EPTHelp please?
Suppressed Anger?
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FetusFondler
United States246 Posts
Help please? | ||
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.Aar
2177 Posts
It's like laddering on StarCraft. One should go into every game wanting to learn how to play better; winning is simply an indicator that you're learning well, and a byproduct. If you "lose," oh well. Now you have a replay of what you need to work on. :D | ||
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sob3k
United States7572 Posts
you gotta ladder to get pro at discussion | ||
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Quake48
United States68 Posts
A lot of the times even if the other person wont agree to you outright, if you have made some valid points without being a total ass, you may actually persuade the person you are talking to, to change their opinion, but they may just be to stubborn or proud to admit it. Also just chill and understand that sometimes people can be ignorant and no matter how much sense you talk into them they will just be wrong. And thats fine, just let them sit there in their wrongness and be wrong, no need to make em stand up if they dont want to. | ||
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FetusFondler
United States246 Posts
On February 01 2011 15:21 Quake48 wrote: Keep a strategy in your head about where you want your conversation to end. If I think i'm right ill make all my points that lead to my conclusion, then end it. Sometimes you simply wont be able to persuade the other person, so after you make your strongest points simply end the discussion on a strong note supporting your viewpoint. A lot of the times even if the other person wont agree to you outright, if you have made some valid points without being a total ass, you may actually persuade the person you are talking to, to change their opinion, but they may just be to stubborn or proud to admit it. Also just chill and understand that sometimes people can be ignorant and no matter how much sense you talk into them they will just be wrong. And thats fine, just let them sit there in their wrongness and be wrong, no need to make em stand up if they dont want to. The thing is, during these conversations, I am pretty much never in the correct mindset. My brain completely blanks on what I should say, and in turn I pretty much concede. I guess I need to work on figuring out what to say on the spot... :\ | ||
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Quake48
United States68 Posts
Sounds weird but I used to practice like that for about 15 minutes a day every morning when I was on the debate team and it helped me not only with forming a rational argument, but also with confidence. | ||
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Roe
Canada6002 Posts
On February 01 2011 15:27 FetusFondler wrote: The thing is, during these conversations, I am pretty much never in the correct mindset. My brain completely blanks on what I should say, and in turn I pretty much concede. I guess I need to work on figuring out what to say on the spot... :\ Why do you blank out? further, How did your family influence your ability to confront someone on something? how does your family resolve issues? How secure would you feel with sharing your emotions with your mother/father? -Roe, the psych in training lol | ||
MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 01 2011 15:27 FetusFondler wrote: The thing is, during these conversations, I am pretty much never in the correct mindset. My brain completely blanks on what I should say, and in turn I pretty much concede. I guess I need to work on figuring out what to say on the spot... :\ lots of people are like this; honestly, you need to practice by yourself, don't think the guys who go out of the way to destroy people verbally don't practice and get some sick joy to do this, also, some people are naturally already looking to have a confrontation; so, if you had that same mind set as well, you're likely to respond in kind, but for you, you just get stunned and then you feel the agression and fustration; but the best thing to say to shut down a lot of people is simply say: 'what's your point?' keke, it usually flusters most people as now they look like they were babbling and need to self justify their position. if they attack you further in the discussion, simply say, 'sorry, I don't have the time for this' and walk away if they follow you and continue to try to argue with you, then just keep making it look like they are nuts and babbling. 'do you get that I dont' care what you are saying' keke. Most of the time people are not talking to convince someone, they just doing to hear their own voice. I don't know of anyone who really got convinced to change their mind by words alone. in many respects, its an ego thing where people want to use words to try to dominate others. Shut'em down ^^ gogo! | ||
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Roe
Canada6002 Posts
On February 01 2011 17:22 MightyAtom wrote: lots of people are like this; honestly, you need to practice by yourself, don't think the guys who go out of the way to destroy people verbally don't practice and get some sick joy to do this, also, some people are naturally already looking to have a confrontation; so, if you had that same mind set as well, you're likely to respond in kind, but for you, you just get stunned and then you feel the agression and fustration; but the best thing to say to shut down a lot of people is simply say: 'what's your point?' keke, it usually flusters most people as now they look like they were babbling and need to self justify their position. if they attack you further in the discussion, simply say, 'sorry, I don't have the time for this' and walk away if they follow you and continue to try to argue with you, then just keep making it look like they are nuts and babbling. 'do you get that I dont' care what you are saying' keke. Most of the time people are not talking to convince someone, they just doing to hear their own voice. I don't know of anyone who really got convinced to change their mind by words alone. in many respects, its an ego thing where people want to use words to try to dominate others. Shut'em down ^^ gogo! I have to say that in my subprofessional opinion, that is awful advice. | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
