Protoss and the Terran Agent

by lichter

Editor's Note: This is a fanfiction of The Adventures of Asterix, popular French comic book that you should definitely read.

All is peaceful in the little protoss village of GSL we know so well, and, as usual, everyone is cheerful and friendly.

Allergictocheesestix+ Show Spoiler +: "Good morning! Chintastix!"
Chintastix+ Show Spoiler +: "Good morning everyone!"
Bagoftrix + Show Spoiler +: "Good day to you both!"

And, in the Terran Senate, old senator INnoVatious is getting all strung up, eager to settle a score with his rival Flashus Caesar.



INnoVatious: "There's a little protoss village that still defies our occupying forces and refuses to obey our laws! Let Flashus enforce the power of terran in the occupied territories before he thinks of new metas!"

The entire terran senate cheers as their distrust in their de facto ruler grows.

So the next day Flashus Caesar has a meeting of his friends and colleagues at his luxurious teamhouse outside of Seoul. They argue back and forth but cannot come up with any good ideas. Until one of his advisors comes up with a plan.

Sweatytowelus + Show Spoiler +: "This is only a suggestion but their strength springs from their solidarity. If we could sow a bit of discord among the protoss, they would split up and maybe start beating each other instead. We would then only have to pick off the stragglers!"
Flashus Caesar: "I know the protoss are famous for their unbearable mirror matchup, but this lot sticks together through thick and thin. "

Flashus knows this is a good idea, but how is he supposed to get the protoss arguing with each other?
Suddenly, another of his closest allies has an idea.

Dontwannamicrus + Show Spoiler +: "I've got the very man! I have watched him all throughout Code S and Proleague. He confuses protoss like no one else and manages to get them to fight each other."
Flashus Caesar: "Have him sent to me right now!"

Flashus and his most trusted friends move to the computer room, and a little man is brought before them.

Flashus: "What is your name, troublemaker?"
Man: "I am Tortuous Multitasticus + Show Spoiler +."
Flashus: "They say you are a clever terran and that you can outwit even the smartest protoss. Show me."

They load up BNet on one of the computers, and Tortuous Multitasticus sits down. He joins an automated tournament, where he is the lone terran against 7 protoss. In the group chat, Multitasticus mentions that he thinks templar openings are once again viable. Immediately, all 7 protoss began arguing their fingers out. They debate the latest patch; they disagree about widow mines; they shout their opinions in all caps across the chatroom. It doesn't take long until the chat is filled with BM. "You dirty protoss cheeser!" "You immortal sentry scum!" "That's not how you're supposed to play protoss!!"

Flashus Caesar is pleased.

Flashus: "You're great! I'm sending you on a mission to Group B. If you succeed you'll advance to the Ro8 and possibly a fortune!"

---

In the little protoss village, in contrast to the violent events above, they are preparing for Chief Constantlywrongpix's + Show Spoiler + birthday.

Chintastix: "I'm giving the chief a tofu cake and NesTea's autograph."
Allergictocheesestix: "I'm getting him more Hearthstone packs."
Bagoftrix: "Wait, I'm also getting him Hearthstone packs and NesTea's autograph!"

At his home, Chief Constantlywrongpix is practicing his acceptance speech, when his wife, Broodwarmenta+ Show Spoiler + interrupts him.

Broodwarmenta: "We're going to be landed with a lot of stupid presents. We could never expect your friends to get us something useful. Oh, no. They just get you tofu cake and Hearthstone packs every year. We have an entire wall of NesTea pictures."
Constantlywrongpix: "You should be proud of being the Chief's archonwife. First Lady of GSL! Some of my glory rubs off on to you."

At the edge of the town's barricade, Tortuous Multitasticus arrives in Group B.

Guard: "Who goes there?"
Multitasticus: "I'm here to present this widow mine as an offering to the most important man in the GSL!"

The guard hurries to Chief Constantlywrongpix, announcing Multitasticus' arrival. The chief trots out to meet the man, but Multitasticus whizzes right by him. The tiny terran approaches Allergictocheesestix and hands him the harmless widow mine.



