EPTIt was during Starcraft 2 beta and I felt the need to tell everyone how awesome Starcraft is. So I wrote this story to be published in the school newspaper (Highschool).
I thought the story was funny in a random way, so I'm going to share it with everyone.
Note: This story was written to appeal to the newer players, so in the original copy, most stuff was actually reference to the real world. I took most of them off and put BW references instead (I mean, who cares bout the real world?!).
Here it is:
Starcraft: The second war
The conflict broke again!
Since about twelve years ago, the three races, Protoss, Terrain, and Zerg, started their first war against one another, and now, they randomly started to fight each other again. By my speculations, they were not happy with the more-than-12 unit selection and automine, but the more potent reason is that the ultimate god, Blizzard, said so.
After ten years of scientific/evolutionary/magical research, all three races have gotten new technologies, new types of units, and all unfortunately lost most of their old technologies and old units in what was expected to be a winter storm that the god, Blizzard, casted. Also after ten years of artificial modification, all of their armies look better now too, and are in 3D!!!
Today’s war features Protoss and Zerg in a place called Lost Temple. I just can’t believe it, they’ve been fighting on this map for at least a very long time now, and it is still “lost”! Coincidentally, the Zerg had a Hatchery and the Protoss had a Nexus there, and they all strangely have six workers there and nothing else. The two races magically all started to mine at the same time without even knowing each other’s existence.
After they all sent a worker to scout each other out, they both breathed a sigh of relief, or at least I thought they did, because Zerg only squeaks while Protoss has no mouth. The Zerg decided to use Roaches and Hydralisks, while the Protoss would just stall for a second and hopefully reconnect their warp gate with the dragoons on Shakuras. But what the Protoss didn’t know was that the dragoons were stuck on a ramp in Shakuras Plateau, and right clicking furiously didn’t help the dragoons go around the cybernetics core. The spectators were cheering for their favorite race while eating Mentos and drinking diet coke.
The first surprise attack by the Zerg was very successful. The huge Roach army was able to take out the Protoss natural expansion. The Protoss was forced to cancel the reconnection with the dragoons, and had to start constructing Immortals, but at the same time, Protoss is ready to harass the Zerg with their massive Void Rays, Carriers, and Mothership army. There was no way that Protoss can get such a huge army in so little time, so the Protoss commander clearly hacked.
The Zerg is not as smart as the Protoss, so they were still wondering how the Protoss got his flying army so fast while the Protoss army just marched in and destroyed the Zerg’s base. The Zerg sent a crying for help to their Overmind, but unfortunately, the Overmind was caring too much about this new Zerg-ghost hybrid that will soon to be “Queen Bitch of the Universe”, and didn’t get the message.
The crowd that supported Protoss broke into cheers, while the crowd that supported Zerg had to leave and play their Modern Warfare for the rest of their lives while whining Protoss imba. It was just very disappointing that I am not in the game, because if I was in the game, I’ll just put on god mode and wish for the best to the other two races!
And that's it. Hope it was actually funny and I wasn't hallucinating.
