Feeling discouraged

RedJustice

United States1004 Posts

July 19 2011 06:02 GMT

This blog is mostly for my own benefit. I just want to voice all my worries and stress.

One of my friends calls this 'falling forward'-- tumbling forward without being able to catch your balance.

It happens when small homework assignments build up-- things you could handle individually just fine, but as a whole that become too much to finish well in the time you have-- and you start to get behind, and you just can't catch up again. Everything is stressful and horrible. You spend the whole semester just trying to survive til break on caffeine and last minute papers and ramen noodles.

It's kinda happening to me in life right now. A lot of little things going on that are sucky. By themselves, they are those things that you wish were different but shrug and learn to accept. All together, it starts to feel really overwhelming, like everything in my life is coming undone.

I don't have much of a support system. I am very legitimately 'on my own'. I have some good friends, but the most they can do is listen, and atm different ones are at points in their life where I don't feel I should burden them with my problems right now.

Long, long rant about different issues to get it out.
+ Show Spoiler +

- Money problems:

I 100% support myself and don't have anyone willing to give me money or make me a loan (except maybe the bank, but I really do not want to go into debt). As a student at uni, I have a scholarship that covers most of my school costs, but I still have to pay for things like insurance, books, food, flights and places to stay over breaks (when the campus closes), clothes, etc.

I work hard-- working full time atm for my school over the summer so that I have free housing and am able to save my paychecks for the school year. During the year, I will have two jobs, and am looking to pick up a third. It's really hard to find a job that pays much when I don't have a degree and also have to work around my school hours though, so my weekly paycheck doesn't really cut it.

I manage my money really well-- I spend about $50 a week on food, but sometimes I don't actually have that much even. My scholarship is also changing this coming year, so I am expected to work twice as much as part of my package. (They doubled my work study, and I couldn't even cover all of my work study with work study jobs last year. When I work more (and have more income to cover it) they raise my contributions more. I have been in to the financial aid offices many times; nothing I can do about that.

- Schedule problems:

Sometimes I work 16 hour work days. I am on call 24-7. It's only for the summer, but with everything else I'm worried about, it's really wearing me out. Not much I can do about the schedule, but at least it will be over soon.

During the school year though, I take art studio classes-- 3 hours twice a week. This means about 30 hours in class each week, plus my homeworks (often I have to go into the art studio to finish it late at night once the classes are out), plus my jobs. This kind of hectic schedule really wears you out mentally and physically. I don't get days off really, but I can't /not/ work when I have no money.

- Health problems:

Clearly the schedule is really bad for you for a sustained period of time. I already have sleep issues, but this just makes it very much worse. I am chronically with only a few hours (or none) of sleep. I get a lot of back and shoulder pain because of this.

I have trouble eating well (or eating). Buying healthy food is a problem. I cook for myself to save money, but ramen noodles is not nutritious. Fruits, vegetables, meats, all get expensive. I can't have enough for all of my meals if I buy healthful foods. Also, with my long schedule, it's hard to find time to cook and eat when I do have the money for it. I come home after 12 hours of class, and I just don't want to spend 30-45 minutes prepping and cooking a meal. I'd rather go to bed without food and get a few hours of sleep.

My eyesight has been bad since I was very little, and it keeps getting worse in one eye. I almost legally blind now in that eye, and the eye doctor says I have torn nerves from the strain. I don't have money for surgery... but I also don't want to go blind... but I don't know if the surgery would even make a huge difference, since the torn nerve is mostly making it get worse faster and causing me some pain.

My body feels 'off' lately. I am not a super exerciser-- I wish I had time and energy to go to a gym a few times a week, but I feel like everything is a trade off with sleep. I have been in good shape most of my life though. I enjoy pick up sports, and my mile is still under 8 minutes, which is decent. I walk everywhere. I will walk 4 miles to the mall in the snow if I want something since I don't have money for public transport.

However, often I will get sudden bouts of feeling faint or like I can't catch my breath/breathe well. I get aches and pains, and though I haven't gotten particularly ill I am constantly getting little colds and coughs. My habits haven't changed, but I am gaining some weight (not noticeable to others, but I can tell in my clothes) which is something that has not happened literally since I was in the 6th grade. A lot of health problems that are immune system related run in my family, and I am paranoid of developing some difficult diseases that I don't have money for (lupus especially I am scared of getting).

