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I've never really been a social or out going guy, and everyone who I talk to and care about plays some sort of video games be it WoW, starcraft, or even Wii sports. Everyone I have ever known in my life has understood my passion for video game, but all of this has changed. I just moved away from my parents, and my old life, into a university residence. I had the usual teenage tears about parting from my family pets, as well as from my parents, along with the usual teenage angst about a changing enviornment.
Since I live away from all my friends and family now, I have been feeling extremely alone and vulnerable. Everyone who I have met on my floor in my res is big into sports (which I'm not really into) or weed (which I'm definently not into). There isn't a single other gamer, not even a hardcore WoW player that I could talk to about our passion. As I'm writing this, the rest of my floor is off at some welcome party that the university is throwing, which I was in no mood to go to. Instead, I'm crying in my bed on TL.net. I feel cut off from my world, it feels like I'm in some twilight zone where my life and passion is frowned upon by a bunch of people that I'm supposed to live with and be friends with for the next year.
It doesn't help that for the past half year or so my parents have been saying how much I will love university, and how many friends I will make and such. To be honest, it makes it twice as worse. It feels like I'm being a bad son by sitting in this room typing this right now instead of socializing with these people. It's like I keep imagining that when they come to pick me up in November for Thanksgiving, I will love being at home so much that I won't want to go home at all, and that I'll have a breakdown like this again.
Sorry for even posting this, I just feel like someone on TL.net will have something to say that will make me feel somewhat better. Thanks for listening.
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yo get out to the welcome party or if thats really not your thing im sure there are clubs you can join related to your interests. you just gotta try and push urself a little! your university is probably hugeee and im sure there are people just like you. the first days can always be tough but im sure if u make an effort it will get better
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Pick yourself up. Any experience is what you make of it; if you aren't going to try and expand your horizons even a little bit then you are going to have a shitty university experience. They might not be your people but people are still just... people. Most of 'em aren't that bad.
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And definitely get out and do stuff even if it isn't your scene. I dunno what you plan on doing in the future but it sure as hell (probably) isn't going to be full of nerds for you to feel comfortable around 24/7. Don't waste any time feeling sorry for yourself because I did this and my first few weeks of college sucked because of it.
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Yea, cheer up man. College life is what you make of it. There are so many doors and options open to you that not many have. Like for instance, what about if you start up your very own gaming club (if they don't have one already)??? I'm sure people would definitely join! Or you can join other clubs! Clubs are one of many ways you can find and meet people of the similar interest of you and potentially your college buddies and friends that can expand to the rest of your life!
But I know what you're feeling right now. For now, why don't you get on b.net and play some SC to cheer up! Or watch the best VODs you can find of BW! Or food! Food always help!
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What Uni? Maybe you can find someone from TL who goes to the same school.
Also can't you just talk to your friends online? I have like no really close friends where I live (all of them are a ~6 hour drive away and I, too, don't care to make friends with the non-gaming people at my school), but I talk to them on Vent/play games with them everyday. I make the drive maybe twice or thrice a year and I get by.
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In life, doors open and doors close. We need to take those steps. If you wish to expand your horizons and enrich your life, then by all means go for it. In the end, all that would've mattered was how much we got to enjoy it... for some... for others it could be how much they got to learn from it or change.
Good luck my friend.
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It seems that you dont want to change and you are afraid of the world open up and man up, stop crying for yourself and do something that matters live your life do something that really matters...
you even apologize for posting... and you miss your parents? you dont belong in a university if you miss your parents.. Why wont you go to the welcome party? there will be tons of people there for you to meet you seem very anti social..
Try new stuff and see what happens take risks...... if you smoke some weed its more probable you will get laid which seems to be what you are really looking for..
and its the fist day? pfffffffffffffff. cmon man 24 hours being alone? wusss go and do something instead of moping here...
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no worries man, in a few days you'll be back up to speed. besides, its university, no one cares about what you do or where you think you have to "fit in" unlike in high school.
you'll inevitably meet like-minded people and find your place, but you don't have to go out, get drunk and smoke pot to 'fit in". first few days of university are usually crappy for most people, even if they don't show it  .
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Thanks all the advice guys, I'm going to try to sleep it off and talk to a lot more people tomorrow. TL really is the best.
On August 20 2010 14:04 wooozy wrote:
What Uni? Maybe you can find someone from TL who goes to the same school.
Also can't you just talk to your friends online? I have like no really close friends where I live (all of them are a ~6 hour drive away and I, too, don't care to make friends with the non-gaming people at my school), but I talk to them on Vent/play games with them everyday. I make the drive maybe twice or thrice a year and I get by.
Most of my friends are online and stuff, I just want to use my online life as a last possible resort for an escape.
