Self Esteem & Personal Strength

Self Esteem & Personal Strength - Page 2

PUPATREE

340 Posts

April 12 2011 20:40 GMT

#21

I hope for you to someday be happy and comfortable with who you are, and able to relax when facing the things that presently drive you into a corner. What you are working to improve upon is so very important in life. I wish you the best.

Probulous

Australia3894 Posts

April 12 2011 23:44 GMT

#22

On April 13 2011 02:25 HULKAMANIA wrote:

Show nested quote +

On April 12 2011 11:06 Probulous wrote:

On April 11 2011 17:26 eXiled wrote:

On April 11 2011 16:41 HULKAMANIA wrote:
My wife is really scared of being stung by bumblebees. Terribly scared. I mean to the point that she runs screaming at the sight of one or just freezes up when a bee goes by. It's not because she's deathly allergic, either. She's just never been stung so she doesn't know how truly un-traumatic an experience it is.

My guess is that you're a little like that with the thought of physical abuse.

You might honestly try to involve yourself in some sort of activity that forces you to get really physical and/or aggressive. Something like boxing would be ideal. Once you've passed that threshold where you realize that getting punched in the face isn't the end of the universe, I think you always carry yourself with a little more confidence. It's not that you become billy baddass or something, you just realize that getting your ass kicked doesn't even typically ruin your week,* much less your life. When you make that realization, a yelling roommate doesn't seem so impossible to deal with. I mean, what's he going to do? Kick your ass? You still don't have to clean up his shit if you don't want to.

(I realize this is a very little-brother mindset. I had two older brothers so I learned the value of being able to endure a beat-down very early on.)

*There are, of course, situations in which an ass-kicking could ruin your life. Fighting in the street or at the bar or something like that is genuinely dangerous and stupid. But this blog is about interpersonal relationships with friends and acquaintances and, unless you're rooming with Charles Manson, the worst that's going to happen to you is that you're going to get roughed up for a little bit.

I think this is the best advice, get involved in some martial arts. It really helps to boost your confidence by knowing that you have the skills to defend yourself. And like HULKAMANIA said, getting a punch into the face is not the end of the world.

I agree with this advice for slightly different reasons. This will change how you feel . It allows you to feel powerful and forces you to stick to something. You also feel healthy and it is much easier to feel good if you feel healthy. Self-esteem is naturally a personal thing and as such it has to come from you. You need to do something to make a difference to how you feel, then nobody can take that away from you. Even if this just give you the courage to find a new place to stay it is still worth it. Why bother being aggressive when there are more important things in life. Soon you will move away from this dick and your life will throw other challenges your way. Violence is not the answer.

Whether or not violence is the answer depends on the question.

But you're right in a sense. It's just that we weren't counseling him to be aggressive.We were just suggesting that we think a lot of his overwhelming nervousness concerning physical confrontation probably stems from never having been involved in it before.

Very true, I just wanted to clarify as it is a very fine line between being able to face a physical situation and using that ability. I know from personal experience that it is very hard to change something as fundamental as the way you approach situations. If your natural inclination is just to avoid conflict you can always find an excuse to avoid the next situation. Of course at some point you will realise what you have been doing and feel like shit but that doesn't actually change anything.

People saying "just stand up to him" (ie not you guys) are not actually offering any help. OP, unfortunately the only way this is going to change is if you accept that up until now you have not done everything you can to change your situation. Once you accept that, you can choose to do something different. Use your brain, make a plan and work towards it.

Good luck mate. As mentioned before it is never easy to change but it is the one sure fire way to improve your self-esteem. Remember most people have, or have had, self-esteem issues, you are not the only one with this problem.

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