- Future Problems

I grew up in a home where there was never enough money for basic necessities such as food, or clothes, or housing. I don't want my life to be like that. It is like that now. I fear that it will be like that in the future. I feel like I am a person that is 'ok' at everything, but not 'great' at anything. I worry about getting a job in this economy once I graduate-- but if I don't have a job when I do, I will be flat out homeless. The further down you get, the harder it is to get back up, I know.

There are a lot of things I want for my quality of life that aren't big things or unreasonable things that I really feel are impossible to attain. I want to be able to own a home-- a little one that's not brand new, but that's big enough for me. I want to be able to feed and take care of an animal. I want to have a life where I have time to be at home and read and rest, instead of going from one job to my second job to my third job, and crashing for four hours of sleep each night.

I would like to be able to go on vacation-- even just to have money and time to take a tent and go to state parks. I dream about having a job where I can make art I'm proud of and be around people I love who make me happy. This seems to me kind of not realistic. I think very few people get to have jobs doing things they love that make them happy. I don't know if I am good enough to do it. Maybe I will have to settle for something else-- which is ok with me if I can have the time and money for some of the other little things.

I worry about people in my life. My family and I don't really talk. I have no support from them. I am friendly, but I've been hurt and let down by a lot of people-- I have a hard time being close friends with someone. It takes me a few years usually to become good friends with someone. I don't want to be at some point in my life where I think to myself there is no one I could talk to if I need someone.

I feel really cynical about relationships right now. I don't know how possible it is to get it right and find someone who loves you with all your flaws and is willing to live the rest of their lives with you. It's something that's really important to me though, so... :/

Basically boils down to: money issues compounded with schedule issues cause health issues, and with concerns about my future I basically feel really crappy and discouraged about life in general.

I know lots of people go through some hard times, and then get those things they want in the long run. I know lots of people make very small amounts of money and still have many of the things I hope for. Realistically though I know there are many people that don't. For me, it is something I have experienced all my life-- I have seen it in my parents' lives, and my aunt's life, and my uncles' lives, and friends' lives; these are people who work hard, who have degrees, who just can't find anything that lasts. I don't believe my degree and hard work will necessarily get me a good paying job where I don't have to worry about paying for food, let alone everything else.

I'm falling foward. I feel like I'm over my head, and I have no sense of control over my life. It's just trying to stay alive until... some indefinite point in the future. I feel discouraged about everything. I don't feel like my life is good right now, and I don't believe it's going to get better any time soon.

Practical advice and/or sympathy appreciated, but not really looking for anything except to get it all out. <3

Turo

Canada333 Posts

July 19 2011 06:09 GMT

sometimes a loan is better than what you're going through.

good luck.

Th1rdEye

United States1074 Posts

July 19 2011 06:12 GMT

Excuse me

Probulous

Australia3894 Posts

July 19 2011 06:16 GMT

I feel ya (in the most platonic manner possible).

I think most students have been through something similar. All I can say is try to remember that right now, your biggest asset is your education. Sure the economy is tanked to hell and you can earn more money at MacDonalds then in your field. This will not always be the case.

I agree that taking out a loan may be an option, however you obviously have the stress of repayments then.

I would try and remember that you are doing this for the long term gain. A degree will help you escape whatever circumstances you are in, much more than giving up now.

Finally, find some friends. Decent friends and try to relax. At some point stressing about your work does more damage than good. Karma is a bitch like that.

Good luck

Probulous

Australia3894 Posts

July 19 2011 06:19 GMT

On July 19 2011 15:12 Galaxy_Zerg wrote:
There are people who walk miles for water
People who starve daily...

...
...
...

who will never own a computer, never go to proper school, never have money for healthcare, let alone have healthcare..

wake up before life wakes you up

This is nice and depressing...

