EPTTerrans - A Race For Real Men. - Page 11
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-Iron-
Germany27 Posts
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Zexion
Sweden971 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + It's actually true! | ||
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phyvo
United States5635 Posts
On April 13 2010 03:03 Lollersauce wrote: Real men who hide behind wallins amirite. What you don't realize is that terrans wall *themselves* in to give the aliens a sporting change. | ||
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AmnDragon
United States33 Posts
On April 13 2010 03:08 Zexion wrote: My cousin plays Terran, and his name is Magnus. True story. + Show Spoiler + It's actually true! Your cousin deserves to play against Reach just out of principle. | ||
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NihiloZero
United States68 Posts
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QueueQueue
Canada1000 Posts
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SkyDance
Denmark1 Post
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evotech
48 Posts
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wintergt
Belgium1335 Posts
 . Ten games today, seven terran mirrors and I hate mirrors. (the other 3 were 2 zergs who 6pooled, and 1 protoss who tried to proxy-cannon rush, "fun") | ||
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ComradeDover
Bulgaria758 Posts
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AmnDragon
United States33 Posts
On April 13 2010 09:41 ComradeDover wrote: Two copycat threads later, and this one is still the best. Clearly they weren't manly enough. | ||
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Savio
United States1850 Posts
On April 11 2010 17:32 FezTheCaliph wrote: Its a shame this will get deleted lol Spoken like someone very new to TL No way is this thread getting closed. | ||
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avich
Philippines11 Posts
Terran FTW! PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-POWER! | ||
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Tekin
2711 Posts
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Captain Peabody
United States3128 Posts
To this end, I have decided to go through the units one by one, pitting what I believe to be the equivalent units on each side in head-to-head matchups to decide which one is most manly. I will then tally the scores and use them to figure out which side is overall MOST MANLIEST OF ALL. So without further ado, let's begin: ROUND ONE: PROBE vs SCV FIGHT! In this corner, we have the SCV, a red-neck with a drill and a bad attitude, mauling Probes and Drones with it's super-drill, repairing Thors as they lay waste to enemy bases. Manly, to be sure...but it's self-esteem still hasn't recovered from losing all that hp. In the other corner, though, we have the Probe, tiny beeping robot of death, happily slipping and sliding and racing around enemy bases, beeping curses at the Zealots and Marines as they try and fail to catch up to it, sliding into a Zerg mineral line and zapping Drones with it's Super-Taser, blocking expansion attempts with vindictive glee; in other words, an all-around Bad-ass. Verdict: 'Nuff said. Probe>SCV ROUND TWO: Zealot vs Marine FIGHT! In one corner of the ring, we have the Marine, tough, no nonsense re-socialized goon protected by hundreds of pounds of hard metal, armed with a gun twice the size of their arms, shredding apart Zealots and Battlecruisers alike. Manly indeed. In the other corner, though, we have the Zealot (or MANLOT, as I like to call him), a warrior so utterly MANLY that while Marines don't dare to step onto a battlefield without tons of metal and a gun between them and the enemy, Zealots sprint into Tank lines and Baneling-mined battlefields with their heads, arms, and legs totally exposed, wearing suits that are quite literally nothing but BLING, solid gold hoops and leggings studded with jewels the size of a man's head; shrugging off hails of bullets as they move relentlessly and unstoppable towards their doomed target, and then turning into frigging energy, charging up to everything from Marines to Ultralisks without hesitation, and PUNCHING THEM IN THE FACE. There is quite literally no unit in SC2 more bad-ass than the Zealot. Verdict: Zealot>>>>Marine ROUND THREE: Stalker vs Marauder FIGHT! In one corner, we have the Marauder, a literal walking tank that waddles across the battlefield inside about two tons of metal, blasting apart everything from Roaches to Thors with Missiles that it shoots out of its arms, shrugging off Baneling blasts as