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A young lady stands in a supermarket queue. She's got a soap, a toothbrush, some bread and some vegetables in her shopping bag. The male clerk looks at her, smiles and says:
-you're lonely, aren't you?
The lady smiles timidly and replies:
-yes, how you guessed that?
-you're so ugly
Wife to her husband:
-do you love me?
-who, me?
-Where have you been? -a wife asks
-I've been playing chess -a husband replies
-But you stink of vodka!
-So what? Am I supposed to stink of chess??
What is it: two legs and bleeds like hell?
Half a dog.
Only in USA people happen to order cheeseburger, big fries and diet coke.
A guy in a grocery:
-are there sugar lumps?
-no, there aren't
-so give me some other cheap chocolade box
Two drunks stand in front of a lion cage in a zoo. Suddenly one of the lions roars.
-I'm going home -says one of the drunks.
The second one replies: -I'm gonna watch the movie.
Why are chess such a dangerous game? Because when you opponent considers his move you can fall asleep and poke a bishop in your eye.
Only Cray supercomputer does an infinite loop in less that 34 secs.
Uncle writes a letter to his nephew:
"I'm sending you the 10$ you were asking for. But for the future remember that you write 10 with ONE zero."
Two guys talking:
-Yesterday my wife hit my face.
-Why?
-Because i said "You" to her.
-And she hit you for this?!
-She told me "We haven't been making love for 2 months", and I told her "You".
A guy beats a fucking record.
They send him first 100 chicks. He fucks them all.
They send him next 100 ladies. He fucks them as well.
He gets another 100 girls, fucks 98 of them and says "I can't do more".
And all the audience shouts:
IM-PO-TENT!!! IM-PO-TENT!!!
Wife gets back home from a Feminist Meeting and says to her husband:
-From now on I don't cook, don't clean and I don't want to see you for at least 3 days.
And really, she hasn't seen him on one day, nor on the another. Se saw him on the third day when the swelling shrunk.
Well, that would be it for now 
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On the map why does Italy look like a boot and not like a shoe?...
You can't fit so much shit in a shoe.
(no offense to anyone)
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On October 05 2003 01:44 Krzych wrote: A young lady stands in a supermarket queue. She's got a soap, a toothbrush, some bread and some vegetables in her shopping bag. The male clerk looks at her, smiles and says: -you're lonely, aren't you? The lady smiles timidly and replies: -yes, how you guessed that? -you're so ugly
you killed that joke..
it goes:
a young lady checks out at a super market with One bar of soap, One toothbrush, One single serving size can of soup, and one serving of bread.
the clerk says, you are single right?
she says, yeah how did you know?
the clerk says, because you're so ugly
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On October 05 2003 01:44 Krzych wrote:
A young lady stands in a supermarket queue. She's got a soap, a toothbrush, some bread and some vegetables in her shopping bag. The male clerk looks at her, smiles and says:
-you're lonely, aren't you?
The lady smiles timidly and replies:
-yes, how you guessed that?
-you're so ugly
that was great
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whats a purple dot in the sky
super grapple
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Heh, the jokes that are long and have an unexpected (i.e. not funny) ending are actually quite fun when you have lots of time (such as on a bus driving back from somewhere). To recall one of those (short version, my friend was able to tell it for 40 minutes by making up lots of side stories):
There was a monastery where 1000 monks lived. They lived happily, didn't harm anyone, did their chores, prayed etc. One day, a person on a red motorbike came, took out a machine gun, killed 100 priests, destroyed the monastery and left.
The 900 monks rebuilt the monastery, lived happily, but yet another time the man came, killed 100 priests, destroyed the monastery and left.
800 monks worked hard to rebuild the monastery, but just as they finished, the man on the red motorbike came, killed 100 priests and left.
(such it goes down to 100)...
The 100 monks that were left built a monastery as large as before to house them, but the man on the red motorbike came - since they were less numerous, more experienced and had more places to hide, he only killed 10 of them, but he destroyed the monastery.
(here it goes by 10 down to 10)...
The 10 monks built a small monastery, but the man on the red motorbike came, he managed to kill only one of them but he destroyed the monastery and left.
(now it goes down by 1)
There were 2 monks left. They built a small hut so they'd have a place to pray, but the man on the red motorbike came, killed one of the priests and set the hut on fire. The other monk got angry, took a green motorbike, set after the man on the red motorbike, caught him and killed him. The conclusion?
... the green motorbike is faster than the red one.
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United States1825 Posts
y do u ppl always make fun of monks?
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y do people always make fun of blondes?
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On October 05 2003 02:11 BlackJack wrote: Show nested quote +On October 05 2003 01:44 Krzych wrote: A young lady stands in a supermarket queue. She's got a soap, a toothbrush, some bread and some vegetables in her shopping bag. The male clerk looks at her, smiles and says: -you're lonely, aren't you? The lady smiles timidly and replies: -yes, how you guessed that? -you're so ugly you killed that joke.. it goes: a young lady checks out at a super market with One bar of soap, One toothbrush, One single serving size can of soup, and one serving of bread. the clerk says, you are single right? she says, yeah how did you know? the clerk says, because you're so ugly
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On October 05 2003 01:44 Krzych wrote:
Only in USA people happen to order cheeseburger, big fries and diet coke.
not true. a friend of mine does so as well. and then she started wondering whether mayonnaise or ketchup has more calories (when she was ordering her fries). 8[
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sure it's not true, just like 84.7% of all statistics.
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Only in the USA do banks have drive up ATM machines with braile. .
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Actually, the reason drive-up ATMs have braile is because it's actually more efficient to make all ATM's with braile and just mass produce that one model than have a separate model for ATMs with braile and ATMs without braile
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Ok what kind of bump is this?
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Belgium8305 Posts
Extremely Late Correction Man saves the day again
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EPT