Should I finish my food because there are starving kids in Africa too. Honestly how exactly does this add anything to this blog? Should we all weep for the poor, wail and fret about the lack of healthcare for others/

Ligitimate concerns for society -> Yes

For this person in this particular circumstance -> No

My problems may be less than other, that doesn't mean they are not problems.

wonderwall

New Zealand695 Posts

July 19 2011 06:20 GMT

Sounds like you're overworked and are trying to make something out of nothing. My parents always told me that you can't pay bills with money that isn't there. Currently you're trying to pay for uni fees with money which you can't realistically get. You're going to be able to do thisschedule for what, 2-3 more months? Then you'll get seriously sick with something and be bed ridden. Whats going to happen then? Sounds like you need to suck it up and get money from somewhere. Sometimes you can get student allowances for a cost of living level of spending. Worst case scenario you will need to take out a student loan.

Sounds like you're trying to work on time you don't have to pay for things which you can't afford on your own. Looks like you'll have to swallow your pride and get a loan from somewhere.

aeoliant

Canada361 Posts

July 19 2011 06:26 GMT

my advice? i can't comment on relationships because I'm not you and I don't know you but in terms of balancing work/school did you think about toning down school a notch so you can live healthier? Like instead of taking like a full courseload, take half? this will make school cheaper (so you can spend money elsewhere/work less) and give you more time to do shit (like live). the downside is that it'll take twice as long to get your degree.. but you will enjoy life more.. lots of my friends are doing this now and they seem happy.. maybe something to consider?

i guarantee that if you are happy today then tomorrow will look that much brighter. gl hf

adeptz

Australia220 Posts

July 19 2011 07:30 GMT

Well, you probably already know this but ramen + stress + more ramen = weight gain.

Ignoring the eye issue, i think you're getting little ailments here and there simply because of the huge amount of stress you're experiencing right now. Anything that affects the mind in this way will affect the body eventually.

Is there any way you can halve your load over a longer period of time? That'll give you more time to relax, or work to cover less fees in any specific period of time.

Also do note that a lot of people end up working as something that is different to what they originally studied in. The degree is merely a piece of paper that gets you into interviews (and in some cases, you still get in) - what will get you the job eventually is YOU. You'd be surprised how far personal responsibility, accountability, integrity, critical thinking and a can-do attitude can bring you in terms of employment opportunities.

Furthermore, why should you let other people's achievements (or lack of) determine how YOU will turn out? You're not them, and they're not you - every scenario is different. You control your destiny.

Swwww

Switzerland812 Posts

July 19 2011 08:00 GMT

Sounds like you are going through quite the rough patch friend

.

You might want to try going to talk to someone at your university, a counsellor perhaps - maybe they can advise you on what you should try to do. I know I have used the counselling service at my uni before and they have been really nice and extremely helpful.

I don't really know what more to say but I hope this helps!

Ghin

United States2391 Posts

July 19 2011 08:26 GMT

#10

As someone who is professionally relaxed, I feel that you need to try relaxing more often. I'll try to help you with an effective method.

Here's what you'll need:
A cheap wine glass from the dollar store
Your favorite form of alcohol (I might suggest gin)
A couch

1) Pour favorite beverage into cheap wine glass
2) Sit on the couch
3) Drink and try to relax

Also, keep in mind that how you breathe is important to relaxing. Breathe slowly and calmly to help relax.

If that doesn't work, I'm available professionally as a relaxation expert and I would be happy to show you. I take appointments Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and I make house calls. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Joeeigel

United Kingdom328 Posts

July 19 2011 08:59 GMT

#11

I clicked this thread because in the sidebar it was shortened to 'Feeling Disco...', needless to say, I was disappointed.+ Show Spoiler +

However a word of advice, do your homework soonish after you have been given it, now the night before the deadline, I almost failed my first year of University because of that, it also helps to reduce stress because you get it out of your mind quicker, and even have time to alter it if you think of something you wish to change in future, before the deadline.

disco

Netherlands1667 Posts

July 19 2011 09:03 GMT

#12

I just thought this was a bit awkward.

OpticalShot

Canada6330 Posts

July 19 2011 15:21 GMT

#13

LOL @ disco

Oh but yeah on topic, you're working yourself too damn hard right now. Money can't buy good health (well I hope you do get money to pay for your surgery though) and I think loans are much better options than working ridiculous hours for a measly pay. It's good to be financially independent but you also have to remember being independent means you have to take care of your own health. Good degree, money, relationships... all crumble down to nothing if are not healthy.

