As a little kid I grew up in a relatively diverse community. It was quite evenly split between white, black, and Hispanic, but there were only a handful of Asians. In this community, the Asian kids did not really stick together. It was hard to since there were so little of us. There were only about 10 of us at our Elementary school of a few hundred students.
I primarily hung out with white and black kids. My closest friends were black. We shared the same interests, so it worked out quite well. Sports, television shows, food... we were very similar in those regards. Kids in my community didn't care about race or color; we cared about having fun (and popularity).
My parents were a different story. They didn't like the fact that I hung out so much with black kids. They would always slam me with stereotypes, telling me that African Americans were no good dirty criminals and if I didn't watch out, they'd steal all my stuff. At times when I'd invite them over, my parents would shoo them away. It was a terrible and humiliating experience.
I don't know why, but I never listened to my parents and their irrational prejudices. I was just a kid, and these were my friends. I wanted no more than to hang out and have fun with them.
The irony (or coincidence, I don't know) of the story is that these friends DID steal from me. My bedroom had a loose window cover that could easily be removed and the window lock didn't work, so anyone could enter into my bedroom if they knew about it. It was a while before my parents would get it fixed. Thank God no serious crimes ever occurred.
In the meantime, my friends would steal small things like a CapriSun from my fridge, to bigger things like my prized Pokemon cards. But one day, one of them stole my savings--$100 dollars, which was a TON for a 10(maybe 11)-year-old. I was unable to tolerate any more. I didn't know who it was, so I confronted them all one morning before school. I told them we could no longer be friends because they kept stealing from me and that they were no longer welcome at my house.
Surprisingly, this got a couple of them to confess. One friend would go on to tell me, "Hey, I've only taken a CapriSun. Terrence stole your money," while another would tell me, "I only took a couple of Pokemon cards. It was Terrence that took your money."
Indeed, it really was Terrence who took my money. He even had the audacity to show it off in front of my face the day before I confronted them (that was actually the trigger to getting me to confront them), chanting, "Ohh I'm so riiich," while I sat there beside him with a blank stare.
After the confrontation, I immediately made up with my two other friends because CapriSun and Pokemon cards weren't that big of a deal to me compared to $100. I warned them not to do it again and pulled the dad card (Dad card = my dad will kill you). They understood and that was the last time they stole from me.
My relationship with Terrence dissolved for a while after that. We would try to avoid each other as best as we could, but it was impossible. We went to the same school, had the same class, and hung out with the same friends.
Kids don't hold grudges for very long, let me tell you. You can get into a fist fight and make up 20 minutes later. It happened to me a lot.
The regret that was expressed in Terrence's face was as clear as day every time we saw each other. Inevitably we reconciled our friendship to the point where it seemed to even deepen further than before.
After the incident, Terrence really changed. He became a lot nicer, much more humble. It wasn't just towards me, either; everyone felt it.
Prejudice can be an ugly thing. I often wonder to myself what life would be like if I had listened to my parents. For one, I'd be a closed-minded racist, and two, I never would have had such an enlightening experience. Considering how many kids do fall victim to their parents' prejudice, I consider myself extremely lucky.
Unfortunately, my luck didn't last long. I would end up moving and attending a middle school and high school that were completely segregated. Asians, Hispanics, and African Americans would often clash... and I was sucked into it all just because of my heritage.
Terrence ended up moving across the country to Atlanta, Georgia after we graduated from Elementary. I'm afraid he may have regressed as I had due to middle school and high school.
Interesting story, thank you. When I was little I was in a class where I was the only white kid, but I only know this in retrospect after seeing a class picture a decade or so later. My parents weren't racist, and little kids (really little) don't really have cultural values, so I didn't really even know. Of course I must have known they had different coloured skin from me, but I watched enough politically correct television to think it didn't mean anything.
Definitely in high school though, you start to see people hanging out with people who are the same race as them... There was more intermingling in my high school because it was pretty small, but it still kind strikes me as backward that we look for people with similar backgrounds rather than people we like as individuals.
My Canadian experience, where perhaps there are fewer 30/40 somethings that are still bigoted.
Did you actually get the stuff back? An apology is nice and all, but it would be ridiculous if they never returned what they took.
And yeah, segregation sucks. The way I went about it was just to make friends with whomever - despite race - and let those that want to be in their own racial groups do just that.
It really shows the beauty of being able to grow up as a first-generation child in the United States (along with some ugly sides). I grew up in a similar situation, except every time I go back to China I still get a lot of shit from my relatives about black people and whatnot. Equality is really something that needs to be experienced, it just can't be explained to someone who's never felt it first hand.
On March 08 2011 13:05 buhhy wrote: Honestly, what is it with asians and black people... my parents dislike them as well.
It's probably because Asians are very rarely exposed to black people in Asia. Also, in many cases, Asians often want very desperately to be successful, and they look up to white people who are rich and "successful". At the same time, they begin to despise black people who are stereotyped as hoodlums and impoverished. They also look more different, physically, than white people.
I don't know. I'm Asian. I have a pretty fair amount of black friends. My parents aren't racist at all; they came to college in America. My grandparents aren't racist either, but they certainly approach black people differently. They don't think any less of black people, and they don't have a problem meeting with black people whenever they visit us in the US, but they do differentiate that they're black, if you know what I mean.
Like for example, I won't notice, or at least won't care, if my waiter or cashier or whatever is black or white, but it always stands out to my grandparents. I think my grandparents might be a little better than your average Asian grandparent, though, because they were both fairly well educated and taught as professors in China. I think they just aren't used to seeing black people and interacting with them, because they never see them in Asia.
Anyways, great blog. Don't condemn your parents too much though, because that's just how they grew up, and it's difficult to change a lifetime of predispositions ingrained into your beliefs.
Nice story. Not to start an internet shit storm about irony but that isn't irony. Your parents told you something, you didn't believe them, their statement (as prejudicial and ill-informed as it was) came true - not ironic.
As to the stuff that actually matters...sorry to hear that you can't stay together with your friends. It has to be said though, that Asian (at least Chinese and Korean) Americans and Black Americans have almost completely different experiences in America. Blacks have played an incredible role in the cultural fabric of America - however, they have been historically ostracized, disenfranchised and oppressed. Two hundred years of being part of America and yet, not really part of America have left many Black Americans in poor socio-economic conditions. Chinese and Korean Americans on the other hand have had the opportunity of integrated educational systems in America and are unburdened with the general historical baggage. I guess what I'm saying is, yes, there'll be conflicts once in a while.
On March 08 2011 11:40 canucks12 wrote: Did you actually get the stuff back? An apology is nice and all, but it would be ridiculous if they never returned what they took.
I got my Pokemon cards back, but I didn't get the CapriSun back for obvious reasons. I also didn't get my money back because by the time we made up it was gone, and by that time I had gotten over it.
On March 08 2011 13:52 Enervate wrote: Don't condemn your parents too much though, because that's just how they grew up, and it's difficult to change a lifetime of predispositions ingrained into your beliefs.
Don't worry, I understand and I don't blame/condemn them for any of that stuff.
On March 08 2011 17:01 slyboogie wrote: Nice story. Not to start an internet shit storm about irony but that isn't irony. Your parents told you something, you didn't believe them, their statement (as prejudicial and ill-informed as it was) came true - not ironic.
Thanks, wasn't sure myself and that's why I said "(or coincidence?)".
EPT
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/tuZ5F.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/aLDLJ.jpg)
