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If you missed it...
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=147155
As I proved before, IdrA is truly a God. And if we had to compare IdrA to the Gods of Earth, IdrA would most likely be Hades – God of Death – drawing his strength from the wailing screams of dead nooby spirits swirling all around him. And if IdrA is Hades, Artosis would have to be none other than his blushing bride, Queen of the Underworld, Persephone.
Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
And is that not such a fitting comparison, for not only are the two inseparable, but also let us not forget, that Persephone is the bringer of winter. And it will be a cold winter in hell if Artosis ever starts winning…
But how can we fault our glorious Queen for lag out scandals and reaper shenanigans? The record does not show the fuming rage that is building up underneath our Queen's rosy cheeks. If anyone saw the Artosis rep pack back before neural parasite was nerfed harder than Mexico in the Mexican-American war, then you would know the potential of this underrated star.
If the Persephone comparison doesn't float your boat across the river styx. Then, just think of Artosis as a mother hen. Looks nice and fluffy, but she will pick and claw your eyes out. Mess with her chicks, and she will make an internet video shaming you and your family. Make her play ZvT, and she will lay an egg.
(Artosis you are awesome and I can't wait to see what you can do when they balance ZvT)
“So Beef?” You might say. “You just said Artosis is a great Zerg player because he’s worse than IdrA and hasn't preformed very well?” Well sir, we must remember we’re all worse than IdrA. Also, Artosis has something IdrA will never have. A brain. That gorgeous Artosis brain.
When the Encyclopedia of SC1 doesn’t know an answer, it asks Artosis. Liquipedia could be called “Artosis’s Sparknotes.” And Stephan Hawking once tried to blow Artosis in the hopes that ingesting his DNA would grant him Artosis' power.
I have no doubt that SC2 will be a game that will take a LONG time to crack. What is the best build? What build counters that? Is Kerrigan looking to put out on the first date? Those answers have not been found. But the man who will answer them has.
Artosis. The Swarm bows to you. All glory to Artosis, the Overmind!
Editor's Note:
In my last installment of the greatness of IdrA, I did not make it quite clear how much I love Zerg. To say that “Zerg is the only race worth playing” would be to put Zerg in the category of “Starcraft race” along with Protoss and Terran. This would be a terrible insult to the Swarm. I prefer to say, “Playing Protoss and Terran is like playing the clarinet only to find out that said clarinet was in fact a hairy penis.” Where as playing Zerg is like “dating the hottest girl in your high school, but you are only in fourth grade.”
In Brood War there was an unmistakable air to all Zerg players -- the I’m-going-to-fuck-you-up air, which I loved so much. Jaedong, YellOw, Savior. The three scariest nerds of all time.
(NOTE: in the following paragraphs, the words “map control” will be replaced with “balls.”)
Why were Zergs so scary? Because of one thing: balls. They had balls. In the early game, zerglings gave you balls. In the midgame, mutas and lurkers gave you balls. And in the end game, dark swarm ensured that if you ever GOT balls, you would win by pushing into your opponent’s base.
What can balls do for the average Zerg player? You can expand freely, harass more often and from more angles, and you can keep the enemy in the dark if you do a crazy tech switch.
Is all this possible in SC2? I don’t know. I’m not here to complain. I’m here to get back some of that lost swagger all Zerg players had. How did we lose it? Theory 1: n00b Zergs. Answer 1: STOP PLAYING OUR RACE! (or stop complaining). Theory 2: Terrans are draining our pride. Answer 2: who gives a fuck what a Terran says? They are Terran because a high ladder rank is the only thing assuring them that their penises are still inside their camouflage cargo pants.
So anyway back to how having “balls” helps when playing Zerg. If you can maintain balls, you get to dictate (see what I did there?) the entire pace of the game until the fools try to move out into the waiting arms of your flank-ready Zerg army.
Enough about strategy and lesser life forms. Let us again fill our Swarm hearts with pride as we salute one of the most important strains in the Zerg genetic pool: Artosis.
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This look isn't comprehensive enough. Be more comprehensive please.
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haha that course on Greek and Roman mythology I did last semester is starting to pay off.
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Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
really
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On August 26 2010 10:10 Scope wrote:
This look isn't comprehensive enough. Be more comprehensive please.
moar comprehensive pl0x
User was warned for this post
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Why is it that you only compare Artosis to females?
