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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
Have you ever sat down and taken some time to think about everything that goes on around you? Have you ever had that moment where everything just clicked?
Ever since I've been a kid, I've been instructed to just look around and keep thinking. Everything I see, ask myself why it happens and what I can do to possibly make it better. Allegedly, it keeps the brain active, so it doesn't become stagnant when you need to actually use it.
Life is full of hardships. Time can change about everything. I remember when I first entered school with all these big goals of what I wanted to do and what I wanted to be in life. I remember that carefree spirit of mine believing just about everything anyone ever told me, continuing to live life pretty much spontaneously.
However, in just a night, my overall view on life has completely changed, almost flipped 180 degrees from what it used to be. I don't really recall what happened, or what sparked it, but I do know that I have pretty much opened my eyes to everything out there. Suddenly, I was aware of my place in society, and what was expected from me. I had probably never thought about it before, but a quick thought of "What am I going to do with my life?" flashed across and it suddenly hit home. Instead of that happy go lucky attitude I used to have, I now find myself much more realistic about everything in life.
Realism, pessimism, I'm still not sure which one has completely engulfed my life. It feels like I've awoken from a great dream and now live in a dreadful reality. A reality where things come so fast, where everything is so brutal. Instead of seeing the glass half full, I see it now completely empty. It feels as if I have no hope in anything I do. A reality check has set in, and I don't seem to be able to handle it.
School, friendships, relationships, work, life. I just don't know what to do about any of these really. What used to be great friendships I find myself doubting, as I seem to doubt everyone these days. Finals are completely killing me, as I just seem to think I'll fail no matter how much I study. I can't seem to get over this fear of rejection in anything I do. I can't even get myself to go ask for anything from a stranger these days in fear of rejection, embarrassment. The future seems to bleak, yet it approaches so fast.
I feel like I'm living a nightmare, and I don't know how to get out of it.
  
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Need a little context here to understand your blog post a little bit better ... mind divulging your age?
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I had the same epiphany a while back and I figured I was being too impatient with this success thing and that the true path to pursuing success requires patience. You need patience in order to succeed. Best of luck.
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Welcome to the club. This probably dawned on me around when I graduated high school. When it comes down to it you just have to make a conscious effort to not take life too seriously. Teach yourself how to get the things that you want and explore the things you love. Marveling at the beautiful complexity that is astronomy/biology/science etc. also helps. Complexity theory & its role in the origins of life is very fascinating if you like to read.
This train of thought reminds me of a quote from Fight Club (a wonderful movie if you have not seen it).
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. " -Tyler Durden
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Either you're trolling or girl really hit you hard. Don't worry man, it'll get better when you realize that who gives a fuck.
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When everything turns black, the only way to live (at least for me) is just not to give up. Inner pride. Don't let anything knock you down. Keep enduring, absorbing every blow that comes; just for pride. And by doing so, someday you might find a bit of light, a good surprise, or random good shit. I don't know if there's a true "road of light" that guides you to the highest once you find it, but I know that not 100% of the things that happen and will happen to you are or will be bad.
Fuck hope, fuck happiness, fuck the others, but never give up, so that at least you can be proud of being yourself, so you can sit alone in a room and feel comfortable.
I've probably felt every sensation you've described, and, although it was and continues to be terrible, if you keep going, just not giving up, it ends up being not as terrible, and feeling proud of yourself, the few things you enjoy become a reason by themselves to stay alive.
edit: oh, and fuck quotes
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I had a similar experience in College, I think we all have it at one point or another. Sounds like your a little depressed with how you see the world(I'm right there with you dude) I think we just have to find things in our lives that make US happy, and pursue them. Hell Ive dropped out of College, moved around the country, and back home again , back to school and now working all the time. Life is a downer If you just focus on the shit storm going around you constantly and don't take the time to find things that don't make you feel shitty about life.
Carpe diem my friend.
On June 08 2011 07:03 Wr3k wrote:
This train of thought reminds me of a quote from Fight Club (a wonderful movie if you have not seen it).
