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I just had a talk with my dad about life. This is sort of unusual in itself, as i have a hard time talking to him. We... communicate.. on different wave lengths. But on this fortunate occaison, we were able to connect, and i said something that got me thinking, and now curious about other people. I can't ask my friends, as i am friends with their friends, so i am going to ask you instead.
What kind of people do you surround yourself with?
I find myself in a position where few people in my life are completely independent. I am not talking about material independence, i am talking whole independence. Someone who can support themselves financially. Someone who can make their own choices. Someone who can make themselves happy without the guidance and support of others.
My problem is this: If i call any of my friends and family, right now, there is not a single person i could call that would have nothing to complain about. All of my friends/family are either financially insecure (and therefore miserable) or just miserable anyways. I am sick of it. I love them all, and do not begrudge my friendship with anyone. But sometimes i dream of calling someone and they will tell me how great their life is.
My friends in university complain about school being tough/stressful, (i know its stressful. i don't expect it not to be stressful. i expect, as a person, that you can bring yourself through it and be happy despite it), or if they can deal with the stress of school, they're upset cause they can't get laid. My dad and mom are trying to make their relationship work, after they've failed to do so for more than 20 years. My ex, who is one of my best friends, has no job, but even when he does, he's consistently unhappy about his weight/lack of ability to meet people/etc. My best friend has no job and no ambition. Having a job isn't really his problem, nor is going to school. He likes learning and he likes earning money. He is extremely bright, and while lazy in many ways, will never miss a day of work or school. But he has no passions. So he ambles along day after day, not only not going anywhere, but not wanting to go anywhere. My next nearest friend is good at making himself happy (which is the most important form of independence imo). However, he's 9k$ in debt.
As much as it seems that i may just be another one of those people, whose pathetic enough to rant about it on a forum instead of to his friends, i believe otherwise. At the moment i have no job, but i'm going for a 2nd interview next week with a company that seems interested. I make myself happy. If things are not right, i fix them. When i call someone, as long as the topic is about me, it's all good news. If i gain weight, i get exercise. I have passions out the yin yang, and have not been in a state of boredom, even once, in over 5 years. I have a problem meeting people, a reminence of anxiety issues, but when faced with that problem, i go out and meet people anyways.
Ultimately, i do not tolerate being unhappy. Why would anyone else? And more importantly, if i am to infact meet some new people, if they aren't completely independent, i just don't have time to deal with their shit. I have too many people in my life that need my time all ready.
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lol i don't have any close friends >_>
so i guess you would say i surround myself with noone?
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my best friends are ultra chilled out, funny; people who have problems but don't bitch unless you ask, never belligerent, just all around good guys to hang around with
btw 9K is nothing
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Baltimore, USA22261 Posts
Keeping this short as I have to get back to work in a sec, but I consider myself pretty laid back and complacent. Sure, I could find things to complain about, EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD CAN, but I don't really feel the need very often. If you're wondering why no one can just "be happy" all the time, well, that's life I guess. And sure, you get tired of hearing about it after a while, but that's just how some people deal with it.
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On March 29 2006 12:26 Locked wrote:
i don't have any close friends >_>
then i definately do not have time for you.
do you know how much responsibility it is for a person to be your first and only friend?
check your closet for a noose.
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On March 29 2006 12:27 Teroru wrote:then i definately do not have time for you. do you know how much responsibility it is for a person to be your first and only friend? check your closet for a noose.
definitely
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laid back and complacent is the way to be
i dont really complain much, and i dont really dwell on problems (although if a situation arises that i need to think about, i will give it the time it requires), just sort of go with the flow
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On March 29 2006 12:27 lil.sis wrote:
my best friends are ultra chilled out, funny; people who have problems but don't bitch unless you ask, never belligerent, just all around good guys to hang around with
btw 9K is nothing
your post brought up something that i don't know if i made clear. (this is not about your post however)
I do not want to meet people who won't bitch about their problems. I want to meet people who don't have any problems to bitch about cause they deal with them.
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On March 29 2006 12:29 Locked wrote:Show nested quote +On March 29 2006 12:27 Teroru wrote:On March 29 2006 12:26 Locked wrote:
i don't have any close friends >_> then i definately do not have time for you. do you know how much responsibility it is for a person to be your first and only friend? check your closet for a noose. definitely
i have 2 things to say to you.
1) my original post was made in jest.
2) Your quoting my spelling error before i had a chance to edit and fix it was extremely hurtful. Why would you lash out at someone like that? You've made me sad.
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My friends are better than me. They are my goal that I strive to be so I can become better in the process.
