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When everything goes wrong / something unexpected happens, even if you were 110% prepared for such an event, and you try to overcome this through sheer brute force, but you fail. not just your "oh i tried my best, i have no regrets" but a soul-shattering experience that leaves a huge chip in your confidence- (story of my life, but im a resilient kind of person, just new to failure)
How do you gain it back?
I love routine
i absolutely fucking love sleeping at 10pm waking up at 5-7am and jogging/ eating subways or something healthy every day, feeling refreshed and aware. Maybe even happy.
But , i am emotional, even when something tiny and unexpected happens that i wasnt expecting it throws me off, puts me on sick monkey tilt and i explode. ( see first paragraph to why im like this, and my previous post in your blog about routine)
I don't even know anymore. Although, I am 100% certain i have the ability to go far in anything- literally anything i choose to do, and i mean this in the cockiest way possible. I just keep getting indirectly fucked by the stupidest shit. Mostly because i set myself up for it, by that i mean i procrastinate , i don't prepare , i cut corners. because i have no routine, which leads to this, which leads to having no routine. this doesn't even make sense what im posting but hopefully you can understand me better than i understand myself.
Anyways I'm going the whole psychiatrist/ doctor/ advice from intelligent people such as yourself. route. Gonna talk to every advisor in my university till i get my shit together, because i am completely screwing things up atm, and im not exactly sure why/how to fix it.
You mentioned before it that its because i haven't found something that im passionate about but i have no clue what to look for. Trying out a whole bunch of shit though. Comp sci/math/detective stuff.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
On November 22 2010 15:50 HeavOnEarth wrote:
When everything goes wrong / something unexpected happens, even if you were 110% prepared for such an event, and you try to overcome this through sheer brute force, but you fail. not just your "oh i tried my best, i have no regrets" but a soul-shattering experience that leaves a huge chip in your confidence- (story of my life, but im a resilient kind of person, just new to failure)
How do you gain it back?
I love routine
i absolutely fucking love sleeping at 10pm waking up at 5-7am and jogging/ eating subways or something healthy every day, feeling refreshed and aware. Maybe even happy.
But , i am emotional, even when something tiny and unexpected happens that i wasnt expecting it throws me off, puts me on sick monkey tilt and i explode. ( see first paragraph to why im like this, and my previous post in your blog about routine)
I don't even know anymore. Although, I am 100% certain i have the ability to go far in anything- literally anything i choose to do, and i mean this in the cockiest way possible. I just keep getting indirectly fucked by the stupidest shit. Mostly because i set myself up for it, by that i mean i procrastinate , i don't prepare , i cut corners. because i have no routine, which leads to this, which leads to having no routine. this doesn't even make sense what im posting but hopefully you can understand me better than i understand myself.
Anyways I'm going the whole psychiatrist/ doctor/ advice from intelligent people such as yourself. route. Gonna talk to every advisor in my university till i get my shit together, because i am completely screwing things up atm, and im not exactly sure why/how to fix it.
You mentioned before it that its because i haven't found something that im passionate about but i have no clue what to look for. Trying out a whole bunch of shit though. Comp sci/math/detective stuff.
Give me a day or so to get back to you, I'm busy like a mofo, like can't breath, haven't slept for 2 days busy, but I'm going to get back to you with a proper reply, but lets put in this way, I wanted to drop out of university in my 3rd and 4th year nearly every single day until I graduated and if it wasn't for my close professors who were my advisors asking me to just trust them, I would have dropped out because I felt as though nothing in my life was moving forward. What you're going through is normal for those who reach and people normally don't reach.
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On November 22 2010 15:50 HeavOnEarth wrote:
When everything goes wrong / something unexpected happens, even if you were 110% prepared for such an event, and you try to overcome this through sheer brute force, but you fail. not just your "oh i tried my best, i have no regrets" but a soul-shattering experience that leaves a huge chip in your confidence- (story of my life, but im a resilient kind of person, just new to failure)
How do you gain it back?
I love routine
i absolutely fucking love sleeping at 10pm waking up at 5-7am and jogging/ eating subways or something healthy every day, feeling refreshed and aware. Maybe even happy.
But , i am emotional, even when something tiny and unexpected happens that i wasnt expecting it throws me off, puts me on sick monkey tilt and i explode. ( see first paragraph to why im like this, and my previous post in your blog about routine)
I don't even know anymore. Although, I am 100% certain i have the ability to go far in anything- literally anything i choose to do, and i mean this in the cockiest way possible. I just keep getting indirectly fucked by the stupidest shit. Mostly because i set myself up for it, by that i mean i procrastinate , i don't prepare , i cut corners. because i have no routine, which leads to this, which leads to having no routine. this doesn't even make sense what im posting but hopefully you can understand me better than i understand myself.
Anyways I'm going the whole psychiatrist/ doctor/ advice from intelligent people such as yourself. route. Gonna talk to every advisor in my university till i get my shit together, because i am completely screwing things up atm, and im not exactly sure why/how to fix it.
You mentioned before it that its because i haven't found something that im passionate about but i have no clue what to look for. Trying out a whole bunch of shit though. Comp sci/math/detective stuff.
I know exactly what you're going through because I was there myself. When it comes to my passions, I too am quite emotional (which is uncharacteristic of me). Once I get derailed, I tended to spiral into self loathing, laziness, and depression. But now that I'm a few years older and a few years wiser, what I've come to realize is that a large part of this had to do with with perspective. The reality is that things are never going to be perfect, things are never going to turn out the way you want them to, and things will never truly line up for you. There will always be uncertainties and there will always be the doubt that you can't do it, but what can you do? You just have to take the plunge and go do it. You can see all the doctors, psychiatrists, professors you want, but ultimately, you have to take the plunge, and you have to do it. Don't get me wrong--it's not easy to do. And when I was younger, I would linger in doubt for long periods of time before actually doing anything.
You point out that you love the routine of waking up early, working out, etc; the thing you have to keep in mind is that it's not the routine itself thats significant, but rather, it's the fact that every single day, you are taking the plunge, you are going to do the things you set out to do. You will never know how it will turn out, but you go and do it anyway. Every day that you go out and do this, you will realize that it becomes easier and easier. And why is that? It's because your learning period, your recovery period, is getting shorter and shorter. You will undoubtedly get derailed in your routine and what you want to achieve, but if you still keep with your active routine, you're effectively reducing the time period you have to learn from it. And trust me, you will learn from it quicker and quicker.
One thing to keep in mind is that I'm not saying to never reflect on what you do by keeping busy. In fact, I'm saying the opposite--the importance of keeping the routine is that you are learning from every situation you are put into every single day. The routine will simply teach you do learn quicker and to adapt quicker. A lot of our learning process is through experience, and you're not going to get any learn anything if all you do is sit and reflect, right? Just make sure that you don't go too far on the other end and never reflect on your life. Just have faith in yourself and go take the plunge; do what you need to do.
But of course knowing what you need to do is a whole other topic.
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