I messed up and it didnt get into my blog like I wanted it to, so I reposted. Sorry for the confusion.
Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
Snowbear
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Korea (South)1925 Posts
August 05 2011 19:54 GMT
#6
Arcanegaming <3
Emporio
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States3069 Posts
August 05 2011 20:02 GMT
#7
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.
How does it feel knowing you wasted another 3 seconds of your life reading this again?
Calm
Profile Joined September 2010
Canada380 Posts
August 05 2011 20:11 GMT
#8
On August 06 2011 05:02 Emporio wrote:
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.


Isn't that what the PF is?
Crisium
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States1618 Posts
August 05 2011 20:33 GMT
#9
Amazing.
Broodwar and Stork forever! List of BW players with most Ro16, Ro8: http://tinyurl.com/BWRo16-Ro8
Probe1
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States17920 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-05 20:36:02
August 05 2011 20:34 GMT
#10
5/5 for amusement.

1/5 for not labeling it properly as nonfiction.
Fucking rocks -_-

Please write SC2 fiction. That was 140% more enjoyable than Heaven's Devils.
우정호 KT_VIOLET 1988 - 2012 While we are postponing, life speeds by
Primadog
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States4411 Posts
August 05 2011 20:36 GMT
#11
Neutral PFs at all naturals? Don't give them ideas.
Thank God and gunrun.
GigaFlop
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1146 Posts
August 05 2011 20:43 GMT
#12
bring on the dragons! especially if you can morph them from larvae.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ "Shift-Q oftentimes makes a capital Q" - Day[9] || iNcontrol - Alligator from heaven = ^
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
August 05 2011 20:46 GMT
#13
What the hell did I just read, it was awesome.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
SiCkO_
Profile Joined September 2010
United States481 Posts
August 05 2011 20:59 GMT
#14
Absolutely amazing

would read again
SKT Toss line Fighting! | Bisu, BeSt, By.Sun! |
neSix
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States1772 Posts
August 05 2011 21:26 GMT
#15
On August 06 2011 05:11 Calm wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 06 2011 05:02 Emporio wrote:
Self-defending destructable rocks? Oh my goodness.


Isn't that what the PF is?

Ahahaha!

The story was funny, but I wouldn't have five-stared it if it hadn't produced this gem of a comment.

Great work from you both! :D
Crais
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada2136 Posts
August 05 2011 21:30 GMT
#16
lol that was great
RIP MBC Game Hero
Mastermind
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada7096 Posts
August 05 2011 21:35 GMT
#17
lol that was pretty good.
Torte de Lini
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany38463 Posts
August 05 2011 21:39 GMT
#18
Better than Dan Brown.
Not saying much, but I liked it!
https://twitter.com/#!/TorteDeLini (@TorteDeLini)
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
August 05 2011 21:41 GMT
#19
lol, good read arcanefrost!
Administrator
GrapeD
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada679 Posts
August 05 2011 21:53 GMT
#20
very good. Please don't give them ideas for the rocks tho :|
5stars!
Some people hurt people. I defenestrate those people.
DyEnasTy
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States3714 Posts
August 05 2011 23:01 GMT
#21
Lol loved it
Much better to die an awesome Terran than to live as a magic wielding fairy or a mindless sac of biological goop. -Manifesto7
AzTec
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada178 Posts
August 05 2011 23:08 GMT
#22
Holy lol the Tasteless thing came out of nowhere and made me laugh so hard.
LML
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
Germany1764 Posts
August 05 2011 23:17 GMT
#23
haha, very nice read
LML
JieXian
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Malaysia4677 Posts
August 06 2011 00:06 GMT
#24
On August 06 2011 08:08 AzTec wrote:
Holy lol the Tasteless thing came out of nowhere and made me laugh so hard.

hahahaha

but as everyone else said it's making all of us worry...........
Please send me a PM of any song you like that I most probably never heard of! I am looking for people to chat about writing and producing music | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noD-bsOcxuU |
saritenite
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Singapore1680 Posts
August 06 2011 05:16 GMT
#25
I demand a Nestea vs Dustin Browder Bo7, where Nestea complains about imbalance and Dustin does what he does
urashimakt
Profile Joined October 2009
United States1591 Posts
August 12 2011 10:26 GMT
#26
If the next new map doesn't have a neutral hostile PF at every possible expansion then I don't know what to put my faith in anymore.
Who dat ninja?
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