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My mom and dad split up about 5 years ago. We went a little moving in and moving out since then, but recently, especially since my brother has moved away, our house has gotten way to big for me, my mom and sister (62m² times 4 stories, including basement and loft which are habitable, makes about 240m² living space for 3 people, that can be just a little bit too much). About one or two months ago, the official, legal divorce was done, and they agreed on that my mother and my sister will move out, i will move to the loft, basically by making it a completely autonomic flat, and my father and his girlfriend (or however you call this at that age) will inhabit the rest of the house. They set a date for July 31 for my mother and sister to have moved out and my father to move in. This is basically written down in the legal contract.
However, my mom and sister basically moved out about almost two months ago already, except they didn't clean out the house yet. My father, how is working for a glass production company, is theoretically currently working in Korea, building a big melting complex north of Seoul. However, since the Koreans decided to try something, the project is currently on hold and he is here at home for about two months, ending next week. Considering the house is empty, in sort of mutual agreement, he already started renovations on the house. He cleaned out the bathroom which will be completely renewed, and he already hat several craftsmen here discussing renewal of some old pipes, windows and said bathroom.
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Skipping forward to today. My dad apparently proposed to my sister, he would help her move out her stuff from her room. She however said, she will do that today, but she would rather do it on her own. She is currently not on the best of terms with my father, because he and his companion didn't really feel they would get along with living in my sister which lead to some drama in the likes of my sister feeling labeled an inconvenient and sluggish person by them.
So this morning, he was here anyways. By now i've been told, his plan was to assess the condition of the floor in the first story (which also is where my sisters room is at). Apparently he didn't get, that she would rather clean her room on her own, or he ignored it because progress was very sparse during the last weeks. My sister had her final exams at school, so this should be excused to some degree though. I don't know. However, he was here and she was not, so he called her, thereby waking her at around 11 am because a little baby bird, who fell out of its nest about a week ago and for whom she had cared since then, died this morning. (It's actually quite miraculous that the guy survived a whole week!) And by her saying "i will come over soon", he somehow must have though he could already start working in order to help her.
So now, here's the highlight you've all been waiting for (if you have survived until now that is): He too all of her stuff that was still in there from her room, and basically dumped it randomly into some boxes and put them all up outside in the garden. Half of all her things. Additionally, he included a few other things from various locations all over the house, making this a huge pile of boxes filled with just about everything you can think of.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/x01cA.jpg) Left-Over stuff in our garden. Mind you, this is the garden's state after we have already brought away about 2/3 of all the stuff that was there initially, so you only see 1/3 left of it. So before, it looked kind of more like this (don't mind my mad paint skillz):![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/U728H.jpg)
He then had to leave for a while, and soon after that my sister came. She started of by sitting on our patio for about 45 minutes, not knowing what to do, just looking at a quarter of her life randomly thrown out in front of the house. My fathers idea was, she could easily sort through all the stuff while he's gone, and when he returned he would help her drive it over to her new home. When i realized she sat down there (i actually called her on her cellphone to tell her to better come over because it was looking like it's gonna rain soon, and she said "I'm already sitting here since about 45 minutes ago"), i went down there. After a short time of pseudo motivational talk, she called my mom asking here to come over with a car and trailer so she could move her stuff over as fast as possible hoping not to have to see my dad.
So my mother came over and went on rampage. She called him, raging about how he had done something actually illegal and that he can't do such things yada yada. Leading up to the conclusion, she basically ordered him to stay out of the house and surrender his keys until the end of July, so he must sit on his butt now and is not allowed to enter the house anymore. Tomorrow, he has a meeting with a floor tiler to inspect the empty bathroom, which he might have to cancel now, depending on whether or not he's given an exception for this one.
As for me - well, i'm sitting in my almost-completed loft apartment now (i'll post a blog on that in a few days or maybe in about a month when it's done, i'm still waiting for kitchen furniture), and, because i'm a horrible and sarcastic person, i'm slightly amused at how stupidly people can behave, not caring about any of this. (although i myself am probably just as bad, you never know^^). The worst part for me is that my mother constantly tries to convince me that i'm in a horrible situation here and should basically die from agony. But honestly, i don't give a rats ass about all of that. My dad can ask me to help move all the stuff outside, and my mom and sis can ask me to move all of it back in, i won't complain at all, i will gladly help both of them, i don't even care if we were to repeat this process.
The only thing i want in this is not to get in the middle of all this BS drama. They can try to rip their heads off if you ask me, i honestly don't care. I hint my dad every now and then that he's gonna get in huge trouble for doing things without talking to people first, he masterly ignores them in 90% of cases, and then i help him do it, and then i help my mom and sis to undo it, i don't care. Only afterwards, i'll endure about 15 to 30 minutes of "you must feel like shit!" with the "that's an order!" sub-tone from my mom.
