Ladies and gentlemen, I have come across startling information about Day[9] that will shock all of you.
Day[9] is actually a muppet.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying "But Ketara, I love Day[9], he is hilariously funny and provides excellent commentary on my daily life." But to this I ask you, have muppets not done the same for years?
Let us examine the evidence.
Exhibit A: The most important realization that Day[9] is a muppet comes from a distinct lack of lower body screentime. This is in fact because our illustrious Mr. Plott does not have a lower torso. Because he is a muppet.
Day[9] has even been quoted on his show saying that nobody has any idea if he is wearing pants, because they cannot see them. In reality, we all know that he is NOT wearing pants, because he has no legs. Because he is a muppet.
Edit: To people saying that we have seen Day[9]s legs before, you obviously have never watched The Muppets. They all have legs from time to time, there are just strings attached to their arms while they walk. Can you tell me there are definitely no strings attached to Day[9] when he walks?
Day[9] also exhibits some other muppetlike body features. He has big arms and waves them around excessively when he talks. Furthermore, his mouth is exceptionally oversized compared to the rest of his body, something that will be illustrated in the points below. All of these facts point conclusively to Day[9] being a muppet.
The below points shall examine video evidence of Day[9] displaying muppetlike features.
Exhibit B: Have you ever seen a real person do something like this when they hear trumpets? + Show Spoiler +
Nope, you've never seen a real person do that either. Only muppets do things like that: + Show Spoiler +
Possible? alt gif
(ninja mod edit)
Exhibit D: As we all know, Day[9] was recently featured on Sesame Street, a place that is frequently visited by muppets: + Show Spoiler +
Exhibit E: This one is pretty self explanatory. Clearly an actual photograph of Day[9] at a family reunion. + Show Spoiler +
On January 07 2011 15:21 Day[9] wrote:
UPDATE: As of Sunday 1/09/2011, Day[9] has admitted that he is in fact a muppet. Congratulations to all of our heroes, for getting him to admit his dark and terrible secret, and allowing us to all move on with full knowledge of his lack of torso space.
It is also worth noting that Day[9] has never said that he is NOT a muppet. This means it is perfectly plausible that he is one.
I'm sorry that I have had to reveal this dark and terrible secret to the public. But it's okay Day[9], we all still love you, and are looking forward to your upcoming contract with Disney where you will star in its new musical, "The Muppets do Tron"
The only question that remains is which of Jim Hensons creations Day[9] most resembles. I'm sure there is ample room for debate on this topic. Is he Kermit the Frog because of his disposition towards waving his arms around wildly? Or perhaps Animal because he likes to scream for no reason? Or maybe he is Stadtler and Waldorf, because of his fondness for heckling.
when did he actually do this? i only can watch the blip archive d9ds so i know about the trumpet dance. so is he doing stuff on his stream which he doesn't upload at blip.tv? anything related to starcraft or only "funny" things?
when did he actually do this? i only can watch the blip archive d9ds so i know about the trumpet dance. so is he doing stuff on his stream which he doesn't upload at blip.tv? anything related to starcraft or only "funny" things?
He usually goofs off and plays music for 5 mins or so on the livestream before the show starts and doesn't upload it.
Check out what I found. This pretty much confirms it
"Muppets come in all sizes, from just a few inches long to more than 8 feet tall. They can be hand puppets, rod puppets or a combination of the two. Some Muppets are even worn by their operators. Muppets are also just about every shape, color and style imaginable -- they can look like an animal, a person or an imaginary creature. But all Muppets have a few things in common: They're made from soft, flexible materials, they're perfectly suited for TV and movies, and they have unique, dynamic personalities."
He's the latest and greatest creation of our dear late Jim Henson Glad we've uncovered this one, meaning Jim's work was complete. Cheers to Miss Piggy, Kermit and Day[J] ! :D
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
You know that feeling.. You wake up in the morning, stretch, rub your eyes... Get out of bed, get breakfast, have a nice shower, getting ready for your day.. You get in your car or on the bus to go to school when you realize... "OH MY GOD I HAD A FINAL 2 HOURS AGO".
That is how I feel because of this. He has misled us for so long...
On January 07 2011 05:18 s[O]rry wrote: You know that feeling.. You wake up in the morning, stretch, rub your eyes... Get out of bed, get breakfast, have a nice shower, getting ready for your day.. You get in your car or on the bus to go to school when you realize... "OH MY GOD I HAD A FINAL 2 HOURS AGO".
That is how I feel because of this. He has misled us for so long...
OMG I HATE THAT SITUATION! GAHHHH COLLLEGE!
