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Hey guys,
this sucks. There's a monstrous pigeon on my balcony. He's the size of a mid-sized turkey and he's here to stay. I tried shoo-ing him away, he sits, stoically, like a king in his castle.
Not that I usually mind something like this, but the fellow is visibly old. And I'm talking ancient, antedeluvian, a living fossile. Sometimes a younger, slimmer pigeon comes, pecks at him, so I have to shoo the young one away, but he always comes back.
Here's my problem:
The elderly fatso looks like he's partly decomposed. He might be blind, he's losing feathers, he's about to die. So if I can't get him to fly away in the next approximately 3 hours (seriously, I'm being generous here...), he'll die right on my balcony, leaving behind an enormous, rapidly decomposing corpse.
I tried rapid movement, making noise with the shutters, spraying him with water...
How do I get him to take wing?
Should he die, how will I get the carcass off of my balcony? I don't even own a shovel...
Thanks,
k.
 
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Belgium6786 Posts
cardboard box + poking stick
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Here comes the fire... D:
A big box and something to gently put it in there is the best idea I think.
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pretty simple, pick it up and throw it off the balcony. Wash hands after. or if you value your hands more, use a broom and shove him off the balcony. OR if you watch man vs wild and envy to be bear grills, eat it raw.
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This has the best blog title I have read in a long long time.
5/5
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"Shove" him off the balcony? Have you ever seen a balcony without a benister / parapet?
The cardboard box idea seems fine, but where do I take him? I can't very well throw him off of the balcony.
If he dies on it's own, there's nothing I can do, but I won't kill him...
I shouldn't have named him Hen-ry...
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just throw a rock
or poke it with a random gardening tool
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On August 28 2012 00:10 kafkaesque wrote:
"Shove" him off the balcony? Have you ever seen a balcony without a benister / parapet?
The cardboard box idea seems fine, but where do I take him? I can't very well throw him off of the balcony.
If he dies on it's own, there's nothing I can do, but I won't kill him...
I shouldn't have named him Hen-ry...
Put it in the box, close it off with a newspaper or something, take it outside on the street or a piece of grass. slowly remove the box and then retreat to the safety of your flat.
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On August 28 2012 00:12 Frits wrote:
just throw a rock
I threw a ball of paper at him, but he didn't flinch, he just looked at me with vague disappointment.
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United States24799 Posts
This sounds like an excuse for you to buy one of several very useful tools.
Throwing him off the balcony is fine as long as you look down and make sure nobody is at the bottom (imo). After all, if he died while standing on the banister that is the direction he might fall anyway.
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meanwhile in Africa...
![[image loading]](http://aphs.worldnomads.com/safetyhub/30993/congo_disaster.jpg)
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Dammit Kafka! There's definitely something something existential to learn in there somewhere, your namesake would be proud.
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United States24799 Posts
On August 28 2012 00:16 Psychobabas wrote:meanwhile in Africa... + Show Spoiler +
Does this mean that, because there are people with much worse problems than you, you should never seek help with problems you currently face?
I could understand a slight job to this nature, combined with offering help, but I can't understand why you would post solely to try to show the OP how is problem isn't that bad.
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Get a baseball bat. Then get one of those stand things you use for the ball and put a baseball on it. Then hit it at the pigeon. This is good for 3 reasons, it improves your baseball skills, gets rid of the pigeon and if anyone wonders why a fucking monster pigeon landed on your head you have a good excuse.
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edit: don't hurt my friend Henry. We went to grade coop together.
On August 28 2012 00:18 micronesia wrote:Does this mean that, because there are people with much worse problems than you, you should never seek help with problems you currently face? I could understand a slight job to this nature, combined with offering help, but I can't understand why you would post solely to try to show the OP how is problem isn't that bad.
Also a fat pidgeon is food.
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Can you take a picture of it so we can understand how a monster pigeon looks like?
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On August 28 2012 00:14 kafkaesque wrote:I threw a ball of paper at him, but he didn't flinch, he just looked at me with vague disappointment.
okay the bastard cant fly
poke him till he falls down and clean the pidgeon pancake off your porch before it rots
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Fuck me...
I tried to scare him with the shutters, but I must have hit him in the process, so I thought he was done for.
Using a cardboard box, I wanted to throw him off the balcony, but he stirred, so I panicked and he landed on my neighbour's kitchen-window-sill. She's been screaming for a minute straight now...
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EPT