So TL - anyone got any similar stories to contribute? 
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tl;dr: My dad in his house renovation drive threw half my sisters possessions in the garden in front of the house thinking he was helping her, my mom banned him from the house and i'm a horrible person because i find it amusing.
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minor update: My mom was just here and said she'll apparently let him bring the floor tiler tomorrow, and he is allowed to continue working in the bathroom and the now empty room of my sister, but is not allowed to do anything in any other room.
 
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Stories like this make me wonder if I even want to be married some day : /
GL OP, hope it all ends as well as it can
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I think your dads mistake was to put all of your sister's stuff in the patio. Had he left it in the lobby or something not exposed to public/wheater, there wouldn't be as much drama.
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it's been about 8 years since my parents split up..and they're still fighting for money at the court even though they've already paid to lawyers more than they're arguing for..and it seems like it won't end.
to be honest I don't like the way you handle(d) the situation. I mean it's cool to write "i don't give a shit" and "it's funny how stupid people can be" but for christ sake, this is your closest family. If your father didn't see any problem in moving all your sister's stuff outside and cleaning her room why didn't you step in? You just needed to tell him "uh, I think she wants to do it herself dad, she spent here all of her life". She could came in, take her stuff away and everything would've been (sort of) OK. This way she must've been feeling really terrible, your mother got really pissed and your father got into unneccessary troubles. I don't believe your joy from watching your family acting stupid is worth it.
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On May 29 2011 00:47 Carthac wrote:
Stories like this make me wonder if I even want to be married some day : /
GL OP, hope it all ends as well as it can
Well as i said, i'm okay with all that stuff, it's their problem, not mine it took seeing a psychiatrist to get me out of being affected by what my parents told me all the time, but that was some time ago already and by now i'm fine.
On May 29 2011 00:50 fabiano wrote:
I think your dads mistake was to put all of your sister's stuff in the patio. Had he left it in the lobby or something not exposed to public/wheater, there wouldn't be as much drama.
it would undoubtedly be a lot less dramatic yes, but there would still have been a huge shit storm. I mean, what would you do if someone cleaned out your room when you are officially allowed to be in there for another two months? As i said, basically it's simply not his house until July 31st. But yes, he could at least have shown SOME indication that he is capable of behaving like an adult when it matters. I don't know if he'll ever learn that.. *sigh*
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What a literal shitstorm. Sounds like your family has a lot of communication issues. :/
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On May 29 2011 00:59 ondik wrote:
it's been about 8 years since my parents split up..and they're still fighting for money at the court even though they've already paid to lawyers more than they're arguing for..and it seems like it won't end.
to be honest I don't like the way you handle(d) the situation. I mean it's cool to write "i don't give a shit" and "it's funny how stupid people can be" but for christ sake, this is your closest family. If your father didn't see any problem in moving all your sister's stuff outside and cleaning her room why didn't you step in? You just needed to tell him "uh, I think she wants to do it herself dad, she spent here all of her life". She could came in, take her stuff away and everything would've been (sort of) OK. This way she must've been feeling really terrible, your mother got really pissed and your father got into unneccessary troubles. I don't believe your joy from watching your family acting stupid is worth it.
I did tell him that. But as i said, he expertly dodges this stuff, he has such ideas more often than i actually can tel him that he first needs to talk to other people, and not just do something. For some reason, he simply doesn't notice, that he is really hurting others by doing the things he does. So it doesn't really matter how often i tell him, he will screw this up time and time again. And just to correct that, it's not joy i get. It's that small "ohh the world is funny" feeling with a sighing sub-tone. It's a littble it like when day9 showed his AIM on stream and just laughed his ass of about how stupid he was. Why not laugh instead of fall into agony? I know i'm not handling this like a the best way, but i seriously don't want to get involved in their stuff anymore. i've had that long enough, and i don't think becoming depressed or at times even suicidal is worth being able to say "i did as expected of an exemplary son" or something like that.
I know they are what's called my "closest family", but really what am i supposed to do if we (or at least i) never grew up to really feeling very close all about it? And it is certainly not my place to try and resolve the matters my parents cause with each other. I just can't take a stand on this. I know it this morning sucked for my sister, but on the other hand, i still also have to accept that my dad kind of succeeded in getting her to sort out her things. This has been dragging on for sooo long now.. It was an overly drastic step, sure, but still, it kind of worked. i'm hoping this will actually turn into something good, even for her. so i can really understand both sides even. And it's not like i'm evil and saying "screw you guys, i don't care about you leave me alone". I help them whenever they ask me, i don't care how stupid it is. But i will not get into trying to explaining them on how or what to do. It's not the place i belong really, and it's certainly not the place i want to be at, as unfriendly as that may be.