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CA10830 Posts
college is about going out of your comfort zone and trying new things. notice that i said new things, not stupid things.
you can either sit around in your dorm room and feel bad about it or you can go and meet some new friends. you don't have to go get party and get drunk to meet these new friends. chances are you just need to go to another wing or floor or your dorm and you'll meet some other people like you.
i would also suggest going to your involvement fair which will have a ton of student orgs with tables/booths set up and you can go find the gamers club if you're interested in that sort of thing.
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Universities are huge, the chance of there not being gamers around is 0%. Not going to the welcoming party is a bad choice tbh, this was definitely the chance to meet people that share your interests. Realistically, no-one feels safe in his first weeks of university, that's why people try to socialize as much as possible from the beginning, trying to get some foothold and people to talk to. And even though everyone will be acting like they're cool with everything and that it's just another day for them ... it's all an act, they're all calling their parents for reassurance whenever they get the chance.
The first weeks are not the time to be picky of the people you hang with. Dismissing people because they're jocks is the same as them dismissing you for being a gamer, be open-minded. That people don't share your love for gaming doesn't mean they aren't nice people, don't give up after finding out they don't game. Once you get some people to talk with about trivialities you'll start getting more and more comfortable with the situation and making friends will be much easier from there.
PS. the only reason parents keep saying how much you're going to love it, is because they know moving out and living "on your own" for the first time is going to be difficult. They also know that once you get throught this rough transition you'll be having a much better time
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On August 20 2010 14:11 HeadhunteR wrote:
It seems that you dont want to change and you are afraid of the world open up and man up, stop crying for yourself and do something that matters live your life do something that really matters...
you even apologize for posting... and you miss your parents? you dont belong in a university if you miss your parents.. Why wont you go to the welcome party? there will be tons of people there for you to meet you seem very anti social..
Try new stuff and see what happens take risks...... if you smoke some weed its more probable you will get laid which seems to be what you are really looking for..
and its the fist day? pfffffffffffffff. cmon man 24 hours being alone? wusss go and do something instead of moping here...
lol this post made me laugh. It's somewhat true, but not entirely in my opinion. You just have to learn to embrace change. I used to be like you in the regard that I was insecure and only wanted to be around people "like me".As time progresses, this natural changes, but you also have to put in some effort.
As for missing your parents, family, and friends, this is completely natural. You have no reason not to miss them. No matter how "mature" you are, if you lose family and/or friends it hurts. A 40 year old man will cry as his wife passes away, no one will look down on him for it. Yes it's a more extreme example, but the same theory applies. It's not normal for you not to be around them anymore. You feel isolated and alone. This will change over time, especially if you learn to make new friends. I wouldn't say they are replacing old friends, you are just making additional friends. I still encourage you to talk to your old friends online to keep in touch and all.
Some people are also just naturally more outgoing than others. If you look at the people at this welcoming party, most of them are probably older than you. It's especially hard to meet new people and get used to the socialization in your first year. You can learn to be friends with people without smoking or drinking even though they do. Sure you might not click right away, but it doesn't mean the doors are closed. Stop and think about what this welcoming party is about for a minute. Is it so a bunch of friends can get wasted together and get really fucked up? No. They don't know each other either. It's an event for people to meet and get to know each other. You never know if people share interests with you if you don't give them a try. Hell, maybe you can introduce them to some of your interests and they will also in return.
Drugs and alcohol sort of speed up the process imo because it makes some people more social(such as me). I easily fit in with new people after I have a few drinks. Not that I don't when I'm sober, but I'm really outgoing and more social after a couple drinks and I've met tons of people I know now through parties.
I guess I kind of rambled, but in conclusion I guess just embrace change, don't be afraid to meet new people, don't be afraid to try new things, keep in touch with old family/friends, and have fun. It takes time, but it also takes guts and effort on your part. In a year or two you will be looking back at this going "how did I ever not like university? this has been some of the best years of my life!"
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you sir have good taste in science fiction
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dude just go to the party
no risk
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On August 20 2010 14:34 ShaperofDreams wrote:
dude just go to the party
no risk
yeah, i strongly encourage you to. In my grad year(HS) there were tons of grad campouts and grad parties and stuff I never went to cause I didn't feel too comfortable. Now that I know how fun they can be and what I missed out on I really regret not going to any of my grad parties. Trust me, it's worth it. It's really tempting to just consider and make up an excuse to not go, but you'll be glad you did looking back on it.
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On August 20 2010 14:11 HeadhunteR wrote:
It seems that you dont want to change and you are afraid of the world open up and man up, stop crying for yourself and do something that matters live your life do something that really matters...
you even apologize for posting... and you miss your parents? you dont belong in a university if you miss your parents.. Why wont you go to the welcome party? there will be tons of people there for you to meet you seem very anti social..
Try new stuff and see what happens take risks...... if you smoke some weed its more probable you will get laid which seems to be what you are really looking for..
and its the fist day? pfffffffffffffff. cmon man 24 hours being alone? wusss go and do something instead of moping here...
First of all, nothing in life really matters, in the end we all just drop dead.
