EPTI'm doing math research at college for the summer. My professor went on a 3 week sailing trip to bermuda a couple weeks ago, so I just took off and went home for a while. I just got back to school yesterday.
there is this psycho jamaican girl amanda who is like in love with me or something, and she is just my total bitch. She does whatever I want all the time.
So last night, after I get back, she tells me she is going to be making a pizza around 730, and I should come have some. I say maybe, cause quite frankly, she bothers the crap out of me most of the time.
Around 750, i decide to head on over, im hungry, not really willing to cook for myself, might as well go get a free meal. So I go to her apartment, and nobody is there. I call her up "where's my pizza???". "oh, i thought you weren't coming, i went out to a bar, ill be back in 30 minutes though".
so i go back to my apartment for a while, then head back over at like 830. there are like 4 girls and 2 goober guys in the family room watching some retarded ass mtv show or whatever the hell girls watch in their spare time. Amanda starts "making" the pizza, which consists of her turning on the oven and heating a tombstone pizza. Great job emeril.
So im sitting there waiting, bored out of my mind watching the fucking real world for 20 minutes when someone speaks up. "ONLY 4 MORE MINUTES TO OUTBACK JACK!!!"
i look at her blankly "....we're watching poker at 9....."
"NO, we're watching OUTBACK JACK!!!"
I look around the room and everyone there is giving me the death glare. Clearly im the only person who has been waiting 6 months to see the first episodes of WSOP 2004. I gotta get the fuck outta here, but im still hungry.
so i run into the kitchen. she is trying to cut the pizza, but is failing miserably. i look at the oven clock. 858. Ihave 2 minutes to eat this pizza and run to my friend's apartment to watch poker. So i say "GIVE ME THE PIZZA". i grab it, break the thing in half, take a paper towel, put the half pizza on the paper towel and run out the door.
"HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING YOU MOTHER FUCKER?"
"you guys are watching outback jack, i gotta go watch poker"
"will you come back later?"
"oh yeah, yeah sure"
So i head over to my friend dan's apartment, and we watch the hold em, then stud episodes. Around 945 I get a call from this girl courtney telling me to come over. I tell her im watching poker and ill be over after 11.
So poker ends, and I start heading over to courtney's apartment, deciding to ditch amanda. The moment I walk past amanda's apartment, i mean literally 5 feet past her walkway, she walks out and see me.
i silently cursed under my breath then called out "hey what you up to?"
"you mother fucking son of a bitch, you werent coming back over, youre walking back to your apartment now!!!"
"actually im heading over to 1706"
"you mother fucker.....that's lindsay's apartment....you mother fucker, that fucking bitch"
lindsay is one of her good friends. one of her best friends. actually, she's going to be one of her apartment mates next year.
so amanda takes off with 3 empty beer cans in her hand, running straight for 1706. im like oh god, what an idiot.
she runs in and bursts out "YOU BITCH LINDSAY", then looks around and see's courtney and a couple of her friends there. She then says to courtney "i have a question, did lindsay or you invite ryan over".
courtney: "i told him he could come over"
amanda: "THAT MOTHER FUCKER!!"
she then walks out, kicks me in the knee, calls me a mother fucker again and says "we're not friends anymore you asshole!!!"
haha, i got a pizza, got to watch poker, and got to hang out with courtney who is better looking than amanda. i rule. i guess i should buy her dinner or something so she will still cook for me and I have the option of easy ass for the rest of the summer.