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. " -Tyler Durden
Great quote :D
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This happened to me after university, and lasted for a few years working dead-end jobs. Then I realised what I truly wanted and pursued it. In a week or so I'm moving to South Korea to teach and I feel a sense of belonging and happiness I haven't felt in a while. You need to know what you want (not easy) and then go for it.
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On June 08 2011 07:18 jlim wrote:
When everything turns black, the only way to live (at least for me) is just not to give up. Inner pride. Don't let anything knock you down. Keep enduring, absorbing every blow that comes; just for pride. And by doing so, someday you might find a bit of light, a good surprise, or random good shit. I don't know if there's a true "road of light" that guides you to the highest once you find it, but I know that not 100% of the things that happen and will happen to you are or will be bad.
Fuck hope, fuck happiness, fuck the others, but never give up, so that at least you can be proud of being yourself, so you can sit alone in a room and feel comfortable.
I've probably felt every sensation you've described, and, although it was and continues to be terrible, if you keep going, just not giving up, it ends up being not as terrible, and feeling proud of yourself, the few things you enjoy become a reason by themselves to stay alive.
I kinda relate to this. Hit a rough patch in life some time back.. And the only thing that kept me going was my pride, the sole belief that i am, for lack of a better word, awesome. So i cant let those things bog me down, and just aim straight at what must be done, rather than dwelling on what could have been done.
Worked out pretty well, things are looking a lot brighter now, hope it ll be the same for you 
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You're probably going through quarter life crisis. It's common. Just take one day at a time, you're still young.
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the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
When this happened to me, Michael Caine helped me through. I think it was in the otherwise fairly forgettable Weatherman that he said, repeatedly,
Easy doesn't enter into grown-up life.
When I first read that, I had been having a hard time with trying to struggle through the second-last year of my degree and working as a copy-editor at the same time. I'd been dragged out of bed the night before to work on an article translated (poorly) from French that had to be fixed by midnight California time.
Everything seemed so completely arbitrary and messed up, and it damn well wasn't my fault, but that line came back to me and, in a fit of late night tiredness, I drew it up on my wall. I see it when I get up in the morning and it helps me through things.
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Serious Roffles blog -> assume trolling involved -> start reading first word of every line -> ha ha it's a troll -> 3rd paragraph: wait nvm no it's not -> ???
Bouts of moping around happen pretty often at around our age, mostly due to a lack of progress on social/academic/career fronts, and there's nothing to really do about it except the opposite of what you're thinking and to get back out there again. ... I don't actually expect this advice to be useful but I hope you'll get through it 'cause nobody likes a srs rofls.
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reality sucks, just live elsewhere
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Aye, that sucks. Worst thing is, that when thinking that everything was bad and hard, everything becomes bad and hard. Just taking things more easily usually works out much better.
Worst thing about being super aware of stuff like expectations and dangers is that they can lead to sociophobia, which mainly is the irrational fear of other people noticing that oneself isn't perfect.
A couple of quotes by David Foster Wallace I remembered that kinda fit the topic:
"You have decided being scared is caused mostly by thinking. "
"This is why it is that adults and even parents can, unwittingly, be cruel: they cannot imagine doubt’s complete absence. They have forgotten."
A general thing always important to notice:
We are not able to actually know reality. All what we are thinking reality is, is a construction we made by ourselves.
This goes as far as that psychologist, communication researcher and constructivist epistemologist Paul Watzlawick said, that all he had to treat as a psychologist was the way how people think about the world. Normal psychology seems to assume that we "percieve" reality, and that psychologically ill people cannot do that properly. But he said that none of us can percieve reality, and that psychological issues only are a malign concept of it.
This of course especially goes for things like optimism and pessimism. Just be aware that Realism doesn't exist.
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United States5582 Posts
On June 08 2011 07:10 Zim23 wrote:
Either you're trolling or girl really hit you hard. Don't worry man, it'll get better when you realize that who gives a fuck.
How is this trolling? It's unbelievable how people can just jump to conclusions that honest posts are trolling.
Anyway, relax. You're stressed out. Everyone falls in periods of pessimism, but if you want to get out of it, you have to make an effort to get out of it. Don't feel like there is a burden on you.