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I wish we all had wonderful families to live with. But its such a shitty world we live in.
Hopefully things will settle down and be peaceful for you again OP. Then one day you can just move out and worry about your own problems. I'm hanging on and waiting for that day too =(
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On May 29 2011 01:09 StarStruck wrote:
What a literal shitstorm. Sounds like your family has a lot of communication issues. :/
Oh my god! There was a literal shitstorm!?!?!?! How did I miss that
I'm just kidding around, but I think you meant a figurative shitstorm haha
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On May 29 2011 01:42 Snuggles wrote:
I wish we all had wonderful families to live with. But its such a shitty world we live in.
Hopefully things will settle down and be peaceful for you again OP. Then one day you can just move out and worry about your own problems. I'm hanging on and waiting for that day too =(
I am, i am as i said, i'm sitting in my nearly completed loft flat appartment thingy. I'll still live in the same house, because its just the cheapest way and my connection to the university is pretty great from here too. But i'm going to have my own kitchen and everything, only the washing machine might be shared, that's not yet completely decided. But other than that, it's as good as moved out (hopefully, but i have quite some faith in that).
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ah, family issues :D glad that i don't have to mess around with that anymore. have fun in your own flat, sounds pretty good
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Mankind in general are horrible people, it never ceases to amaze me how people find ways to hurt people time after time.
My parents are divorced too for about 10 years now. I remember my dad yelling at my mother to sleep in my room. Horrible stuff. One time during a summer vacation I was at my father, we had an argument that turned into a fairly large fight. After I said I wanted to go home because I wasn't having a good time he literally kicked me out of his house. I refused to talk to him for about a year but eventually I gave in. I still don't know if I really forgive my father or not. He did amazingly horrible stuff but he is my father and means the best with me.
Parents have a really know how to poke exactly where it hurts with their children.
Oh well, at least I have parents. A classmate has lost her mother and her father is alcohol addict, makes me realize I should be happy with what I have.
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another child of divorced parents here. when it comes to love and the downfall of it, we all sooner or later realize that people will start to behave irrationally. my father, who is a physics professor, and in a way the most analytical and pre-plannedest person ever, simply started sleeping with the best friend of my mother. i dont know how people could ever go that far. since then, my parents divorced, had fights, went to see a psychatrist guy and shit...and only with time (its been nearly 15 years since the divorce now) they can talk to each other without my mother crying a river and my father just refusing to talk at some point. and both of these humans are reasonable people on their own, but if they are situated in a room together, they behave like chimpanzees. i've had my relationships, i've had my breakups, but not on a scale like that. so i dont grasp what it really feels like, and
long story short, i think your way of dealing with it, as in trying to talk to your father and then withdrawing as he proceeds to ignore you, is probably the best you can do. and if he wants to fuck it up on his own because he is not really feeling like listening to the voice of reason (which in this case is you and your advice) then he might as well go ahead and fuck it up. totally fine with me. keep your head up.
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While my parents never divorced Ive been in the middle of several times where lawyers/other random people can to serve papers to either one of my parents(even though in the end they just cancel it and go to marriage counseling I still helped my father look at apartments, loaded and unloaded countless things out of suitcases and boxes that basically was "the end"). I can honestly say I understand exactly what you're going through. To all the people that say "omg how could you say this about your family" there comes a point where you truly don't give a fuck because people act like children(like most of your family is doing, no offense.)
There is only so much "care" a person can give before they just shrug their shoulders and say fuck it. Especially in a stupid situation like this, while I don't know the whole story behind your dads gf(fuck buddy, etc.) and your sister, I can probably safely assume that your sister was a little bitch to your dads new gf and they thought it would be easier if she went with her mom(again assumptions but I feel like from what Im told thats kind of what happened, that or the gf was a bitch and manipulated your dad into "tossing" your sister "out"). It really is just a bull shit thing and nothing your dad is doing is "illegal" probably just because he sorted a few things and left them out in the garden so she'd have an easier time sorting != forcing her to move out before the "date" it sounds like its just another excuse for your mom to try and bash your dad like most people do and it also sounds like your sister is falling for your moms propaganda.
edit- on a side note it also sounds like your mom is a total fucking bitch for trying to use you and your sister against your dad. That shit anit cool.
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Its parents like these in the stories in this thread that make me hate things like love, marriage, and relationships. From my own experience, all I want out of life is just a peaceful stable way to live while enjoying whatever it is I'm passionate about doing. I'd be so ashamed of myself if I ever allowed myself to be so irrational and agitated with a woman that I had fallen in love with.