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Braavos36402 Posts
you simply need to make friends with people that dont bitch and moan so much
i mean i can be a sympathetic ear only for a little bit... and i rarely ever complain to my friends just out of respect for them, unless its very serious
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hmm well so Teroru, your problem seems to dislike people who bitch about their problems...
But then again, you are a friend for them.... friends are supposed to help you solve a problem or at least listen to problems...
because when you tell someone your problems, you feel a lot much better...
maybe thats why theres a lot of bitchy people?
anyway
Imho the best friendship you get is from school
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hotbid and poppa, you apparently missed my 3rd post.
I do not want to meet people who won't bitch about their problems. I want to meet people who don't have any problems to bitch about cause they deal with them.
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Belgium6787 Posts
My best friends at school all play bw
Do I have to ellaborate on how we all chill out at a never before seen level?
(Y HALO THAR RAGE)
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One of my closest friends and a person I respect very much doesn't complain or vent to me. He is always focused on what we are currently doing and how we can get the most out of it. He has really good common sense.
I play a lot of racquetball and he is still a beginner. I consistently out play him, but he never makes excuses. He knows that making excuses is mainly a hinderance to improving.
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having friends that don't share their problems is not a good solution. sure it'll get rid of the bitching, but it'll get rid of the potential for something good too. being able to help another person in a time of trouble creates a strong relation that can't be formed any other way. this unique relation leads to great relationships. maybe you are just unlucky that you dont know people who you want to help and can help in order to get to that type of relationship. maybe you are the type of person who is willing to listen to people bitching, and so most other people would've blown off your current friends a long time ago, and it's just taken you long to get to this point.
i can understand the idea of independence, or what scholars would call autonomy. it's a lot more popular in modern times than it used to be because there are so many resources for an independent person to solve a problem now. i think it's not bad to be incredibly autonomous, in fact it's quite useful and praiseworthy, but i do believe that it will cause you to miss out on some other aspects of life. if you only have relationships with "people who don't have any problems to bitch about cause they deal with them" then your relationships might be considered shallow. but this is not a bad thing, you're just not into people with problems and you have legit reasons for it
edit: i realize the beginning and end of my post might seem a bit contradictory. but my overall point is this: there is a good side to making friends with people who have problems, and it might be in your interest to think about or explore this aspect, since you havent been exposed to it. if, once you discover it, you're sure that you're not into that kind of thing, then that's fine
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I listen to music/watch movies to get away from the world. I am one that has headphones on for at like 3 hours a day. At least. Mostly more.
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Me and my friends don't complain, so to speak. But we do frequently discuss any serious issues that come up, it's what friends do right? I mean with most of my friends I just have a great fun time, thats why I have them as friends, but you have the few close friends you cherish for life with whom you often talk to help direct each other on important things and overcome a few hurdles.
If they are your friends what should happen is:
1) they'd be considerate on your behalf and refrain from bitching and boring you about petty personal problems in the first place
2) you wouldnt mind them bitching and boring you, youd listen nonetheless because you care about them and they are your friends.
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I hang out with various different groups, to a certain degree I am popular at my school...for all the wrong fucking reasons. First of all, I look like half a nerd + half a psycho killer. A few years back I got in a fight with some african americans and they looked and acted real tough but all I did was kick them in the balls and punch them furiously on the floor. I kinda laughed while I was doing it, and I became infamous in my school for that.(My school is filled with conservative christian dumbasses...) BUT I FUCKING HATE THE ATTENTION. Everyone knows my name, they greet me at the school bus, the teachers all know my name, and some seniors even know my name. Some asshole even crazy glued my locker shut and everyone expected to me to go into one of those furious rages, but I instead got a knife from my pocket and patiently broke off the glue off the creases, and they looked down in disappointment.(I'm like their fucking entertainment, fucking bitches.) Basically, I'm a loner, I talk and joke with people, but they're only friends on the outside, sure we may go to the movies and talk over exams, but it's nothing special and in depth, just the casual hello + goodbye and "what's good in life" enigma. I did sort-of have a girlfriend back YEARS ago, but she moved and that was that :/ I solve all my own problems, not always to the best way, but enough to get me by. I feel no pain in being alone, I actually enjoy it on so many levels, and oh yeah, I think I'm considered a bully, even though I TRY SO FUCKING HARD NOT TO BE...GOD..
SO yeah, I just want to be ignored/left alone.. 
OH yes, and the purpose of me writing is this is for you to consider yourself in a different perspective, some people value things more than others do, and friendship is something that is merely a catalyst for one's life, it takes up your time and speeds up socialization.
Happiness is what you make up of it, you can take a prozac pill or evoke yourself from your position and do whatever it takes to reach it. However, true happiness is not earned through sentiments alone, and you can never expect yourself to be happy forever, sorry that's just how life is.
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EPT
