EPTSo...after my last blog, I decided to change the way I live my life, the way I view myself, etc...
I had certain revelations after reading through the responses I got time and time again, trying to figure out, how to go about becoming a more active/outgoing person. The one thing I noticed was that my perception of reality was...off, to put it melodramatically.
What was my definition for a "friend"? No idea. What would it achieve that people knew/cared about me being good at whatever? Again, no idea. I didn't have a clue as to how leading life as an adult would work. (Still not so sure about that)
I wasted the whole month of February pondering, playing, getting a new bed, etc...I just shut down emotionally. I didn't feel "bad", just empty. I failed the ever-so-important math-test at university, while everyone else succeeded. Nothing I could do about that, my mind was somewhere else.
There is this girl I met at the start of the first semester and I made the mistake of asking her out. I mistook friendship for attraction. Silly me. That was ~3 months ago and she is now basically my best friend.
Having sorted out personal problems on a basic level, I started the second semester. After one week I noticed that, while I had been busy wallowing in self-pity, everyone around me had become better. So I decided to stop gaming and putting all of my time and effort into a)studying and b)helping out others.
This is where I am at now. I am getting reminded of why I never liked studying(I could never be the best at anything) but I think it is worth it. At least I have a goal, and I can be more honest with myself about everything. It really is easier when I don't think how the whole world is against me.
Note: I know this blog is somewhat random, but I can't find better words right now. Might expand on things in later blogs.
