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I feel alone - Page 3
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alexpnd
Canada1857 Posts
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Phyre
United States1288 Posts
May sound really obvious but having confidence and being happy with yourself make social interaction easier. I found that during the stage of my life where I was worst at talking to people was when I had a very poor perception of myself. I felt weak, ugly, stupid, and generally inferior to most of my peers. Constantly felt jealous of what other people had. Changed that when I went to college. Stopped caring what other people thought of me and just did what I felt like doing. Oddly enough, after I stopped caring about girls I got a girlfriend because she approached me. Confidence paid off and lead to more confidence. Started working out more, dressing better, etc but not with the mindset that others would perceive me better but with the mindset that I was only improving for me. So I could look in the mirror and be happy with myself. Be happy with yourself and that confidence coupled with your lack of caring what others think will make you feel drastically better. For me it became a snowball effect and it lead me to self improve more and more. | ||
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zulu_nation8
China26351 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On November 05 2009 13:49 zulu_nation8 wrote: can start by not blogging about it wrong, first thing to change something is recognize it needs to be changed, and there's nothing better than doing that by letting others know. Unless you're trolling...... -,- | ||
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daz
Canada643 Posts
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alexpnd
Canada1857 Posts
On November 05 2009 14:18 daz wrote: i recommend heroes of newerth wtf. hermit to hermit advice? alright. | ||
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daz
Canada643 Posts
if your gonna be a hermit might as well have fun while you're at it | ||
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zekie
Canada380 Posts
On November 05 2009 11:20 kidd wrote: I truely believe that if you learn to convince yourself that you are actually not that bad of a person and that you have something to offer to others then the rest will come naturally. Chances are you aren't even as bad and lonely as you perceive and changing your style of thinking will reflect that. i completely agree with what kidd wrote. just be confident with who you are and if people don't like you for who you are it doesn't matter because eventually you will find those people if you just keep looking. | ||
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fixbayonets
United States10 Posts
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wok
United States504 Posts
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OMin
United States545 Posts
"I honestly wasn't sure what to expect once I started college life. I knew I'd probably start buying a lot of things, sleeping really late, do things whenever I wanted, and stuff like that was all true. But I had no idea what to expect in terms of friends and relationships I would form. Here's some self-evaluation: I'm a nerdy guy... but on the cooler side of nerd-dom. I'm not antisocial, but on the other hand, I'm pretty strange.... I don't watch sports, I don't listen to popular music, I act pretty gay, I'm an asian metalhead, and I'm bad at talking to people.... which leads me to this.. One thing about me is I don't like talking to people without being prepared... I hate having to make phone calls, I hate having to ask for favors, I hate running into situations where I have to talk to somebody, whether I know them or not, without me knowing what I need to talk about... I don't know what it is.. maybe my brain just thinks slow, maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe talking just isn't my thing, but I tend to make awkward conversations. I'm really bad at getting beyond small talk... I mean, who the fuck wants to talk about classes or school, and you cant keep asking people where theyre from or what year in school theyre in every time you see them. And the fact that I don't keep up with TV shows and mainstream music doesn't help at all.... I'm left of the loop when pop culture comes up, because I don't really dig that stuff.... forcing myself to watch and listen to things I don't like seems really fake and sort of like a desperate measure in trying to fit. I can say that I try to be myself, and I guess this is what this blog is about. Yet sometimes it's so hard to be true to yourself.... I feel that so many of my tendencies and quirks keep me from fitting in. There's the choice to conform/affect your personality and fit in, or theres the choice to be yourself and go down in the social ladder. On the outside, I'm obnoxious, rowdy and say nasty things. That's naturally a part of me, and probably how a lot of people see me. But I also have a different side that many people haven't seen or even know about. I know I'm a pretty introverted person. I have a lot of thoughts, but I feel they are private, and even when I do feel like conveying them, I don't know how to say it... which I guess goes back to the fact that I'm bad at talking to people. Very often, when I'm around people, sometimes even if they're people that I know, I want to be alone. I don't want to deal with having to try so hard to not look/be/act awkward, whether it's saying the right/wrong thing, saying too much/too little, a matter of what it is I say, where I'm standing/sitting in terms of other people, my posture, my expression... like what the fuck!!?? I think the fact that I know I'm not the best talker makes me so self-conscious about all these things. But when I try not to be self conscious and do whatever, the usual result is people giving me the "awkwarddd" look... thought there have been sparse and few good responses from it as well. So I guess this is a matter of fitting in and having an affected outer apperance versus being true to yourself and being the weird guy. Thus no doubt I hate being around people I don't know. It's easy enough in class or something everyday like that. But say... parties... I enjoy parties for the having fun factor. But at the same time, being at a frat is about fitting in... it's a test of how "cool" you are. The comedians, the popular people, the badasses, the good dancers, etc. have it good here.... in fact this is probably how they have those reputations to start with. Such people, if they happen to be reading this, might be kind of laughing at me and my struggle, because I'm none of the above. Thus, when I'm at a frat, I feel like it's a test for me... the pressure's on me to not look awkward, to not look like a loser, to not look like the first-timer freshman.... a test of "fitting in". And the fact that "fitting in" at a party means talking with random ass people you don't even know, it's that much worse for