if they were bottle rockets. Plus, their voicing is so testesterone-laced that it makes you want to go off and blow something up, just because. In one word, MANLY. The Stalker, on the other hand, is manliness of a different sort. DTs who decided that life would be better with a little more firepower; racing around the battlefield on four awesome legs, teleporting every which way, striking from every side, blasting apart Vikings, Banshees, Roaches, and Battlecruisers alike with their lil' blue energy beams of awesome. Very cool. Verdict: Despite my biases, I'd have to give the edge to the Marauder. IT'S ABOUT TA GET HEAVY! Marauder>Stalker ROUND FOUR: Immortal vs Siege Tank FIGHT! In this corner, we have the Siege Tank, pure explosive AWESOME. Sitting back secure behind a line of Hellions, the Siege Tank commander hums Ride of the Valkyries to himself as he blasts Hydralisks, Marines, and Zealots into burnt particles of ash. Manly indeed. The Immortal, on the other hand, is so manly that he sips a mug of boiling-hot tea as he lumbers into Siege Tank fire, complaining about his back, and then blows them apart in two shots of his giant friggin' Cannon of Doom. Roaches turn and run at the very sight of him, and every Thor's worst nightmare is seeing him in the enemy army. A few hundred years ago, he was a manly Zealot who slaughtered thousands of enemies and then got his torso blown off by a Siege Tank..and now he's back to return the favor, enflamed with a burning vendetta to rid the Galaxy of every single thing that does over ten damage. He's so old that he's quite literally seen it all, and now, he's ready to BLOW IT ALL UP. Thors? Pfft. Those baby Terrans and their toys... Ultralisks? Whatever. Siege Tanks? Don't make him laugh! When he was a Dragoon, Siege Tanks did just as much damage for half the cost...now, they're more expensive, can't even touch him, and all he has to do is sneeze at them and they come apart. Roaches? Meat shield his steel buttocks! Those young whippersnappers don't even have to deal with Dark Swarm anymore! Manliness indeed. Verdict: Immortal>>Siege Tank ROUND FIVE: THOR vs COLOSSUS FIGHT! In one corner, we have the Thor. It is...probably one of the manliest things imaginable, a giant mech the size of the Hoover Dam, armed with four massive Cannons of Death, two guns the size of the Large Hadron Collider, and a clutch o' missiles that shred Mutalisks like paper. Plus, it's piloted by Chris Metzen and Arnold Schwarzneggers's love child...in other words probably the manliest human being imaginable. So yeah, on the Manliness scale, the Thor is off the charts. On the other hand, we have the Reaver's successor, a tripod the size of the Empire state building, armed with two beams of energy that torch EVERYTHING on the ground...in other words, Smokey the Bear's worst nightmare. And it's noises are just so DARN CUTE! More Totally Awesome than it is Manly. But still... Verdict: Tough one, but with Metznegger, there's really only one possible answer. Thor>Colossus ROUND SIX: PHOENIX vs VIKING FIGHT! In one corner, we have the Viking, a Goliath with an attitude, a Wraith with balls of steel...every Colossus's worst nightmare. One of my favorite units in the game. Who's the best pilot in the fleet? Yours truly. In the other, we have the Phoenix, manlily racing around the field, picking up yo Queen and burning her into a crisp, tearing through Mutalisks like the worms from your little brother's science experiment, and piloted by a Protoss that just oozes manliness in every way. Verdict: Viking>Phoenix. It's close, though. ROUND SEVEN: SENTRY vs REAPER FIGHT! Yeah, it's not exactly a similar matchup...but I think we all know who wins here. Reapers have some of the best voice-work in the game, pistols, and can take out buildings in like ten seconds...but nothing is as manly as those little skittering snowglobes that just force-fielded your entire vastly-superior army into oblivion. Verdict: Sentry>Reaper ROUND NINE: VOID RAY vs BANSHEE FIGHT! In one corner, we have the Banshee, a tough, fast harasser that quickly spells doom to probe lines and Marauders alike. As manly as is it as possible to be for a unit piloted by a woman. In the other, we have a GIANT LASER piloted by a DT in a black helmet that glares in impassive rage as he burns your hatchery into nothingness. It don't get much more manly than that. Verdict: Void ray>Banshee ROUND TEN: WARP PRISM vs MEDIVAC FIGHT! In one corner, we have the Medivac, a support unit that heals people with a magical beam, and carries them around. And is piloted by a woman (who's not nearly as attractive as the Medic from SC1, for the record). But