EPTNow, I would like to ask the opinion of the English experts on this forum about my writing (hopefully, it's not a waste).
People can say whatever they want, of course, but I must say that I'm not asking if you like the story or not and I'm not asking if you like my style or not. That doesn't matter to me that much; I wrote to myself.
What I want to know is this: even when the syntax in some phrases is not the most expected, is it intelligible? Maybe some people will think that there's some weird metaphors and some weird phrasing here and there, but can you understand everything well enough? Are there any serious grammatical blunders? Am I using the verb tenses correctly? Am I using the propositions in the right way?
To those that have the patience to read: my thank you.
As an introduction to the small story, I should say that it's just a description of one dream/flashback (that belongs to a series of dreams that I have planned, a series that will be unified by certain themes) of a character named Astarte.
Astarte is lost and sleeping unconsciously in the middle of a dense and misty woods and this is her first dream:
Astarte’s first dream/flashback
Suddenly, she saw herself being the younger Astarte in the dream.
She was walking up a green and flowery hill at the end of a calming and peaceful day to deliver an important message to one of the leaders of that rural region.
Around her, while flying happily, a colorful group of little birds were able to enjoy her simple, but gentle, village clothes and her long dark hair that swam with the warm wind towards the firm hips.
While in her gradual climb, Astarte started to slow down as soon as she saw a child and a man sitting close to each other on the soft grass. Eventually she stopped, without knowing if she should interrupt their mutual conversation or respect their moment, and observed them for a while behind one of trees there without them noticing it.
The pair was seated on the top of the hill from where afterwards, on the other side, the terrain suddenly started to precipitate itself towards the rustic village down below and the vast and natural horizon painted by the sunset.
The child was a very young girl named Arianna, which means "most pure". Arianna was wearing an adorned white dress that descended with her light brown hair and she had the most beautiful fair face that you could see in a sweet child. The man that she was looking at was her father, named Cato. He was an experienced knight wearing then his simple and plain clothes and was also the man that Astarte was looking for.
There was a gentle and tender aura around the pair, and now was also possible to hear their words:
"We have endured a lot of hardship lately, but this last day has been very enjoyable. Isn't that right, Arianna?" Said the man.
"Yes, papa. And I'm happy to be with you here." Answered his daughter with her young and lovable voice.
"We have to know how to enjoy the felicity of today, even if new troubles can again arise tomorrow." After saying this, her father carefully plucked a light blue flower close to him with his fingers and gave it to her laughing eyes and her charming cheek to cheek smile.
For a moment, they stayed in silence just enjoying the delicious and liberating wind, the singing that came from the village festival down below, and the beautiful orange and purple sunset that burned the sky and the little dispersed clouds.
For a moment it was...
like becoming accustomed to happiness.
Astarte still didn't dare to approach them and simply stood there observing the joyous pair with some curiosity.
After some minutes, Arianna, while she was playing innocently with the flower, broke some petals and immediately became sad.
Her father smiling said "Don't worry my darling, even like so she's still a beautiful flower."
But Arianna shed a tear and could not be consoled saying that it was all her fault that the flower got hurt.
Her father explained that there was no guilt in innocent hands, that in fact there is no wrong in anything, and what happens just happens.
"But why things just get hurt and even die? Why doesn't everything stay the same?" She cried.
Her father then tried "Well, that flower that you have in your hand will eventually indeed dissolve into the elements. Now, you may think that it'll just be consumed and die, but, in fact, it will continue to feed the great fire that is life; after all, the flower is part of the fire and lives in it. The fire of life doesn't consume itself, it replenishes itself continuously and it's always trying to achieve new heights while always playing with its never-ending wild desires. It will never stop its magic and its infinite flaming forms and that flower is one of its magic momentary sparks that always happily rekindles the next birth in the flames. You see, if everything stayed the same, one could think that there would be less suffering, but if the fire freezes so all the possibilities for the various forms of happiness. Actually, if the fire wasn't like so, you wouldn't have the chance to exchange happiness with me and that flower. Be happy that the fire raised you with tenderness and that you are able to hold my hand just like all things innocently hold hands with all things while their constant embraces are always making something new emerge, even if just for a moment, in the wildness of the flames. That's life, it's all about fire and innocence, not destruction and guilt. Do you understand, my sweet?"
Young Arianna said she didn't, but her father responded that it was all well and that they only needed to accept the moment and cherish it.
They then held hands and, while hearing the contagious happy singing from the village, Arianna rested her head on her father's shoulder sharing affection through soothing contact.
And they stayed like that for another moment watching the traditional dancing in one part of the village around the new wedded couple that had just been united in sacred bands and, in another part, the preparation for the blessed rites of initiation due to the newborn child of that day.
And around all there was like a pure and refreshing atmosphere that flowed in the sunset air and light.
For a moment it was...
like becoming accustomed to happiness.
Astarte didn't approach them before because she knew that the couple was there for the reason that Cato wanted a moment alone with his daughter after all the festivities of the day, but now, after wondering at his words, she also didn't want that moment to be disturbed although she had a very urgent message to deliver.
After a while again, Arianna’s father was looking at the view saying “We have everything we need all around us. There our native village with the traditional ways that strengthen us, there the cultivated fields that feed us and give us freedom, there the ancestral woods that talk to us and teach us, there the now falling sun god that pours his great glow upon us and blesses our lives. And this, my beloved Arianna, this is my warm embrace to you that makes everything worthwhile."
And so they embraced with affection while the knight caressed the child's beautiful hair and both their gentle hearts were at peace listening to the blessed music that was putting the sunset’s soothing colors to rest.
Astarte didn't dare then stay any longer there and thought proper to leave the place without a sound. The message could be delivered a little later; she would not disturb such a sweet scene. So, she started descending the hill while thinking on the words and the vast and glowing view that she was able to enjoy together with the pair. It was all engraved as a beautiful painting on the canvas of her memory.
She was smiling.
And for a moment it was...
like becoming accustomed to happiness.
...
...
During the dark hours that belong to sleep, some time before the daybreak, the village was attacked and put to fire becoming like a monumental pyre in that deep and thick night. There was a conflict between two political powers and, as Fortune would have it, that village was in a strategic region regarding the war. One of the powers had decided to put its foot there first as soon as possible, and that was the information that Astarte's message wanted to provide. During the first hours of the night a resistance force was put together by all the leaders of the region, but the several groups of knights and mages were no match for the overwhelming mechanized army that attacked them. All the defenses were cracked and soon the inferno’s fury was raised up with no mercy.
Some survivors were able to escape through one of the labyrinthic woods that they knew by heart. Together with them, Astarte, that had been asked by Cato before the fight to stay behind and protect his daughter, was carrying a sleeping Arianna on her tense back. The child had succumbed to the withering grief and was exhausted by all the tears that she had cried.
The multitude of all her tiny tears, tears that were dispersed and faded in the frigid earth, would be able to put out a small fire, but they were no avail against the one that burned out her home.
She would never be able to see her father again.
.....