Secondly, you're an ass and going from your writing you seem to be a bitter 30 year old virgin still living in his moms basement. You probably smoke weed though.
I haven't met a single person on campus that didn't have some kind of a longing for home so I wonder if you're in university?
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I had a similiar experience when I joined the Military, the first 24 hours in Basic were hell. Just settle down, it's a HUGE change and it takes a small bit of time to get used to it. After about a week you will see what I mean. Enjoy yourself when you can =)
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My biggest regret in college was the amount of time staying in the dorms and playing video games instead of going out. Definitely not the secluded 24/7 gamer, but man I feel there were a lot of missed opportunities. If I could go back in time I'd smack myself and uninstall all my games :/
I'd really suggest you go out even if you dont feel like it. It'll suck ass for a while no lie, but it'll get easier (and funner!) the more you do it. You'll go "Why the fuck am I here, I'm not having fun" a lot of times, but again, trust what people have been saying. Get your ass out the door.
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On August 20 2010 13:57 Endymion wrote:
I've never really been a social or out going guy, and everyone who I talk to and care about plays some sort of video games be it WoW, starcraft, or even Wii sports. Everyone I have ever known in my life has understood my passion for video game, but all of this has changed. I just moved away from my parents, and my old life, into a university residence. I had the usual teenage tears about parting from my family pets, as well as from my parents, along with the usual teenage angst about a changing enviornment.
Since I live away from all my friends and family now, I have been feeling extremely alone and vulnerable. Everyone who I have met on my floor in my res is big into sports (which I'm not really into) or weed (which I'm definently not into). There isn't a single other gamer, not even a hardcore WoW player that I could talk to about our passion. As I'm writing this, the rest of my floor is off at some welcome party that the university is throwing, which I was in no mood to go to. Instead, I'm crying in my bed on TL.net. I feel cut off from my world, it feels like I'm in some twilight zone where my life and passion is frowned upon by a bunch of people that I'm supposed to live with and be friends with for the next year.
It doesn't help that for the past half year or so my parents have been saying how much I will love university, and how many friends I will make and such. To be honest, it makes it twice as worse. It feels like I'm being a bad son by sitting in this room typing this right now instead of socializing with these people. It's like I keep imagining that when they come to pick me up in November for Thanksgiving, I will love being at home so much that I won't want to go home at all, and that I'll have a breakdown like this again.
Sorry for even posting this, I just feel like someone on TL.net will have something to say that will make me feel somewhat better. Thanks for listening.
try your best to force yourself to get out and at least meet people. the thing is, the cool thing about being a freshman is that for the first few weeks or so in college, its totally not weird to randomly say hi and be more sociable than you normally could get away with with other freshmen. This is simply from the fact that all the other freshmen are in the exact same boat as you - they are newcomers, and will be glad to extend their friend base. I really encourage you to take advantage of this fact and just expand your circle of friends..... this doesnt mean you have to always hang out and stuff with every person you meet (which is frankly impossible), but if you guys have been introduced to one another, added as facebook friends etc, its more than likely you will run into these people at some later point in classes, clubs, living in the same building, at a party, etc.
i was kind of in the same boat as you in terms of sports - i dont play sports or follow them on tv, so it was hard for me to relate with peers who were interested in that stuff. But despite that factor, my floormates accepted me quite well - in short, im saying that you dont have to like sports to be liked. I just showed my floormates that I could be friendly, sympathetic, and nice - you dont have to be the popular hipster to be liked by your dorm mates.
i definitely encourage you to try stuff you haven't tried in your high school life, because youre definitely missing out if youre only sticking with whats familiar to you.
and you should definitely actively go out to a lot of social events (not limited to just parties - you can go to mixers, presentations, rallies, club meetings... theres a lot of shit in college) in your first month in school. Because the people here are like-minded in wanting to meet new people, a lot of the work is done for you. People there are looking to meet other people, so all you gotta do is bring yourself there and introduce yourself to others who are there. You will thank yourself halfway through your first quarter or semester when things have settled down and there are no more such opportunities.
also, relating to your issue on trying to find fellow gamers - join clubs on campus - im sure there are some gaming related clubs or groups at ur school that you can join and make friends in who share your passion for games. your best friends dont necessarily have to be your dorm mates.... its great if they are but its definitely not always the case.
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Cut the games for the first semester. Seriously even starcraft 2 take it and delete it off the harddrive or password it away or something. Force yourself ot go out and be around people.. and to say hi to those people. The easiest time to make friends in your whole life is during your freshman weeks at Uni.
Also, if you leave your dorm you'll run into your gamers.
While I am giving advice, feel free to take a beer... it won't get you drunk. Just set a limit about how much to drink and you can 1) see if you enjoy alcohol 2) perform a silly social rite at little cost to yourself. You can get through college without doing drugs or alcohol, but it might be worth checking out why everyone else enjoys a casual drink.
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EPT