Multitasticus: "Having arrived lately in the GSL and desirous of strengthening the friendship between protoss and terran, I present this gift to you, Allergictocheesestix, as the most important man in GSL."

Multitasticus quickly leaves, barely giving the chief a second glance. Enraged, Constantlywrongpix stomps back to his announcer's booth, and tells what transpired to his archonwife.

Constantlywrongpix: "The gall, I am the most important man in GSL!! Allergictocheesestix isn't going to make it out of this group alive!"
Broodwarmenta: "IF ANYONE SHOULD EVER BE FOOL ENOUGH TO WRITE A HISTORY OF GSL IT WON'T BE ENTITLED THE ADVENTURES OF CONSTANTLYWRONGPIX!"

The couple squabble, and Multitasticus' plan begins to take shape. The next day, he pays a visit to Allergictocheesestix's home to further sow the seeds of dissent. Allergictocheesestix and Chintastix are having lunch.

Allergictocheesestix: "What do you want, terran?"
Multitasticus: "I was just passing by to see how you were doing."
Allergictocheesestix: "Well take this widow mine and go. It has been nothing but trouble."
Multitasticus: "I won't hear of it! Anyway, I won't keep you any longer."

Multitasticus spots the Chief in the distance, and takes another opportunity to create a rift between the leader and his most valiant warrior.

Multitasticus: "That was some delicious tofu cake, Allergictocheesestix! Thanks for inviting me."

Both the chief and Allergictocheesestix hear this, and they bump into each other as they try to confront Multitasticus, who slips away. The two men argue for a few minutes, and when they finally enter Allergictocheesestix's house, Chintastix has already eaten all the tofucake.

Allergictocheesestix: "WTF BRO. You ate all the tofu cake?!"
Chintastix: "Well the food was getting cold and you went after your friend..."
Allergictocheesestix: "HE'S NOT MY FRIEND! You stupid metapod!!"
Chintastix: "Well well uhhh... you have terran friends!!"

The two best friends stomp away from each other, upset and enraged at what has just happened. However, it doesn't take long for them to realize that they have been played. They run back to each other, sobbing apologetic.

Allergictocheesestix: "I'M SORRY FOR SAYING YOU LOOK LIKE METAPOD~~~!"
Chintastix: "I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID WHAT I SAID~~~!"

They make up immediately, and finally begin to see what's happening.

Allergictocheesestix: "That dastardly Multitasticus, he's trying to get us to take each other out."
Chintastix: "He's probably working for the terran senate. We have to find out what's happening."

---

In another part of town, Bagoftrix is taking a walk in the woods. He's busy formulating even more cunning build orders, when he is suddenly blind countered over the head with a 1/1/1. Multitasticus jumps out from behind a destructible menhir in glee; this is the next part of his plan. If he can make the other protoss believe that the terran know all their build orders, it will turn them against each other, and the group will be his.

Multitasticus: "Haha, perfect! When Bagoftrix comes to, he'll think that we have the secret of his build orders, even though we actually don't. Once they all panic, we'll be able to attack!"

Bagoftrix wakes up in a daze, and finds a siege tank at his ramp. He runs back to the village in hysterics. Everyone gathers around him.

Bagoftrix: "They know all the build orders! We're doomed!!!"

All the protoss of the GSL shiver in their booths. If the terrans know all their build orders, there is nothing they can do to stop their advance. Terrified, Lotsachix+ Show Spoiler + and Mouzkix+ Show Spoiler + rush to the terran teamhouse to investigate. They see all the terrans meeting by a chalkboard, where a bunch of diagrams are written too small to see. Their leader, Centurion Contumacious+ Show Spoiler +, reads the board and chuckles. He asks for a carrier pigeon and writes down a challenge to any protoss in the area. The pigeon flies into the distance, and five minutes pass.

Terran Soldier: "Sir, wouldn't it be faster to just fight someone from the next protoss village? They are just across this LANd."
Contumacious: "Absurd. The technology isn't there yet."