still, it's a tough ship that can absorb a bit of fire, and makes your M&M twice as effective as before. Plus, you won't be questioning how manly it is when it's unloading Marauders into the back of your base to snipe your Nexus. In the other, we have the Warp Prism...a giant piece of jewelry that flies, beams units up a la Star Trek, and is currently in your base warping in DTs. Verdict: I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Medivac>Warp Prism ROUND ELEVEN: HIGH TEMPLAR vs GHOST FIGHT! In this corner, we have the Ghost, a psionic operative that takes out half your army's hitpoints in one EMP shot, is invisible, and most importantly NUKES THINGS. In the other, we have the High Templar, an old man who is too awesome to even let the ground touch his feet, makes your Ghost's head explode via the Hand of God, then covers your entire army in roiling electricity, melting your precious M&M back into the inferior metals from whence they came. Oh, and as if that wasn't enough, it just morphed into a giant ball of flaming gas. Yeah. Verdict: HT>Ghost ROUND TWELVE: CARRIER vs BATTLECRUISER FIGHT! In this corner, we have a Carrier, a literal perfect storm of death and destruction, unleashing it's little robots of manly destruction to utterly annihilate the enemy; and piloted by a giant-headed Real Man of the Protoss. On the other hand, we also have the Battlecruiser, a hundred tons of neosteel with a dozen laser batteries and a massive gun that shoots giant balls of flaming energy. Also captained by a guy with a pipe. Verdict: Battlecruiser>Carrier ROUND THIRTEEN: MOTHERSHIP vs RAVEN FIGHT! Okay. We have a big robot that drops little robots and shoots missiles that are nuke-grade yet move the speed of drunk bumblebees; and we have a giant floating city that opens tears in the fabric of reality to suck in its enemies, and is capable of beaming your entire army to itself in an instant. Hmmm... Verdict: Mothership>Raven ROUND FOURTEEN: DT vs Hellion FIGHT! Why are we even asking this question? The DT is so awesome that light bends itself in order to be nearer to it, so manly that it risks cutting off it's own arm with every slice of it's wildly-impractical weapon, and so powerful that Blizzard had to nerf it multiple times just to keep it from dominating every unit in the game. And on the other side we have... a buggy with a flamethrower. Yes, flamethrowers are awesome and manly, but... Verdict: DT>>>>>>Hellion ROUND FIFTEEN: OBSERVER vs MULE FIGHT! Mules are awesome. They're little robots that are so manly, they show up the SCVs at their own job, and then fall to pieces because their battery just isn't able to sustain with their awesome. Observers are the All-Seeing Eye. They are ALWAYS WATCHING YOU. They are also very, very manly. Verdict: Tie. That's all, folks! Well, except for the Archon, but there are no comparisons left, I'm tired, and I already talked about it under the HT. Now, let's tally the score: Protoss: 8 Terran: 5 Ties: 1 So, yeah; the Protoss are manlier than the Terrans, though it's closer than the score might make it look. Terrans are very, very manly...but the Protoss are even MORE manly than they. If you dispute this, then you better find a way to show that some of my results above don't hold. TLDR: The Protoss are manlier than the Terrans because I say so. Cool? | ||
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whaTITdoz
United States92 Posts
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Manifesto7
Osaka27159 Posts
On April 13 2010 13:29 Captain Peabody wrote: ... a whole lot of stupid shit... Get out of my thread, and don't let my sig hit your ass on the way out. Damn protoss players think they are tough as they wave about their pixie dust. Terran marines die with spurts of blood and reams of guts. They stain the ground red as a tribute to their sacrifice. Protoss units dissipate into mist. Then they come back to play with robots like RC cars. | ||
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ZenDeX
Philippines2916 Posts
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Darkalbino
Australia410 Posts
On April 11 2010 18:07 Elegy wrote: LOL. Nice OP, reminds me of the dota allstars guide someone wrote about Leoric that was all in caps if anyone remembers that yes this was legendary!!! Ithought the exact same thing while reading it | ||
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paper
13196 Posts
On April 13 2010 14:10 Darkalbino wrote: yes this was legendary!!! Ithought the exact same thing while reading it lol that was linked in the dota thread in the past day or two :O | ||
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