EPTYou cannot unvote after the lynch has been hammered, and please stop talking even if the hosts are not around.
[M][N] I'm a cop you idiot mafia --- the reboot - Page 8
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cakepie
985 Posts
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 05:24 ExO_ wrote: Also that fake claim as town was just fucking horrible. It had no chance of baiting out an actual shot with how late it was, and it took far too long to rescind Cakepie is really the scum MVP here Accepted. Holy shit NU great job. Time to sleep. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 05:35 Chairman Ray wrote: To cakepies credit, he got very close to figuring out the game. I dont think anyone else would have considered NU would be scum after I flip, but cakepie got one thing perfectly correct: Yes. The point when the game was irretrievably lost was when TW shut the door on me. If he was more receptive, I maybe maybe maybe I could have sorted it out. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 05:41 cakepie wrote: The point when the game was irretrievably lost was when TW shut the door on me. If he was more receptive, I maybe maybe maybe I could have sorted it out. Not blaming him or anything, mind you. We'd been TvT so hard and my dumb shenanigans didn't help him trust me at all. Thanks to hosts and players. I really really really must sleep now. GG! | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
I know both hosts were concerned. <3 IIRC these guys said it in thread and I'll + Show Spoiler + extend good faith and believe that they were sincere about it despite the WIFOM value. (ow! ow! ok ok just joking dammit!) I haven't looked in QTs yet but preemptive <3 to any others who were (obs)cheering / (scum)respecting me there. I still got the sniffles and had chills when I woke up earlier but I'm feeling better now. At least, I'm much better rested than I have been in many days. Part of it is not having to worry about the game anymore. Part of it is that I have absolutely no regrets for my loss. And part of it is finally using the drowsy meds and not the non-drowsy ones. =Þ Thanks Acrofales and Artanis for standing up for me vs the salt of other town players. <3 I'm willing to take my fair share of the blame for our loss. But only Koshi + H1 are allowed to bop me on the head without any other qualification. I know TW and ExO were salty, so I'll overlook their heat-of-the-moment comments immediately after the game. + Show Spoiler + (same as in-game, I know I have a tendency to sound like an arrogant prick... but really I'm not -- I've kept saying that I'm okay with swallowing my pride, I'm willing to take blame for the loss, etc. -- but as hosts tried to tell you guys, it's the salt doing the talking -- you're being unfair to me and not giving me the minimum respect I deserve.) I'm going to do some more "take care of me" for a bit, but I'll come back later and do my personal postmortem for you all, so you can see where I was at and how I got us to where we ended up. Doing a public postmortem is definitely going to expose a lot about me as a player, but thinking about it, I think that doing so will be good for both me and TL mafia community members who play with me in future. You'll see what I mean when I post my conclusions. be back later! | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
I wasn't going to criticize anyone at all, or try to push the blame around, or anything. In hindsight it is very clear to everyone that I fucked up massively with that hard tunnel. Yes, I tunneled very deep when I should have easily won the game without anyone else's help. But there is a good (as in, plausible and valid) reason how I ended up being so bad. Simply put, I was completely burnt out -- and ONE SINGLE HUGE BAD DECISION then led on to the entire endgame fiasco. (The huge bad decision isn't even the fact that I fakeclaimed. In hindsight, the fakeclaim idea was okay, I just executed it extremely poorly.) I was going to try to explain myself, because I know that the way that I handled the end was massively bad. And I know that you, for example, are very salty and angry at me for it -- because you were in the heat of the game. I was going to try to show what happened, and how it happened. And hope that people like you would be able to understand, and forgive, while seeing also that there WAS something you could have done to stop me. The reason I sound so arrogant to you again, is that with the clarity after the game, I can see that I wasn't doing as bad as I thought. I found back a lot of my confidence, whereas during the game I had experienced a very massive self esteem crisis. So I felt a lot better about myself, and saw that, at least until before I burnt out, I was actually doing really really well. Let me try to fix my wording. But if you guys actually bother to come back and learn from this game please realize that before you simply pile all the blame on me as "designated scapegoat", Maybe it's be better if Ray / NU explain to the town guys what happened and why the endgame dragged out so long and made everyone so fucking angry (especially my fake bravado. cuz they're still fucking mad as hell.). | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