I was financially independent starting college and I mainly lived on loans + scholarships, probably heavier on loans hehe. Done my degree and working full-time now, starting to pay off my debt. It's not so bad.

panda_inc

Australia170 Posts

July 19 2011 15:27 GMT

#14

omg and I thought I had it tough... you are my role model and hero... I feel so ashamed.....
I'm really worried about your health though. I think that should be your number 1 piority right now... what I try to do is just have as much a set sleeping and eating pattern as possible. never miss a meal even if its just like an apple or a muffin can go a long way and drink lots of water!!!

RedJustice

United States1004 Posts

July 19 2011 16:14 GMT

#15

Thanks guys. <3 Cheered me up to have people respond in a thoughtful way.

Sorry for those of you who thought there would be disco in here.

There ya go.

I have thought about loans, but I am scared to take any out, as I am worried about not being able to pay it back if I can't find a job after graduation (in which case I would probably need more loans to get by, but it's hard to get money if you don't have money, lol). I keep reading news articles about the number of college students who have difficulty finding anything after graduation. Also the student career office at my school is completely useless, haha.

Maybe if I took out a small loan so I don't have to work as much/can afford some better food = a better life style I will end up paying for it less in the long run (in terms of time for my classes, health problems, happiness). That seems to be everyone's consensus, so probably I should seriously look into it.

Servius_Fulvius

United States947 Posts

July 19 2011 16:40 GMT

#16

On July 19 2011 15:02 RedJustice wrote:
I manage my money really well-- I spend about $50 a week on food, but sometimes I don't actually have that much even.

(Sorry for the length, I didn't realize how much I had to say about this! I have major issues affording food, and I have to bike 3 miles to the store, so there is an added challenge!)

My food budget is also $50 a week. I bump it up to $60 because I also buy hygiene items and apartment supplies with the same budget. I rarely go over $55 unless I'm getting $10 cash back for laundry.

Let's face it, on this budget no one is going to eat super-healthy. Then again, it doesn't mean you have to starve or subsist on Ramen. Sure, a box of 12 ramen costs a couple bucks and will feed you twelve times, but a pound of meat and a few extra ingredients costs $10 and feeds you 4-6 times and won't leave you feeling like crap (don't know about you, but when I eat ramen I'm rolling the dice on feeling sick).

There's plenty of things you can cook that don't take a lot of prep time. As a grad student I know full well what it's like to get home for a few lucky hours and wanting to do nothing but lay on a couch and destress.

Pro Tips:

*Invest in a slow-cooker. I got a 2 quart crock pot from Target for $11 and a 4 quart from Wal Mart for $20. Most of my recipes involve thawing meat, cutting up a few vegetables, and spooning in some spices. 20 minutes max. Throw it in a slow cooker for 8-10 hours and when you get back you have dinner waiting for you (and THAT is a WONDERFUL feeling!). My $15 rice cooker also makes cheap side-dishes for less than one minute of prep time (and $5 of rice lasts months!).

*..Don't buy groceries from Wal Mart and instead shop at a smaller local grocery store (I highly recommend Aldi if there is one near you). Yeah, Wal Mart has low prices and roll backs. You can also buy name-brand food for less. Can't lose, right? I was eating well and spending about $65 a week on groceries. I bike 3 miles to get my food every week, and one week I took a different route and found a Winn Dixie (smaller grocery chain). I picked up their free discount card and before I knew it I was spending $40-$50 a week for the same things I was getting from Wal Mart. As long as you don't buy brands, take advantage of sales, and don't expect luxuries you'll be fine. If, however, you're buying spices for the first time it will make shopping a little more expensive for a few weeks, but once those are built up they last a long time!

