• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 02:42
CEST 08:42
KST 15:42
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Code S RO12 Preview: GuMiho, Bunny, SHIN, ByuN3The Memories We Share - Facing the Final(?) GSL30Code S RO12 Preview: Cure, Zoun, Solar, Creator4[ASL19] Finals Preview: Daunting Task30[ASL19] Ro4 Recap : The Peak15
Community News
Code S RO12 Results + RO8 Groups (2025 Season 2)3Weekly Cups (May 19-25): Hindsight is 20/20?0DreamHack Dallas 2025 - Official Replay Pack8[BSL20] RO20 Group Stage2EWC 2025 Regional Qualifiers (May 28-June 1)34
StarCraft 2
General
Is there a place to provide feedback for maps? The Memories We Share - Facing the Final(?) GSL Code S RO12 Results + RO8 Groups (2025 Season 2) CN community: Firefly accused of suspicious activities Maru & Rogue GSL RO12 interviews: "I think the pressure really got to [trigger]"
Tourneys
EWC 2025 Regional Qualifiers (May 28-June 1) RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series DreamHack Dallas 2025 Last Chance Qualifiers for OlimoLeague 2024 Winter [GSL 2025] Code S:Season 2 - RO12 - Group B
Strategy
Simple Questions Simple Answers [G] PvT Cheese: 13 Gate Proxy Robo
Custom Maps
[UMS] Zillion Zerglings
External Content
Mutation # 475 Hard Target Mutation # 474 Futile Resistance Mutation # 473 Cold is the Void Mutation # 472 Dead Heat
Brood War
General
Will foreigners ever be able to challenge Koreans? BGH auto balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ Battle.net is not working BW General Discussion Which player typ excels at which race or match up?
Tourneys
[ASL19] Grand Finals [BSL 2v2] ProLeague Season 3 - Friday 21:00 CET [BSL20] RO20 Group D - Sunday 20:00 CET [BSL20] RO20 Group B - Saturday 20:00 CET
Strategy
[G] How to get started on ladder as a new Z player I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Monster Hunter Wilds Path of Exile Nintendo Switch Thread Beyond All Reason Battle Aces/David Kim RTS Megathread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
LiquidLegends to reintegrate into TL.net
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia TL Mafia Community Thread TL Mafia Plays: Diplomacy TL Mafia: Generative Agents Showdown Survivor II: The Amazon
Community
General
Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread All you football fans (soccer)! European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
Serral Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2025 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NHL Playoffs 2024 NBA General Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Cleaning My Mechanical Keyboard How to clean a TTe Thermaltake keyboard?
TL Community
The Automated Ban List TL.net Ten Commandments
Blogs
I was completely wrong ab…
jameswatts
Need Your Help/Advice
Glider
Trip to the Zoo
micronesia
Yes Sir! How Commanding Impr…
TrAiDoS
Poker
Nebuchad
Info SLEgma_12
SLEgma_12
SECOND COMMING
XenOsky
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 15737 users

Dumbest Thing I Ever Wrote

Blogs > Chef
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-02-17 01:30:02
February 16 2010 18:58 GMT
#1
I

      I've never been a nationalistic man, but the day University of Ottawa ate my High School still stays burned in my memory. I remember the glare of its gigantic, razor teeth from kilometres away. I remember the quake of the ground its mechanical, steel legs emanated. I remember the screaming and chaos that surrounded me as we awaited our doom.
      Even in those days it was foolhardy to run outside the school. Sure, the air back then was more or less breathable, but where would you go? The land was barren. Pillaged of all its worth. Raped by our insatiable desire to grow. That was why we were going to be eaten. Because we were small, and they were big, and there was nothing we could do about it. I'd accepted it as a fact of life back then, and so I could only stare out the window as it grew closer, and closer.
      There was no point of resisting. It wasn't in the school's budget to build a set of legs and a giant jaw to crush smaller schools. We'd decided long ago we'd have to be passive, and subsist until we either starved or were eaten. Besides, being eaten wasn't all bad. A few of us—the best of us—would be allowed to join the ranks of normal society with the school we were eaten by. On an individual level that was a comforting thought. Of course the ones who were not especially skilled would be sent to work as slaves until dead in the pits of the university's hull but... That wasn't what I needed to think about. It was just another fact of life.