Looks like I'm not going to be able to do the full breakdown it as soon as I'd thought, though. My emotional state clearly still isn't at the right place. #589 was due to my immense relief+euphoria so I sounded overconfident but now I'm back down to depressed again, because I've just made ExO mad again. the summary, for now: I've focused too much on applying the lessons from my last game and went full tryhard. It worked really well and I gained a lot of confidence because I sense that I was doing the right thing and my play was improving tremendously. But being this invested ended up being incredibly harmful to my own physical, mental and emotional well being. I suffered a complete mental breakdown and emotional meltdown, on top of my already failing health. I recognized this and left the thread. I even apologized to the hosts and asked to be modkilled and banlisted. But they urged me to try, because WE WERE THIS FUCKING CLOSE! So I tried. Except I wasn't really in a state to go on anymore. At least while I was "fully functional", I was doing really well. And even when I wasn't, I still showed flashes of brilliance, and scum still found me enough of a threat that they prolonged the game, because they had to play to their wincon as well. (and prolonged my suffering. T_T) scum team and hosts, please help me convince the angry town mob that I'm really sincere about this. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 19:33 ExO_ wrote: Cakepie I don't know you IRL, but I'm certainly not mad at you. I'm very passionate about games, and very competitive. and I hate losing. I would not want anything I'm saying here to affect you in your personal life though, certainly don't get depressed about this. I talk to you the way I do not to make you feel bad or down, but because I get invested in what I do. But for me this is just a game. I wouldn't want this to affect your personal life. So please cheer up, I'll try to be a bit more careful with my words On December 12 2016 19:42 ExO_ wrote: Also unlike the hosts, I wasn't really aware of what was happening with your physical/mental health. You brought it up a few times in the thread but I didn't really understand the extent to which it was affecting you. Part of that is for most of the time I thought you were on the scum team and not meaning it. I really hope you get better soon. Again I didn't mean to cause you any IRL distress. I'm apologize if my words affected you in that way <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 20:58 Acrofales wrote: Eh... close but not quite.WoT I am going to have to tell my story when I'm feeling up to it. Hosts and scum kinda know what I'm going through from an outside perspective. But they don't have access to the inside of my head. After I tell my side of the story, you'll all finally understand. Nobody was "BAD" this game. + Show Spoiler + For me, this game was both AMAZING and a GREAT TRAGEDY all at once. I hope everyone will see it the same way eventually. On December 12 2016 20:58 Acrofales wrote: Unfortunately as a host, there is very little one can do: the players need to play the game, and there was only one point where things threatened to cross a line, but you guys self-corrected. This is no coincidence. NU and I self-corrected because this was one of the biggest things he admitted that he needed to fix after NSM24. I was very glad that he showed me through his actions that he had learned that lesson. I reciprocated immediately, found my reason for triggering, and made good with him. On December 12 2016 20:58 Acrofales wrote: I'm just glad cakepie is now feeling better and we didn't make a big mistake not modkilling him when he requested it. It took me three passes of this sentence to figure out what you were saying! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 21:37 ExO_ wrote: He saw the same things I did, but he was in a tunnel that I don't think I could've found a way to pull him out of. Two unfortunate VT passing like ships in the night. + Show Spoiler [ignore for now] + I was right that there were "2 groups of people playing 2 different games" it's just CP, H1, CR, NU TW, ExO, | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
On December 12 2016 07:26 Chairman Ray wrote: NU eventually made the right call of Fuck it, im just gonna straight up ask cakepie to vote first. [still haven't looked at QTs don't want to "contaminate" my head with extra info before postmortem] @CR -- NU may have never played with me before, but he has -- consciously or unconsciously -- really really good meta on me from NSM24. I just wish he had his "fuck it" realization sooner and put me out of my misery. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
