EPTSome build up. My dad, he's an asshole. I say that sort of whimsically, like you know, how someone will talk about themselves, they may be a good person but they can be blunt and abrasive and a bit hard to talk to for some people but still a good guy when you get to know him.
This is a prior opinion on my dad.
Now I think he is a legitimately screwed up human being.
I dunno, looking back on how he treated me as a kid, I feel like he was always a bit disappointed in me. Or angry of who I was. I have a muscle disease, this made playing sports hard to impossible, and he's a big sports guy. I remember trying to stand up once from sitting on the floor (which is difficult for me) and he just pushed me down and started throwing a fit about me not doing it right.
He never apologized for that later, only told me to not tell mom about it. I did, but many years later, and she was pretty appalled. I'm kind of glad he left her without saying anything, I kind of worry about myself.
I'm sure there's some guilt about himself that he denies. His brothers are very successful men, making great salaries in engineering fields with smart kids who are moving in similar directions. They get to take great vacations and while I'm sure they have their worries, their life is just kind of picture-esque of what you would think about a successful American male. His one sister and another brother are in terrible shape, and he's kind of in the middle. But he has no education beyond high school and he is one hell of a salesman. So he's very good at talking and getting you to believe what he wants you to believe. That's how he got anywhere, and he's still getting around. Only the women who have married him (all 4 of them, soon to be a 5th, poor girl) know he's full of shit. He wants to be like his brothers, I know it, it's obvious how he acts and what he consumes. But he can't keep up, it hurts his financial state because he goes on vacations or buys technology he shouldn't be able to afford. I'm about ready to throw this phone away and get my own cheap ass Tracfone because I'm beginning to hate that I'm using money that could be better going to his near-crippled daughter (my younger half-sister).
Basically my frustration stems from the fact I learned tonight about my dad's 5th lover. 5th...
He's been married 4 times with kids for each (one is questionable but no DNA testing was done). This has just skyrocketed his child support over the years (he actually owes about 2-3k to my support, or did, I forget how long the period is that he is supposed to pay that back when I turn 18, or if it's been repealed recently). If we had money (Mom and I), I'm sure he'd be sued by now, but we can't afford it.
Well, back to the 5th girl. I learned about her just tonight. My older half-sister (his first child, I hope) messaged me on Facebook asking me about "Natasha."
I said, to her, that I hope it's a cat.
To my dismay Natasha is not an adorable ball of fluff, but a 20 year old black girl. My dad is around 50 (I really don't care his exact age).
Now, honestly, in principle I have no issue with the girl being black or being really young, it's just the fact that he is with a new girl. I was frustrated with his last squeeze, but she is an awesome woman that I'm glad I met, and the way he sold me the story was that she was a long childhood sweetheart. Well honestly, she was also all about that too, but I guess she realized the high school stud was a failure with finances and his family. So she, in his own words, "got too controlling" with her sense of financial responsibility when they were poor and could barely afford anything, much less a little child with a muscle condition SIGNIFICANTLY worse than my own, to the point to where her muscles could actively degrade and she would be a vegetable.
And now, he's breaking his poor daughter's heart and selling me sob stories about how he wants me to take his place as her caretaker in the future, when the asshole is running away from his responsibilities as a father, for the 4th damn time.
Worse is that he lied to me for the past year, which is about how long he has been dating Natasha. Telling me that he was getting along with his 4th wife and that things could go back to them being together, at least for his daughter's sake.
Way to sell me a story. When asked about why he told my older half-sister and not myself, he tried to say it was my fault because I don't respond to his texts. He sent me texts about my little half-sister's recent tonsillectomy, which went very well and I was very happy about it, and kind of sad too because she's going to go through a lot more of this dealing with her muscle disease like I had to go through, but worse. I am a bit of a loner and I tend to not say something when I have nothing to say, so I will admit that for her sake at least I could've sent a "I'm proud of you," or something. Bless her heart.
What's worse about it is that he can't seem to realize the problem lies with him. I don't know why he is this way. He was angry when I was a kid, he never apologized for hitting me or screaming at me for no reason to this day, even though he claims he calmed down. But he constantly throws himself at these girls and marries them, only to have a child and then regret everything because he doesn't get to have his way. Too bad his way is dangerous and he actually gets together with smart women who actually want to have good lives for their children. He says he loves this relationship because the woman isn't controlling over him and his finances. Yeah, screw the other women for their financial responsibility. He has no self-control.
I'm actually more worried about this girl he's dating. She's young (she's my age, there is some really weird things here too) and I get the feeling she may be a bit naive. However I don't know her, and I hope I'm pleasantly surprised with her maturity. Frankly, the worry I have with her is just that I don't know her yet.
I'm wanting to excommunicate my dad. He causes me so much stress with his thoughtless actions and his constant bullshit he spews at me. My mom all these years was right, he just never learns and does the same stupid shit to people over and over; he brings them in with his smooth talking and he then thinks only of his wants and needs, even though he brings upon this responsibility of being a husband and more importantly, a father, but he just has no qualms abandoning those. I swear he only shows concern about us so he can brag to his brothers about our success.
On top of being bitched at for changing the lineup at our school's local LAN, fucking up an important class and regretting how much of a dumbfuck I can be for it, dealing with the fact that I'm going to be alone for awhile, usual stuff we all hate to deal with (taxes, bills), trying to get a resume and a summer job going, finding a roommate(s) so I can afford to live in an apartment without pulling assloads of loans out that put me further into debt, and in general wondering if my future is really what I want to do, I don't need my dad pulling this out right now, especially when he had a year to be honest about it. It didn't stop him before, I wonder why he was so secret about it now and made me think things were going to be different. Now he's making excuses for his lies and putting into question whether or not he'll actually be there for his daughter, but if the rest of what he's doing is any indication, he won't, just like he wasn't for me, my older half-sister, and my half-brother.
I apologize Team Liquid, I have ranted much, please forgive me and I appreciate the vent allowance so that I may recoup my thoughts before I got into class in 4 hours and demonstrate a CLIPS expert system in painful knee diagnoses.
EDIT: tl;dr
My dad has been lying to me for the past year about how he was working on getting back with the mother of his most recent kid who has a severe form of a rare muscle disease when instead he's been dating some 20 year old woman and putting himself into another relationship where he plans to marry her and I think that will only lead to disaster. On top of that, I've basically come to conclusion my dad is a dick who only cares about himself. He's also been putting the blame of his problems and mistakes into everyone else, never blaming his mistakes on his own actions. It's frustrating me to the point where I can't sleep, and on top of the rest of the crap in life I have to deal with, I don't need his. We all go through this though, that's why I'm venting here...
Since you've experienced abandonment yourself, you'll know what is important to help your sister overcome the experience. ^^