      I was accepted into the ranks of the university. They saw me for a budding skill in StarCraft. At the time I thought StarCraft was just a silly game I played for fun. I found out only too soon how wrong I was when they enrolled me in a program entirely to develop my StarCraft skills. In my introductory courses they explained that universities had an unwritten code not to eat each other. They'd decided each of them were so large that even the winner of the battle would incur massive damage that would soon leave it prey to another university that hadn't been in a fight recently. But with High Schools and Elementary Schools diminishing, they would need to feed off of one another. And so a new system was born.
      It was called, charmingly, the CSL. Large schools would meet, jaws closed, and play each other in a round of StarCraft matches. The winner would be awarded 10% of the school's resources. Enough to eat well until the next round for the winner, and enough to be forced to eat the unfortunate alternate nutritions technology had introduced to the roaming universities.

      It wasn't until I had completed two years of training that things started getting worrisome for the university. They were losing their ace StarCraft players left and right from unexpected suicides. No one knew why they suddenly left the university, but it was getting to be that we would never eat well again if we didn't act fast. So they held a competition open to StarCraft players who hadn't yet completed their training, to see if any rookies could fill the gap. They called it the OSL.
      With two more years of training still left, I didn't think I stood much of a chance. One of the other players even had completed initial training and was planning to finish advanced training before he joined the StarCraft corps of the university. It was he who I shared a table with for the entire competition.
      We played several warm up games and he destroyed me most every time. I wasn't used to playing StarCraft here. I wasn't used to any of this. In training we played with people our own level, using our own equipment. Here I was forced to use equipment I was unfamiliar with. Here I was going to have to adapt to a player with much more training than myself.

      Among other players I met at the OSL were Cake and Gooser. Cake was a large black man with muscles the side of my head, and a tatoo of an anchor on his chest which I could see, because he did not wear a shirt. Gooser was mutant of sorts who had two more arms than I was used to seeing on a human being. They seemed to come in handy with his StarCraft play.
      Still, even with opponents like these, I'd made the grueling climb to the finals. It was only fitting that the person I should meet in the finals would be the man in advanced studies. He would be tough all right, but I thought I was beginning to figure him out.

II

[image loading]


      Game one was hard, but I knew then that a properly executed 9poolspeed would be his downfall. He lost to it in the beginning of game 2. Survived it in game 3 to come back and kill me while my mutas were out of position. In game 4 I knew that the only thing better than 9pool speed is 5pool. He BBSed and lost after testing my micro against his.
      And that was it. I'd achieved the coveted rank of Golden Mouse in only my second year of training. A victory that would soon become a weight on my shoulders as the next CSL match approached.

III

      Though he had lost to me in the finals, Stork was not left out of the university's StarCraft corps. Far from it, as he was one of the best players we had. Were it not for discovering the one fatal flaw in his play, I would have lost to him in the OSL, and he would be our university's Golden Mouse. By now he has fixed the hole in his play, and is a stronger player than me. A guilty secret that makes me uncomfortable when our team plays me thinking I will be an automatic win.
      On our first match of the CSL, we played against a place called Carleton University. They were a strong team that often inhabited the same grounds as we did, and so it made me nervous to know they would be our first opponents. Our captain decided to send in one of the few veterans our university had left to play the first set. Of this I can only be thankful, and since he won it took some pressure of me. I played second, and won my match as well. It seemed Carleton wasn't as strong as they once were. Another rookie, named Thratur played, and won in dynamic fashion. A 3:0 victory.
      When we returned we were greeted as heroes. The University of Ottawa was not doomed after all. Hoo. Ray.
      It was a sour victory. Our captain had vanished before the matches finished and has still not returned. In his will he wrote for me to become the captain of the team, something I don't understand to this day. Why me? Why not a veteran? It seemed to much responsibility. It weighs heavily on my mind. But I do not give up. I arranged the players of the next match. None volunteered to take the first set, and so I did. Gaberiel second. Stork third. If necessary, Simon, our veteran would win or get us to ace.
      It wasn't necessary. Again, we dominated. 3:0. 3:0. 3:0. Mount Allison University from Sackville. I hadn't expected a challenge, but I hadn't expected it to be so easy either. We, the rag tag team of rookies, with a veteran in tow and myself leading, were beating the well established giants that had been defending their universities for years.
      I look to the future. I see Harvard College. I see it burning. I've devised the ultimate plan. We will win. We will make the name of Ottawa feared.