Do you know something we don't?
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would love to see Artosis' response for this :D
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artosis is actually a pretty mediocre player who has no reason to be as much of a faggot online as he is considering he cant beat anyone good + has really bad/inflexible strategies in games
sad that having a whole weird thing like this written about him will only fuel his bizarre ego
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Don't post if you do not have the brain capacity to understand Artosis's greatness. Or do post, and i'll try and care more about what you think.
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Beef Noodles; Best Noodles.
These threads are so great.
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you are my hero right now
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Really should just organize these into a blog for simplicity  (wonder if you're able to do that after the fact, or if that is frowned upon by mods)
Good post though, I agree that artosis seems more analytical than idra's mechanical consistency (and consistent success, except vs reapers).
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LOL these posts are full of win please continue these posts with other players you find worthy enough for them!
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On August 26 2010 10:30 red.venom wrote:
artosis is actually a pretty mediocre player who has no reason to be as much of a faggot online as he is considering he cant beat anyone good + has really bad/inflexible strategies in games
sad that having a whole weird thing like this written about him will only fuel his bizarre ego
Could not agree more.... I still like him, but ppl think he is better than he really is.
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These are so hilarious. Keep it up.
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One of the funniest things I have read in a long time :D I literally started laughing out loud when I go to the sentence(NOTE: in the following paragraphs, the words “map control” will be replaced with “balls.”) Well done sir.... well done. Proud to be a fellow zerg after this literary masterpiece. Especially like the crack about the terran's camo pants!
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Another win for the swarm
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dimaga could be a goldmine...
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epic, just like the last one, keep it up!
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Artosis has epic balls you say?
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I was thinking about doing Dimaga, but I'll need to see if he stays true to the Swarm or switches races :/
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Do one for the future, when Jaedong plays sc2.
BTW: I'm crying right now this shit is so funny!!!
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Yes. Artosis has epic balls.
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LOL I found this one extremely hilarious. Wasn't the biggest fan of the first, but you've won me over with this masterpiece. :D
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On August 26 2010 10:30 red.venom wrote:
artosis is actually a pretty mediocre player who has no reason to be as much of a faggot online as he is considering he cant beat anyone good + has really bad/inflexible strategies in games
sad that having a whole weird thing like this written about him will only fuel his bizarre ego
eh idunno
Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
I kinda hopes this makes him cry in a corner once it brings back and makes him relive very painful moments with Idra.
:/
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Well worth the read. Plus the fact that I was studying for classical mythology before this didn't hurt either
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man this is one hell of a sick-o job.
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This. Is. Amazing. who should be next.........
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What can balls do for you?
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I'm just waiting for Artosis or Idra to post in these threads...
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how can you even say that artosis has really bad inflexable strats and that he cant beat anyone good lol? whats your rank hot shot
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Theses "comprehensive look" threads are complete pwnage. Zerg FTW!!!
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it's nice to be able to expo just because you have so much balls
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If IdrA is Hades. and Artosis is Persephone .....
Dimaga is
![[image loading]](http://enl4341satan.pbworks.com/f/Dave%20Grohl%20Tenacious%20D%20satan.jpg)
User was warned for this post
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Comprehensive Jaedong thread please.
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On August 26 2010 10:06 Beef Noodles wrote:
“Playing Protoss and Terran is like playing the clarinet only to find out that said clarinet was in fact a hairy penis.” Where as playing Zerg is like “dating the hottest girl in your high school, but you are only in fourth grade.”
In Brood War there was an unmistakable air to all Zerg players -- the I’m-going-to-fuck-you-up air, which I loved so much.
Oh a hahahahahaha. <3
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Artosis is kind of old (born in 1983) plus he's a vegetarian. Won't have enough stamina to be a progamer.
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Look at Whitera or Mondragon. They are older. They have the skill (though I don't know if Mondragon ever switched to SC2). Artosis is a great player and he is training hard. He will make it... if Jaedong and Flash never show up.
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You have balls. I like balls.
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This post contains just as much win but it's too soon. Posts like these need time to age before the next one otherwise it will feel forced. Put a good month between your next comprehensive post and it will be an unstoppable amount of destruction.
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haha the clarinet part was the best
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On August 26 2010 15:57 Beef Noodles wrote:
(though I don't know if Mondragon ever switched to SC2).