There's belief, and then there's doubt. You're doubting because you think that the end results will be bad. You're convincing yourself that you're lost, with no hope, no "light at the end of the tunnel".
But you have to stop telling yourself that. Turn that effort into convincing yourself that things aren't as bad as you think they are. Take a moment to reflect upon yourself and ask yourself, "What do you want to do with your life?"
If you have no answer to that question, then go out there and do anything that sounds just interesting. Anything. You shouldn't keep on wondering what the future has in store for you. Because you make your own future, and take it into your own hands. Life is full of choices, no? Then you should go out there and keep moving on, jumping at every opportunity out there. Keep going, keep your head up, and see where life takes you.
Life isn't all about hardships. There are joys in life as well, and to see that there are others posting comments here and having empathy for you, isn't that almost a joy in itself?
Try to keep your focus out of the negative aspects of life. The negative picture may look bigger, but it's your job to not keep your eyes glued on it for too long. Remember that you have to keep going, not for others, but for yourself. You don't want to be stuck in this limbo of self-doubt.
There's rejection, and then there's just moving on after the rejection and leaving it behind as a memory that doesn't deserve to be dwelled on.
In order to escape the nightmare, you have to take matters into your own hands.
Perseverance and having a little bit of hope is key.
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marcoso
Brazil818 Posts
Well, Roffles, since you don't stream BW anymore  , I'll say only this:
The main purpose of this blog is to make you feel accepted and better, slowly but surely. Maybe you'll realize that being accepted or rejected means nothing, but it does not apply to everything and that's up to you to understand and feel. You could also try to be realistic with minimum pessimism and optimism.
see, I deliberately said "since you don't stream BW anymore" to show you that some expectations others have are just stupid and thoughtless, but you already know that
Anyway, it's too selfish of me to think that I feel what you feel, that this will help you and that I understand you better than yourself. Of the three, I hope this and the other posts will help you.
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If in ten years you can look back and laugh, then perhaps you should be laughing now...
Honestly if I am feeling like shit, I try and place my issues in the wider context of my life. If I feel lost, I just remember all the times that I have felt that previously and how things turn around. Life has a weird way of throwing things at you, you can feel threatened and overwhelmed or you can try to realise that tomorrow will come and things will get better. Finals will come and go, and if you fail, well you fail. Why stress yourself about something that in ultimately means very little?
For me unless something has happened that is absolutely devastating, I try to look beyond the problem. Of couse I don't know your situation but perhaps it is better to stop thinking about the empty glass.
I suggest you have a quick browse of DrH's blogs. There are some pretty amazing stories there, puts things in perspective for me.
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I have experienced this before too, after something in my life hit me really really bad. Which until now, I have not yet recover.
Maybe u feel this way because u have feelings u will not do well in ur finals, then u start to tink about ur future.
When I was young, I have alot of dreams, I feel special, I have a very entertaining and good life ahead.
But as I grow older, dreams start to dissappear, especially now when I was about to graduate in 1 month time and going to start to work to earn money. I start to realize, my life is not special, maybe just work few years, get married, and waste time until I die? Any purpose living?
After awhile, I start to accept my life. I am not going to think so much about it. As long as my life is simple, and ... ah u get the idea kekeke.
I hope u can learn to embrace it too.
Anyway, right now, maybe u should fix ur life, 1 step at a time? Right now do not worry about other things u feel u have screw up, just focus on studies okay?
Don't keep think how badly u will do for ur finals, just study hard and put in ur best effort from now onwards. And dont be afraid to seek for help okay? Then after the final exam, then u start to fix other things in ur life.
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Reality checks are always hard to take, but you just gotta push through them.
I think the best thing for you to do now is to sit down and make a plan. It doesn't have to be specific, but if you have a plan to get you to a point you would be happy at in life you will feel much better. I've been in the same general spot as you more than once in life, and every time I start to get back on my feet and have a general plan of action to get somewhere in life I feel a ton better.
I think your own words would help you a ton as well:
On March 19 2010 17:59 Roffles wrote:
As long as you are happy you have succeeded in life. [...] If you aren't happy with what you're doing, why are you even doing it then? Just take every moment as it comes and enjoy it.
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EPT