But yes, Day9 is a muppet.... How did anyone not know? infact, all casters are muppets. Crap, that makes me a muppet too! ^&*%
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Very interesting theory but how do you explain why my mom said he is NOT a muppet? Also on a side note, how do you also explain the large amount of water he drinks? Muppet doesnt drink water! These reason are why he isnt a muppet! Mostly cause my mom says so but the water make sense as well!
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm am waiting for the day when his light falls over and he jumps up to catch it, revealing he is in fact wearing nothing but tighty whities (or a miniskirt) love you day9!
When I opened this thread I thought the terrible secret would that he would actually be in like the gold league on his smurf account. But this is way more hilarious.
Seriously, awesome OP. I was expecting the worst, like someone discovered his smurf account and he was barely above bonus pool inflation or something. I laughed. He's probably my favorite muppet.
After all these years, I vowed never to watch the muppets again. Having been through rehab to get rid of the addiction, the RUSH.
I thought I was clean, but all along, I have been looking at the same muppets that brought me into my hellish addiction. They're everywhere, EVERYWHERE.
This post is great he provides his thesis and then backs it up with evidence, this is a good outline and i hope to see more research done on this subject, if you can get him in an interview saying he is a muppet we will be golden. keep up the good work i hope to see more as things develop.
I'am just happy to be able to watch a good muppets show again. It's been so long it's refreshing. No wonder he's so popular with all ages. No one doesn't like muppets.
Haha, I wasn't sure what muppet meant, so I entered it in LEO's translator and it said "idiot". So I was prepared for some hardcore flaming. Quite dissapointing.
btw, the flight story -.- i think i pee'd a little .. the thing is, imagining any random dude in that situation is funny, but when Day9s head is on the shoulders - HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
I...I just don't know what to say. This would explain a lot of things about Day[9] that I've never really been able to explain before. However, if he really is a muppet, then how does that explain the Day[9] I saw at IEM NY? He had legs, and there were no people controlling him when he stood. =0
On January 07 2011 08:55 blahman3344 wrote: I...I just don't know what to say. This would explain a lot of things about Day[9] that I've never really been able to explain before. However, if he really is a muppet, then how does that explain the Day[9] I saw at IEM NY? He had legs, and there were no people controlling him when he stood. =0
On January 07 2011 04:25 Skamtet wrote: I expected the flight story.
That one we already know
day9 cant be kermit, kermit is kermit. and day9 is the day9 muppet. the one that tells you how to kick ass at starcraft and be nice on the interwebz at the same time.
On January 07 2011 07:24 Toxictoast1 wrote: There seems to be an agreement that he is, in fact, a muppet. Now, who controls him??
This makes him the second most influential muppet after republican congressman Michael Steele. Personally, I think his puppet master is someone in the water industry. Big water has been jonesing for the starcraft beverage market for years now... Don't you notice how he always seems to mention how delicious his water is? Has anyone else in the history of the world ever thought that water had a taste? I think not! Except of course if you put something in the water... especially if you freeze and then eat said water - kinda like pop-ice, which IS delicious.
On January 07 2011 09:43 ffz wrote: I expected the wicker basket story.
before anyone asks; i found the original post this is referring to but day edited it out in june so i assume he doesnt want it re-spread (though it exists on this site still if you know where to find it)
I hate to rain on the brilliant investigative journalism here, but having previously met Day[9] in person, I can verify that he is, in fact, not a muppet. Sorry.
Hahaha when i first read this i was like 'oh man someone's actually calling Day9 out on TL'. Then i realised it was a humour post. Less drama but still just as fun :D
On January 07 2011 09:43 ffz wrote: I expected the wicker basket story.
before anyone asks; i found the original post this is referring to but day edited it out in june so i assume he doesnt want it re-spread (though it exists on this site still if you know where to find it)
I found out about it earlier today! lol
I laughed so hard when I saw the "can a real human do this?" ahahahah.
So this is how a single person has so much good advice. His puppetmasters all collaborate and use him as a medium. That's a really lifelike muppet though.
On January 07 2011 04:33 Blackk wrote: Then nhis brother tastless is a muppet and so is artosis since muppets only hang out with muppets
Of course Tasteless is a muppet. Go watch the GSL season 1 Maka videos. Notice how he keeps saying "Maka, Maka, Maka" sounds an awful lot like "Waka, Waka, Waka" something a MUPPET would say. He has even admitted this in the Maka videos.
This is going to be one of those pictures that will make me laugh no matter when and where I see it. Still giggling like a little school girl, 5 minutes later...
Day nine spends 30 min on stream playing text twists while his fans are spending hours of their time debating if he's a Muppet or not. What the hell is happening to the community.
Evidence at last! Now tell me, who is your puppet master(s)? What do they want? Do they want to build up an army of "better gamers" to take the world's tournaments by storm and make a fortune? I know this is all part of a large, secret plot, who's pulling your strings! :p
On January 07 2011 04:28 BouBou.865 wrote: Muppets don't call themselves muppets. Besides, if he gets up to get water you can see his two legs, and sometimes a third.