*Carry your food budget while shopping. I carry a piece of paper and a pen. I code B, L, D, H (breakfast, lunch, dinner, hydiene) and next to them write my budge ($10, $18, $22, $10 usually). Whenever you pick something up put down the price. If I get an $0.80 clove of garlic I'll write 1 for dinner and add the prices sequentially as I shop (so if I got $6 of ground beef next I'd put in a comma by the 1 and then write 7, etc.). Successive over and under estimations approximate sales tax fairly well. The furthest I've ever been off is $2 and the closest I've gotten is within $0.10 (been doing this for 9ish months). The point of all this is to know how much you're spending for certain meals so you know where to cut back. It's also ok to go a little over if there's a great sale (like 2/$4 of toothpaste!). Anyway, the grand total at the register should never come as a terrible surprise.

*..Don't be afraid to buy meats. You mentioned they were expensive. I agree, compared to mac and cheese or spaghettios you're getting less for more. But are you? When I say "meats", I'm specifically talking about sausages, ground beef, and chicken. Steak, ribs, bacon, and a lot of pork is generally out of your price range. In fact, lean beef is also out of your price range. What does that leave us? Well, $1.5 lbs of 80% ground beef cost me $6 a few days ago. 1.25 lbs of three italian sausage links was $3.25. 1.65 lbs. of boneless skinless chicken breast is $6.50 ($5 at Wal Mart - about the only thing of theirs I will recommend here!). Each is the main ingredient of a meal that will cost about $10 total. Said meal will feed me 3-4 times. Two of these and you're set with dinner for a week!

*Sack lunch. It takes five minutes to make a sack lunch. A sandwich, a couple healthy-sih items (for me it's gogurt and baby carrots - $14 to keep these in stock for a month!), and some side. Add a brown bag and plastic baggies ($5 every two months) and you're set! I prefer deli meat sandwiches since it tastes better and doesn't leave me feeling like crap ($7/lb versus $5/lb of the over-processed crap). What you put in is personal preference, I'm just using myself as an example here.

*Freeze bread. It takes me two weeks to finish my $2 off-brand wheat or grain bread loaf. Freezing it immediately keeps it from going stale. Same goes for hotdog and hamburger buns. In fact, when you make a sandwich with frozen bread it's completely thawed by the time lunch rolls around!

*Know the unavoidable expensive items. Some necessities are more costly than others and must be planned around. For me, milk is $3/qty, shredded cheese is $4 for 2 8 oz. bags, deli meat is $7/lb (with sale, and there is always a sale on something!), cereal is close to $3/box, and if I get oven pizza it's 3 for $5. There's also the periodic need for potatoes ($5/5 lbs.) and onions ($4/3 lbs.). Knowing this is it easier to plan around the need.

*Experiment. A few years ago I discovered that frozen meatballs, tomato soup, shredded cheese and chili powder was very tasty (and $10 for about 8 meals!). This is when I was living on $30/week on groceries! Healthy? Not quite, but it wasn't ramen, spaghettios, or banquet, so I was happy! I have a friend in law school who was literally homeless for a few days and he swears by homemade soup (tried it in a slow cooker - incredibly easy with about 10 minutes prep time).

Sorry again for the length, but I live on a tight budget, work a lot, and come from a family that struggles a ton financially too, but all of this helped keep me fed! I've found that life is a lot less stressful when you have ways to eat something that isn't ramen!

Seriously, though. Get a slow cooker, they're awesome!

RedJustice

United States1004 Posts

July 19 2011 18:51 GMT

#17

Hey, thanks for the response!

There is unfortunately exactly one grocery store within any reasonable distance from me, so unfortunately I don't have much options about where I shop. However, it is a small local store that is reasonably priced.

I don't mean to sound like I ONLY eat ramen, lol. However, when I have $10 in my bank account... that's what I end up eating for a week (I'd say this happens about one week a month). I also tend to supplement my other foods with ramen or plain pasta noodles because it's hard to afford other food for all my meals (4-5 meals or ramen a week + 1 week of pretty much all ramen is pretty bad for me I think).

I also make a list before I go, and keep track of prices as I shop so I know what I can cut back on or what I should get instead if I can't find something on sale. I know to look at the bottom and top of the shelf, and I compare price per oz. I think my prices here are slightly higher than yours on some things but fairly close. I generally try to get things that contribute to all my meals through the week. For example-- I know I can mix the chicken with my pasta, and also make a simple taco, or eat it over a baked potato, or on my salad, etc.