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On May 29 2011 04:43 Trowabarton756 wrote:
While my parents never divorced Ive been in the middle of several times where lawyers/other random people can to serve papers to either one of my parents(even though in the end they just cancel it and go to marriage counseling I still helped my father look at apartments, loaded and unloaded countless things out of suitcases and boxes that basically was "the end"). I can honestly say I understand exactly what you're going through. To all the people that say "omg how could you say this about your family" there comes a point where you truly don't give a fuck because people act like children(like most of your family is doing, no offense.)
There is only so much "care" a person can give before they just shrug their shoulders and say fuck it. Especially in a stupid situation like this, while I don't know the whole story behind your dads gf(fuck buddy, etc.) and your sister, I can probably safely assume that your sister was a little bitch to your dads new gf and they thought it would be easier if she went with her mom(again assumptions but I feel like from what Im told thats kind of what happened, that or the gf was a bitch and manipulated your dad into "tossing" your sister "out"). It really is just a bull shit thing and nothing your dad is doing is "illegal" probably just because he sorted a few things and left them out in the garden so she'd have an easier time sorting != forcing her to move out before the "date" it sounds like its just another excuse for your mom to try and bash your dad like most people do and it also sounds like your sister is falling for your moms propaganda.
edit- on a side note it also sounds like your mom is a total fucking bitch for trying to use you and your sister against your dad. That shit anit cool.
you've got some language there haha
so just to not make us look like total idiots, my fathers gf is not a "fuck buddy" but just a regular person, i find she's alright actually. They just like life to be a little orderly, and my sister, still in the teen age, doesn't really fit into orderly life scheme, especially if you include her last bf, which was quite a douche at times. And so they had their little fights and it just added up over time a little. I don't think they manipulate each other in any way, to me they seem to be pretty much on the same wave length on these things, although my sister shares your opinion on that to some degree hehe.
And that date - actually it never was to have a date for this or something like that. I think this date just grew from the layers saying "it's better/necessary to put a clear date on this". Obviously my mom doesn't - or rather didn't - really care about it as she consented with my dad starting renovations already. He just stepped over the line, so now she's making it count. I guess, layers do have some experience in these things after all.
and regarding my mom using us - i get that exact impression sometimes. But, i don't think she does this intentionally, but rather because she is just so angry about him that this simply happens on its own so to speak. I don't think she is 100% consciously aware of it while she is doing it.
also @ the guys above: thanks for sharing 
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Your dad really outdid himself this time. I mean look at that organizational skill, it's so tidy
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On May 29 2011 05:18 MisterD wrote:you've got some language there haha so just to not make us look like total idiots, my fathers gf is not a "fuck buddy" but just a regular person, i find she's alright actually. They just like life to be a little orderly, and my sister, still in the teen age, doesn't really fit into orderly life scheme, especially if you include her last bf, which was quite a douche at times. And so they had their little fights and it just added up over time a little. I don't think they manipulate each other in any way, to me they seem to be pretty much on the same wave length on these things, although my sister shares your opinion on that to some degree hehe. And that date - actually it never was to have a date for this or something like that. I think this date just grew from the layers saying "it's better/necessary to put a clear date on this". Obviously my mom doesn't - or rather didn't - really care about it as she consented with my dad starting renovations already. He just stepped over the line, so now she's making it count. I guess, layers do have some experience in these things after all. and regarding my mom using us - i get that exact impression sometimes. But, i don't think she does this intentionally, but rather because she is just so angry about him that this simply happens on its own so to speak. I don't think she is 100% consciously aware of it while she is doing it. also @ the guys above: thanks for sharing
Sorry if any of this sounds offensive I don't mean it all that way but....
the way you explained it doesn't make it sound any better sorry ^^. So basically your sister is mad that because they(her+dad/gf) are having problems she is gonna live with your mom even though(again to my knowledge) your dad never said she couldn't visit or that he doesn't want her in his life. On top of the fact your mom says he "crossed over the line" by neatly piling her stuff in a garden right outside the house.....on top of not having an "official" date to move out she is then calling it "illegal" for what he did(neatly...packing things....on the front lawn...while offering to help sort and move it all....)She then proceeds to "strike back" vengefully against him because of his "neat pack job."
Just sounds like your mom and my mom are very similar and very hormonal.(i think most women are)
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ohh yes hormones haha always a good one.
So my dad didn't literally say he doesn't want her in his life or something, but he expressed quite clearly, that he doesn't want to live with her in one house or have her in his daily life. His alternate proposal, for her and her bf at that time to live in the same house was, to build a solid brick wall in the center of the first story and add convert her rooms balcony door into a second front door by putting a staircase up on her balcony upwards from the shown garden. He later said, that he wanted to do it this way so that he isn't molested by her making noise and such. So this is some solid stuff to get mad about for my sis..
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EPT