I don't know, if he "really" switched, but here is a replay of him:
http://www.sc2-inside.com/en/replay/137/
Haven't seen it right now, but kind of interesting build order: Ultralisks before Spire...
Give it a try!
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On August 26 2010 15:57 Beef Noodles wrote:
Look at Whitera or Mondragon. They are older. They have the skill (though I don't know if Mondragon ever switched to SC2). Artosis is a great player and he is training hard. He will make it... if Jaedong and Flash never show up.
Mondragon is #40 in Euro top 200, so he is starting to come back :D
http://eu.battle.net/sc2/en/blog/495971
just really hopes he joins a team and starts joining some tournaments soon, god i miss him!
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Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
i stopped reading after this and had to quote it and push up my post count
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You said it all. Artosis is quite the zerg stud. Combine IdrA's skills with Artosis' friendly charm, and you have one solid, well mannered Swarm player.
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And if IdrA is Hades, Artosis would have to be none other than his blushing bride, Queen of the Underworld, Persephone. Hahaha thumbs up. please make more
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artosis is actually a pretty mediocre player who has no reason to be as much of a faggot online as he is considering he cant beat anyone good + has really bad/inflexible strategies in games
only because he can't find enough time to practice in between shooting episodes of Merlin
i care little for his attitude/ego sometimes too, particularly for some of those snide looks he gives the camera when IdrA talks about HuK for example. but he provides good content and is a valuable member of the community. =)
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I don't believe Persephone was actually raped by Hades.
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OMG ... pure epicness ... Bravo, bravo!
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On August 26 2010 14:18 mcknucks wrote:If IdrA is Hades. and Artosis is Persephone ..... Dimaga is
loool so true, the coolest of them all :D
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On August 26 2010 17:30 SmoKim wrote:Show nested quote +On August 26 2010 15:57 Beef Noodles wrote:
Look at Whitera or Mondragon. They are older. They have the skill (though I don't know if Mondragon ever switched to SC2). Artosis is a great player and he is training hard. He will make it... if Jaedong and Flash never show up. Mondragon is #40 in Euro top 200, so he is starting to come back :D http://eu.battle.net/sc2/en/blog/495971just really hopes he joins a team and starts joining some tournaments soon, god i miss him!
Mondragon!
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hahaha, so great to read this on my last day of work.
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Dude, you almost made me LOL in class  Glad I managed to stop reading in class after the first paragraph.
Brilliant use of the word balls. It's good to see real men playing Zerg, making full use of their balls. Speedlings and mutalisk, they suppport our huge balls.
Also, I will never play the clarinet, nor ever look at it being played in the same way af before.
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Read the first sentence and then i went like.... wat.
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I fantasize about Artosis all the time, sometimes we're alone in a log cabin in winter, sometime he is giving me a sensual massage. Sometimes he's just holding me in his powerful arms.
mmmm
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I laughed my ass off at this.. Zerg for life man.
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On August 26 2010 15:49 biarecare wrote:
Artosis is kind of old (born in 1983) plus he's a vegetarian. Won't have enough stamina to be a progamer.
old?
...wtf
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Artosis will make a video of you and your family.
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You forgot to mention IdrosiS - IdrA and Artosis's child. God help us all
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One of the good points the OP makes is that Zerg players in BW were given huge donkey balls to move out and contain/flank the opponent by using the speed their units. In SC2 the general speed of the Zerg units seems lower and we do get some speed bump on creep. What this does is to castrate the Zerg by not allowing the use of speed to contain/flank the opponent.
So what should be done? Allow queens put creep tumors outside creep? Creep diarrhea out of Zerlings asses upgrade? I don't know... All I want is my balls back...
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Who is Demeter in this analogy though? Also amazing post.
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On August 26 2010 10:30 red.venom wrote:
artosis is actually a pretty mediocre player who has no reason to be as much of a faggot online as he is considering he cant beat anyone good + has really bad/inflexible strategies in games
sad that having a whole weird thing like this written about him will only fuel his bizarre ego
Yeah. Artosis is overrated and at the very least marginally delusional.
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I don't know when another "comprehensive look" will come out. And its not really a time issue. The IdrA and Artosis threads took maybe ten minutes each to write. It's more of an issue of trying to find cool Zerg players. I like Dimaga, but he might switch, and I'm not sold on Mad Frog yet. If Jaedong ever switched to SC2, I'd write a 10 page paper (don't hold me to that).