I am going write this message to all hosts, players, obs. I am going to try to be careful with my words. And not to offend anyone. There is a lot of misunderstanding going on in this game, and in this postgame. Because nobody has access to the inside of cakepie's head. note: I still haven't read any qts! @tw and exo. You're really mad at me because you think I'm an idiot and a bad player for throwing the game and working my ass off to help scum. On top of that, from your POV you find me to be a huge arrogant snob who goes around preaching to people how to apply mafia fundamentals while being completely tunneled and obviously unable to use those same fundamentals properly myself. But I pinky swear this is not the case. Remember when I "burn out" and quit out of the thread at one point because I refuse to lose sleep any more? Everything after that. I was legitimately trying to do something to help town. But I was really burnt out. So I was playing suboptimally and rubbed you guys the wrong way. Sorry for that, I can see why now, in the clarity of postgame. Please have good faith and believe that I'm not trying to belittle anyone. And that I was always trying my best, fighting through my illness and fatigue, to play to town wincon. You'll understand when I explain. @scumteam For a long time you struggled against what you perceived as a very dangerous foe. You showed me a lot of respect. I thank you for that. CR mentioned that for scum, your final solution was that you "overestimated" me. your final solution is that "cakepie isn't lying about being ill etc in order to fuck with us. he is really burnt out and the simple solution is that he is not thinking clearly and tunneling hard". but that's not the whole story. @hosts see what I said to scumteam. I think you guys mostly arrived at that conclusion as well, except you had ogi so you knew I was in fact legit superburnout and in a very very dark place. @NU See what I said to tw+exo above about the fact I'm not trying to belittle anyone. I was doing something... poorly. the same goes for you. you might have perceived during the game that I'm a snob who kept behaving like you were a really shit VT. Please trust me when i say that in the D2, I was absolutely not underestimating you in any way. I'll honestly say that I did in underestimate you in the early game. And you nearly fooled me! I've already expressed my great respect for you by PM. In the postgame, I also came across as a snob, especially #589. I tried to explain that I sound like a snob due to my "immense relief+euphoria" (#594) that #593: I wasn't doing as bad as I thought. I found back a lot of my confidence, whereas during the game I had experienced a very massive self esteem crisis. So I felt a lot better about myself, and saw that, at least until before I burnt out, I was actually doing really really well. This part is truth. Also in #593: In hindsight it is very clear to everyone that I fucked up massively with that hard tunnel. Yes, I tunneled very deep when I should have easily won the game without anyone else's help. This part is a lie. I was fake tunnelling (almost) all the time. Until my brain just gradually broke apart inside the incredible TvT echo chamber that the scumteam engineered for us. They had so much respect for my play and saw me as such a big threat that they had to do it this way. (prolonging my suffering T_T) I was just telling you guys what you wanted to hear so that you would calm down and stop being so mad at me. Because I was still not completely thinking straight and emotionally stable, and I realized that at that time I simply couldn't properly articulate what I really needed to convey to you. So I gave you the "easy answer" that you wanted. I'm sorry guys for lying, guys! The real reason for my "immense relief+euphoria" is that I had a bunch of personal side goals for this game. So not only relieved at the fact that my burnout was the biggest contributing factor for my immense throw (not due to tunneling!) but I was also very very proud of myself for hitting all my personal goals. I will share that with you if you will let me. I'm not a hypocrite. I'm not the type to call people bad while playing badly myself. I'm self aware enough for that. In #600 I point out that NU and I both autocorrecting for anger was not a mistake. For NU, this should be proof that I have that self awareness, and am not hypocritical. In the newbie game I scolded you for toxicity. I made a big lecture about "toxic" vs "anger in the heat of the moment". And we did good to stop ourselves where we did and cool off. =) *hi5* Anyhow, during the game many people just assumed that due to what I was doing D2, I must be either a - hypocritical arrogant asshole noob VT or - scum. Town's PoV Occam's razor during game: scum. Postgame: this bloody fucking asshole noobcake. Because that's what they see from their PoV. =(((( I'm not a snob who thinks I'm better than all of you. I swear. Coming into this game I knew that my NSM8 was utter shit. edit note: there used to be a big section here. For those who saw that section -- I entrusted the decision to Acro. He decided that I'm being overdramatic. So. we are not locking the thread after all, there is no need to spoiler all your postgame discussion. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
I need to get away from this forum for a couple of days and clear my head. Thanks Acro for your sensitivity. See you guys later. | ||
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cakepie
985 Posts
I'll work on the blog thing episodically rather than all at once I think. So much work. | ||
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