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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
So I’d spent about twenty minutes writing a blog about how my name is very old fashioned and makes people assume I’m either seventy or a hairdresser (I probably won’t post it now, but trust me, it made A Tale of Two Cities look like unadulterated tripe) and I realised that the only way I could ever get away from my awful name would be to change my name to something exotic, like Serge, and grow an amazing moustache that could make me look like a foreign and impressive man.
I tried to think of the kind of moustache that would make sense as a disguise, but I couldn’t get past the image of Bruce Willis applying the fake moustache in Twelve Monkeys; it’s the kind of moustache you would only ever see as a disguise. So I wanted to get a picture of it, and found out that he’s had some amazing moustaches.
Number 5: The Dad
![[image loading]](http://img541.imageshack.us/img541/6883/dadk.jpg)
This is one of the strangest moustaches I’ve seen on Bruce Willis; it’s the kind of moustache that makes you think, “Hey, Bruce Willis is just a normal guy. He could be someone’s dad.” It’s clear from this moustache that he’s pretty much given up on how he looks…
Number 4: The Die Hard
![[image loading]](http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/4563/diehardvx.jpg)
The Die Hard isn’t really that great a moustache, but coupled with the rest of Bruce Willis it fast mutates into something interesting. On an ordinary man, the Die Hard is indistinguishable from the “couldn’t be bothered to shave since yesterday morning.”
Somehow, on the man himself it becomes the epitome of eighties badassery.
Number 3: The Iron Man
![[image loading]](http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/4643/ironmanc.png)
![[image loading]](http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/5416/ironman2a.jpg)
Admittedly, the more sharp-witted among you may have seen the above images and thought, “But SirJolt, that’s clearly a beard, not a moustache.” I’ll grant you, that’s what it looks like to the untrained eye, but I put it to you that this is, in face, a moustache that incorporates a beard.
The Iron Man is perfect for any acts of ruthless villainy. As seen when worn by Obadiah Stane (Jeff Bridges) in Iron Man, it bestows an impression of fatherly care over a man, even if he’s engaged in the act of stealing your magic armour so he can destroy you with it.
This is a powerful beard. Don’t underestimate it. It should not be confused with the somewhat similar but highly distinct homeless man.
Bonus-Beard: The Homeless Man
![[image loading]](http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/2883/homelessds.jpg)
This is definitely a beard.
Number 2: The Gentleman
![[image loading]](http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/5933/gentleman.jpg)
This is the kind of moustache that might be more commonly found accompanying a man taking chocolate on the veranda towards the end of the 19th century. It is an arrangement that connotes sophistication, elegance and a healthy respect for grooming.
It is majestic.
Number 1: The Musketeer
There are exceedingly few articles of facial hair that can quantifiably declare, “I am not looking up this doll’s skirt.”
![[image loading]](http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/5095/musketeerr.jpg)
Here, the moustache is employed in a manner befitting its stature.
Godspeed Bruce Willis.
If anyone can actually find a picture of Bruce Willis as he appears in Twelve Monkeys, could you post it for me? I couldn't find one in the end 
 
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musketeer*
also, very amusing pictures.
I love facial hair.
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FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
Bruce Willis is the fucking man yo.
o/
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The homeless man should be 2nd, still the most humorous by far is the musketeer. That type of facial hair never disappoints in comedy.
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
On July 09 2010 09:08 Bill Murray wrote:
musketeer*
also, very amusing pictures.
I love facial hair.
Thanks man, not using my normal PC and totally missing my system-wide spellchecker
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![[image loading]](http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/4382/vlcsnap1006531.png)
Is this it?
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So are you some would-be Cracked writer? :/
Either way, this was pretty awesome. Well done.
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
Southlight, however can I repay you!? :D
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
On July 09 2010 09:17 Bibbit wrote:
So are you some would-be Cracked writer? :/
Not at all, I normally write things that are a bit more straight-laced and serious, but since I'm not working at the moment I'm trying to do some real writing. Of course, that's time consuming and kind of leaves me restless at the end of the day, so I end up just wanting to do something a bit light-hearted 
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I tell ya he makes it look so easy. I've been practising my facial hair skills for a long time but I still dont know wtf I'm doing! :O
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No Iron Man spoiler tags????
I feel as though you held back on his extensive catalogue of facial hair.
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
On July 09 2010 09:49 Atom Cannister wrote:
No Iron Man spoiler tags????
I feel as though you held back on his extensive catalogue of facial hair.
I had about seven, but when I boiled it out, some of them were beards and others were variations on the ones that are here.
It's best to do a "Top 5," rather than a "Top 5 and some other ones I found earlier." 
Maybe I should spoiler that Iron Man bit... :/
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Hahahahah, this made me LOL.
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
That's the most any blog post can ask for <3
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hahahahah
Bruce Willis is the shit.
You should do a top 5 badass Bruce roles. Die Hard seems the obvious choice. But Last Boy Scout is great. 16 blocks is awesome too.
Bruce is always an angry, drunk cop who walks that edge
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lol look at this new fragrance:
![[image loading]](http://www.geekosystem.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/070610_brucewillistitle-550x366.jpg)
manliest perfume in the world
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Manly
![[image loading]](http://www.imfdb.org/images/6/6f/Slevin10.jpg)
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Do you know why Bruce Willis wasn't casted in the main role for the movie Titanic?
Because he would have saved every single person aboard.
har harr
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To me, this is the best Bruce Willis moustache:
![[image loading]](http://www.scene-stealers.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/bruce582.jpg)
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
I actually had that pic saved but my one was slightly too small to use it for a post. It was hard to see a difference between it and The Dad
I assume it's from Day of the Jackal? What a movie!
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Just reading the title of this thread made me lol
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On July 10 2010 01:47 minus_human wrote:
Do you know why Bruce Willis wasn't casted in the main role for the movie Titanic?
Because he would have saved every single person aboard.
har harr
That's what I thought about Kurt Russel too
+ Show Spoiler +If you don't get it, I'm referring to the movie "Poseidon"..
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the Dagon Knight4008 Posts
Some intrepid soul really needs to write a Kurt Russel blog. I'd love to read one, but I don't have anything like the Kurt Russel expertise to do it myself
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On July 10 2010 02:53 SirJolt wrote:I actually had that pic saved but my one was slightly too small to use it for a post. It was hard to see a difference between it and The Dad I assume it's from Day of the Jackal? What a movie!
Yes, from The Jackal. Great movie!
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EPT![[image loading]](http://img541.imageshack.us/i/dadk.jpg/)
![[image loading]](http://img15.imageshack.us/i/diehardvx.jpg/)
![[image loading]](http://img28.imageshack.us/i/ironmanc.png/)
![[image loading]](http://img576.imageshack.us/i/ironman2a.jpg/)
![[image loading]](http://img202.imageshack.us/i/homelessds.jpg/)
![[image loading]](http://img413.imageshack.us/i/gentleman.jpg/)
![[image loading]](http://img51.imageshack.us/i/musketeerr.jpg/)