****
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
tirentu
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada1257 Posts
February 16 2010 19:04 GMT
#2
Hey, you only 3-1'd MTA. I totally won my game!

CHEF'S STORY IS UNREALISTIC :O.
unit
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
United States2621 Posts
February 16 2010 19:10 GMT
#3
this isnt dumb ^__^ great read Ottawa FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!...hoping for more installments!?!?!?
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
February 16 2010 19:16 GMT
#4
Get your damn propaganda out of here, tirentu.
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
tirentu
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada1257 Posts
February 16 2010 19:17 GMT
#5
On February 17 2010 04:16 Chef wrote:
Get your damn propaganda out of here, tirentu.


No worries, we love you anyways.
andiCR
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Costa Rica2273 Posts
February 16 2010 19:18 GMT
#6
lol great read
Nightmare1795 wrote: I played a guy in bronze who said he was Japanese. That was the only game I ever dropped a nuke, which was purely coincidental.
Nal_rAwr
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States2611 Posts
February 16 2010 19:39 GMT
#7
lol great
Nony is Bonjwa
Neivler
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Norway911 Posts
February 16 2010 19:52 GMT
#8
Pics or it never happend!
I pwn noobs
love1another
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States1844 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-02-16 20:13:28
February 16 2010 20:13 GMT
#9
lol..... This is better than proberto.
"I'm learning more and more that TL isn't the place to go for advice outside of anything you need in college. It's like you guys just make up your own fantasy world shit and post it as if you've done it." - Chill
KwarK
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States42380 Posts
February 16 2010 20:22 GMT
#10
The school bit reminded me about a great series of books based upon a similar premise.
Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve
The little town was so close that he could see the antlike shapes of people running about on its upper tiers. How frightened they must be, with London bearing down on them and nowhere to hide! But he knew he mustn't feel sorry for them. It was natural that cities ate towns, just as the towns ate smaller towns and smaller towns snapped up the miserable static settlements. That was Municipal Darwinism, and it was the way the world had worked for a thousand years, ever since the great engineer Nikolas Quirke had turned London into the first traction city.
ModeratorThe angels have the phone box
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21242 Posts
February 16 2010 20:38 GMT
#11
Chef writes amazing blogs ^^
TranslatorBaa!
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-02-16 20:48:39
February 16 2010 20:47 GMT
#12
On February 17 2010 05:22 KwarK wrote:
The school bit reminded me about a great series of books based upon a similar premise.
Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve
Show nested quote +
The little town was so close that he could see the antlike shapes of people running about on its upper tiers. How frightened they must be, with London bearing down on them and nowhere to hide! But he knew he mustn't feel sorry for them. It was natural that cities ate towns, just as the towns ate smaller towns and smaller towns snapped up the miserable static settlements. That was Municipal Darwinism, and it was the way the world had worked for a thousand years, ever since the great engineer Nikolas Quirke had turned London into the first traction city.

I had to read the first book of that series. Liked it a fair bit actually, though it's a more common idea than you might think. Chrome Shelled Regios, ICE, and probably a million others are basically the same thing. Mortal Engines was much more devoted to the theme though. This is much more a parody of Chrome Shell Regios than anything else though.
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
Thratur
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada917 Posts
February 16 2010 23:01 GMT
#13
Omg, a new story from Chef! It is awesome!