I have a lot of cooking experience on a tiny budget but there are a limited amount of cheap items you can get (which admittedly you can do a lot with). Let me know if there are some other items I should try adding to this list!

General weekly grocery list tends to come from some of these:

Milk
Cheap (healthy!) cereal
Bread
Meat (1 lb chicken/ground beef or 4-5 cans of tuna)
Cheap plain soups
Pasta
Fruit (it's hard to find edible fruit at my store a lot lol, but if I catch some seasonal stuff I get it)
Salad (again hard to find stuff that doesn't look suspicious)
Large yogurt container
Potatoes
Tortillas
Small block of cheese
Ramen for the meals I won't have left over stuff for.

So that's not a full list of what I get each week. There's a bit of a trade off-- like if I buy fruit, no cheese, if I buy salad, no potatoes, etc.

A slow cooker seems like a good idea maybe for during school or on long work days. I will see if I can find one.

Servius_Fulvius

United States947 Posts

July 19 2011 19:43 GMT

#18

On July 20 2011 03:51 RedJustice wrote:
I don't mean to sound like I ONLY eat ramen, lol. However, when I have $10 in my bank account... that's what I end up eating for a week (I'd say this happens about one week a month). I also tend to supplement my other foods with ramen or plain pasta noodles because it's hard to afford other food for all my meals (4-5 meals or ramen a week + 1 week of pretty much all ramen is pretty bad for me I think).

Wow...you know, last week I had ramen three times. Two of them were within a 24 hour period. The 24 hours after that I felt like utter garbage. I never ate if for a week straight, but I would go through a box every 10 days or so a few years ago. Then, for almost no reason, my body started to hate it causing bouts of "ramen poisoning", especially if prepared in a microwave. Props to your body for being able to take it!

As for your list of food, I only have a couple suggestions: rice and beans. It's filling, a $5 bag of rice lasts forever, and it's chuck full of fiber :D. I can usually get 16 oz. of beans for under $2. I've actually been meaning to try a chicken flavored rice soup (chicken bullion since it's more cost effective than cans of broth).

Flour. You can do a lot with flour! A couple bucks for a couple pounds will go a long way. Whenever I make something in a slow cooker I use flour to thicken it (if the meal is heartier you're more likely to eat less and have more leftovers). Alternatively, you can get some inexpensive self-rising flour and make "beer bread" (3 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, 1 can beer/pop (best if "borrowed" from a friend - I recommend Mountain Dew!), bake @350 for 45 minutes). The bread is pretty filling and I sometimes use it for breakfast. If you happen upon some cocoa it's not hard to make some killer brownies (water and powdered sugar is a passable frosting as well!).

Broth. I get mine for $1/12 oz, but bullion cubes are better fro a budget (I got 20 beef cubes for $3.50 a year ago, but it's way easier just to use the flavor packs from the ramen). Two of my favorite recipes (potato soup and chicken w/dumplings) involve combining cheap soups with broth under heat and then thickening with flour when finished.

Sounds like you have the potato situation figured out, so I don't have to go on about those! I bake a potato, mash it, and then throw it in a pan and scramble eggs as my default "I don't want to cook dinner tonight" meal. Additionally, onions are my "go-to" vegetable for making anything taste better (but that's just me, though, they last 45 days before going bad in my fridge!).

guN-viCe

United States687 Posts

July 19 2011 21:16 GMT

#19

Yea I think your diet is partly responsible for your ill feelings. Noodles are garbage. A Snickers bar has more nutritional value.

Beans, 70cents for a can, microwave in a bowl for two minutes. Bananas. You can get hotdogs and other meat like turkey burgers for very cheap. Brown rice. A gallon of milk is 2.50~ and contains about 2k calories.

Buy things on sale.

Servius_Fulvius

United States947 Posts

July 19 2011 21:22 GMT

#20

On July 20 2011 06:16 guN-viCe wrote:
You can get hotdogs and other meat like turkey burgers for very cheap.

An old coworker (and exercise science major) told me once that if you're ever stranded on a desert island something like hotdogs would be fantastic. In terms of healthiness you could do much better, but in terms of "having what your body needs" it actually excels!

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