Myth: Busted
Sure, he gets water sometimes, but have we ever seen him eat!?!?! methinks not.
NEWSFLASH: Day[9] lives off of water, honey, tea and dreams
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sean plott is my hero
Quoting this to keep both of these amazing stories together so they don't get drowned out by the inevitable massive growth of this thread.
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sean plott is my hero
Original thread? I can't imagine him telling stories like that nowadays (if thats not a fake).
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sean plott is my hero
Original thread? I can't imagine him telling stories like that nowadays (if thats not a fake).
Yup twas way before he was famous. But still well known within the community.
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."
do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.
HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Oh my god, thank you for posting this. I had never heard this story before.
He should tell more stories like this on the daily.
<`DeadVessel> i wish i had a twin sister <MYM|DayNine> are you kidding <MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even fucking <MYM|DayNine> go in a different room <`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing <`DeadVessel> LOL <mnm> >< <MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off <MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit <MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer <`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless <mnm> brotherly love <MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up <MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother <MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game <MYM|DayNine> and i finish <MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones <MYM|DayNine> turn around <MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked <MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer <MYM|DayNine> and honestly <rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread <MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad <mnm> lol <MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..." <`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread? <MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, dick in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sean plott is my hero
Original thread? I can't imagine him telling stories like that nowadays (if thats not a fake).
On April 08 2008 11:59 perisie xx wrote: possibly this topic will be acceptable.
do you guys or gals have any particular sexual fetishes?
for example,
1. are any of you particularly submissive or dominant, either gay or straight?
2. do any of you prefer a particular type of clothing on the opposite sex, like a skirt, panties, 1 piece swimsuit, or bikini?
3. do you prefer oral sex to regular sex, or do you have any particular "positions" that you prefer? do you have your eyes open when you kiss??
4. have any of you developed very deviant funs, such as wanting to tie a partner up, or to be tied up, or even to be cut or cut yourself?
5. how do you respond to various fetishes that are seemingly common within cultures? for example, japanese sailor outfits, or american cheerleaders, or british tights?
6. crazy fetishes! feet, long nails, trans genders... and people with object fetishes, like an obsession with shoes or nappies (ugh)
7. people who are so normal that they hate fetishes! you really cant understand this abnormal behaviour, you have religious beliefs or were brought up to think monty python "the meaning of life" was the true limit of sexuality
1. i'm straight and DEFINITELY dominant. i really don't like alot of girl on top positions.
2. thongs/lacy underwear is definitely unimaginably hot. for some reason, also, i'm really turned on when a girl is in comfy/pajama type clothing.
3. i <3 sex. i dunno what its called but "from the side" i guess? also, girl lying flat on her stomach w/ my behind is SOOO GOOD. in general, any position where i can spank her is cool! ^_^
4. chocolate syrup mmm 8]. blind folded is fun; tying up is fun.
5. SCHOOL GIRL OUTFIT FUUUCCCKK that's SOOOO HOTT loool <3333
6. oh my GOD i can't believe i'm going to tell TL.net this, but for some reason i LOVE the feeling of wicker rubbing against the bottom of my ballsack. one day, back at home, i was beating off and was like "oh no there's no kleenex. luckily, there was some stylish wicker trash basket upstairs that my mom had recently purchased for "decorative purposes." I figured "hey, i'll just cum into this trash bin and that'll be that." for some reason tho, as i pulled up the trash can, the feeling of the wicker against my balls felt SOOO GOOOD and gave me this insane killer cumshot that way overshot the trash can. every single time i've beat off and used that wicker basket its been fucking amazing. yesssssssss
also, i'm hugely turned on by a girl who is very very very sweet. kindness/sweetness is such a huge turn on. also, good sense of humor!
7. i'm not really sure what this question is asking, but i definitely think some fetishes are totally fucked up 8].
I'd never read the flight story before...but oh my god I was in hysterics. I weirded my gf out by staggering around just laughing my head off, knowing she'd never think it was funny.
OMG exhibit B is hilarious. I would totally bust a move with Day at the club. That's the way you get the ladies attention. Come to think of it, muppet wing-man FTW.
On January 09 2011 15:06 FreezingAssassin wrote: This thread is golden. so much brought up too much to take in!, but i do beleive day9 just may be a puppet...very very convincing
I always like scientific threads like this. You have brought something to the forefront that - while we have always suspected it - we never had the complete evidence to support it. Kudos, Katera, on your scientific rigor and your contributions to the starcraft community.