What I've learned is that letting it escalate into an argument is stupid in the first place. When somebody says something stupid, honestly agree with their idea or at least seem like it. If its kind of reasonable empathize with it. Then go do whatever you originally were. My parents wouldn't let me buy a game system for 18 years. I got a computer and played it obsessively, so they didn't want me getting anything else. I argued, begged, plotted and schemed...but once I turned 18, I asked again. They said "not in this house." So I said yeah, I play the computer way too much. I see your point. My parents weren't expecting that. Then I waited 3 months, found a good deal and got a gamecube + a couple crappy games in a good deal. I set the gamecube quietly beside the basement tv and let it sit. Maybe a month later, my mom asked me "Is that a video game thing?" And I go "yeah." Then I tell her about how much my little brother and his friends love NFL street, and that its not what i thought it would be. End of discussion. Now as for my ultimate goal: I just recently I got a great deal on a 360 and its sitting in broad display in my house. Not that I even play it, its just a reminder. I didn't realize the wisdom of my actions until long after the fact. So thats what I mean when I say empathize, agree, avoid arguments, and get what you want. If you must argue, I don't know. You just have to put yourself in high-pressure situations repeatedly until you can keep your head anywhere I guess. I'm still travelling along that path | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 01 2011 18:11 Roe wrote: I have to say that in my subprofessional opinion, that is awful advice. lol, how can you have a subprofessional opinion? (sorry you set yourself up for that^^). It might be awful if both parties clearly wish to come to some type of agreement or further a meaningful discussion , but clearly if he/she is being attacked, its a confrontation and instead of engaging the conversation, he/she should maintain their non-aggressive positioning by not allowing him/her to be drawn into the argument on his/her terms. Thus maintaining self differentiation. Its very practical advice. you should perhaps first really address what is really bothering the OP instead of providing a very standard cookie cutter opinion and I'm sure when you actually become a professional you'll do a great job! normally I wouldn't respond so directly, but your 'subprofessional opinion' bit was amusing followed by a subprofessional level of analysis of 'awful 'advice' Good luck in going professional! | ||
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MightyAtom
Korea (South)1897 Posts
On February 01 2011 18:22 Xeris wrote: do you always write in poems? O_O I wouldn't say how I write is in a poem format or meant to be, but thanks for the c o m p l e m e n t for noticing my formating. ^^ | ||
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Integra
Sweden5626 Posts
On February 01 2011 15:03 FetusFondler wrote: First off, I'm a passive-aggressive person and I hate getting into arguments. So whenever I am in an argument, I always choke up and submit to what the other person says. Five minutes later, I also always think of what I should have said. And all this invariably leads me to getting extremely frustrated and I have no idea how to go about dealing with it. I feel like this can be alleviated if I were able to deal with people better. Help please? By other words you are everyones bitch. You rather please people than feeling good yourslef. You hardly never end up with what you want. I love people like you. + Show Spoiler + Stop feeling sorry about yourself and do something about it, like SPEAK THE FUCK UP WHATS ON YOUR MIND, its the only way to solve it. There is a book called "Radical Honesty" Google it and buy it, comes in all kinds of flavours like e-book Mp3 book, etc. It will change your life into something better. | ||
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Nytefish
United Kingdom4282 Posts
Or maybe you argue with women too much, in that case it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to end up frustrated. | ||
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teamsolid
Canada3668 Posts
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Roe
Canada6002 Posts
On February 01 2011 21:46 MightyAtom wrote: lol, how can you have a subprofessional opinion? (sorry you set yourself up for that^^). It might be awful if both parties clearly wish to come to some type of agreement or further a meaningful discussion , but clearly if he/she is being attacked, its a confrontation and instead of engaging the conversation, he/she should maintain their non-aggressive positioning by not allowing him/her to be drawn into the argument on his/her terms. Thus maintaining self differentiation. Its very practical advice. you should perhaps first really address what is really bothering the OP instead of providing a very standard cookie cutter opinion and I'm sure when you actually become a professional you'll do a great job! normally I wouldn't respond so directly, but your 'subprofessional opinion' bit was amusing followed by a subprofessional level of analysis of 'awful 'advice' Good luck in going professional! meh, it was really late when I read this, but in the cases he points out like where people are just out to make an argument, I think that's pretty good advice. I still think my questions are more important to finding the heart of what's ailing the OP than a specific piece of advice which turns out to be a cookie cutter crutch for all incidences. | ||
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
On February 01 2011 15:03 FetusFondler wrote: First off, I'm a passive-aggressive person and I hate getting into arguments. So whenever I am in an argument, I always choke up and submit to what the other person says. Five minutes later, I also always think of what I should have said. And all this invariably leads me to getting extremely frustrated and I have no idea how to go about dealing with it. I feel like this can be alleviated if I were able to deal with people better. Help please? are you sure that they would care about your new argument even if you gave it to them? If you have suppressed angered you should take it out on that person in my honest opinion (evolutionarily speaking that's really just the most natural way to deal with it). You don't have to physically attack them, you can just write them hate mail etc etc... lol or tell everyone else about how stupid they are etc. | ||
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