Thirty minutes pass in silence when suddenly, an ornery protoss barrels into the teamhouse. Contumacious sizes up the intruder. Without scouting, he counters the proxy oracle with timely turrets, and builds a viking to repel the follow up tempest.

Lotsachix and Mouzkix are aghast. How could Contumacious have known that his opponent was going proxy oracle into proxy tempest? They scramble back to town to report what they saw. Little do they know that it was Alwaysdisappointus+ Show Spoiler + in an elaborate disguise, and everything was a ruse.

The two scouts arrive at GSL trembling. They tell everyone about what they saw, and all the other protoss begin to worry. Yet Allergictocheesestix and Chintastix know that something was amiss, and that this was likely another one of Tortuous Multitasticus' tricks. The other protoss blame Bagoftrix for being too obvious, and point fingers at Allergictocheesestix for his friendliness with Multitasticus. Angered at the accusations, all three players from Group B decide to leave the village and find out for themselves.

They arrive at the terran camp and storm towards Multitasticus' computer. Unsurprisingly, all the terrans fall when it is revealed that everything was a hoax. They confront the tiny terran mischief-maker about his devious ploy.

Multitasticus: "Wh-what are you going to do with me~?"
Allergictocheesestix: "Hmm. Nothing. We've grown tired of protoss being called a bullshit race and we've decided to leave."

As Allergictocheesestix, Chintastic and Bagoftrix leave, Multitasticus realizes that this is the terrans' chance to seize the GSL. He hurries to Centurion Contumacious and convinces him that without Bagoftrix, the protoss have no build orders to counter their advances. Contumacious gathers his forces and readies for the attack, sending out all the terrans. Believing they have the advantage, they neglect to build turrets at home.

Out of nowhere, Allergictocheesestix and Chintastix's DTs come rampaging from behind. From the front, the rest of the protoss charge without mercy, spurred on by more of Bagoftrix's build orders. The terran forces of Contumacious are routed, and it is all Multitasticus' fault. The tiny troublemaker is left without an answer, and it is his turn to be the stooge.



Allergictocheesestix: "Thanks for keeping your end of the bargain and making the terrans believe we had given up on sneaky build orders!"

Furious after hearing this, Contumacious drags Multitasticus back to Seoul on their retreat, to be punished by the terran senate and Flashus Caesar. All the protoss laugh as they watch him sulking back home in defeat.

Chintastix: "Your trickery won't work anymore Multitasticus. Good luck being banished to Code B!"

Victorious and in good spirits, all the protoss of GSL return to finally celebrate Chief Constantlywrongpix's birthday. The village leader gets up to finally deliver his speech.

Chief Constantlywrongpix: "Today was a very trying day for protoss, but in the end we prevailed. I'm sorry I didn't believe in you Allergictocheesestix. But I still don't think you're the most important protoss in GSL. There's still Liftabrix+ Show Spoiler + and Latenightsexfix+ Show Spoiler + and...—"
Allergictocheesestix: "HOW DARE U"

Allergictocheesestix tackles the chief, knocking some tofu cake onto Liftabrix’s tank top. The beefy protoss joins in the brawl, but not before stepping on Latenightsexfix's sun chips. It doesn't take long until all the best protoss in the GSL get into another heated scuffle. Chinastix sighs as he takes a bite out of some tofu cake.

Chintastix: "These protoss are crazy!"

+ Show Spoiler [Explanation of Names] +

Predictions:

If this group were a month ago, Maru would be favored to get out in first. However, his form in the matchup has dipped dramatically over the past few weeks. After Zest comprehensively figured him out in S2SL, other protoss seem to have gotten the hint. Maru can no longer rely solely on his drop-to-death style, and his ability to adjust will determine his legitimacy as a contender. There's a good chance that PvP ends up deciding the fate of this group, and that means we'll have to rely on our guts to make a prediction.

herO > Maru
Classic > sOs
herO > Classic
Maru > sOs
Classic > Maru

herO and Classic to advance to the Ro8.