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You know Beef, both idra and artosis played terran in sc1, so they are hardly the epitome of balls.
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sorry for being soo noobish, but i dont get it ) although it is funny how you say those things about poor artosis ( am i getting something wrong here ? )
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On August 26 2010 10:06 Beef Noodles wrote:
Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
oh my god, best piece of literature i've ever read
yeah, its literature, honestly :-O
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I’m not hear to complain. I’m here to get back some...
How do you misspell a word and then use the same word in the same context 3 words later, and spell it correctly
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Hades = god of underworld, other than that, fun article and a lot less offensive than comparing idra's bm to churchill standing up to the nazis.
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On August 26 2010 10:06 Beef Noodles wrote:
“Playing Protoss and Terran is like playing the clarinet only to find out that said clarinet was in fact a hairy penis.” Where as playing Zerg is like “dating the hottest girl in your high school, but you are only in fourth grade.”
hahahah that made me laugh soo hard
awesome thread is awesome
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teh internet always delivers.
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Zergballs: Not for girlymen.
I lol'd. Hilarious followup.
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On August 26 2010 10:06 Beef Noodles wrote:
Persephone (Artosis), captured by Hades (IdrA) and raped repeatedly into submission, has accepted her role as the second fiddle mistress of the Swarm.
“So Beef?” You might say. “You just said Artosis is a great Zerg player because he’s worse than IdrA and hasn't preformed very well?” Well sir, we must remember we’re all worse than IdrA. Also, Artosis has something IdrA will never have. A brain. That gorgeous Artosis brain.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Is all this possible in SC2? I don’t know. I’m not hear to complain. I’m here to get back some of that lost swagger all Zerg players had. How did we lose it? Theory 1: n00b Zergs. Answer 1: STOP PLAYING OUR RACE! (or stop complaining). Theory 2: Terrans are draining our pride. Answer 2: who gives a fuck what a Terran says? They are Terran because a high ladder rank is the only thing assuring them that their penises are still inside their camouflage cargo pants.
Win...
As entertaining as your last post imo.
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Spelling is not my forte... and it's not like I am taking my time on these, looking over drafts, and getting feedback from my publisher. But, yes I fixed the typo.
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Excellent work, just what my zergy heart needed.
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I love you Beef. My favorite parts were the hairy clarinet penises and the Terrans with camouflage cargo pants. It is almost enough to make me want to go try Zerg again, but I can't handle the Queen macro...guess I just don't have enough balls.
Where the heck is Artosis? Someone must have told him about this by now.
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My favorite thing about these write-ups is that the people/race (or their attached fanboys) being mocked don't realize it at all.
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Hehe... I love Artosis but this was hilarious. IdrA's blushing bride LOL
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Seriously 2nd best thread i've ever read only slightly behind the comprehensive look at idra. keep it up
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Haha Dictate!
I see what you did there :p
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is Greek mythology a subject of enthusiastic perusement in America or are TL users jsut big geeks?
Nicely written I suppose.
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The Swarm is strong with this one.
Let there be SWARM!
But really these posts are hilarious and so righteously good. Thank Kerrigan I play Zerg! BY THE SWARM does it feel good.
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Do Dimaga next! He's probably the most popular of the SC2 Zerg Players.
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That compare to a hen was hilarious :D
Also Editor's note if full of win too.
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I play Zerg and I played the clarinet when I was a young boy (pun intended). It wasn't a hairy penis, but the thing is I find myself kind of confused now. Am I a glorious swarm hero, like I thought I was, or am I a repressed protoss ? (Terran is out of a question : I don't think there is a point in playing a human race when you are a human person.)
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I think my favorite part pete was the "does kerrigan put out on the first date" sentence, but by that point I was already laughing at the hilarious replacement of the words map control with the word balls. I guess you could call that a metonym? I don't know, I'm no english major, but either way, great job. I do somewhat agree with whoever said that you're coming out with them a little too fast. Consider Christopher Paolini... He waits 10 years between each fucking book!!!!!.. Ok don't wait that long, because I'll kill you, but I do think you should let these sit and age like a fine wine.
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I gotta say, I think I enjoyed the Editor's Note more than the actual look at Artosis. That big sexy brain of his, just... irresistible.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://forums.isohunt.com/img.php?mode=release&path=284277.jpg)