I know that TLers will read those Day[9] posts on the IRC and that old post of his and laugh about it, but if he's trying to become a major presence in the SC2 E-sports scene and make a splash, I'm not sure he (and we) want those to be particularly accessible to a casual search. He and his brother plug TL.net a good amount, and a thread with his name in the title might get the attention of some people that matter (maybe potential sponsors, or companies with whom he's trying to set up some big events with). I hate censorship, but on the big stage (where Day[9] is trying to take us), that kinda stuff matters. From a PR standpoint, we should probably leave those sorta things buried. Hopefully those posters, or a mod will see this post and agree and they could be edited out.
On January 07 2011 04:28 BouBou.865 wrote: Muppets don't call themselves muppets. Besides, if he gets up to get water you can see his two legs, and sometimes a third.
Myth: Busted
Sometimes you could see Alf's legs too. It's actually just a guy in a suit. Any tall guy would do, you don't even need a little person.
UPDATE: As of Sunday 1/09/2011, Day[9] has admitted that he is in fact a muppet. Congratulations to all of our heroes, for getting him to admit his dark and terrible secret, and allowing us to all move on with full knowledge of his lack of torso space.
Update 2: As of Daily 236 it has been revealed that Day[9] in fact has legs. A freak washing machine incident in his house caused him to reveal to the press his lifelong secret, as he had to stand up and run to his washing machine, all caught on camera in a recent episode about 6 minutes in:
On January 12 2011 05:03 Malminos wrote: Update 2: As of Daily 236 it has been revealed that Day[9] in fact has legs. A freak washing machine incident in his house caused him to reveal to the press his lifelong secret, as he had to stand up and run to his washing machine, all caught on camera in a recent episode about 6 minutes in:
Thats what they want us to think! I mean, isn't it obvious? Do you think it's a coincidence, that he has to walk to the washing mashine, just after a person has prooved that he is a muppet? Think about it! After 235 dailys he just suddenly shows his legs? I don't think so mister!
Breaking news, as of 2 minutes ago on 1-11-11 during the day9 daily, Day9 has openly admitted he has NO LOWER BODY, reporting that he is indeed a muppet.
As you guys know my name is Drteeth. I am the leader of the Muppet band the Electric mayhem and all I will say on this matter is ..... OP, WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
The Fraggles (our guys when we have "dirty" jobs to do) will be paying you a visit for letting this particular cat out of the bag that's for sure. I understand being Fraggled alive is quite an unpleasant experience.
On January 12 2011 03:49 Ketara wrote: UPDATE: As of Sunday 1/09/2011, Day[9] has admitted that he is in fact a muppet. Congratulations to all of our heroes, for getting him to admit his dark and terrible secret, and allowing us to all move on with full knowledge of his lack of torso space.
On January 07 2011 04:28 BouBou.865 wrote: Muppets don't call themselves muppets. Besides, if he gets up to get water you can see his two legs, and sometimes a third.
On January 21 2011 14:48 ProfessionalTryHard wrote: I was watching the archives and found another example of his abnormally large mouth. I made it into a gif, because Day9 loves gifs:
On January 21 2011 14:48 ProfessionalTryHard wrote: I was watching the archives and found another example of his abnormally large mouth. I made it into a gif, because Day9 loves gifs:
hahahaha.. this gif is epic! can't stop laughing
I do what I can
It gets all the more awesome when you notice the eyebrow...
I knew it! Day[9] has been a muppet this whole time, and he would have gotten away with it to! If it weren't for you meddling kids and your pup named Scooby Doo!
After attending last Blizzcon, I can confirm that he is indeed a muppet.
In case you were wondering, yes I got to feel his legendary armpit sweat on my shoulder in this photo. It's like briefly taking a dip into the fountain of youth, only to step out for man can only handle so much glory.
On January 21 2011 14:48 ProfessionalTryHard wrote: I was watching the archives and found another example of his abnormally large mouth. I made it into a gif, because Day9 loves gifs:
Ran into that gif while listening to the music from this video
This is one of the most epic threads I have ever read. The only one that made laugh as much as this one was one on the dota-forums about balanar being imbalanced (at night).
On the topic of Day [9] and his being on stage at MLG presenting awards:
The puppeteers are good. They use sticks that come up from below the stage - controlling his legs, and torso. The face is controlled by (little known fact!!) the youngest, contortionist-puppeteer in the world. His name is Juanito and he controls Day[9]'s arms with his legs. Jon the translator does the voice because Juanito has yet to hit puberty.
EPT![[image loading]](http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1821373/day9-sock-puppet-o.gif)
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hurry edit that part out so it's still legitimate!![[image loading]](http://img695.imageshack.us/i/beakerd.gif/)
love you day9!![[image loading]](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Ae0Pt6UDPgw/SwxAdQ9sRzI/AAAAAAAABh0/ExGSXz9HGck/s1600/Muppet+Halloween+Video.JPG)
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