Thank you Chef! (Make more)
Pwntrucci[sR]
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada1519 Posts
February 16 2010 23:30 GMT
#14
The excitement had me scrolling down the pic faster then I used to turn DBZ pages when goku was fighting friesa.
bg
3FFA
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States3931 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-02-17 00:15:06
February 17 2010 00:14 GMT
#15
On February 17 2010 05:38 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Chef writes amazing blogs ^^


SO TRUE

edit: to pwn(user above me) ROFL
"As long as it comes from a pure place and from a honest place, you know, you can write whatever you want."
s_86
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States191 Posts
February 17 2010 19:33 GMT
#16
Ottawa U Rules!!
evanthebouncy!
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States12796 Posts
February 18 2010 07:16 GMT
#17
On February 17 2010 08:30 Pwntrucci[sR] wrote:
The excitement had me scrolling down the pic faster then I used to turn DBZ pages when goku was fighting friesa.

Ghahahaha!!!
Life is run, it is dance, it is fast, passionate and BAM!, you dance and sing and booze while you can for now is the time and time is mine. Smile and laugh when still can for now is the time and soon you die!
DreaM)XeRO
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Korea (South)4667 Posts
February 18 2010 22:27 GMT
#18
On February 17 2010 04:04 tirentu wrote:
Hey, you only 3-1'd MTA. I totally won my game!

CHEF'S STORY IS UNREALISTIC :O.

looooooooool
cw)minsean(ru
Impervious
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada4198 Posts
January 13 2011 02:45 GMT
#19
Why don't you have SC2 yet?

Chef, in charge of the team while I was MIA, led our team to a win with this:

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
Yea, that's 5 pools, with an all Zerg lineup vs Harvard. Fucking right!


Then, supporting the team, even when unavailable to play, led us to:

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
And playing one hell of a game vs NonY himself in our match vs Duke


Now, this:

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
wtf fail


Summed up: WE NEED YOU!!!!!
~ \(ˌ)im-ˈpər-vē-əs\ : not capable of being damaged or harmed.
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
January 13 2011 03:00 GMT
#20
Ouch, c'mon Canadian brothers!!

ps. I like how the logo has GG on it :p
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
1 2 Next All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Online Event
04:00
May Mayhem: Playoffs
Clem vs ShoWTimE
herO vs MaxPax
Liquipedia
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft: Brood War
Sea 9324
actioN 608
PianO 230
Larva 109
Mind 48
Aegong 39
soO 36
Icarus 20
sSak 18
scan(afreeca) 13
[ Show more ]
Noble 12
Barracks 11
ajuk12(nOOB) 4
Bale 3
League of Legends
JimRising 780
Counter-Strike
tarik_tv9310
Stewie2K1626
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor194
Other Games
summit1g7701
WinterStarcraft609
ViBE256
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick682
StarCraft: Brood War
CasterMuse 20
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 14 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• practicex 123
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• RayReign 28
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Stunt657
• HappyZerGling94
Upcoming Events
Road to EWC
2h 18m
AllThingsProtoss
4h 18m
Road to EWC
9h 18m
BSL Season 20
11h 18m
Bonyth vs Doodle
Bonyth vs izu
Bonyth vs MadiNho
Bonyth vs TerrOr
MadiNho vs TerrOr
Doodle vs izu
Doodle vs MadiNho
Doodle vs TerrOr
Replay Cast
1d 17h
Replay Cast
2 days
Bellum Gens Elite
3 days
The PondCast
4 days
Bellum Gens Elite
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
[ Show More ]
Bellum Gens Elite
5 days
Replay Cast
5 days
CranKy Ducklings
6 days
SC Evo League
6 days
Bellum Gens Elite
6 days
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2025-05-28
DreamHack Dallas 2025
Calamity Stars S2

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
BSL Season 20
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
NPSL S3
Rose Open S1
CSL Season 17: Qualifier 1
2025 GSL S2
Heroes 10 EU
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
ECL Season 49: Europe
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters
CCT Season 2 Global Finals
IEM Melbourne 2025
YaLLa Compass Qatar 2025
PGL Bucharest 2025
BLAST Open Spring 2025

Upcoming

CSL Season 17: Qualifier 2
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
Copa Latinoamericana 4
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSLAN 2025
K-Championship
SEL Season 2 Championship
Esports World Cup 2025
HSC XXVII
Championship of Russia 2025
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.