me. A party would be so much more fun to me if I didn't stress about all this, but it's not that simple. It's a battle between being me and being conformed to fit in at a party... which frankly isn't me at all. Thus, this kind of fulfills the paradox: being alone in a sea of people. Even though I try to stay true to myself, I'm only human and have the inevitable need and desire to fit in, which leads me to try and put on a fake image in hopes of getting acceptance. Thus, my level of "fitting in" at a party is a direct measurement of how well that's working. But in the end, it's a loss loss situation. A good day (night) at a frat party means I'll be happy that I was able to fit in well, consequently boosting my ego.... but only to realize later that I was just being a total fake. A bad day at a frat will depress me, making me wonder why I'm so deficient and unaccepted in society's eyes, restrengthening the awareness of my insecurities. Not that I'm antisocial or anything... but I know that I sort of am a loner. Why is it so hard to just be me? How come being socially accepted and being myself have to always be opposing each other? Thus, I feel that most of the new relationships I have made with people I met and associate with in college have mostly been shallow and superficial. I find myself alone in my room more often than I feel is for a "socially normal" person, partly for lack of meaningful relationships. I feel I don't connect with people very well in general, partly because I don't keep up with pop culture, partly because I am bad at talking to people, and I don't know what else. I'm glad I do have friends back from San Diego to turn to when I need it, but I feel that associating with only them too often is cowardly, shy, and parochial. time is running out as i need to get to work, so i guess this will end here. I have been adverse to posting anything like this on facebook as it just seems like attention whoring... but that's not my intention. No doubt I want people to read it, but I'm not doing this to get sympathy or something lame like that. I think it's not good for me to barrel all this up inside of me as I have been doing so for so long.... I've always hated to burden other people with my own problems. But I said to someone the other day that sometimes you gotta forget about other people for a minute to stand up for yourself... and I am doing so right now. So, please excuse this outburst of selfishness  , I feel I really need it, and deserve it for all the times I held it in. It feels really good to just tell/admit to the whole world about this wholly different aspect of me that they couldn't see. It will help me in my journey to discover who I am, so it's all for a good cause!k, i really gotta go now... if you made it this far in this note, thanks for having the concern to do so... i hope you got a little something out of this " | ||
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Revolt
United States288 Posts
the way i socialize, i basically see everyone as a brother,sister , i don't really believe in family positions(it's just a way to describe how i interact.) be candit with people, ask them about their day, be sincere,truely. it's kindve hard to give advice without clarifications. Why do you want to interact? i find people pretty annoying sometimes. oh btw, if your only examples of people with good social skills who talk, or 'appear' to have good social skills, often DON'T have good social skills. Having good social skills doesn't mean conversationwise,well,nvm(you were talking about being a conversationalist in your op) just learn relationship skills, you don't have to be friends with everyone, if you get a bad side to a conversation, it's not your fault, it's the othersides fault for being a jerk. i actually use to be the same as the op. whenever i went to the market, or anywhere in general, i tried to make friends, and thought about ways in my head(conversations, etc.) when i found out people can't make me happy, i was actually a good person to be around,every conversation i had seemed appealing to others. just be happy with yourself, and don't be a cynicist about your social skills, people often do want to talk, or don't (it's usually those individuals who are never happy, and are occupied with social positions.) just be yourself man, everything will be okay | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
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Always
United States376 Posts
but if it isn't, and you want to get out of your shell, you can try to search for other introverts. it might be a little tough, but if you really want to get out there, you have to get out there. there's no easy cure-all for this. things like friendship are born out of initiative. people aren't going to come knocking on your dorm door / house door asking for you to hang out with them. =) no harm in trying! | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
On November 05 2009 13:06 Pengu1n wrote: alcohol! and weed! and | ||
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OMin
United States545 Posts
thanks for giving him temporary ways to escape, and thus avoid resolving, his problem. I don't have a problem with smoking/drinking for fun, but to as a way to solve your personal issues... get a fucking hold of your life bro. | ||
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Grobyc
Canada18410 Posts
And in my experience, I don't use them to "get away" from problems, they just bring out the more social side of me. I used to be extremely shy before as well, but now i actually am pretty outgoing, even when I'm not high/drunk at the moment. | ||
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blue_arrow
1971 Posts
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pubbanana
United States3063 Posts
On November 05 2009 14:59 fixbayonets wrote: Start drinking. Works wonders. It worked for me. Seriously. | ||
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DarkYoDA
United States1347 Posts
Just learn to enjoy the company of your friends instead of thinking there's a need for you to be the "joke" cracker or the blood of the group and so on. I mean within my group of 7 good friends, I think easily tell you like 3 of them just get "tugged" along with occasional suggestions on what to do and where to go. That's good enough, we enjoy one anothers' company and friendship regardless the type of socially complex contributions involved. Anyway I have seasons with many friends and comparing now and then, it's considerably more boring now because of working and studies and stuff, but I don't really have the "I'm lonely" feeling and is perfectly happy with my box and laptop on. I am sure alone but not lonely, I say your problem is psychological. The last thing you want to do now is feel too much about your inadequacy in these so-called more interesting and complex contributions and go into withdrawal mode and dampen your friendships, which would of course be entirely unnecessary. | ||
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